Christmas Morning
The end of the evening before had left no doubt in the mind of Caroline or Kate that their feelings for one another were deep and that they had a strong desire to find a way forward together. Their affair had been tumultuous from the beginning and the agonizing aftershocks of the disastrous birthday weekend were still reverberating between them.
Somehow the sorrowful months of separation had not diminished the reverence for one another that had been characteristic of them. For all that they had rushed the relationship along, there had always been a keen mutual admiration between them, a high sense of appreciation for the distinctly unique other. All haste had been left at the door whenever only they two were together. Time eddied around them like the current of a river around an island.
Simply to be in the presence of the other was provocative and exhilarating to the point of driving all else from their minds. There was only now and now was enough. Being together provided a sense of contentedness that neither had experienced anywhere else. It was this quality of fulfillment that made it seem like a promise to their future to meet in the middle of the wide bed, naked in body as they were prepared to be in heart and soul. They lay face to face, a hand of each clasped at the edge of the pillow they shared, gazing into one another's eyes and promptly fell sleep, serene as if the world had somehow returned to its natural order.
In spite of the lateness of the hour when they had finally made it to bed, Caroline was awake at first light. She was surprised upon wakening to find that she was curled around Kate. Her body supporting Kate's back and the additional weight it now carried. Her arm around Kate's middle, Caroline for the first time felt the movements beneath the distended belly. Enchanted with this as she had been with the image of this child on the monitor at the hospital, Caroline marveled at how much she wanted this baby. The child she had tried to talk Kate out of conceiving.
Drifting in and out of sleep for a bit, gradually Caroline's mind locked onto what she had to do today and she came fully awake. Considering all that remained to be completed to put on Christmas for her now enlarged family, Caroline revised a schedule, not only for herself but also for the boys and tentatively for Kate. OK, slippery slope there. She would need to be careful, offering this plan to Kate as an invitation rather than marching orders as she would to the boys or had done with John at one time.
Kate's return would radically alter her life. She would need to banish many of the patterns she had followed in the years of her marriage to John. She must curb her tendency to direct everything and learn to collaborate with Kate as they designed a new life together. Yes, like architects, they would clear the debris of the unfortunate events in the past to lay a new foundation for a family. Together they would shape a new family that would include her boys and Kate's unborn baby. Of course, there were difficult discussions ahead as they salvaged all that was fine and good between them and began sorting out their future. Even knowing that it would not be easy Caroline felt lighter than she had felt in months.
She could not help her mind's return to the incredible evening just past. Caroline relived the discouragement of Kate's departure and the heart stopping sight of her extended hand, a challenge in the form of an invitation. Or was it an invitation in the form of a challenge? Caroline couldn't decide but she had known instinctively that if she didn't seize this opportunity it might never come round again. She had suspended her fear that nothing would change as a result of a dance. Then amazingly, Kate had stayed beside her while all Caroline's friends and family had filed by and allowed herself to be introduced to them. Caroline hadn't necessarily given their relationship a label during these introductions, but really, after everyone had seen the two of them on the dance floor, there hadn't seemed to be a need to spell it out. Caroline reflected that in part it had been the labels that had panicked her in the first place so many months ago.
When she and Kate were alone together everything was right and natural. But words like gay and lesbian seemed to hold so much freight. She felt when hearing those words in connection with herself as if they were euphemisms for what Laurence had obliquely called her, a muff munching shirt lifter. Was labeling their relationship really so important? Maybe it was to Kate. She would have to ask her. And ask what labels they should use. Certainly Caroline wanted to get it right this time.
The baby kicked and stretched beneath Caroline's hand. The Baby! Parenting a baby again. A little sister to her boys, how would they react? She hadn't discussed this with them last night; there had been so little time and more pressing issues. Surely they had seen that Kate was expecting a baby and worked out that with Kate came a baby. Hadn't they? Had she, really? The thought caused Caroline to catch her breath, struck for the first time by the realization that she was an expectant parent! Panic was setting in.
"Breath Caroline" commanded Kate's voice.
Her head swiveling quickly, she saw that Kate had not moved. "How did you…"
Kate moved onto her back, to look at Caroline. "The wheels turning in your head woke me up," she smiled, "I heard you stop breathing." Touching Caroline's hand on her belly, "This is the first time you've done that." She knew that Caroline was aware of the exact week of her pregnancy. That had slipped out the day she came to the hospital to be with her, the day of her scare. Kate could not keep back a smile as she watched the bemused look on Caroline's face, the fingers that had never left Kate's belly. They moved here and there wherever the little limbs pressed against the walls of their confinement. Caroline's fingers automatically pressing back whenever she could connect with the movement.
Glancing up she found Kate's amused eyes on her. Caroline leaned back to see Kate's face, "Whot?"
"You. Playing games with her already. Automatically, the consummate mother."
Caroline's hand stilled. She said earnestly, "You're her Mum, Kate. I feel I've missed so much. Will you mind if I get a little... intense about her?" Then humbly, "I do have that tendency, you know.
"No, I won't mind," Kate said tenderly, flooded with elation that Caroline could feel this way. "After…" she took an extra breath, "Considering everything, it might be more surprising if we weren't both a little intense about…" giving Caroline a questioning look, "our baby?" Seeing her own exultation reflected back on Caroline's face and her nod of agreement Kate could breathe freely once more. "I only hope that I can be half the mother to her that you are to your boys."
"Oh Kate." Quickly moving her fingers to Kate's face and raising up on an elbow to look earnestly into the beautiful brown eyes. "Kate, there is no doubt in my mind that you are going to be, hands down, one of the world's best mothers. With your upbringing, with the parents you had, how could you be anything else?" Seeing that she was not convinced, Caroline continued, "I see you with the students. You genuinely care about them, encourage them, reprimand appropriately when needed. You are going to be a great Mum."
"Older children." Kate said dismissively.
"Kate, the infant stage, as exhausting as it is, really is the easy part. Who doesn't love a baby?" Caroline's voice was noticeably softer on the last words. This wasn't lost on Kate. "It's as they grow up that it becomes so much more difficult to know the right things to say and do."
"Like with your boys now?"
"Yes," admitted Caroline, "I do worry." Kate nodded.
Just then, the alarm on Caroline's phone went off. "Right. I guess that is the official start of our day," remarked Caroline regretfully. Then with a lustful look at the flawlessly smooth skin of Kate's chest and down to perfect cleavage she said softly, "I was just beginning to entertain thoughts of alternative activities to talking."
"Only just now?" asked Kate cheekily, throwing her arms above her head. Lowering her voice to a provocative level and looking out at Caroline from under long lashes, she went on, "we've been naked in this bed together for hours and you are just only now beginning to think of non-verbal activities?"
"Mmmm," said Caroline, her own face and voice becoming sultry. Having slowly moved her face quite close to Kate's, Caroline gave her a very sensual kiss before quickly rolling away to the far edge of the bed with a loud groan of regret and onto her feet. She then provocatively sauntered toward the bathroom, looking back over her shoulder with a very cheeky look on her face.
"No fair," wailed Kate just before the door closed.
With Caroline out of sight Kate remembered that she had heard Caroline stop breathing. What had stopped her breathing? They'd never gotten to that. She must remember to ask her later. Later! Thinking of the day to come felt a little overwhelming. She hadn't meant to cause disruption in their lives by coming back last night. Holidays and all that went with them, families, entertaining, the gatherings surrounding the holidays hadn't even crossed her mind on the drive to Harrogate and back. Only Caroline had been on her mind, as usual. Here she was complicating Caroline's life again.
It wasn't long before Caroline, wrapped only in a towel, was there once more, kneeling on the floor beside the bed. Her face just inches from Kate's she smelled of soap and toothpaste. "Now whose wheels are turning?" Caroline asked, brows high, looking down her nose at Kate. The endearing expressions this gorgeous, fascinating woman could wear! Just when Kate would swear she had them all memorized, here would be a new one. She could spend a lifetime just gazing at Caroline and never grow tired of seeing her.
"Earth to Kate, earth to Kate, come in" Caroline joked gently, having tilted her head inquisitively, another new view. Finally Kate's eyes connected with Caroline's. "Whot?" asked Caroline, gazing back, an amused smile on her face. In truth she was as willing to just spend her day taking in Kate's features as Kate seemed to be willing to silently scrutinize her own. God knows why, she thought.
"Mmmmm," said Kate distractedly, still studying Caroline's face. "Just wondering what you had in mind for us. Finally looking Caroline in the eye, "do you have plans for us? Is that why I could hear the wheels turning?"
Caroline, guilty, looked down at the exposed shoulder beneath her chin and couldn't resist kissing it. "Maybe I have a few suggestions," she offered.
"Suggestions," scoffed Kate. "I'll bet you have plans well enough laid to invade Russia by noon" said Kate with a grin she could not suppress.
Caroline, still looking guilty stammered, "Well… I…" before being cut off.
"You really are magnificent Caroline," whispered Kate, all the love she felt shining on her face.
Caroline, overcome with powerful feelings, stronger in her now than they had ever been, could only communicate her love through her lips. This kiss was a tender reminder of last night's promise of a future together. Reluctant to part, the kiss deepened communicating the passion just beneath the surface in each woman. Caroline levered herself higher on the bed with her elbows, Kate turned into the seeking lips moving urgently on hers. When the kiss ended, both were breathless, once again cheek-to-cheek breathing into one another's ear, aware that the timing was still off for them.
Conscious of the morning slipping away, Caroline determinedly rose to her feet. As she spun away Kate made an unsuccessful attempt to snatch the edge of her towel. She couldn't resist making a face over her shoulder as she moved to the wardrobe. Pointedly replying to the earlier question, "I have suggestions to make for Christmas and Boxing Day. I hope you will like them and agree." When Kate said nothing, Caroline went on selecting the various garments that she needed. "I realize that you have likely had your Christmas plans laid for some time. But seeing as I am committed to feeding my rapidly expanding family, I wonder, would you and your Mum like to join us?"
In spite of their innuendo this morning, Caroline decided that it wasn't fair to Kate to simply drop the towel and dress in front of her on this particular morning. Through the open bathroom door Caroline went on, "I can't promise what might happen. My mother, as you well know, is a loose cannon, Gillian is not much better, Alan's brother Ted is mostly an unknown quantity and Laurence is a teenager with moods." Laughing ruefully, "Not that I am trying to put you off of the invitation, I just want to be sure you understand what you are letting yourself in for if you do join us for dinner."
"Of course, you must already have plans for the day. If you want to come over though you'd be welcome. You and your Mum, just you, any time you like, as long as you like." Stopping short, Caroline realized that she was rambling. Slightly embarrassed and coming to stand in the open doorway wearing a lacy black slip, she ended softly "and yes, my invitation extends to you spending the night with me tonight." Hesitantly, "If you are so inclined." Watching Kate's face for a sign of her reaction Caroline saw by the distracted look on Kate's face that she may not have heard this last.
Caroline came to sit on the edge of the bed, taking Kate's hands, "please, quickly, put me out of my misery and tell me your plans. Do you think they can be brought into sync somehow with my commitments for the day?"
Kate recovering herself, sat up higher against the pillows, pulling the sheet up with her. Reflecting quietly for a moment, "Much as I would like for our families to meet and get to know one another, I wonder if it might not be better to arrange a time when things have quieted down a bit. For everyone's sake." Kate watched Caroline consider this. "Give us a little time to be together and talk things through. Let your Mum and Alan come down from the emotionalism of the wedding. Maybe for the first time my Mum and yours meet not have Gillian and her family there too?" Kate went on quickly, "Nothing against any of them and not that my Mum can't hold her own. Just saying, for the first time, maybe let's be a little… low key about it? We got into trouble before by rushing things is all I'm saying. Besides, after the tone Celia took last night, I'm not sure…"
"Yes, you may be right. Let's take a saner pace this time," Caroline agreed. "So does that mean you won't be coming over?
"No, but I was wondering if you could drive back to Harrogate with me - can William drive your car?" At Caroline's nod, "let Mum know that we are…" That cute wrinkled nose and enquiring look that Caroline found so endearing on Kate's face, "What are we? Seeing each other again? Back together?" Opening her mouth, nonplussed, she looked at Caroline.
Caroline, seeing her dilemma, and understanding it, didn't really know the answer, had in fact expected Kate to tell her what they were now. The two of them considered for a moment, looking candidly into one another's eyes. "What do you want to tell your Mum?"
Her eyes on Caroline, Kate began slowly, "I know it's early days Caroline but I'd like to think we could tell her that we are back together. That is what I want. Is it what you want?"
Caroline nodded. "That is what I want." Whispering, "It's no good without you Kate. I need you. I'd like to raise the baby with you. Blend the boys into our family."
Kate, seeing the certainty in Caroline's eyes, felt gratified beamed her approval to Caroline. Only then did Caroline relax somewhat.
In spite of the fact that she had set her alarm for an outrageously early hour time was slipping away. Caroline returned them to the planning at hand. "I can come with you to your Mum's for a bit." Looking penitent, "my time is going to run short for getting Christmas dinner on…" then abruptly she stopped herself. Shaking her head and lifting her chin, "Sod it. We'll take as much time as we need. This lot will have had a staggering breakfast downstairs this morning. It won't matter a bit if the dinner is later than I originally planned." Pausing to laugh at herself Caroline said, "I'm the only one who had any idea what time that might be anyway."
Glancing again at the bedside clock and realizing that she was still wasn't fully dressed and Kate hadn't even made it into the bathroom yet, said briskly, "Right. We had better get moving." Turning to the wardrobe, deliberately avoiding the sight of Kate rising naked from her bed, she resolutely continued, "Your turn in the loo. Plenty of time for a shower, if you like, while I get dressed."
Kate, smiling in some satisfaction at the lengths Caroline felt necessary to control her desire, was also grateful not to have to display her now misshapen body just yet before the stunning woman, who if anything, looked better than ever having become trimmer during their time apart.
Caroline, moving on from hair and makeup, stopped short, as she was about to pull on the soft knit dress she had brought with her. Suddenly, it occurred to her that Kate had no Christmas finery, not even a change of clothing to put on to go down to breakfast. The only things she had were the clothes that she had worn to the wedding.
Appalled at this realization, she berated herself for not thinking of it before. Had Kate brought a bag? Was it still in her car? After she finished dressing, Caroline listened, hearing the shower was off, knocked and called, "Kate, do you have a bag in the car? Can I go down to get it for you?"
Kate wrapped inadequately in the hotel bathrobe, opened the door. Embarrassed, she smiled regretfully, "No, I never thought that far, just got back in the car and set off again. At least my dress was hanging in here and the steam from the shower has released the wrinkles from it. I'll be fine," she said not quite believably. What woman wanted to appear at breakfast wearing last night's clothes? "I have some cosmetics in my handbag. It is only until I can get home.
Unable to change the circumstances, Caroline kissed Kate gently on the cheek and allowed her to return to dressing. Caroline quickly completed her own preparations for the day, repacking her suitcase so that it would be ready for the boys to bring down and place into her car when breakfast was over.
She and Gillian had reserved a private dining room to provide a buffet breakfast for the wedding party. She'd always intended to be down early to welcome everyone. Now, after the experience of applause following their dance the night before and with Kate appearing before everyone in yesterday's clothing, Caroline had no intention of being anything but among the first of the wedding party to appear. There would NOT be a floorshow as she and Kate entered with the rest of the family already seated.
Kate walked into the bedroom looking as lovely and fresh as she had when she arrived yesterday. Relieved for Kate's sake, Caroline pulled her into a tender embrace and told her so. Hand in hand, they walked to the door, Caroline picking up her keys and phone as she passed the dressing table, Kate already with her handbag on her shoulder.
Breakfast
In the corridor they met William and Laurence just leaving their room. William in his new grown up way, kissed his mother's cheek, then Kate's, greeting them with "Good Morning, Happy Christmas" as he did so. "I'm off to bring Roxy down, see you in the dining room." Passing his brother on the way back down the corridor, Will gave him an ungentle nudge, prompting Laurence to say "Morning Mum, Morning Kate" before starting for the stairs. "I'm starving, lets go." Caroline and Kate exchanged an indulgent smile and followed him, realizing that they too were hungry after all of the excitement of the last twelve hours.
Only Ted and Harry had arrived before them, first cups of tea in hand. Caroline was satisfied that her plans were on track so far. Ted had thoroughly enjoyed Kate's attention throughout dinner last night and stepped forward to greet her with an enthusiastic "Happy Christmas!" Caroline seeing Raff and Ellie enter with William and Roxy, nodded to the catering manager who had caught her eye with a silent inquiry about whether to bring in the hot food.
Kate had not missed this exchange, while appearing to be listening intently to Ted. And without seeming to, she watched Caroline turn, after giving her own hand a departing squeeze, to welcome the young people and urge them to begin with tea and fruit from the buffet. Kate marveled once again at the capacity of this remarkable woman to manage so much and care for so many people all the while making it appear so effortless.
The next of their party to arrive were Marta and her family. After greetings were exchanged, Caroline ushered this group before her and Kate to the buffet, now steaming with hearty breakfast fare. Ted insisted on going last and much to Caroline's amusement maneuvered herself ahead of Kate so that he could follow close behind his dinner partner of the night before.
Selections made, turning from the buffet Caroline and Kate were hailed by Marta, who had two seats for them at her table. Caroline had always enjoyed Marta. Her wit, every bit the equal to Celia, was kinder and much more open-minded. Marta kept them all laughing over stories of her children and mother.
Ted, who had been clearly disappointed at being separated from Kate, contented himself with a seat beside Laurence where he knew they could renew their ongoing discussion of sport. Raff & William joined in freely while Ellie, Roxy and Susan took up their budding acquaintance at the other side of this large round table.
Spying Muriel as she entered with her family, Harry had lost no time squiring her through the buffet and arranging for her to sit beside him at a table with Gillian who had followed them at the serving table. Before long, Raff and Ellie, having gone back for second helpings, joined this group.
Celia and Alan were the last to arrive and enjoyed the attention and teasing they received as a result. By this time Marta and her husband had finished the light breakfast they had chosen, owing to the fact that they were expected at two separate Christmas feasts before the end of the day and for which they needed to get on the road. So they offered their seats to Celia and Alan after rising to hug and congratulate them one more time. They collected Muriel and Susan and with more hugging, kissing and hand shaking said their goodbyes.
Exacting promises from Marta to get together soon, Caroline walked them to the door of the hotel, thanking them for coming and wishing them safe travels for the day. On her way back to the dining room, she reflected on the fortuitous way that the seating plan and timing had worked together to prevent Muriel from getting any digs in to Celia about herself and Kate. Thanks largely to Marta's quickness, Muriel had not been allowed time for any comments last night either. About that time, she realized that she had left Kate alone at the table with her mother and only Alan as a buffer.
Quickening her steps she re-entered the dining room, to find that Ted had moved into her seat to chat with Kate and the newlyweds. Caroline relaxed as she took in the scenario this morning, watching her mother and Alan laughing and joining in the fun as Kate was obviously teasing Ted.
Pulling up a chair from the next table to place between her mother and Ted, she leaned over to give Celia a hug. "Happy Christmas, Mrs. Buttershaw." Looking at Caroline for a long moment, the smile not quite fading from her face as she scrutinized her daughter, Celia finally smiled again and said, "Happy Christmas, to you too, Caroline" as she found and squeezed Caroline's hand. By now, Gillian and Harry were pulling up chairs and joining in the general hilarity. Caroline, looking up, caught Kate's eye and they exchanged a happy smile.
Glancing at her watch, Gillian stood up saying, "Right, well if we are going to pick up Emily Jane from Ellie's mother and make it to the farm and back to Caroline's in time for dinner we had better get started. Caroline stood up too, calling her boys to take keys from the rest of the group and help carry bags to the various cars. This started everyone off to finish packing and on to reception.