DESIGNING THE FUTURE
8 Christmas on Conway Drive
From the kitchen, Caroline heard the front bell, then William in the hall opening the door for Gillian, Raff, Ellie and the baby. Heard their greetings and jokes about all of the paraphernalia required by Emily Jane to make an overnight stay. Caroline appeared at the door to the kitchen. "Hiiee" she smiled welcoming Gillian who was following William up the stairs, loaded with her overnight bag plus a large carryall covered in pastel figures, obviously belonging to Calamity.
"Sorry there's only one guest room, I have William and Laurence doubling up in Laurence's room so Roxy can take William's. There are twin beds in there. Roxy can have one and one for you. I thought that with the baby, maybe it would be best to let Raff and Ellie have the guest room. Sorry," Caroline grinned sheepishly.
"Anyplace will do for me. I don't think you've ever slept anywhere but on the settee at mine, come to think of it" shrugged Gillian with a grin from the turn of the stairway. Raff carried another load up behind his mother while Ellie, handing the baby to Alan, began to remove Emily Jane's snowsuit. As the group above stairs came trooping down, Caroline announced, "dinner will be in about an hour. William and Roxy, will you see that everyone gets something to drink?"
All at once the house that Laurence and Caroline had been rattling around in through the autumn seemed to become a very different place. A round of laughter for one of Ted's stories from the table at the foot of the kitchen, the sounds of video games and young men urging one another on from the sitting room, the baby crowing & gurgling in Gillian's arms as she sat on one of the island stools and over all the smell of a turkey getting itself done in the oven made the house seem like the home it hadn't felt like in longer than Caroline cared to remember. Not boring any longer.
The meal itself was a feast, with all of the dishes Caroline had prepared to accompany the turkey as well as favorite dishes of Gillian's family that she had brought. Finally all of the mealtime festivities complete, the elders, feeling the effects of the excitement of a wedding one day and Christmas the next, departed for Celia and Alan's flat for some quiet, and perhaps a nap before returning later for dessert. The young people, endlessly fascinated by X-Box gathered in the sitting room leaving Caroline and Gillian in the kitchen with the lion's share of the clearing up to do.
They hadn't expected anything else and were content to chat as they worked in Caroline's kitchen. Gillian gathering dishes and loading the dishwasher, Caroline packing away the leftovers, making sandwiches for the inevitable hunger of the youngsters later in the evening and combining ingredients into a soup pot to serve at the Boxing Day brunch for everyone before they started off to their various destinations in the afternoon.
This being almost the first moment of peace when either woman had had a chance to think her own thoughts after the last 24 hours of life altering events for each of them, they were both quiet. Hands busy at routine tasks, minds free to begin processing recent developments.
Each was so preoccupied with her own thoughts that neither realized they had been working companionably together in silence for quite a while until a loud outburst of cheering and boos erupted from the sitting room causing them to look up and exchange a smile at the good times their children where having together.
"Thanks for inviting us to be here today Caroline. It would have been a very quiet day for us, home alone after the excitement of the wedding and all. Everything has been wonderful. You have such a lovely home," nodding at the modern kitchen, a stark contrast to her own.
"Oh," Caroline waved away the thanks. "I wasn't really looking forward to today. Wondered, in fact, how I was going to make Christmas festive for the boys given…" Caroline allowed her words to trail off realizing what she was saying about herself, not that Gillian didn't already know this.
"Given how difficult you were still finding it to deal with life after Kate." Supplied Gillian gently.
Looking at Gillian briefly, head tilted and giving a small nod and a sad little smile, grateful for the understanding without having had to say the words.
Gillian, always the one most likely to say whatever came to mind, "And now that Kate came back last night?"
Caroline looked up then, studying the face of this woman with whom she had begun a friendship after the day, and fateful night, when the two of them had gone to find a venue for their parents wedding. The peals of laughter shared at the misunderstanding of their relationship by the hotel staff, followed by an evening of confidences had formed a bond between them. Since then, they had talked on the phone, met several times to continue the wedding preparations and there had been a few family gatherings, Raff's birthday at the farm, or an impromptu supper when Gillian came to visit Alan & Celia. Still, Caroline wasn't sure how far to trust Gillian. She had a habit of speaking and acting without forethought.
Her eyebrows disappearing into her fringe, Caroline made a wry face, "obviously I am happy that she came back. We did talk a little last night," pausing to remember. Then continuing, "there are conversations to be had before everything is sorted, but I think… I think, I hope we can… Caroline stopped never having put her hopes for her future with Kate into actual words before. Did she want to share this with Gillian yet? It felt so uncertain in a way. Still, she had once promised Kate that she wouldn't be a coward about them again. "I think we can build the foundation for a family, my boys and Kate's child."
Gillian, for once considering her response before speaking, knowing how important this was to Caroline and how difficult it had been for her to say out loud. Also, not wanting to jeopardize their newfound friendship for more reasons than one, said "I'm happy for you Caroline. Happy for both of you. Kate will be lucky to have you." Looking into Caroline's eyes, "I've come to know what a good friend you are Caroline. I feel lucky to have you as a friend." Then worried, "we are friends aren't we? It isn't just the family connection is it?"
Caroline placed the last sandwich in the plastic container and resting her hands on the island, assured her, "we are friends. I do value your friendship Gillian. One way and another I don't seem to have many friends. It's meant a lot to me these last months to know that you were in my corner." Exchanging genuine smiles of appreciation for one another, both women went back to the tasks at hand.
"Will Kate be joining us here today?" asked Gillian hoping she was not crossing a line with Caroline.
Yes, she had some family commitments of her own. She and her Mum were going to visit Kate's Dad at the home where he lives. He has Alzheimer's, she explained. Then on to a family gathering this afternoon. She should be here around 6:30. I…" then going on bravely, "I've invited her to spend the night."
At this Gillian's head came up, she looked at Caroline. Feeling Gillian's gaze upon her Caroline met her eyes, spine straight, shoulders down, chin forward. Daring Gillian to make an inappropriate comment, her voice demanding, "Whot?"
Putting an overly innocent look upon her face Gillian responded "Me? Nothing. Nothing at all." Wondering to herself about what Celia's reaction might be to this development but unwilling to bring it up with Caroline, Gillian returned to wiping down all the newly cleared spaces on the countertops.
Feeling that she had been the topic of conversation long enough Caroline said, "So, you and Robbie?"
Gillian felt her face going hot. She had broken a promise to Caroline last night by asking Robbie to dance. Another impulsive gesture on her part now had her life spinning out of control, yet again. As a result of that dance, Robbie had broken off with Cheryl, driven her home and returned to the hotel to spend the night with Gillian. Even though Robbie hadn't breakfasted with the wedding party due to his back to back shifts today at the police station, Caroline had spotted their farewell in the hotel lobby as she came down early to breakfast with Kate.
Gillian, unsure yet how she felt about this reunion with Robbie in light of her history with his brother, yet so irresistibly drawn to him, had no idea what to say to Caroline. Finally turning her embarrassed face to her stepsister and friend she simply threw her hands up in a gesture of defeat. Hoping for some sign of sympathy at her predicament she scrutinized Caroline's face. What she found on her friend's expressive face was consternation, resignation and disapproval tinged with compassion. Speechless at the enormity of the implications for this relationship Caroline said only, "Gillian" in the tone one would use to an exasperating yet beloved toddler.
At this point the youngsters began straggling into the kitchen to replenish their beverages and time for personal conversation ended abruptly.
Shortly Alan, Celia and Ted returned to the group. Too keyed up with excitement to do more than doze and enjoy a period of quiet they began wondering what the rest of the family were getting up to. Not wishing to miss this happy family day they made the short trip through the garden into Caroline's back door. Finding Caroline, Gillian, Ellie and Roxy on stools at the kitchen island, the men fixed themselves fresh drinks and followed the boy's voices to the sitting room. Celia finding a cup of tea and an empty stool joined the women.
"Hi Celia" said Gillian, "we were just having a post mortem on the wedding. You and Dad were so lovely. Did you have a good time?"
"Oh, we had the best time. Thank you, Gillian and thank you, Caroline for putting on such a lovely do. We will never forget it." Celia's warm genuine smile included both of them. "Did you girls have a good time yesterday?," she said to the younger women." Conversation then turned to the guests and bringing Roxy and Ellie into the picture regarding the families on both sides and rehashing the events of the momentous day. Eventually, Gillian went upstairs to see to Emily Jane as she was waking from her nap. Seeing the two girls engaged in conversation. Caroline seized this opportunity to take Celia into her study.
At the pace of events, Caroline and her Mum had had no chance for talk at all. Caroline was apprehensive about her mother's reaction to Kate's arrival this evening, now not far off and felt the best plan would be to give her a chance to air her feelings to Caroline privately rather than be presented with another fait accompli in front of the whole family.
Caroline knowing that interruptions were likely to occur at any moment began as soon as they were both seated started by saying, "Mum, I know you haven't been very happy over my relationship with Kate…"
"Caroline," interrupted Celia, "I do love you, you know. I'm not blind. I've seen how deeply unhappy you have been since your relationship with Kate broke down. I know first hand what living with that kind of unhappiness can do to a woman." Putting a hand on Caroline's she continued in a softer tone, "I don't want that for you. Do you think I like seeing you lonely and miserable?"
After a short pause, seeing the tears forming in Caroline's eyes, Celia continued, "This isn't the life I would have chosen for you. But you are a grown woman. You've been making life decisions for a long time now. I refrained from trying to influence you in your marriage to John," Caroline could hardly contain her incredulity at her mother's interpretation of her involvement in Caroline's marriage and put a tight control on her face, still hardly able to keep the shock out of her expression. While Celia continued, "given the farce of a marriage your father and I had. So, I think I should follow that same pattern in regard to your relationship with Kate."
Holding up her hands, "I can't promise to never offer my opinions but I will try harder to keep them to myself whenever… Well you know me, I can't keep completely silent. I will do my best." Then ruefully, "I suspect Alan will be doing his part to keep me on the straight and narrow."
Caroline squeezed her mother's hands and smiling said, "I am relieved to hear you say this. I know it won't all be plain sailing but to know that you will try means a lot to me. It will mean a lot to Kate too. I was afraid after hearing your comment on the dance floor that things might get rocky between us again."
"Oh, you did hear that did you? I can't say I was happy to see your reunion taking place in public, no matter your… your orientation," faltered Celia, seeing the look on Caroline's face. Right, well, as I say I will try to be more circumspect." Seeing Caroline's expression relax somewhat, she asked, "have you worked things out then?"
Caroline, looking down for a moment then once again met her mother's eye and said, "Obviously, we haven't had time to talk everything through but based on preliminary conversation I think we will be able to…" Breaking off to consider exactly what to share with her mother, Caroline again reminded herself of her promise to Kate to be brave. "After we talk through everything that went wrong between us, I hope we can create a foundation to form a new family. Kate and I and the baby, along with the boys. I may as well be honest with you right now. That is my goal," Caroline said, her face challenging her mother to try to talk her out of it.
Celia, resignation on her face, replied, "you must do what you think is best." Then after a moment's reflection, "The baby. You didn't tell me about that, did you?" Celia accused. "Is that what went wrong between you?"
"Among other things," Caroline evaded knowing there wasn't time to get into this now. Accepting that her mother was not jumping for joy over Kate's return but gratified that she at least was willing to be tolerant Caroline rose from her chair saying, "there is just one more thing. Kate will be arriving shortly. I've invited her to spend the night."
Celia began, "With the whole house full of…" then broke off with a shrug remembering her promise just seconds ago. "You'll know best," she offered doubtfully as she opened the door to return to the kitchen and the rest of the family. Caroline followed, her expression changing from reproach at the beginning of her mother's sentence, to repressed amusement at the finish. Clearly her Mum was not convinced, but a start had been made to keeping Celia's attitudes from being too burdensome on the renewal of her relationship with Kate.
Kate arrived as promised between 6:30 and 7:00. After being warmly welcomed by all, especially Ted, everyone agreed that they thought they could find room for dessert now that their dinner had settled.
Kate finding it difficult to free herself from Ted's attentions as Caroline and Gillian started for the kitchen to set out the desserts looked her apologies at Caroline only to find the later grinning a silent 'I told you so' and waving her to never mind before rounding the corner.
In the kitchen, William and Roxy having also arrived to assist with the next round of feasting began emptying the dishwasher and gathering empty glasses and snack plates from around the house to begin reloading it. Caroline and Gillian were setting out the delicacies each had baked for this day. While both William and Roxy were occupied and unobserving, Gillian could not resist jibbing Caroline by elbowing her and mouthing 'baby' with eyes wide open and a smirk on her lips. Caroline smiled sheepishly, rolled her eyes, shrugged her shoulders and continued to cut the chocolate cake she had baked. Almost immediately she went to the door of the kitchen to call in the group from the sitting room so she would not to have to look at Gillian's grinning face again.
Xbox having finally palled, even upon the younger set, everyone remained in the kitchen at the table or on stools around the island, again discussing facets of the still interesting wedding happenings of the day before with the larger group. Kate, having separated herself from Ted who was now at the table below with Laurence and Raff, had seated herself at the counter where she saved a stool for Caroline who had stood assisting with the dessert until everyone was served. Content to be sitting this close to one another, brushing shoulders as they watched the happy family group, occasionally joining in to add to the conversation but mainly just enjoying the moment.
As they finished their dessert, Kate had taken Caroline's hand into her lap under cover of the counter and their position at the end near the window. Stroking it caressingly with soft fingers. The sensuousness of this ran through Caroline's body like a current. It took deliberate concentration to follow the thread of the general conversation as this continued. In time two of Kate's fingers began rubbing insistently and suggestively against her palm. About that time her mother's piping voice broke in sharply, "Caroline?" Seeing incomprehension on the face of her daughter she repeated impatiently, "Where did Marta say Susan was going to university next fall?" Caroline swallowed hard before supplying the answer and once her mother's sharp gaze turned back to the others, moved her hand to take Kate's and firmly press it onto her leg so she would have no chance to repeat this performance. Stealing a glance at Kate's face she saw the smug look there and pressed even more firmly on the hand beneath hers.
At last the elders once again feeling fatigued, said their good nights. There was hugging and kissing all around until they would see one another again at Caroline's brunch the next morning. Raff and Ellie went upstairs to settle Emily Jane for the night, promising to return shortly to view a movie the younger set had agreed to watch together before retiring.
William, Laurence and Roxy once again pitched in to follow directions from Caroline for putting the rooms to rights and making preparations for tomorrow's brunch. Gillian and Caroline stored away food and completed the refill of the dishwasher, not allowing Kate to help at all, both agreeing that as a pregnant woman she should simply rest. Surely the activities of the last two days would have been tiring enough for her.
Once the movie group was settled in the sitting room with Gillian who had elected to join them, Caroline and Kate said their good nights and started up the stairs. Caroline carrying Kate's overnight bag and supporting her lower back with her other hand.
Alone Again
Caroline closing the bedroom door and leaned back against it exhaling deeply. After taking in the sight of Kate moving up the stairs, she found herself with strong feelings of desire.
Kate turning to look at Caroline, recognized an expression much like the one where Kate had once found herself pinned against the office door by the full length of Caroline's urgent body. Kate wasn't sure she was up to a repeat of that experience tonight. Bone weariness had set in as she climbed the stairs. The emotions and angst of the last two days, actually the whole week since Celia had called her, were taking their toll on her very pregnant body.
After Celia's cordial invitation to stay for the do following the wedding Kate had found that she could no longer banish thoughts of Caroline from her mind. She wondered at herself that she had agreed to play the piano for this wedding. How could she have let herself in for this after all of the weeks, months, she had so carefully shunned Caroline? Unbelievable.
Of course, she knew that Caroline showing up at the hospital the day of her big scare had broken through the wall of defense she had so carefully built around herself. The force field emanating from this compelling woman had breached that wall as if it had been made of playing cards. Kate had been taken by surprise at how easy it had been for Caroline to affect her so incredibly after all of the energy she had put into resisting the magnetic pull she felt for Caroline.
After the curt 'No. Thank you' Caroline had received weeks before when she'd humbled herself to ask Kate for another chance, she'd gone and done this. Dropped whatever had been on her schedule for the afternoon to race to the hospital to be with her. The sheer magnanimity of it had embarrassed Kate.
Little that Caroline said or did was without import. Kate knew that Caroline's appearance at the hospital spoke volumes about the degree of her feelings for Kate. Who knew Caroline better than she did? She hadn't been the listening ear to Caroline during the months of her break down with John for nothing. Kate had learned so much more than had ever been said by this complex woman with such a consistent personality.
All last week after Celia's call, their whole affair had been replaying itself in her mind, over and over, round and round. Unable to keep from facing her own fundamental role in the break down and owning up to her sins against Caroline she knew that her guilt would never be relieved until she could talk this out with Caroline. But talking with Caroline could never happen now unless she approached her to begin the conversation. She had rebuffed so many attempts by Caroline to begin again. Kate knew full well Caroline's pride and innate self respect would make it unlikely that she would ask Kate for another chance. Not after Kate had dropped her hand like a hot potato in the exam room, not after the dismissive 'thanks' on the sidewalk of the hospital as she walked away from Caroline yet again to go to her car.
Caroline, watching Kate apparently lost in thought, saw only tiredness and immediately crossed over, concern on her face. She placed the overnight bag on the foot of the bed where it would be easy for Kate to reach. Turning to Kate, Caroline pressed her gently onto the edge of the bed. Kneeling, she bent and removed the shoes from Kate's swollen feet. From her kneeling position, sitting on her heels, Caroline smiled gently into Kate's tired face, saying softly, "lets get some rest, shall we?"
Kate nodded, unable to take her eyes from the upturned loveliness of the countenance before her. The makeup applied so carefully this morning, now worn to the point where the underlying freckles were charmingly visible, made Caroline look younger than her 46 years. The back of Kate's fingers found their way caressingly to Caroline's cheek. Caroline closed her eyes and pressed her face against these fingers she had so often longed to feel there again. Leaning in and placing her hands on either side of Kate's stomach, Caroline lightly rested her head against the baby bump. Kissing it, then looking up to find Kate's face surprisingly close, lips so long estranged found one another as if for the first time. The kisses were brief, almost timid at first. Gradually, as they deepened, Caroline straightened to her full kneeling height to gain a better position for conveying her ardor. Finally, cheeks again pressed together instead of lips, both women panting, Caroline whispered regretfully into Kate's ear, "this won't get you the rest you need.
Rising, she opened Kate's bag with a meaningful glance at Kate and went around the bed to begin turning it down, saying, "pillows seem to be at a premium around here tonight, you may need to use me as a back pillow."
"It seemed to work fine last night," leered Kate catching Caroline's eye as she came back to this side of the bed.
"Hmmm" smiled Caroline moving out of reach of Kate's outreached hand. "Bathroom first or will you change first?" she asked.
While Kate changed, Caroline took her turn in the bathroom, emerging in her pajamas. With a houseful of guests, Caroline had no wish to find herself scantily clad in the event of a middle of the night emergency. While Kate took her turn in the bathroom, Caroline found a cushion the right size for Kate to place between her knees to relieve the strain of sleeping on her side, and put it on the side of the bed closest to the loo before going around to get in on the other side.
"You are very thoughtful" smiled Kate returning to climb into the bed with Caroline.
"I remember very well this stage of pregnancy," replied Caroline watching Kate settle next to her. Allowing herself one more kiss for the night Caroline gently but firmly pushed Kate over onto her side, knowing her preferred sleep position and wedged herself against Kate's back to provide the promised support, saying, "pregnant women need plenty of sleep." Then mischievously, " especially at 42." Receiving a jab of the elbow and an indignant "Hey" from Kate, Caroline laughed out loud at having successfully broken the sexual tension between them enough so they could fall asleep tonight. Kate wasn't the only one exhausted from the emotions of the last two days.