Chapter 13:

Dr. June made me feel tired. Ever since I announced that I was pregnant Aang thought it was of the utmost importance to keep both my physical and mental health in check.

If he was really concerned about my mental health, he'd choose a different therapist. I knew he point of her job was to be involved and know the ins and outs of my life but I could feel her inwardly judging me in every session.

"How are you doing Katara?"

I have to stop my eyes from rolling into the back of my skull. Like she actually cared about my life. This was just a check to her.

Her life was probably air tight and perfect. She probably was laughing at me. I made it a point to make our individual sessions as quick and as easy possible.

"Fine." I answered simply

Jun noted, "Really? Usually women have some type of anxiety about their pregnancies. You seem a little subdued."

That's because I was trying to forget everything.

"I've done this twice before Doctor. I know what to expect."

"You seem a little disconnected Katara. I am worried. Our last couples session, you didn't even want another baby after the miscarriage. I know you haven't coped with losing that baby. I don't want you to be angry and hold that in. It's not good for you or the baby."

It hit me in the gut hard. The miscarriage that I wanted to forget more than everything. Our marriage had been great until then. He wasn't so distant, didn't work as much, and probably wasn't screwing the whore at work. Is that when he started? Did he cheat on me because I was inadequate and couldn't bare him a child?

I still wanted to know why I wasn't enough for him. Why I suddenly became important to him only when I was pregnant with a baby that ,I didn't have the heart to tell him, might not be his.

Jun's voice was filled with concern as she said "Katara? You seem a little not all the way here. Is something on your mind? Are you feeling well?"

"I'm fine. Just a little tired."

"Okay, well we can cut the session short. We can end in ten minutes. Is that okay with you?"

"Yes."

"Great so I assumed your sex life has improved since we last saw each other being that you're going to be welcoming a new addition."

She just knew how to pinpoint the right issues, didn't see? Even with the baby our sex life was just the same as it was before.

"Can I tell you something? This stays with us right?"

I just wanted to test her. There was no way she'd risk her job. She quickly nodded her head.

"The baby might not be my husband's. Shortly after find out I was really pregnant I found out he was cheating on me too and for what looked like a long, extended affair. Despite me being extremely angry at him it would crush him and destroy my family if he knew. Unless you've been in this situation I don't want your advice. I don't your therapy talk. I ruined my family and I'm trying to hold on to what little sense of home I have." I got up and was determined to not look back.

As I reached the door Jun spoke and said, "Katara, please heal. The situation may not be ideal but in any event heal for your children's sake."

I turned the door knob and shut the door hard behind me.

~/~

My belly was growing bigger and bigger by the day and so did the strength in Aang and I's relationship. I was pregnant and according to Aang, glowing immensely. From the moment I told him I was pregnant, he couldn't keep his hands off of me. He was home more and actually helped out with the kids. It calmed my anxieties about him being with his assistant, if he was waiting for me hand and foot.

This was the man I loved and married. The man that sacrificed for his family and was loyal to a fault. I loved getting to know him and falling in love with him all over again. As our child grew, thoughts about Zuko and thoughts about Aang's adultery faded away.

I figured if I didn't talk about it, about him and that woman, it wouldn't exist anymore. I could forget about ever seeing it and ever being heartbroken. Our marital problems could fade away.

We had issues and we both made mistakes. I especially had lapse of judgement yet this baby was going to be the key to saving our marriage.

I was almost eight months pregnant, which the baby shower, would be impeding upon me. The worst part about being pregnant was having everyone touch my stomach at the baby shower. I hated it. I hated being the center of attention and I hated people feeling obligated to touch me.

My husband massaged my sore and swollen feet as I lay back on our bed. Our kids run into the room excited from a day at school. They plop down on the bed next to me and place their hands on either side of my large belly.

"Mommy, when is the baby coming?"

"Yea, yea when is the baby coming? I want to meet him or her."

Their voices annoyed me. It could be the hormone or it could be the fact that they immediately coming in asking questions.

"He. You two are going to have a little brother but he'll be here soon. He needs more time baking in the oven."

"A brother! Can I play with him?"

"Yea, yea! I want to meet him."
They began jumping on the bed and I felt my blood pressure rise.

Aang could sense my discomfort and said, "Stop jumping on the bed. Go do your homework in your rooms and let your mother rest."

They did as their father said and Aang went back to working his magic on my feet.

"You're tense. You need to relax more. We don't need any stress on you or the baby."

"Don't want to stress me out? Cancel the stupid baby shower."

"Katara, we can't. People are so excited for this new baby. It's only right to celebrate. You don't worry about a thing."

"Can I at least know who is coming to grope my stomach tomorrow and who I have to smile at?"

"Noooooope. A complete surprise. You won't know until they all show up."

I already had a bad feeling about tomorrow.

~/~

The day had finally arrived. The day where I got made into a living spectacle and got showered with gifts and copious amounts of blue things.

I just wanted to get it over with. I was already nauseas and my back was killing me. All I wanted to do was lie down and watch Grey's Anatomy on Netflix.

The yard was decorated with obnoxious amounts of blue and I could feel people staring at me. I was wearing a flowy red maxi dress that hugged my full stomach well. I floated around the years like some sort of fire queen.

I greeted my guests. They mostly consisted of my family members, old co-workers, and of course some of Aang's business partners. He just had to show everyone what a proud father he was. Fucking hypocrite.

Everyone cheered as I came out to the yard and immediately sat down next to my husband.

"You okay Babe?" Aang whispered in my ear.

I was hot. My feet and my back were hurting. I just wanted to sleep. Which answer did he truly want?

I got back up and greeted Toph and Suki, who were conveniently located next to the snack table. Classic them.

"Hey guys." I said just as Toph nearly put her whole face into the cake.

"Hey Gorgeous! Why the long face?" Suki gave me a big hug while Toph was still eyeing the food.

I still didn't feel good about any of this. I was due in a month and everything was going well. It was too calm and too perfect to be real.

"Well this is my third baby shower. I don't really see the point of all the attention."

Suki was always so supportive. She always had a way of making me feel better on the worst days.

She smiled and said, "You and this baby deserve to be celebrated. They are both a miracle."

I saw a figure out of the corner of my eye that looked familiar as I hugged my sister-in law. My heart stopped instantly. What was he doing here? I knew it was all too perfect. I couldn't get out of this situation unpunished.

I could feel his energy from all the way across the yard. It was distracting and intoxicating and so very different from before. No longer could I remember his linger touches and the feeling of his soft kisses on my collar bone but only the last conversation we had. His rage, his pain, and my shift ending of the call.

He was here for revenge. I couldn't blame him. People scorned had all the reason in the world to want to get revenge.

I could feel my heart racing and the sweat forming on my brow. I had to get out of there. Just so I could recollect my thoughts.

I hightailed towards the house, only to be cut off by him.

"Congrats on the baby Katara." Zuko's eyes peered into my soul. I could see through his forced smile. He wanted blood and there was nothing I could do to stop him. With his hand on my wrist he made sure I couldn't run. "I hope I'm not penetrating your baby shower. I just wanted to congratulate you."

"You need to leave." I whisper slowly.

"Why would I leave such a celebration? I got you a gift after all." He smirks at me and this time it wasn't sexy. It was scheming and manipulating. Whatever the gift was I didn't want it.

I snatch my wrist away and run over to my husband.

"What is my ex-boss doing here?"

"Oh, he said he wanted to see how you were and congratulate you. He said you two had grown close from working together. It wouldn't be right to tell him not to come. He was so nice about it."

Aang was a fucking idiot, I swear

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck Fuck.

I couldn't exactly outwardly panic.

I just needed a moment. I needed several moments. I needed to go back to months ago and not made the mistake I did.

"I think you should open gifts now. People got you a lot of things." Aang suggested. I looked over at Zuko who was dying to get to that part.

"Babe actually-"

It was too late he rushed over to the pyramid of gifts and pulled me along. He sat me down front and center so everyone could circle around me. If only I knew which was his and then I could open later. I watched Zuko the entire time I opened gifts. So far so good and everything had been safe. I could tell he was getting impatient though.

Zuko handed me a gift. He didn't want to wait anymore. The box wrapped in silver paper weighed heavy in my lap.

"Open it Katara!"

"No! That's okay. I can open something bigger."

"You should really open it Katara. I promise you it's a treat."

"You shouldn't be here in my life right now." I whisper.

He whispers back "I'm not good enough to be in your life but good enough for you to fuck!"

I smile and slowly open the gift to save face. He was going to make a scene unless I did otherwise. I pulled out what seemed like a clothes item wrapped in tissue paper. I unwrapped the tissue paper and pulled out the onesie.

It was a onesie that said Zuko Junior on it. I quickly put it back into the box, unti Aang grabbed it wanting to see what it was.

Unbeknownst to everyone else Aang was fuming. This was going to be a long night after everyone left

~/~

I couldn't stand to look at my phone. Zuko was blowing it up after the baby shower ended. He was torturing me from afar.

Zuko: When's a better time then Katara? When's the best time to tell everyone that's my child you're carrying. When he comes out with pale skin and gold eyes?

Me: I don't even know if it's yours okay?!

Zuko: Exactly. I feel it. That's my son Katara. You know it too.

I slam my phone down and go look for Aang. Once the shower was over Aang completely let go of his nice and calm demeanor. He didn't say a word to me after everyone left. He didn't even come to bed that night.

I found him sitting alone in the den. He must have heard me coming but didn't even make a move.

All he asked was: "Is it true Katara?"

"Aang, I…"

I just didn't know where to start. I could tell hear Zuko's voice in my head: Tell him the truth. Tell him you love me. Tell him we made love and how you enjoyed every moment of it. Tell him that isn't his baby Katara.

He was begging me for the truth. He murmured, "Katara…"

I could only muster an, "I'm sorry."

His voice was cracking. "You cheated on me! How could you do that to us? To this family?"

He was in genuine disbelief. He was so comfortable and felt so sure that I would always be there faithful for him while he did his dirt. I was a safe choice for him and always had been.

While I did cheat, I learned things about myself that I would've never gotten from him. Zuko opened up a whole new world for me. So in a way Aang was my safe choice too. Nothing was ever really safe.

I say softly, "I'm sorry I was alone and you obviously weren't interested in. I told you I was unhappy and you didn't do anything. It's not all my fault Aang."

He was pacing, trying not to break something or strangle me. I could feel the anger in his voice, "Not your fault? I want to know everything. I want the truth."

"Where do I start?" Did he really want the truth or did he just want the abridged version?

"How long?" he asks bluntly.

I answer quickly, "It was only twice. We had an affair for about two months at work."

He shoots off another question, "Was he better than me?"

I had branded his ego. Here I had known about his affair for months and he was the one bawling his eyes out right in front of me.

"I don't want to answer-"

I didn't want to hurt him anymore. He shouldn't have asked a question he didn't want the answer to.

"Did he fuck you better than I did? Answer me Katara!"

"Y-yes Aang yes. I'm sorry. He was just more passionate than you had been in years."

"Jesus! And is it his baby?"

"I, I don't know Aang. I really don't. Things were close together."

"You didn't use protection. God, did you want to kill me completely?"

"You cannot make me feel like I'm 100 percent in the wrong here. Now, it's my turn. How long Aang?"

"I don't know what you're taking about."

Fucking liar. He always wanted to save face and seem like the victim.

"Aang please…" Just like he needed the truth, I demanded it.

"3 years."

Three. Years. How could he have been seeing another person? Having a double life… for three years? I couldn't do this anymore. I couldn't feel bad for cheating on him when he had an entirely new woman riding him for three years. He couldn't have waited until the kids were out of diapers? He couldn't have waited until I stopped being depressed from losing the baby? He couldn't have waited and made sure his suicidal wife took her antidepressant so she wouldn't kill herself?

It was a slap in the face. All I did for him and he did this. I pushed him to do his dreams and fulfill his career. I stayed home and raised the kids. I did everything. I would've erected monuments and waged war for this man.

"What?!"

"I've been sleeping with my assistant for three years. I wasn't doing it to hurt you. You just didn't seem to want anything to do with me after we lost the baby. She was there for me when you didn't even want to talk about it. I needed to cope with it. I need someone and you weren't there. You didn't even want to talk about it. You have to understand."

I didn't want anything to do with you because I was severely depressed! I'm sorry I didn't want to be touched when I couldn't even trust my own body! How dare he?

He was disgusting and that was absolutely his cross to bear.

I yelled, "Yea, I'm sure she was there to suck you off at all hours of the night! Three fucking years! This is why you didn't come home at night. Why you didn't pay attention to me or the kids! Why you didn't fucking love me anymore! All for some young little girl who strokes your ego."

"I do love you. I never stopped loving you. You are still everything to me."

I almost believed his poor lies again.

I say indignantly, "How can you even say that? You have been screwing someone else for three years."

"Because every time I was with her, I thought about you. She was a stand in for you. I wanted it to be you so bad Kat but still I can say the same thing to you. Do you still love me?"

"A two month fling is not the same as a three year full affair. You had an emotional affair." I sigh and scratch my head. "How did we get so fucked up?"

Aang is unsure and asks, "If that's his baby… I don't know what I'd do. Did you love him?"

"Maybe."

"Do you still love me?"

"No. I don't think I do. I don't think I have for a long time. If I did I wouldn't have slept with someone else. I could admit that." I pause. My chest was starting to tighten. "Even if I did still love you it's never going to be enough to fix this. We've just grown into different people. I'm not sure either of us are people that can be the same anymore, especially not together."

"What about the children?"

"What about them? They'll still have two parents who love them."

"I can forgive you Katara but I'm not sure I can be okay with the baby if it isn't mine."

"Yea but I won't ever be able to forgive you. The damage is done. We've hurt each other too much and this baby, whose ever it may be, deserves to be in a healthy environment."

"Damage? You cheated and got pregnant by another man. Scratch that, you don't even know whose it is. If I can forgive your love child, you can forgive me. At least she isn't pregnant. If you leave me and deprive me of that child, I will never forgive you. I deserve another son."

"You don't deserve me Aang. Not anymore."

"You cannot leave. We were supposed to be together forever. You are my world, my sun, and my moon. We can't end like this. You are the love of my life. I can't lose you. I can't lose this baby. Not another one."

In the space that should be filled with your love - at my foundations, keeping my soul aloft - there is a void so black no light can penetrate. It is a wound that can never heal no matter how much salve is poured on. The best I can hope for is to shore up my mind with new loves and pray they never leave. Because if they do my house will fall like the tower of cards it is. Though I like to pretend the walls are brick held together with mortar, they are just card that gets damp in the rain and wobbles in the wind. I have you to thank for that, but I don't harbor bitterness. You are what you are, you see like a person who can never look past their own reflection. Of course you are the star of your world, you're the only one truly in there. Perhaps if my eyes were like that then I'd be just like you. But my eyes have always taken in the light from every angle, seen the detail you can't. So though I love you, I decline to be part of your life, you haunting me is plenty enough.

Author's Note: End. What do you all think?