Chapter 31 – Counseling

NORMAL POV

After his rock bottom altercation at the gym Casey had opened up to Brax, Heath and Kyle and felt a sense of relief having talked to them about how he was really feeling and admitted he needed extra help. It wasn't until Casey asked to see a counselor that the brother's realised Casey was taking his first steps to making his own recovery.

Brax took Casey to talk to Nate who set Casey up with a counselor on the hospital database. He was to go twice a week for one hour, in a small place just minutes from the main centre of Summer Bay.

CASEY POV

It was my second session with my counselor. The first session had only been an introduction session so she only focused on asking me about my history and discussing my issues. I still didn't feel right sitting in the quiet office room full of books and certificates.

Talking to a stranger just wasn't me, but I asked for this so I had to go through with it, at least stick it out for awhile.

"So Casey you chose to harm yourself instead of expressing your feelings and your file says you have been in hospital because of probable suicide attempts, but never has the hospital admitted you for suicide watch so they must not have seen it as serious.

Reason with me Casey. What are you really thinking? You are not going to ever commit suicide because that is not what is happening here. I believe you are just frustrated with trying to find your feet and your problems go further deeper into your history than this present time."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing the counselor was telling me I would never think about pulling the plug. I was getting angry that she was making me think things that weren't right I did have these feelings. I felt sick and just wanted to get away, but as they say you have to act the way people want you to feel. I gave the counselor a weak smile.

"Yeah I guess you're right, it's just all in my head."

"Now how is your relationship with these men you live with? I understand you grew up with two of them."

I nodded. "Brax and Heath."

"And what have their influences made on you."

"They've done a lot for me growing up."

"Is that what you've been conditioned to think or the truth?"

I sat confused, now she was making me question even further into my past.

"I will let you think on that and tell me in the next session, but your self harm is not from this current issue about your father, it comes from your past. We will discuss this further in the session next week."

I nodded and stood up. I felt miserable. Just when I thought I had my brothers back this woman was making me doubt all that again. I didn't get far from the building before I stopped by a toilet cubicle and pulled out a razor I took from the bathroom cupboard at home seeing as Brax had taken my remaining scalpel blade.

Staring at my hand I ran the blade across the outside and made a thick cut, trying to eliminate all the thoughts of today's counseling session. How was I going to get through several more?

I made a few more cuts on my hand and arm but found that it wasn't releasing as much of my emotion as it usually did. I cut deeper but still the thoughts didn't seem to be going away. I didn't understand it, why wasn't it helping? Why wasn't I getting that sense of relief?

I let out a heavy sigh, seeing the blood drip down against the brim of the toilet. I cleaned up my cuts and left to head home.

I walked through the door and saw Kyle sitting on the couch going through some books for the restaurant.

"Hey Casey how was your session?" He asked me.

I glanced at him and gave a weak smile and tried to hide my hand.

"Casey is something wrong?" Kyle stopped his paperwork and approached me.

"It's nothing really." I mumbled.

"Casey what happened to your hand? What did you do?" I turned away shamefully. "Did you hurt yourself again? Show me."

I held out my hand and showed Kyle the cuts I had done. "Case why'd you do it? I thought your counselor was helping you with this?"

I shrugged. "Come on Case, just sit down. We can talk if you want or we can just sit together." Kyle guided me to the couch and sat down next to me.

KYLE POV

As soon as Casey walked through the door I noticed a broken look on his face and the way he was covering his hand, something just didn't seem right. I sat next to him in silence for a while, focusing back on the banking paperwork for the restaurant, just letting him know I was there for him. It didn't take long before he spoke and I turned all my attention onto him.

"I feel so confused."

"About what?" I asked quietly.

Casey gave me a quick look before turning back to his hands. "My counselor keeps telling me how I should be feeling and making me believe that my issues aren't just from me finding out about my Dad. I don't know I just feel like it's not helping and only making me feel worse, but I don't want to let Brax down after he's done so much to help me with this."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Case you could never do that, but if you're not happy with who you're talking to you have to arrange to see another counselor. Sometimes different counselors work for different people. You need to find the right one for you." I explained to him and he glanced up at me.

"Look when Brax comes back from work today we can talk to him, and he can help you get someone else." I smiled at Casey and gently rubbed his shoulder.

"Thanks Kyle." Casey replied quietly.

NORMAL POV

Brax walked through the door and saw Kyle sitting on the couch still going through paperwork. "Hey mate?"

"Hey how was work?"

Brax rolled his eyes. "The usual, gets the busy rush then slows for the afternoon."

Kyle nodded and gave a sigh. "Brax there's something you should know about Casey."

Brax raised his eyebrows. "He came back from his counselor session today with more cuts."

Before Brax could respond Casey appeared in the doorway. "Casey." Brax greeted.

"I heard you guys talking..." Casey whispered.

"Casey, Kyle told me you hurt yourself again." Casey looked away and Brax approached him and pulled his face up to look at him.

"Hey, I want you to talk to me before you go and cut yourself again, promise me." Brax said firmly.

Casey nodded. "Sorry." Casey whispered.

"You don't need to be sorry just careful." Brax squeezed Casey's shoulder.

"Brax...I need to tell you something." Casey asked quietly.

"Of course Casey." Brax guided Casey over to the couch and the both took a seat.

"What's wrong?"

CASEY'S POV

I quickly glanced at Brax before I began to tell my story. "Brax, I know you want me to get better, but this counselor..."

Brax reached out and held my hand. "It's okay Case, take your time."

"This counselor, I'm not coping..." I explained.

"What do you mean Case?"

I couldn't seem to answer anymore though I wanted to. The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth, so I was relieved when Kyle came to my aid.

"Casey means that the counselor is making him feel like he has to doubt his past and telling him how he should be feeling." Kyle explained.

I only gave a nod and looked away ashamed.

"Is that what triggered you to hurt yourself today, because of your confusions?" Brax asked me.

I gave a shrug. "I guess...I've really been trying Brax."

"Hey Case, this isn't your fault. I'll take you back to the hospital and we can talk to Nate and see if we can get you someone else." Brax said as he gently squeezed my hand.

"The important thing is not to give up. Come on." Brax grabbed my arm and helped me up and I followed him out to his car as we drove to the hospital.

NORMAL POV

"What's happened?" Nate asked as he noticed Casey and Brax walking down the corridor of the hospital.

"The counselor you set Casey up with is just making things worse and seems to be messing with his head. He came back from his session today and had cut himself."

Nate nodded. "Alright let me have a look at the injuries and then I'll see if I can set you up with someone else Casey."

With his hand on Casey's back, Brax gently pushed Casey into a consult room after Nate.

Nate checked over Casey's new injuries and patched them up. "They will heal fine, but they will scar like the others."

Casey shrugged. It didn't matter to him the scarring would just be a reminder of what he had battled. Nate handed Casey a piece of paper with a number and address on it.

"This counselor is highly qualified and has specialised in people with Casey's issues."

Casey held the paper in his hand.

"Thanks Nate." Brax replied and Nate gave a nod and left the room.

"Okay Case, let's go home."

BRAX'S POV

A few days later I picked Casey up from his first session with his new counselor. This one was situated in the next town and Casey needed a ride to get to and from his sessions. Casey climbed in the passenger side of the car and I saw he had a small smile.

"Case, how'd it go?" I asked.

"It was good Brax. She was really nice and listened to how I was feeling and didn't make me feel like I should be someone I'm not. She even told me a few techniques to help manage my feelings."

I smiled at my baby brother and squeezed his shoulder. "That's great news Casey."

Heath and Kyle were inside when we arrived home. "Hey guys." Kyle greeted. "Hey squirt, big fella." Heath added.

Casey sat down on the couch next to Heath and Kyle. Heath wrapped his arm around Casey's shoulder.

"You feeling good Case?"

"Yeah Heath I am." Casey replied.

"See I told you, you just had to find the right counselor to help you." Kyle said.

I grabbed myself a beer and joined my brothers on the couch. I watched Casey glance at the three of us in turn.

"My counselor says that it might take some time before I will be back to normal again."

"Eh, who wants to be normal? Just be yourself." Heath smiled and gave Casey a nudge.

Casey smiled and I was beginning to see my Casey turning back to his old self again.