div style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"The first month he was gone Carrie spent her days wallowing with regret. Sadness consumed her heart, soul and mind and she climbed back into the hole she had desperately gotten out of. She muffled her cries at night with her pillow and after awhile learned how to cry without even making a sound. If she stared at the clock long enough the tears would come on their own. She would take long drives to escape everyone and everything, only no jazz played. Nothing played. Once considered a dangerous idea, Carrie drove in silence, alone with her thoughts. The jazz no longer soothed her but brought up the painful memory of that day she had driven to Dar Adal's home and received two blows at once. Now whenever she heard a piano or a saxophone all should could feel is betrayal, loneliness and /br /Carrie had wondered over and over again what would have happened if she hadn't up and left, going on what she had referred to as a 'crazy road trip' to Missouri. Or what if she had just let Quinn join her there to help sort out her issues? If he had been there with her she could have simply ran right to him after finishing the hour long conversation with her mother and told him everything. Told him yes. Simple. But Carrie knew for her, things were never simple. Life was never simple for her. Maybe this was her grand punishment for a life's worth of bad decisions and perhaps even for all of the lives she had taken over the years. Maybe she deserved all of this. The thought whirled through her mind over and over, not seeming to subside, until she finally accepted the fact that she did deserve everything she has been dealt. br /br /Carrie went on like this for an entire month. Avoiding her responsibilities at Langley, barely speaking to anyone. She functioned on autopilot with Frannie and refused to admit anything was wrong to Maggie, just blaming it all on nightmares From Islamabad. Carrie developed a routine of wandering into her father's room at night, sitting on the floor with her back against the bed slowly sipping a glass of wine as the tears fell, sleep never once seemed relevant. Day after day would pass and her phone would ring almost daily, but it was never Quinn. It was always Saul. Her Sent from my iPhonebr /br /One late afternoon it did happen while she was walking across the parking lot to her car. 'Unknown' scrolled across her phone screen and Carrie nearly dropped the fragile device when trying to swipe and answer. "Quinn?" She immediately shouted out, desperately anticipating hearing his voice. She just wanted to hear that tone he had with her the last time they had spoken, when she basically rejected him. br /br /Instead she heard Saul's equally as desperate voice, "Carrie don't hang up." She closed her eyes and exhaled, leaning against her car and releasing most of her weight. "Carrie, you there?' Saul asked, praying she would respond. His heart had dropped a bit when he realized she thought it could be Quinn calling her and his guilt once again surfaced. "Look Carrie, I am sorry, it was the only way I knew I could get you on the line." he plead and waited a long moment before hearing her response, "Go to hell, Saul." Carrie managed to breathe into the phone before hanging /br /Carrie had lost Quinn and Saul all in one terrible moment. She was alone again not being able to count Maggie and Frannie. There was no one left who really truly knew her and there was no one besides Maggie who she could rely on implicitly. br /br /Carrie could not fathom how Saul could do what he did and as she would think about it more and more, she would eventually push it out of her mind, not wanting to face the reality that Saul had selfishly chosen his own personal advancement over the honor and justice of their fallen colleagues. It just didn't make sense. Dar Adal's intentions, those she could understand, but not Saul's. How could he? How does he sleep at night? I hope he doesn't. Carrie thought. br /br /Two weeks after Carrie had showed up at Dar Adal's home an hour too late for Quinn, she made the same ride to her enemies home, loudly rapping on the door, impatient as always. He opened the door looking as dismayed as ever seeing her on his doorstep. "Well?" Carrie barked at him. Adal almost rolled his eyes a bit, "If that is your way of asking if Quinn has surfaced yet, the answer is no." Before Carrie could even respond he continued, "and I would greatly appreciate you not stopping by here again. You know the answer will be the same. I am sure Peter will reach out if he makes it back in one piece." /div
div style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;" /div
div style="font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px;"Adal knew his words would stab Carrie in the gut and he immediately saw her rage boil up. He quickly shut the door in her face as she lunged forward, pounding her fists on the door, "You son of a bitch! You better pray he comes back! I'll come for you I swear to God!" she stopped when she realized he wasn't coming back to entertain the /br /Dar Adal had hoped his neighbors didn't hear Carrie's childish behavior, the last thing he needed were more questions. The blacked out SUV's at all hours were enough to keep the block chatting. He knew she was a loose cannon and without Saul - or Quinn - to keep her in line, her next move was unpredictable. One more outburst and he'd have her tailed indefinitely. br /br /Adal walked back to his study, seamlessly decorated in several dark shades and sleek like the rest of his home. He rounded his large desk and picked up the line he had left open while answering the door. There was one black case open on the middle of his desk and he observed a screen showing an aerial version of the night view his men on the ground had. br /br /"Go ahead, Alpha 8." he waited for the calm and familiar response of his best asset. br /br /"Alpha 8, target one still in sight, holding." Quinn's voice crackled over the line, updating Adal, waiting patiently for his next orders. br /br /There was a long pause, "Continue to hold Alpha 8." Dar Adal lowered the line and sat down. There was no way in hell he'd let Carrie Mathison fuck up his mission. This wasn't about her and she could wait. Adal looked across his desk and made brief eye contact with Saul, who sat there disapprovingly but didn't dare say a word. br /br /br /br /br /br /br /br /br /div