I thought I posted part of this a while ago, but didn't realize it failed. So, let's hope it works this time!
When I get home my mom asks how he's doing and I'm surprisingly able to hold back my tears. I let her know about my date and she leaves me alone so I can get ready. After my shower I go over a few pieces of my hair that turned a little wavy from the shower, apply eye liner, mascara and a lip stain and go to my closet. I put on blue jeans, a gray tank top and a green cargo jacket with flat ankle boots. The doorbell to the house rings.
"Is that him?" I actually smile. I look at my phone, "7:15." I grab my purse and answer the door. "Hey." I smile.
"Are you ready to go?" He asks after we kiss.
"Yeah I'm just gonna go say bye to my mom. Come in for a sec." He closes the door and I tell my mom I'm leaving.
"So babe what do you have a taste for?" He asks when were in his truck.
"I'd love Italian."
"Is there an Olive Garden around here?"
"About a 15 minute drive."
"Direct the way." The car ride over is a little quiet, but thankfully not awkward. When we walk in the restaurant there's a 5 minute wait, we sit on a bench seat, he puts his arm around my shoulder. When we're called we're seated by the windows. He holds my chair out for me and scoots it in when I sit. Our server comes by and takes our drink order. "Do you know what you want?"
"Chicken Parmesan." I close my menu, "what do you have a taste for?"
"I'm thinking lasagna." When we get our drinks we order our meals and start talking.
"So you said before that you felt we needed to reconnect."
"Right."
"Reconnect on...what level?"
"Our relationship." He pauses, "Lately I've felt a separation between us."
"And you feel this is my fault?"
"Well no I mean a relationship takes two people, but you're the one who hasn't returned my calls. I've tried to talk to you."
"What do you think made me this way? I didn't just wake up and decide to ignore your calls."
"I've tried to explain myself, but you didn't want to listen."
"Because I couldn't think of a single thing you could say that's not an excuse or would make me feel better. I couldn't think of anything that would justify it."
"If only you knew." He shakes his head a little and sits back.
"We're being completely honest here right? Earlier you weren't the biggest fan of honesty so I just want to make things clear.
He scoffs a little, "Go ahead."
It takes me a minute to get my sentence out, "I feel like you don't know what you want." Neither of us says anything for a few seconds.
"How can you say this?" He's hurt.
"Okay I'm gonna say this and you really need to listen to me, okay. Don't just hear me, listen."
"Okay.."
"Something my dad said today really made something click in my head. It explains everything."
"Your dad? The guy that's on meds.." he drags out.
"Don't. Even." I glare at him.
"Sorry."
I sigh and shake my head a little, "He said we're the perfect two, to combine our families. We're both the third born-which I have no idea why that's important, maybe there's a rule or something, I don't know-you're a shifter I'm not, and you imprinted on me, but that's not what explains it."
"Then what?"
"He said I was born your imprint."
"Okay? I'm not following."
"No surprise." I say quietly, "No matter how we met, when we met, or what I was like, you would want me. Do you kinda see now? I was born your imprint so no matter what, you're always going to have feelings for me. I can't help but think that this isn't real." He furrows his eyebrows and sits back, "You like me because your body is telling you to like me. It's in our... DNA I guess I don't know. That's why you still have feelings for Bella. Your body is telling you to want me, but you naturally developed feelings for Bella how it's supposed to happen. So you're torn between who you really want-her," I hold out my left hand, "and who you're supposed to want-me," I hold out my right hand.
The server bringing our food interrupts us.
"Everything we've been through and you don't think I love you." He says when the server leaves. "I have to say, I'm hurt."
"I didn't say you don't have feelings for-"
"No. Not feelings for. Love for you. I love you, and I'm never gonna stop."
"Jacob that's my point!" I put my hands on the table and look down.
"Eat your food before it gets cold." He says and reaches across the table to rub the top of my hand. He looks down at his phone, it's an incoming call I think; he ignores it. He takes a bite then his phone vibrates once and the screen lights up, he reads the text and furrows his eyebrows.
"Everything okay?" His phone rings again and he answers this time.
He answers the phone, "What are you-" he pauses, "But I'm an hour away." There's a pause before he hangs up the phone. "I have to go!"
"What's wrong?"
"This will take care of dinner, dessert if you want, anything you need." He takes out his wallet and puts his debit card on the table.
"Where are you going?" He rushes out of the restaurant without answering me. What the fuck was that!? I look out the window and see him throw himself in his truck and speed out of the lot. "Seriously?" I say to myself. I look around, a few people are staring at me. I try to hide behind my hair a little.
"How is everything?" My server comes back and asks.
"Food's good." I show a small smile, she walks away. I call Jacob, it goes straight to his voice mail. I don't know what to do. It's not like I can follow him, he's probably long gone by now based on how he sped out of here. Wait...I couldn't follow him anyways because he drove us here. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I sigh. How the hell am I supposed to get home? It'll take me at least an hour and a half to walk home. My mom's probably already asleep anyways, fuck fuck fuck!
By this point my food's gone. I'm used to eating when I'm angry, I used to be a huge emotional eater. I look through my phone to see who I can call... "Rose!" I dial and wait for her to answer.
"Hey what's up?"
"Please please tell me you're free right now."
"What's wrong?"
"Well Jacob invited me out to dinner, he drove us and everything. All of a sudden he gets a weird phone call then he jumps up and just leaves!"
"Wait, so he just left you there?"
"Yeah."
"Did he leave any money for your food?"
"His debit card."
"You better order a shit ton!"
"I can't do that."
"He left you! At least get dessert. Where are you I'll leave now."
"Olive Garden. The closer one."
"Alright, see you in 15." We hang up
"Would you like to see a dessert menu?"
"I'd love to." I smile. She smiles back and hands me one. "Is he finished?"
"Sorry?" I look up from the menu.
"Your date, would he like a box for his food or will he finish when he's done in the restroom?"
"He's finished, he left actually." I chuckle quietly.
"I'll be right back with a box." I look over my options for dessert, I want one of everything! When she gets back I narrow it down to two.
"I'll have the Zeppoli and Chocolate Mousse Cake, both to go please."
"Okay, I'll bring your check with them." She leaves and I box his food. When she comes back I hand her his card. When I get the receipts I write in her tip and lay the sleeve on the table. I put the boxes in a plastic bag and walk over to the front door. It's about five minutes before I see her car.
"Thank you." I say to her when I get in.
"No problem! I still can't get over that he left you."
"I asked what was going on and he didn't even acknowledge me."
"You guys are so good together and he's ruining it!"
"I don't think he even cares."
"Just talk to him."
"I was in the middle of talking to him! We just got our food and then he left."
It's quiet-besides the radio-for a few seconds.
"You said you have his debit card?"
"Yeah."
"So where are we goin'?" She smiles.
"Home. I already told you I'm not gonna shop with his card."
"Fine.'
"I did buy some dessert if you want some?"
"Yeah sure!
We get back to my house quickly, I put his leftovers in the fridge then we grab some water and go in my room. We eat the desserts and I vent to her about my 'relationship'. We end up falling asleep early.
...…...
"Sveta, please! Please, wake up!" I hear Rose. "Shit. What do I do?" There so much pressure on my face and chest, I can't move or breathe. "Forgive me." She says then there's something cold and wet all over me. I suddenly gasp and open my eyes. It burns when I breathe. I choke a little and can't stop blinking. "Are you okay?" She asks me.
"What happened?"
"It's like you were suffocating. Your whole body was moving except from your chest up. You even kicked me a few times. You made this...horrible noise." She says quietly, "like you were breathing through a straw and ran out of oxygen, your face was turning blue." I look at her.
"What?"
"I can't explain it." She starts to cry a little. I secretly look into her mind and watch it through her eyes. "Are you okay?"
"It still hurts a little to breathe. Could you get me some water?"
"Yeah yeah!" She runs in the kitchen and comes back with a bottle. It burns on the way down.
"I'm scared to go to sleep now."
"I'll stay up with you."
"Don't worry about it, go back to sleep."
"Are you kidding, after what just happened? No. I will be up so if you happen to fall asleep I'll wake you if something happens."
I want to be comforted right now. Wrapped in my boyfriend's arms-Jacob's arms-with a small kiss-his lips are really soft-then soon I fall back asleep-his warm embrace is all I need.
I sigh.
I need to make up my mind; maybe I should talk to someone. I can't talk to anyone in my family though. Someone who knows about imprinting, do they have werewolf specialists?
"You kinda zoned out, are you okay?" She asks.
"Yeah I'm fine. Just thinking."
"About your dad? How is he?"
"I wasn't, but I am now." I sigh, "He's uh, ya know...hangin' in there. I'm pretty sure yesterday was the last time I'll be able to see him."
"Don't say that."
"He's already been there longer than expected."
"We'll that's good."
"But I know he's suffering." I look down and blink, "I don't feel it anymore though-his pain."
"What do you mean?"
I look at her and remember who I'm talking to, someone who doesn't know about the creatures that walks among them. "Figuratively speaking." I say quietly.
"Again. Another good sign. I'll go with you out there tomorrow so you can see everything's fine." She smiles. "Just relax, okay." She rubs the outside of my upper arm. Something isn't right. I shouldn't be feeling this way. He was weak the last time I saw him, I felt his weakness. Now... Nothing. "You really need some sleep, your eyes are blood shot!"
"All of a sudden?"
"They've gradually gotten bright."
"Is it bad?"
"Looks like you were sprayed with pepper spray for like five minutes straight. Does it hurt?"
"Not really. Only if I touch the skin around them."
"Maybe you should go flush them with water."
"Okay."
"Cold, Water." She adds on my way out.
She's right. I can see in the bathroom mirror that my eyes really look bad. They're almost completely blood red. I drench my hands in freezing cold water, tilt my head back and drip the water off my fingers into my eyes. It ends up going all around my face too. It didn't help. I reach up in the mirror and grab the Visine. I drip two drops in each eye and wipe off the area around them. What the hell is going on with me? I grip the edge of the counter and lower my head completely, closing my eyes. I let a few deep breaths in and out. My eyes feel a little better, a little less pressure. When I look back in the mirror they look a little worse though.
"What the hell." I say quietly. I have no explanation for any of this. Maybe Seth's right. Maybe there's something else inside of me that I don't understand. Obviously I'm not a shape shifter, but this isn't normal. I go back in my room and sit on my window ledge. I look over at Rose. Can I tell her? They said we're not allowed to tell people, but why not? What's stopping me from telling her? I wonder if I can talk to my dad now through our minds. I try to link our minds, but it's not working. Maybe he's too far away?
'Hey Seth?' I think.
Hey what's up?
So maybe he's not too far away. Maybe he just always has his mind blocked. What are you talking about?
Oh, I forgot you can hear everything. I mentally laugh. I have a quick question. I tried to tap into dad's mind, but it didn't work so I thought maybe he's just too far away for it to work. So I tried you and it worked. So maybe he just has a block up?
He sniffs, um yeah. He pauses, he always has his mind blocked.
Oh okay. Can I ask you something?
Sure
What's stopping me from talking to people about everything?
What?
Like Rose came over-actually she had to pick me up from my date with my so called boyfriend when he ditched me right in the middle of eating with no way home-
He probably had a reason.
Stop Seth. I'm completely done with him now. There's no need for you to make excuses for him anymore.
Just talk to him.
Yeah I tried that. He hasn't answered a single call or text tonight. I've been more than patient. But back to my question. Rose is here with me and I really wanna talk to her and vent about everything, but dad said we can't tell people. Why not? What's stopping me or anyone else from talking about it?
"Are you okay?" Rose asks. I look over.
"Yeah why?"
"You've been over there all quiet for a while. You were making some weird facial expressions too."
"Oh, yeah I'm fine." I smile, "Just trying to calm my nerves so maybe I can go back to sleep."
It's alpha's rule,
But why?
We can't question the alpha's rule,
I have no alpha. He's silent for a few seconds.
You really wanna tell her though?
I need someone to talk to Seth! I'm used to telling her big things that happen, this is about the biggest thing that's happened and I'm keeping it from her.
How do you think she'll react though? Do you really wanna drag her into all of this? I sigh, it's better for her if she doesn't know.
Fine
You're coming out here tomorrow right?
I was gonna go to the hospital again, yeah.
Come here first okay.
Why?
There's something I wanna talk to you about first.
Something's wrong. What happened? Is it dad?
No just come here first. Please.
Okay.
You promise?
Yeah. He's quiet, I promise.
Okay. I'm up for patrol now so I gotta go.
Okay, be safe.
I will. He blocks his mind from me, I look over at Rose again, she's looking at her phone.
"I think I can sleep now." I get back in my bed and lay down.
"I'm gonna stay up for a little, just to be safe." She smiles and turns out the lights.
When I wake up I'm alone in my room. I hear voices on the other side of my door. I go in the living room.
"Bye sweetie, I have to go into work."
"Bye ma," she grabs her stuff and leaves. "I could go for Dunkin' Donuts, how about you?" I ask Rose.
"Yeah."
"Let's get ready and we can go on our way to my dad's."
"Okay." She brushes her teeth while I get dressed and let my hair down. When she's done we switch, I don't bother putting on makeup. I grab Jacob's leftovers and his debit card along with my stuff and she drives us to the closest Dunkin Donuts then to my dad's.
When we pull in his driveway everyone's outside around the house.
"Is there a party?" Rose asks.
"Not sure. Seth didn't mention anything." we get out and I meet Seth half way in his yard. "Having a little party?" I smile after hugging him.
"Not...exactly." I look around and notice most people aren't in a good mood. "What'd you bring?"
"Jacob's leftovers. An attempt to make him feel like shit. I'm gonna go out it in the fridge."
"You ready to do this?" Rose asks.
"I guess." I walk away from them and go inside the house. I put his food in the fridge and look out the window for Jake. I hear footsteps down the stairs then they stop. He's not out there, I saw his truck I know he's here. I turn around, "look who it is."
"Hey."
"Hey?" I spit out. I reach in my pocket and pull out his debit card I slap it on the table. "Jacob..." I put my hand on the back of one of the kitchen chairs.
"Wait." He protests.
"No."
"Are you ready to have this conversation? Because I'm not."
"I have to be." I take a deep breath. "This isn't working." We stare at each other. "I was patient and trying to deal with my Bella issues, but after last night," I shake my head, "I can't do this."
"But last night wasn't what you think."
"I don't even know what I think last night was Jacob." He looks around the room, "You left me." He looks back at me.
"This isn't fair." He taps his foot, his face is getting red. "I don't know what else to do. I offered to stop talking to Bella all together and you said no!"
"Of course I said no! What was I supposed to say, Jacob?! I don't want you to ever hang out with your best friend again?' That I don't like your relationship? I already told you I felt secondary to her and I don't like that feeling. I shouldn't feel like one of your options."
"Please don't do this. I love you so much."
"I can't keep having this same fight it's exhausting." He rubs his head. "I hate to say it, but have to say, maybe it's not you it's me."
"Really? 'It's not you it's me'?"
"Honestly! I have a problem with your relationship with Bella. If you keep saying over and over again that there's nothing to worry about and yet I still don't believe it all the way, then there must be something wrong with me."
"No not you, me! Maybe I really do need to stop hanging out with Bella so much."
"It's not just that Jacob. I need some kind of help. Therapist or something. I have insecurities and trust issues I guess? This is what's best. I need to work on myself because if I'm not okay with you guys being friends this will never work."
"This is all coming so easy for you. It doesn't even seem to affect you."
"You think this is easy for me?" He just looks at me, trying not to let his eyes water. "You seriously think, that I'm not affected! You have no fucking idea how I'm feeling. And how could you? You've been god knows where and every time I try to bring it up you change the subject. So don't you fucking dare," the tears start now, "say this is easy on me." We stare at each other. He walks closer and puts his hands on my hips.
"I'm sorry."
"No." I shake my head and cover my face.
"Please just look at me." I push him away, but he holds on tight. "Baby I-"
"Stop." I sniff, "Bye Jacob." He lets me go after a second. "Oh." I open the fridge and grab his food, "I brought your leftovers from our date last night." I hand him the container. "I need to go see my dad." He looks up.
"Wait." I ignore him and walk back outside.
"Seth what did you need to talk to me about? I wanna go see dad already." I hear Jacob come out behind me, he follows me over to Seth.
"Right, come here." He grabs my hand and leads me to the porch, he sits us on the porch swing. "Did you and Jake break up?" he asks. Jacob walks over and stands at the bottom of the steps.
"This is what you were thinking of asking me last night?"
"No, but I see you're crying."
"Yeah Seth, okay?" I look down.
"Okay, sorry." He clears his throat. "So um…we all love you, you know right?"
"Okay…" he holds my hands in both of his between our laps. He squeezes my hands a little. "I think I know where you're going with this." I say looking down. When I look up at him he's about to cry.
"Dad didn't make it through the night."
"Oh god." I cry. Tears flow steadily down my face, Seth squeezes me super tightly. I sob into him and hug him back as tight as I know, I know my grip won't hurt him. I notice Rose walking up to stand by Jacob, she has a look of concern on her face. I shake my head 'no' at her; she gets the gesture. I shut my eyes tightly and just see my dad's face. "I thought he was getting better." I sit back and wipe my face.
"Yeah, but the heart attack isn't what killed him. He suffocated."
"How?"
"They say his trachea collapsed."
"His trachea collapsed?"
"They found it a little odd because that's common in dogs." He smiles a little, I join him understanding the joke. "His face was blue they say and his feet were kicked out like in a struggle. They were tucked in when he went to sleep."
"That sounds like what happened last night." Rose adds. Seth and Jacob look at her, I look down wishing she hadn't brought it up.
"What happened last night?" Seth asks, they all look at me now, I glare at Rose.
"I um-they're calling me so I'm just gonna go." She backs off and walks away.
"What happened?" He asks again.
"I was sleeping then I guess I stopped breathing. Rose said the only parts of my body that were able to move were my feet and I actually kicked her a few times. There was so much pressure on my face and chest, it hurt so badly. My face turned blue and she said I made this horrible, horrible noise. I gasped coming out of it after she threw water on me. It still hurt to move and breathe. Then my eyes turned bloodshot red! No matter what I did they just got worse, they were normal when I woke up."
"What time did this happen?"
"A little before ten."
"When it happened to him." Jacob says to himself.
"What?" No one says anything. They're probably in each other's minds. "Everything that happened to dad last night happened to me and at the same time?"
"Yeah." Seth finally speaks and looks at me.
"How?"
"What are you?" Seth asks to himself
"You mean this isn't normal? Like normal for a werewolf?"
"You're not one though. But no, not even for a werewolf."
"I wish dad was here to explain it to me." I start crying again. "I still can't believe he's actually dead." I continue after a minute of crying. "I didn't even know him and now I never can." I look up at Jacob, he starts crying a little when he sees my face. He turns his back to us and puts his hands on his head.
"How's mom taking it?" I ask Seth.
"Better than expected. She cried all night, but she hasn't cried much today. I think she made her peace with him dying when he had his heart attack."
"Are there any special traditions when it comes to funerals?"
"Not that I know of. It'll probably take a day or two before we can even think about planning though."
"Right." I sniff and wipe my face with my sleeves. "I need to walk away." I stand up.
"Are you leaving?" Seth asks.
"No I just need a minute. There's been a lot of stress, heartache and emotional damage this morning."
"I understand." I walk down the porch and cross my arms over my chest to block the wind.
"Sveta!" I look to my right, Rose is coming over. "I'm really sorry." She hugs me. "Do you need anything?"
"No, thanks."
"My mom just called, my dad's at the grocery store and she needs the car to go look for some shoes."
"Oh. Okay. Do you know your way back?"
"I'll use my phone. Um I don't know how things are, but call me later if you need a ride home I'll come get you."
"Thanks. I could most likely stay here, but I'll keep that in mind." She gives me another hug then gets in her car and drives off. I walk towards the forest. I start crying again, I don't know if I'm angry, sad or just pissed off because I'm confused.
There's so many things I need answers to and no idea how or where to get them. I really need to find someone to talk to. I'm gonna slip back into my old ways of depression and one eating disorder after another. I used to over eat, then when I gained all the weight I wouldn't eat enough. It was hard for me to find a middle ground. It was hard to get out of all that, I don't want to go back to it.
I stop walking and just look around. I don't think I've been in this part of the forest before. The trees are bigger, there isn't as much grass and the only noise out here is from the animals and insects. No sound from the cars on the road, no surrounding homes, nothing. It's calming. I start walking again, slower this time, until I run into a road; I cross and keep going. Soon I hit a small river, I use a log that's already there to cross over it. For being in the same area, this part of the forest is different too. The tree widths differ greatly, there are a lot of rocks and definitely more grass. There aren't as many deer tracks as in the other parts before the road. There are so many trees that the sunlight is blocked out. If I didn't have my phone with me to tell the time I would think it's at least 7 at night. I find a nice, big, clean rock and sit on top of it. I really don't want to keep crying like this. After each time I stop it makes my head hurt more than the last.
I sigh and lean back on my hands. I turn my head up and close my eyes, breathing in my surroundings.
Hey you okay? Where are you? I hear Jacob.
I'm fine Jacob. Why?
Just thinking about you. You've been gone a while, I was getting worried.
Well don't. And don't come looking for me either.
Fine. Are you coming back soon?
'No clue. One question though.
Yeah?
How do I block people out of my mind?
Who do you want out so badly?
Anyone and everyone right about now.
There's not just one way to do it. You have to disconnect yourself from everything, but keep your guard up. And most importantly when you think, don't direct your thoughts towards anyone. Until you get the hang of it maybe keep your thoughts vague.
Thanks. I put up a guard. Jacob if you can hear me say something. There's silence; I put my guard down. 'Did ya hear me?'
'Not one word,' he says slowly.
Perfect.
Usually it takes us a few times to perfect that. I know it took me a good two months.
Another way to prove that women are better than men, I smile.
Yeah whatever. He laughs.
Do me a favor, block me from your mind, I wanna see what it feels like.
Go.
Okay if you're thinking something I can't hear it, but I'm not sure if you can hear me. It doesn't feel different for me, but I kinda remember you saying it feels like pressure or something. I can't remember exactly. Can you hear me? There's a little silence.
You there? He asks.
Yeah, anything?
N- uh nope.
Thanks, bye. Up goes my guard. I should find my way out of here, it's getting late now. "Okay now was it this way?" I turn, "or...this way? Fuck. Again?" I laugh. I really have to learn these woods. I start going the direction I'm facing. 10 minutes pass and everything looks the same. I pull out my phone, I try to scroll through my contacts list, but my phone freezes and calls Alice by mistake. "Shit, hang up. Hang up!" It finally lets me hit end. I keep scrolling a little before Alice calls me back. "Hey sorry, I accidentally called you."
"No worries. How's everything? You sound like you've been crying."
"I got the news about my dad today."
"Oh, I'm sorry."
"Thanks, it just sucks ya know." I sniff and keep walking; I trip over a huge tree root. "Fucking trees!"
"Where are you?"
"In the forest somewhere. I left Seth's a few hours ago, I crossed a road and a river, but I can't see well enough to get back to the river or the freaking road."
"A river? It sounds like you might be close to my house. Put my address in your GPS and see if you're close."
"Alright, you're going on speaker." I type in her address, "it says like a 15 minute walk. Would it be okay if I stopped by for a little?"
"Of course! I'll see you soon." She hangs up. I keep my GPS open and use it to get to her house. When I get there I don't even need to knock. "I'm sorry again about your dad." She hugs me. When she lets go I stand there a little awkwardly. I've never been completely alone with so many vampires. "I need to let you know now that-"
"She's here?" I ask as I see Bella walk out of the kitchen. "Do you have any fucking idea what you've done to my family?!" I scream at her as I start to walk towards her.
"Whoa hey," Edward comes over and grabs me.
"Get off of me!" I growl at him.
"Let's go outside." He tries to push me backwards out the front door.
"No just let go!" Despite his strength I'm able to push him off of me and into the wall behind him. "My father is dead because of you!" I start towards her again, this time Emmett grabs me from behind and wraps his arms all the way around me. "This isn't fair! Let me go!" I squirm in his arms.
"Can't do that." He says. Jasper walks in front of me and tries to calm me down, it doesn't work.
"She's the one responsible for his death, it's her fault she deserves what she gets!"
"Jasper, calm her down!" Edward commands.
"It's not working!" He yells back. I start to slip out of Emmett's grip, he tightens his arms and picks me up.
"You have no right to do this put me down!" I kick and yell and he carries me outside, Edward and jasper come out with him. "This is bullshit!" Emmett sets me down, still gripping my right arm and Edward grabs my left arm.
"I'm not gonna go back in there just let me go!"
"Not while you're like this." Edward says. "Great, they're on their way."
"Who?"
"The pack."
"She should have to live with the consequences of her actions! She can't just get away with this." I struggle one more time. "The pack needs to hurry the fuck up!" I can hear them running now.