A/N: Hey, there. Read this thing I just wrote.
Dreams are in italics.
WARNING: Depiction of abuse is in this chapter. For those who are sensitive to this topic, read at your own discretion.
"Cat, what do you mean, you understand all of it?" I ask. She did say she understood all of this, right?
She continues to look at her coffee like it's going to run away and can't take her eye off of it for one second. I walk back over towards the table and sit down. She doesn't look up.
"Cat, are you going to answer me?"
She looks up at me. I can see the gears inside her brain turning round and round. Her mouth open like she's about to say something, but then, it shuts. Not this again.
"No. We're not doing this again. Answer me. What do you mean?" I ask, sternly. "Cat, tell me."
"I shouldn't have said anything. Just forget it." She gets up from the table and walks out of the cafeteria. Being as weak as I am, I do my best to chase after her. I do end up catching her, but not because I actually ran and caught her. She just… stopped walking.
Again, she's not saying a word. I turn her around and her eyes are filling up with tears. Doing my best to understand what's going on inside that cute little redhead's mind. One of the tears roll down her cheek and I wipe it away with my thumb.
"What's going on, Cat?" I ask again.
She closes her eyes and turns away. An elevator door opens and I guide her into it.
We've got a minute because my room is on the top floor. So I pull her into a hug. Like she'd done for me so many times while we were in High School, I do my best to give her comfort and a shoulder to cry on. I run my hand through her hair and squeeze her tightly, giving her every ounce of love I can give her.
She pulls herself out of the hug and takes a deep breath. She wipes her eyes and looks straight at me.
"Look…" She starts. It's almost like she's having to fight to keep her composure. "There is so much about me that you don't know. Like, you have no idea. No, there's no way I could understand taking someone's life and not being able to remember it, but…" And there's the silence again.
"But what? What are you trying to say?"
The elevator door opens and she quickly runs out and towards my room. Again, I try to chase her, but I soon remember that I've been in bed for God knows how long and I'm pitifully weak.
By the time I'm able to reach my room, she's already in there and sitting in a chair, watching the sunrise. I walk over to her and sit on the window sill.
"Cat, you have to tell me what's going on." I say.
She continues to watch the sunrise. She takes another deep breath.
"Tori, I want you to get some sleep. I have to take care of some stuff real fast. I can't talk to you about it right now, but I'll run you through everything when I get back. And I shouldn't be too long. I promise." She says.
Yeah, no way that's happening.
"Uh, I don't think so. Not as long as I know that something is going on that's bothering you. There's no way. You'll have to sedate me." I cross my arms and look at her with a cocky face. It's funny how I actually think I did something.
"You know that I have the power to do that. I'm a nurse, remember? I can sedate you at any given time." She gives me a slight smirk, almost a devious one.
I huff and go crawl into bed. I feel like I'm five, being sent to bed like this. But if we're talking about how I feel physically… I'd say… around seventy-three years old. I feel like shit.
"Now stay there and rest. You need it, Tor." She gives me a soft smile. I return it, even though I'm not a happy camper about being put to bed by someone besides my mother. She comes over to me and gives me a hug.
"I'm really glad we're getting to know each other again." She leans back a little. "I just wish it was under more positive circumstances."
I nod and lower my head. But she takes my chin and points my face in the direction of hers. "You're going to get through this one way or another. I promise." She smiles. Same old positive Cat. "Have I ever broken a promise to you?"
When she says that, I can't help but feel happy. Because she actually hasn't broken a promise to me. Ever. And if she says that I'm going to get through this, then damn it, I'm going to and that's all there is to it.
"Thank you, Cat." I say. And I mean it. It's not every day you can just not talk to someone for years and just resume your friendship instantly. But somehow, it happened with us. I guess you can say we're best friends. And you know it's the truth because of how close we can get after all this time.
She smiles again, stands up, and walks out of the room. And for some reason, when she's gone, I get a little sad. It's not like I'm going to throw a huge fit, but it feels like there's a little bit less happiness in my room. I miss her.
Since she's gone, however, it gives me a little time to think. She really is right, though. Ever since I was little, I have always done my best to fight through any adversity I've faced. Well… except for that one time when I had Beck do that stunt for me. He looked so good when he ran away. That's beside the point.
I feel like now that Cat is back, I'll be able to fight through this. Adversity can't beat Tori Vega.
(Line Break)
I'm lying on the ground and the stinging pain is still in my cheek. And my nose. And my jaw. I guess my face in general.
He's standing above me and screaming obscenities, I'm sure. But I can't hear them. The pain is immense. The alcohol and adrenalin can't help me anymore. My dad isn't a small guy. Everyone knows how hard he could punch or slap. They may not know what it's like firsthand like I do, but they can assume.
I look around the room to see if there's anyone around to help me. There's my mom. But what good is she in all this?
In this moment, I see my mom being like Mr. Burns from the The Simpsons. These people came to him for help because they had nowhere else to go. But instead of helping them, he released the dogs on them. That's how I see my mom. If I asked her to help me, I feel like she'd just make my dad beat the shit out of me even more.
"Answer me!" I suddenly hear everything clearly. The pain in my face had gone down because he was taking a break from hitting me, but it certainly didn't go away completely.
"I said answer me!" Another slap across the face. He grabs my hair and pulls me off the ground. He grits his teeth and looks me dead in the eye. "You've got one more time to not answer me. I'll ask you one more time. Why don't you see that you're hurting everyone you know by doing what you're doing? You're hurting everyone around you because you want to go out and have some fun." I don't answer him again. I'm simply too weak.
He goes over to the bottle of alcohol I'd previously been drinking. He smashes it on the ground. The crash is so loud it makes me go temporarily deaf in my left ear. I see him walking towards me with a medium sized piece of glass in his hand. Kinda scared now. Not gonna lie. I'm really scared.
"What… what are… what are you going to do with… that?" I question, weakly. He almost laughs.
"So now you feel like talking?" He throws the piece of glass down, apparently deciding he doesn't need it, and gets down close to me and whispers in my ear. "You aren't worth this. I'm wasting my time doing this."
"If I'm not worth it, why are you doing this to me? Just leave me alone." I cry.
"Do you think I want to do this, Tori?"
"Yes, actually, I do. I think you have an extreme anger problem. And I'm the easiest one to take it out on. There are a million excuses you can come up with as to why I have these scratches and bruises on my face. If you took your anger out on Mom, people would start to murmur. You'd be known as the wife-beater of Hollywood." I say. By looking at him, I can tell he knows that I'm right.
"And you don't beat on Trina because she's stronger than me. She'll put up more of a fight. Plus, she's the oldest and she's the favorite, for some reason. So who does that leave? Little old me. That's who."
He takes his eyes off of me and looks off into space. The he glances back at me and then at my mom. She shrugs her shoulders as if she doesn't care that her baby girl has been beaten to a pulp and that it's her husband that's doing the damage. Thank you, Mr. Burns.
His eyes return to me. "I hope you appreciate what I'm doing for you. I'm spending all this unnecessary time beating this stuff out of you, trying to help you be a better person. And you just throw it all away. It makes me want to give up."
"You actually think this helps me?" I laugh, hysterically. "This is the complete opposite of help. If anything, you're making me regress. By beating me like this, you're permanently scarring your daughter. When I'm older, this will be the thing that hinders me the most." I say. Then I remember another thing he just said… "And trust me… what you're doing… I'll never appreciate it. Ever." Ignore all this, Tori. It's not your fault. It is NOT your fault.
I see rage in his eyes. He stands up, growls, and grabs my hair. He pulls me up to where I'm on my feet. Then he pulls me towards the door. He gives me one last unbelievably powerful slap that causes me to stumble backwards and hit my head on the outside wall.
"Don't bother coming back." Those are the last words he spoke to me.
And just like that, I'm awake again. I'm back in reality. I must not have been asleep for very long because Cat still isn't back. And I really need her right now. This is exactly the way I felt after the first dream. I'm sweating, breathing heavily, and I'm scared to death.
I buzz for the nurse. At this point, I'm starting to cry. Maybe I should be crying. Maybe I shouldn't. But I am, regardless.
Soon enough, the nurse comes in my room. She sees me crying and instantly, she's asking what I need. I try to tell her, but I'm starting to hyperventilate. For some reason, this dream got me worse than the last one.
"Sweetheart, you need to slow down and take some deep breaths." The nurse says. "Take deep breaths and try to calm down."
I manage to slow my breathing down, finally. However, I'm still panicking because Cat isn't here.
"What do you need?" She asks.
I close my eyes and compose myself for as long as it takes to say what I need to say.
"I need… Cat Valentine. Get Cat Valentine." I say.
The nurse nods and rushes out of the room, running faster than I've seen anyone run in a long time.
I lay my head down on my pillow, still trying to control my breathing. In my mind, I'm telling myself "I know Cat will be here soon. She'll be here soon." My heart is still racing.
But just when I need her, I see the little red head sprinting into my room. She hurries to my bedside and gives me a big hug. I hug her back, but I may be hugging her too tightly. I doubt she cares, so I don't loosen up.
"Tori, what's going on?" She asks. "Please, tell me so I can help. What's the problem?"
I lean back away from her, again resting my head on my pillow.
"I had another dream." I say.
Her eyes go wide. "What happened, Tori? What happened in the dream?"
"It was… it was my…" I can't even say it. Why is this dream so different from the first?
"It was… your dad?" She asks. I nod, trying to suppress the sobs.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" She asks. I shake my head no. "I've got all day. I can call out early and take some personal time if that's what you need from me."
I look at her and how sympathetic she feels right now. She really cares about me. And that means an incredible amount to me.
"Do you mind doing that? I really need you right now." I cry.
"No, not at all. I can take as many days as you need. I'm with you on this, Tori." She says. "I'm totally, one hundred percent invested in your recovery."
I can't help but smile. "Cat?"
"Yes, Tori?"
"Can I ask one more big favor out of you?"
"Of course."
"Well, it's actually two big favors." I look away, not wanting to hear her say no.
"Alright, what are they?" That was easy enough.
"I… I hate to ask this of you, but… is there any way you could pull some strings to let me be released into your care, with you being a nurse and all?" I ask, hoping to hear her say yes.
"Of course I can do that. They're just keeping you here for observation. And I can just take care of that on my own."
"Thank you so much, Cat. You have no idea how much I appreciate that." We exchange smiles, but then I remember the question I'm really concerned about her saying no to. I clear my throat and prepare to speak.
"Now… my other request; I'd like to know if there is any way I could possibly… maybe… stay with you for a little while… maybe?" I'm not too confident in this one.
I can tell she thinks my request is a bit- I wouldn't say demanding- but demanding because she kind of snickers at it. Like that 'are you serious' kind of snicker.
I soon change my mind and take back the request but she stops me before I can even finish my sentence.
"Yes, that's no problem at all. You can stay with me as long as you need to."
"Are you sure? Because I don't want to intrude. I can just find like a hotel or something. Maybe I can stay with Andre. I'm sure he wouldn't mind." I say.
"But he's all the way in Santa Clara. I'm right down the street. You can stay with me, Tor. Really it's no problem." She smiles. I smile back. "I'll just go and fill out some release forms. I'll need to come back for a signature, but that's about it. Sound good?"
"Sounds great."
Son of a bitch. My luck is turning.
"And I promise that I'll tell you about the dream. But we're going to have to stop by the liquor store to get some wine. It'll be a long night." I say.
She nods and gives me another hug. I missed these. Her love-filled hugs. I don't know how I ever lived without them. It's like she was put back in my life at just the right moment.
After a bunch of signatures and a bunch of preparation to leave the hospital, Cat and I finally got out of the hospital and we on our way to Cat's house.
"Glad to be out?"
"Oh my God, yes, I'm beyond glad to be out. I almost forgot what it looked like in the outside world. It's scary." I joke. I earn a small chuckle from her.
"Well is there anything you really want to do? I don't want this day to be stressful for you. You had a long one yesterday."
Apparently she's forgotten about what I have to talk to her about later tonight. I'll ask her about it in a minute, I guess. I'm actually dreading it. I really don't feel like getting stressed out.
"To be honest with you, Cat, at the moment, I really don't want to do anything except get home and rest. I'm just so mentally exhausted." I say. She stays quiet for a moment.
"Oh." She says, eyes fixed on the road. "Well… I may have a small surprise for you when we get home. You may or may not want to deal with it. And if you don't, we'll just mess with it another time."
"What did you do?" I ask.
"Um. Nothing. Just… nothing."
"Well, obviously it's something. Is it something that's going to make me mad? Because I really can't deal with anything else right now. I'm just…"
"Tori…" She cuts me off, smiling a little bit. "Relax." She laughs. "Everything is okay. Nothing is going to make you mad. Hopefully it'll make you happy."
"Well, see, now you have me all excited. I want to know what's going on. We're almost to your apartment, if I remember correctly, right?" She nods with a small smirk. "Are you and Sam still living together?" I ask.
She rolls her eyes, slightly. "Yes, we're still living together. She's just a very big handful. Guess what she did to me the other day."
"What'd she do?" I question, anxious to find out what interesting thing Sam has done this time. Girl is crazy, man.
"Well, she really didn't do anything. She kinda just… took something that wasn't hers and used it to do something it wasn't meant to do."
"Oh, well, that doesn't sound like Sam at all." I laugh, being sarcastic.
She laughs to and continues her story. "I was in the kitchen making breakfast and Sam came in there asking if we had a toilet brush because she claimed the toilet was dirty. I don't know what from and I don't want to know… but…" She trails off with a disgusted look on her face.
"But…?"
"I told her we didn't." She says. It's almost like she's struggling to continue the story. "Later that day, I go into the bathroom and I see my toothbrush stuck at the bottom of the toilet." She grimaces.
"Oh my god, that's really disgusting." I grimace too. That's just nasty. "Did you put your hand in the toilet water?"
"Oh, hell no. Goomer took care of it for me." She kind of laughs.
She shudders. "Then he brushed his teeth with it. He said he liked the flavor of the toothbrush."
"No way." My jaw drops. You couldn't pay me to do that. If it was the last toothbrush in existence and I had to use it, then sorry, yellow teeth for Tori.
She shakes her head and shudders again. "What flavor did he say it was?"
"I didn't ask, so he didn't say. And I'm so glad I didn't ask because I probably would've been so grossed out that I would've buried myself in a hole and never came out."
"Why would you have done that?" I ask curiously.
"That's just disgusting." That really didn't answer my question, but I'll let it slide.
This car ride with Cat has been really relaxing. We've joked around. She's shared stuff that's happened in her daily life with me. I feel like, even though it's only been a week or so, that it's starting to go back to the way it used to be with us.
We used to be so close to each other. Almost inseparable. We told each other everything and never had any secrets. Any problems we had were either solved by using our words or a giant cheese fountain. I just want to forget that whole experience. I still feel bad about it.
By my point is that our friendship has stood the test of time. That just goes to show you how easy it is for two people who care about other people's feelings to get along.
In some ways, I'm sort of glad I ended up in that hospital. Because if I hadn't there'd be a slim to none chance that I would've encountered Cat again. And like she said earlier, I really wish it was under better circumstances.
Breaking my train of thought, Cat announces that we've arrived at her apartment. Yep. Still looks exactly the same.
"So am I going to find out what's going on in there or not?" I ask.
"You make it sound like I've got a zoo in there." She laughs. "Just relax.
I laugh because I know she's right. But then I pause for a minute. Is it possible she actually does have a zoo in there? Cat would be the one to do that.
We approach her door and she grabs her keys. Her house key is a pink one with a crown that says princess under it. Typical Cat.
She pushes in the door and there stand all of my best friends from High School. And they haven't changed a bit.
"Tori!" Andre yells and runs towards me. He picks me up and squeezes me tight while spinning around in a circle.
"How are you doing, girl?" He ask.
"I've been better. But I've been worse. Still a little weak." I smile.
Cat leans in my ear. "I can have them out in twenty minutes if you want me to. Whatever you're comfortable with."
"No, this is good. I think I need this. Thank you." I smile.
Beck walks over and gives me a short hug. "Hey, Tori. It's been a minute."
"Yeah, it has." I smile. "How is everyone?"
The whole gang says they're doing fine.
"I'm doing okay." Robbie says. "Except for this rash I have on my back. It's kinda bugging me." Like I said. Nothing has changed. Nothing.
I was honestly expecting to hear a snappy comeback from that dumb puppet of Robbie's, but Rex was nowhere to be seen.
"Robbie, where is Rex?" I ask.
"I sold him a while back. Probably a good year and a half ago." He answers. Man, it's been that long. That's crazy. "I figured it was just time to move on from him and start being me and only me."
"Wow, Robbie. That's really great. I'm proud of you." He smiles and comes into a hug. I gladly return it.
However, things did kind of get weird when he sniffed my hair. I heard him take a big whiff of it, too.
"Mmm… you smell like a hospital." He smiles and closes his eyes.
I push him off of me. "Okay, that's enough."
I take a seat on the couch because I'm still weak and get tired easily. I don't think anyone minded, really. I just think everyone was happy to get the gang back together. Some of us have stayed here. But others have gone off and pursued their greatest dream.
Like Andre… he's a big time music producer. It was always his dream. But I don't think he seems like he doesn't want to talk about it in front of us. Maybe he just doesn't want anyone to get the idea that he's better than them.
And there are also people, like Cat and I, who had dreams too, who chose to stay here and live a normal life. And it's not like I regret it or anything. Sometimes I do wonder what might have been if I chased that dream, but I don't want to get caught up in the past.
Suddenly, something feels weird. There is someone missing. And I know for sure who it is.
"Beck, where is Jade?" I ask.
"Right here, Vega." She says, coming from Sam and Cat's room. "Miss me?"
I stand and face her and her smirk. "Psh, no."
I can't keep the gag going any longer. I smile, as does she, and give her the biggest hug I could possibly give. And surprisingly, she returns it.
"It's been forever." I say.
"Yeah. It's good to see you, Tori." She smiles.
"Jade, what were you doing in my room?" Cat asks. Kind of a thunder stealer. I had Jade all mushy.
"Oh, nothing. Just… stuff." Cat gives her a curious look, but lets the whole thing go.
I haven't seen these people in forever. They were such a huge part of my life for three and a half years. We were friends for our entire high school careers. They were gone after that. Not because they wanted to be, but they went their separate ways. Either way, they were gone. But then they came back. And just like that…
They were gone again.
Possibly not forever, but they definitel They were gone after that. Not because they wanted to be, but they went their separate ways. Either way, they were gone. But then they came back. And just like that…
They were gone again.
Possibly not forever, but they definitely aren't staying right now.
"Thank you guys so much for coming over. I love and miss you all." I smile at them all and they smile back.
It all went by too fast. I wasn't ready for them to leave because it felt like they had just come back into my life. But I guess they all have their own things going on. Andre is obviously producing music. Beck said he was directing a movie that starred Jade. I guess the only one of us that really doesn't have anything going on is Robbie.
That lucky bastard.
It seems like the only person's life here that went off the rails was mine. It's not like I was miserable before all this. I was happy. Was.
They had all said their goodbyes and gave me their hugs, said they'd call if they could, and make sure to come visit again. There's always that feeling of dread that sets in when you think you might not see someone for a while, but for some reason, I was confident that they'd all be there for me when I needed them.
After they file out the door, I plant myself on the couch and take a deep breath. Soon enough, I feel Cat come over and sit beside me.
"You okay over there, Tori?" She smiles a little. I smile a weak one back at her and nod.
"Yeah, I'm okay, Cat. I just miss them all a lot."
"Well, they aren't going away forever." She says. She smirks at me. "And hey…" She lightly punches my arm. "You always have me."
I smile widely, showing her how much she means to me. I go in for a hug and she squeezes me tightly.
"There are those unbelievably beautiful cheekbones! It's been a little while since I've seen those."
She seems so happy right now. But suddenly, her whole demeanor changes completely. She went from happy to sad in almost an instant. I scoot over on the couch toward her. I place my hand on her arm.
"Cat, what's wrong?" I ask.
She looks down at the floor and huffs. "I know there's still some things that need to be discussed between you and I and I'm really not ready for all the bad stuff that's going to come from it."
"Well, there's not going to be anything other than crying, if we're talking about the same stuff that needs to be talked about."
"I'm just not ready to rehash old memories, is all." She says, quietly.
I pause for a minute. I look her in the eye. "Cat, what happened to you?"
She is zoned out for a few seconds and then she comes back to reality. "Just… you go first. Let's take care of you first. This whole thing is about your recovery. You staying here… we're doing this for you, not me."
"Okay…" I nod. "Well, as you know, there was another dream last night. It was a continuation of sorts to other dream I had. And it was… just as bad, if not worse."
"Well, tell me about it." She says. "I mean, if you want to tell me about it."
I take a moment to compose myself and then I take a deep breath. I open my mouth as if I'm about to say something, and then I close it again.
"Oh, no, we're not doing this. That's my thing." She says with a stern tone. "Tori, I need to know what's going on in your head."
I laugh a little bit at her first comment and then I return to my serious way of thinking. I take another deep breath and exhale slowly.
"Okay, so let's just start by saying that this one is affecting a little bit more than the last one and I can't tell you why. I've gone over it in my head a few times and I can't think of anything. It just is." I say. She nods.
"This one was probably more traumatic. Did he hit you more in this one than he did the last one?" She asks.
I shake my head no. "No, he actually didn't. I mean, he did hit me. This time it was more… verbal abuse than physical. Just… some of the things he said we just… terrible. I think that's what got me." I say. She nods and puts her chin in the palm of her hand, obviously deep in thought.
"So what were some of the things he said?" She asks. "You don't have to say if you don't feel comfortable talking about it. Just tell me how you feel if you want to."
"No, I'm fine." I lower my head and wipe a small tear coming out of my eye. However, it's no good, because another one follows it and rolls down my cheek. Cat wipes it away.
"Take your time." She grabs my hand and in an instant, I feel a rush of relief come over me. My eyes meet hers and they stay there for a while. But after that moment, I break my eyes away from hers.
"Anyway… he just said… he said I wasn't worth his time. That I wasn't being appreciative of what he was doing for me." He jaw drops, then anger seems to appear on her face. She starts to say something, but I finish the sentence for her.
"Yes, he thought hitting me would help me." I lower my head again. That rush of relief that I felt a minute ago? Gone.
"I can't believe he actually thought that. That's ridiculous." Her eyes are turning red and beginning to water. She wipes them away quickly, though.
"No, don't you cry." I say, choking up. "Don't you do that to me. I can't handle myself and someone else. Please don't be sad about this."
"Tori, no. Don't tell me not to be sad about this. You… you're literally my best friend. I know you and I have just become close again but best friends don't ever really go away. It's been years and I never forgot about the amazing friendship we had and still have. And because we're best friends, there's no way in the world that I'll ever not be sad about something that is hurting you so badly. Telling me not to be sad about this is like telling a comedian to not be funny. It's their job to be funny. If they're not funny, how long will their career last? Not long at all. So if I'm not there to feel what you feel and help you through what you're going through, how good of a best friend am I really being? Just think about that." She says.
I missed this. I missed her. I missed all of the invaluable lessons she accidentally taught me and ones like the one she just taught me; ones that actually were thought through and all that good stuff. I'm glad she's back.
I smile briefly and lower my head again. I look up at her and smile even bigger.
"Thank you so much. Thank you for being my best friend. I don't know what I'd do without you." I say quietly.
"Well, you did without me for about five years." She smiles, still teary eyed.
"And look where it got me. I'm getting beaten by my dad and I killed someone." I look at the ground and start to feel bad about myself. I can't believe all this is happening to me.
"Hey." She says, taking my chin again. That's becoming another trademark move of hers. "You're going to get through this. I know this has to be hard. Believe me, I understand."
There it is again. She understands. What does she understand? What?
"Cat, what are you talking about? That's the second time you've told me you understand what I'm going through." I say, moving closer to her.
"Tori, I'm about to tell you something no one knows."
A/N: BOOM! Sorry about the cliffhanger. I know that probably made a lot of people mad. But you know what? Sorry not sorry.
I'm actually very proud of this chapter. It was a lot of fun to write. I hope everyone liked it! I'll be doing my best to get another one out very soon.
!ALSO! If anyone is going through anything remotely similar to what Tori is going through, please let somebody know. It is seriously not your fault. It is NEVER your fault.