IT WAS CRAZY TRYING TO UPLOAD THESE. I HOPE THEY TURN OUT RIGHT!

-XX

I wake up bright and early, feed Sprinkles and go through the folder again. I grab all my keys and head out to find the therapist's office on the reservation.

"Can I help you?" The secretary asks when I walk up to her desk.

"Hi I'm hoping to see Dr. Hawkins today."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, it would just be for a minute though."

"She usually doesn't take new applicants without an appointment."

"I believe I've been here before. That's what I need to talk to her about."

"Name?"

"Svetlana Clearwater."

"Nothing's coming up in the last five years."

"This would have been roughly 11 years ago maybe." She types away on her key board as her eyes dart around the screen.

"Here you are. I'll see if she has some time. Have a seat."

"Thank you."

"Svetlana Clearwater's her-" she stops talking. "Of course." She hangs up and a woman comes out from one of the other doors in the small office.

"Svetlana." She smiles and waves me in. I walk past her and sit on her couch, she takes the chair across from me.

"Are you Dr. Hawkins?"

"Yes. You don't remember me do you?"

"No."

"It's been a while." She's still smiling.

"Thank you for taking the time to see me like this."

"Of course. I'm so glad you're here."

"You are?"

"I've been waiting for you to come back."

"The reason I'm here today isn't the same as before. I don't even know why I was here before."

"I know it is. Go ahead."

"Well originally I was going to see a therapist about relationship troubles. I have to ask you a question before I go any further though."

"Okay."

"Were you born here on the reservation? You grew up here?"

"Yes." I eye her carefully. "Ask me what you really want to know." She smiles.

"What do you think that is?"

"Wolves? Shifting?"

My eyes quickly widen then return to normal size, "Yes."

"I know all about it."

"You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that."

"So when did you first start shifting?"

"Oh no not me. My boyfriend, well ex-boyfriend, actually I don't know. Um my half brother and sister, their friends-"

"Seth and Leah."

"Yeah. Do you know them?"

"You used to come see me, I remember a lot."

"But I didn't know about them until recently."

"I've always known. So have you."

"No I swear. I met them when I was done with high school."

"That might've been the first time you've technically met, but you dad used to talk freely about them around you."

"I don't remember that."

"How is your dad?"

I sigh and look down fighting the tears, "He actually passed a few days ago."

"I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how much you need him."

"Everyday it seems like I need him more and more. There's so much going on and I don't have anyone to ask my questions to now." She doesn't say anything for a while.

"About this boyfriend of yours…"

"Ex, for now."

"Ex boyfriend. Why were you coming to see me about him?"

"Well there's a long backstory with him, but we started dating right before my 18th birthday. Before I knew he was a shifter. Once I found out it took me a while to speak to him again, let alone be in the same room."

"Is that why you broke up? Because he can shift?"

"No. He has a friend and they grew up together. He used to love her, but says all those feelings left when he met me. They still hang out now and it bothers me."

"Does she have feelings for him?"

"I don't know. She's with someone-neither of them are from the reservation-and they don't seem like they're ever going to break up, but this is someone who's spent her whole life with him."

"With Jacob?"

"Yeah. They're best friends and probably know everything about each other, of course there'd be some feelings. I don't care if he used to like her, but I don't think the feelings are gone. How can I compete with her?" I shrug and shake my head, "I can't. I'm always going to feel secondary to her as long as she's in his life and I don't like that."

"What dose Jacob say about all of this?"

"He always says I have nothing to worry about. That I'm the one he loves, that he…imprinted on me." I hesitate. "He says he's never loved anyone the way he loves me." I smile a little and look down. After a few silent seconds I look back up, she's looking at me carefully.

"Tell me more about Jacob."

"He's one of Seth's best friends, he's 19, very tall! Well over six feet, compassionate, gorgeous smile-it makes me melt. He's very protective of me, friendly, great sense of humor, honestly my ideal guy. I'm attracted to him physically, but emotionally too. His personality is just…I don't know," I smile, "I love everything about him. I know he'll always be there for me too."

"You think very highly of him."

"I do. I trust him with my life. I'd love to take him back, but I don't want him around Bella. I don't want to give him an ultimatum, but I don't think he understands how much I don't feel comfortable around her."

"Have you expressed this to him?"

"Numerous times."

"If Bella weren't in the picture where would your relationship with Jacob be?"

"We'd be completely inseparable. He wanted us to find out own place and live together. We'd have a nice cozy little place. We'd probably rarely leave the house." I blush and chuckle.

"Oh?"

I gnaw on my bottom lip, "In bed, entangled in each others arms and legs."

"Has your relationship grown sexual?"

"Yes. We waited until my 18th birthday and since then there have been a few…occasions."

"I see." She nods and writes something in her book. "And how is that for you?"

"It's amazing, completely satisfying."

"But how do you feel? Afterwards."

"I feel special, loved. There's a strong connection between us, it's hard to explain. He could have any girl he wanted, but he wants me. Sometimes I don't understand why, but then he looks at me. A certain playfulness in his eyes mixed with masculinity. He cradles me while keeping his grip tight. Then the nuzzling begins and I melt all over agin. He loves how it makes me blush. He goes from being this rough, animalistic powerhouse to this sweet, sensitive, vulnerable man and I love that especially about him."

"I see."

"It's easy to get carried away when I think about him, sorry."

"No don't apologize. That's what this is for. You really love him."

"I do. That's why I'm here. To understand why I'm not with him right now."

"Did you end things?"

"Yeah. I told him there must be something wrong with me. He tells me time and again that I have nothing to worry about and there's no competition with anyone, yet I don't always believe it. I know he'd never cheat on me, I know that. But, I let my insecurities get the best of me."

"You're human sweetie, it's normal."

"As long as I'm like this I fear I'll drive him away."

"From the way it sounds I think he's with you for life."

"I just don't want to drag him along waiting while I figure myself out. I don't think it's fair to him. I'm gonna tell him I think he should see other people."

"Is that what you want? You want him dating someone else?"

"No I want him with me." She nods and doesn't respond right away.

"So what if I told you Jacob doesn't exist?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're sitting here right now talking to me about a man that you've made up entirely."

"Jacob's a real person."

"Is he?"

"Why would you even think this?"

"I'm just using all the information I know about you."

"And that leads you to believe he's a figment of my imagination?"

"It does."

"No. No! He's a real person!"

"Describe how this information makes you feel."

"Annoyed! He's flesh and bones and blood and real! I didn't make him up. I'm not that desperate!"

"The way you speak about him, he doesn't seem real. You worship him like a god."

"That's not it at all! He's real and he loves me. Like no one's ever loved me. He loves me more than my father ever did." I start crying. "More than I ever thought someone could love me. Growing up I never expected to have a boyfriend. I couldn't even keep my own damn father in my life how could I expect to attract some random guy and have him love me enough to stay?"

"Does it scare you?"

"Of course! It doesn't seem real half of the time. He treats me so well and here I am not trusting him. I don't deserve him."

"You don't trust him?"

"No I do. He's never given me a reason not to. It's new to me. I'm waiting for him to leave."

"Right there!"

"What?"

"What did you just say?"

"I'm waiting for him to leave." I repeat between sobs.

"You're waiting for him to leave you. You expect him to leave you?"

"I do."

"You shouldn't. You can't think that way. Not every man is your father."

"I don't want to get close enough to know."

"You have to let him in. You want him to bare all and stop being friends with Bella for you, but you can't give yourself fully to him?"

"How else can I?"

"By trusting him. You need to show him you trust him 100%."

"He can do so much better than me though."

"To him, he can't." She shakes her head. "You are exactly right for him."

"Because he imprinted on me, right?"

"No."

"I have a theory on that too."

"What's your theory?"

"He loves me, but he also loves Bella. He imprinted on me so his body is telling him to like me. But he grew up around Bella and developed feelings the natural way, how you're supposed to. Torn between head and heart he can't leave either of us alone. His feelings for me truly aren't real. It's just a chemical combination from him imprinting."

"Interesting." She writes some more. "Do you truly believe this?"

"Some days more than others." I nod. "Do you believe me now that he's real?"

"I never doubted his existence. I needed you to dig deeper and say out loud what you were afraid of. I think this is a good place to stop for the day."

"Okay." She hands me a box of tissues and I wipe my face.

"Can you come back next week? Wednesday, same time?"

"Yes."

"Good." She stands, I follow. "I'm glad you came in today."

"I am too. Thank you." She gives me a hug and opens the door for me. She hands me an appointment card and I leave. When I get back to Erica's and set my purse down I feel the folder stick out, "Shit!" I forgot to ask her about the folder. Well, I guess there's always next week.