10 Boxing Day - Seeing Laurence Off
Pulling onto the grounds of Sulgrave Heath School, they could see the charter bus parked, ready to pass through the tunnel of the main building. Caroline pulled into her usual parking space and Laurence jumped out immediately to get his gear from the back. Caroline meeting him there said, "You are going to say bye to your old Mum before you go aren't you?" With an embarrassed grin, he took her into a quick tight bear hug, immediately releasing her, glad that his mother had parked some distance from the bus giving him this slight bit of privacy for good byes. Throwing a quick, bye Kate over his shoulder, he was off.
Caroline and Kate followed Laurence more slowly. Caroline said, "There's Tom Lincoln," of the head rugby coach, "I'll need to have a word with him." As she said this they approached a car being exited by Angus as quickly as Laurence had just left their car and witnessed a similar goodbye scene between him and his Mum. Seeing Felicity, Angus' mother, Kate stopped to chat as Caroline, greeting Felicity with a wave, continued on to speak to the coaching staff before departure.
"Hi Caroline," said the head coach having observed her and Kate walking from her car together. "Had a good Christmas?" as he looked back to where Kate stood talking with Felicity.
Caroline trying hard not to look as uncomfortable as she felt, said, "You don't miss much do you?"
"Can't afford to with this lot, Tom grinned, tipping his head to the group of boys boisterously loading their kit into the storage compartment of the bus. "Not exactly fresh news anyway is it?"
Caroline, trying to appear nonchalant but looking more worried than she knew, said only, "No, I guess not."
"It will be OK. Tom assured her.
This bear of a man, almost 10 years older than Caroline had been one of her staunch supporters from the beginning of her tenure at the school. It was still antiquated then and struggling to make ends meet. Caroline, full of excitement at the possibilities, was regularly shaking up the status quo. She had relied on Tom's good judgment often in the past; surely she could do so again. Smiling her thanks, she said only partly joking, "I'll hold you to that."
"Just let me know if you need any heads knocked together, I'm just the man to do it. You know that." Said half in jest, Tom was also offering his support. He had always admired Caroline and the way she had turned the school from imminent failure to its current reputation for excellence in education with an emphasis on technology to impart the skills to meet the challenges of the still new century. Tom hoped to retire from Sulgrave and now, with the school firmly in the black, as long as he held up his end of the bargain he reckoned he would be able to do so. All of this was due, in his view, to Caroline's achievements.
Just then, they were approached by Gavin, Chairman of the Board of Governors, also dropping off his son who was a member of the rugby team. "Good afternoon," said Gavin rather formally. "Well, Coach, are we going to win this tourney?" Meaning to be jovial, as so often happened with Gavin, he came across as condescending more than anything else. Tom Lincoln, well used to Gavin and other parents who considered themselves quite successful in life and inclined to patronize him, said mildly, "We intend to try.
After a few more pleasantries were exchanged Coach Lincoln was called into conference by a mother who wanted to be sure that the Head Coach was fully informed about the special needs of her son. This left Caroline and Gavin watching the leave taking of the other families and inquiring politely about one another's Christmas. Caroline took this opportunity to let Gavin know that she would like to meet with him as soon after the holidays as possible. About that time Caroline heard her name called by Kate who had stopped a short distance away, saying as she turned to start back the way she had come, "Caroline, Felicity and I are going into the building for a few minutes, we won't be long. I'll meet you back at the car when you are ready, no hurry." Then, "Hi Gavin." And with a wave of her hand, "See you later, Caroline."
Turning from looking after Kate as she walked away, Caroline met Gavin's inquiring eyes under his raised eyebrows. Aware for certain now that Felicity had been accurate in telling her that rumors about herself and Kate had, in fact, made the rounds of Sulgrave Heath School, she said, "Surely Gavin this is not the first time you've been aware of my relationship with Kate."
Gavin returned pointedly, "It is the first I am hearing of it from you. Is this what you wanted to discuss next week?"
Caroline did look embarrassed now, "Yes. In retrospect I realize that I should have talked with you about this last spring. Its just that everything was very tentative at the time and then we had a falling out and …" Caroline accustomed to being at least one to two steps ahead of Gavin in most discussions, decidedly, did not enjoy the position she had put herself in now. Continuing more strongly, "We're in process of working things out and beginning what I hope will be a permanent relationship."
Gavin, seeing a new side to Caroline, regarded her levelly for a moment then said, "You told me a year or so ago about your breakdown with John, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you. I am glad if you can be happy now. You deserve some happiness."
Caroline was surprised at these personal comments from Gavin, since their relationship had been strictly business to this point, except the news she had felt bound to share with him about her break down with John, telling him mainly because she knew that it would become common knowledge around the school because of the boys. "Thank you Gavin, I appreciate that."
Seeing her surprise, Gavin went on to say, "My brother 'came out' as they say a few years ago. Bit of a surprise to the family, probably shouldn't have been but…" he shrugged. "He had someone he wanted to share his life with so he told us. We've all had our 'consciousness raised' as they used to say. It took some getting used to, especially for our parents but it's worked out pretty well now. Just all had Christmas together. I think everyone enjoyed themselves. It is good to see Bill so happy. They make each other happy." Seeing that Caroline was considering this and the implications for her and Kate he went on to say, "I think you will find that once you get beyond the initial surprise things will become somewhat easier. Always the odd lout somewhere around, but over all." Amused that the usually responsive Caroline still had nothing to say, Gavin told her, "Have Beverley give my office a call when the term begins and we'll meet to discuss this further."
There was a cheer from the boys as the coaches called them to board the bus and Caroline and Gavin joined the general crowd of parents waving off their boys. As the bus moved into the passageway Gavin said goodbye to Caroline and they both turned toward their respective cars.
Caroline caught up with Kate and Felicity who had also been among the waving parents. As Felicity turned to open her car door she said, "see you later. Caroline, I'll give you a call" and promptly got in closing the car door.
Caroline totally taken aback at this farewell, stopped and looked questioningly at Kate who said, "I'll tell you in the car, it is freezing out here. Come on."
Once in the car and moving down the street, Caroline turned to Kate asking if she needed to stop at the market for anything. Assured that Kate's larder was well stocked, Caroline's thoughts went back to Felicity's promise to call Caroline. "So, why is Felicity going to call me?"
Kate looking somewhat abashed said, "this feels a little weird."
Caroline wondering what else was coming at her, said resignedly, "Well, it has been a weird afternoon all way round, go ahead." Seeing Kate's questioning look, in reply responded before she could ask, "I'll tell you later, go ahead. Felicity…" she prompted.
We got talking and she told me briefly about Angus' dad and how you had shared with her a little of your experience with John. How helpful it had been to her and she told me that she was glad that you had talked together." Watching Caroline's still bewildered face, Kate went on in a rush, "So later when she said that she would like to have us over for dinner sometime, I thought you wouldn't mind and she seemed so lonely that I said yes, we would like that. Is that? Is that alright?" Seeing Caroline's blank expression she went on nervously, "sorry if you do mind, it was so unexpected that I didn't have time to think and I hope…"
"No, no, its fine. Its fine." Caroline, not wanting Kate to be upset interrupted. "I just…" shaking her head slightly to clear it said. "Wow!"
Kate concerned anew asked, "Whot? Whot is it?" not receiving an immediate reply from Caroline, she went on, "What else happened that was weird? Are you alright Caroline?"
Caroline, finally processing events a little, looked over at Kate and started laughing. Prompting Kate to say again, "Whot?"
Caroline, continued to chuckle and with her eyebrows lifted well up under her fringe and an incredulous look on her face said, "Things have moved so quickly in the last 48 hours that I'm going to need some time to catch up with it all."
"Fortunately we have until Sunday afternoon. Hopefully, with no interruptions," smiled Kate placing a hand on Caroline's leg. Seeing the smiling glance that this gesture brought to Caroline's face, she left her hand there as Caroline told her of the conversations that she'd had with both Tom and Gavin.
"So, with these two behind me at Sulgrave Heath, I find that I am feeling a little better about things at school," finished Caroline as the car pulled to a stop at Kate's house. Shutting off the car, Caroline took Kate's hand into hers and smiled into her eyes before they both squeezed and released the hand of the other. Opening the back seat door Caroline took out both her own and Kate's suitcases, having placeded them behind her seat to keep them safe from the pile of gear Laurence had stowed in the boot.
As she did this Kate greeted an elderly man with a cane walking toward them, "Hi, Mr. Field."
The slightly stooped, white haired man nodded to Kate before stopping and looking Caroline up and down, saying gravely, "I liked your green dress," an obvious reference to her performance of the day before, when she had given an eyeful of 'Caroline in motion', not only to Kate and the passing car of boys but apparently to the neighbors as well. Having said this he proceeded past them without another word or a backward glance. After a moment of surprised silence, Caroline's jaw dropped as she gazed after her admirer. As she closed her mouth she turned to look at Kate who was working hard to suppress the laughter that now burst out of control when Caroline's eyes met hers.
By this time both women were moving up the path toward the house. Kate walking a little sideways so that she could keep Caroline's face in view, continuing to laugh as she saw Caroline's immediate reaction of resentment at Kate's laughter change to embarrassed amusement at herself before she joined Kate's hysterics.
Both moving more quickly now as they realized they were likely giving unseen neighbors another show, Kate unlocked the door and they collapsed into further giggles as Caroline shut the door with her backside and dropped the bags she had been carrying. Holding on to one another for support they moved into the room, Kate handing a box of tissues to Caroline and taking one herself as they both had tears of laughter running down their faces.
Seating themselves on the sofa and eventually calming down, Caroline said, "I have never laughed so hard or so often with anyone else in my life." Then remembering the incident at the hotel, when the staff thought that she and Gillian were the ones getting married, told the story to Kate causing them to go into another fit of laughter.
Finally, calming, Caroline once again wiping tears from the corner of her eyes saw Kate stifling a yawn and immediately went into protector mode. "Right, I intended to send you off for a nap the moment we got in and it is getting on. Still time to get in a nap this afternoon" as she pulled a reluctant Kate by the hand to her feet. No, no, you told me yourself the doctor wants you to get plenty of rest, come on," as she gently pushed Kate toward the stairs then turned back to pick up the two suitcases.
Kate's expression brightened visibly at the sight of Caroline starting up after her. Caroline noticed this and warned in her best mother voice, I am only bringing these up and seeing that you are tucked in before I go back down." Setting Kate's bag on a convenient chair where she could reach into it without strain she turned to find Kate with a pleading face standing next to her. Caroline, hands on Kate's arms above the elbow guided her back against the side of the bed until she sat down and once again Caroline knelt to take off Kate's shoes.
Kate touching Caroline's hair, admiring it sheen in the late afternoon sun, pulling strands through her fingers as she had liked to do in that long ago time when briefly she'd had license to touch the woman she'd daydreamed over for so long. Marveling at her own ability to have thrown away that right in spite of the white hot desire, which had never left her for this magnificent, maddening, splendid woman called Caroline. "Aren't you afraid I'll get accustomed to all of this personal service?"
Caroline had been reveling in the sensations produced by Kate's fingers in her hair, all the while her hands remained at their task. Looking up, her head tilted slightly, she allowed all the love for Kate that she had kept contained for so many months to show, "I want you to get used to letting me take care of you. I hope you will let me. Maybe I've been on the internet too much but I am only too aware of the dangers of a late in life pregnancy."
Kneeling up so that her face was very close to Kate's and taking the smooth, rounded golden brown cheeks tenderly between caressing fingers, Caroline whispered solemnly, "Kate, if anything happened to you now, I don't think I could survive it." Swallowing to control the emotion that was swelling inside her and blinking back the tears, she softly and briefly pressed her lips to Kate's. "I couldn't." Then straightening her back, pulling her shoulders down and visibly taking control of herself again, Caroline placed her hands on Kate's knees to lever herself back to her feet. Briskly, "Right, I'll leave you to get comfortable and rest. I'll take my book and stretch out on the sofa for a while." With a self-deprecating smile, "After the last few days I might even fall asleep myself." So saying she pursed her lips toward Kate as if kissing her once again and slipped out the door closing it softly behind her.
Caroline returning to the warmth and serenity of the room below, so reflective of these same qualities in its owner, settled herself on the sofa with a soft throw that she had spied folded over one of the armchairs. Adjusting her phone to a quiet setting so any incoming texts from one of the boys or her mother or more unlikely a call from Tom Lincoln to get her advice on something unusual which could always come up on one of these outings would not disturb Kate.
Opening her book, she did not immediately look at it. Instead her gaze rested upon the armchair before the front window. The chair where she had perched during her, all too short, visit to Kate following Laurence's overnight stay here. The memory of her time in this chair made her stomach clench as if she were once again sitting there struggling to find the right words to make an apology for all that she had gotten wrong.
Obviously, she had not found the right words. Maybe there hadn't been any right words but Caroline couldn't help feeling that this was just one more thing that she had mucked up. Why had she been able to produce only tame language that didn't come close to expressing the depth of her feeling? She should have been able to find the words to convey her profound regret, the cavernous emptiness that was her life without Kate and the overwhelming love and devotion she felt toward her. For this failing she had paid with three more months of purgatory, seeing Kate almost daily, unwelcome to even speak to her without a bona fide business reason or risk being frozen out again. In her delicate emotional state, she had no longer been able to risk such attempts.
Thinking back to the start of the coldness she wondered yet again how the Kate, who by word and action had found Caroline so lovable and irresistible, could be the same person who so suddenly, pitilessly, and seemingly without regret had cut Caroline to the quick. Her words, chosen so aptly to wound in the places she knew they would do the most damage. Then, to add insult to injury, Kate had, within the space of 24 hours, gone from claiming to love Caroline to the point of "doing anything for her" to getting into bed with an old boyfriend.
Had Kate really despaired of their relationship and its potential to grow? Was it her desperation to have a child that overrode her feelings for Caroline? Did that justify Kate throwing her down? In fairness Kate hadn't expected to just run back to her after the deed was done. Kate had supposed that this would be the end of their affair. She had only come back after all this time because she couldn't resist the feelings that hadn't dissipated over time. And she'd had reason to believe that Caroline had similar feelings and wasn't getting on with her life any better than Kate was. Still, if they had been a heterosexual couple would expectations have been different following one partner sleeping with an old flame to get pregnant? Did any of this matter in the face of the overwhelming attraction that they had for one another? Could she really forget? Get the mental image of Kate in bed with Greg erased from her brain?
But the joy of being with Kate again after such a long time bubbled to the surface like a spring in the midst of drought, covering the dry cracked surface of her soul. Kate's sparkling eyes, her tender smiling mouth, soft warm lips…
Caroline was wakened by the soft chirping of her phone, it was William sending a text to say that he and Roxy had arrived safely. Her parents were warm and welcoming and they were about to go into yet another Christmas feast. It was typical of thoughtful William, informing her of his movements so that she wouldn't worry. Undoubtedly, Laurence and the other boys would be instructed to contact parents before long so Caroline knew her phone would chirp again soon.
Her phone told her that it was almost 4:00pm. It was darkening outside, no telling how long she had ruminated on the old topic and how long she had slept but found that she was feeling alright. Naps often made her groggy and she usually avoided them for this reason.
Caroline, on her way to the kitchen to make a pot of tea, heard a step on the stair and turned to find Kate looking fresh and tidy in loose fitting, comfortable clothes. Smiling sheepishly at Caroline she said, "I never thought I'd sleep so long. Have you been bored?"
No, just woken by a text from William saying he's arrived. I doubt that I went to sleep as quickly as you though. Tea?" as they made their way into Kate's galley kitchen.
"I'm starving, didn't you bring some of the soup from this morning?
"Yep. And some fruit salad and enough turkey to make us each a sandwich, if you like." answered Caroline going to the fridge, perfectly willing to make herself at home in Kate's kitchen as she watched the pregnant woman sink immediately onto a kitchen stool.