The room was completely silent and outside sounded still. She listened carefully to his heartbeat and made sure to have memorized his breathing pattern. Neither Quinn nor Carrie slept and instead, they lay there wrapped up in each other. They were both aware of the time and didn't want it to be a reality. They had spent the last four and a half hours making love, kissing, touching, laughing and fucking. They had each committed to memory every inch of each other's body, not wasting a moment. Now, they felt tired and sore but didn't care one bit. The sheets were twisted up and no longer covered their bodies. They lay naked together, Carrie's cheek pressed against his chest and he continuously ran his fingers lightly through her hair. His leg, although slightly heavy, rested over hers. Quinn couldn't get enough of her smooth skin and soft hair. She gently ran small swirls over his abdomen, studying his scarred skin as she did. She allowed her eyes to drift to his watch that they had propped up against the lamp, next to the bed. They had exactly 20 minutes until they had to be dressed, packed up and out the door. They didn't move.
Carrie shifted her body and lifted her head up, feeling his fingers slip through her hair. She propped herself up on her elbow and looked at him. His eyes, for the first time since they had met, were calm. She couldn't fathom that she had that affect on him. "I think that was the best five hours of my life." She said smiling, biting her bottom lip. He laughed, surprised by her comment, "Agreed." He told her, and smiled at her playful laugh.
He watched the smile slowly fade from her face and he knew she was about to delve into the conversation he knew they would end up having. "How am I supposed to let go you?" she asked, her tone quiet yet serious, and she almost didn't even want him to respond.
Quinn swallowed, guilt overtaking his body and mind. He was leaving her-again - and it was killing him. He knew nothing he could say would make that alright. "I'll be back with you before you know it." He told her and tucked a piece of her blonde hair behind her ear. "This last thing, Carrie...then we're out. Both of us." he told her firmly, confident in his decision and wanted her to reaffirm hers.
She shut her eyes for a brief moment and nodded, "Both of us. I promise." She told him, and gave him a small smile before leaning over and kissing him deeply. They pulled away and pressed their foreheads together, not saying a word. Quinn finally broke away, looking at the clock. "Shit.." He said under his breath, 10 minutes. "We gotta go." He turned back, gave her a quick kiss and swung his legs off the bed. He started walking to the bathroom and Carrie scrambled out of the bed quickly, following him, "Wait!" she yelled and he turned as she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly. She kissed him deeply and fell further into his arms as she felt his fingers caress her lower back. They separated their lips and she lowered herself from her tip toes. "Ok." She said and released herself from his arms, as he moved backwards, her fingers lingering before falling from his chest. He looked at her and smiled before turning into the bathroom.
She felt as if she wanted to crumble inside but knew she had to force herself to get her shit together. Despite the feelings that were creeping up inside her, Carrie knew she would have to let him go. She scurried about the room, finding her discarded clothing. Instead of slipping her blood stained shirt back on, she picked up Quinn's black long sleeve shirt. She stood there for a moment and raised the shirt to her face, inhaling his scent, shutting her eyes. She took the shirt and pulled it over her head, adjusting her hair. She needed something of his because when she thought about it, she realized she actually had nothing.
Quinn turned on the shower and walked back to the sink, leaning over it, looking down. He was going to leave her. In a mere 30 minutes, they would be at the base and he would be putting her on a plane home. Then he'd once again risk his life to take out a target. He knew he could die and never see her again. This is why I never let myself get caught up, he thought. He gripped the porcelain sink, feeling slightly angry and looked up, into the mirror. He didn't even know who he was anymore. He knew who he wanted to be but there would always be a part of him who loved this. Maybe that wasn't fair to put anyone else through. But he knew for certain he loved her and that outweighed anything else. He breathed in deep and then sighed as he stepped into the shower. He knew he had no choice.
Carrie stood by the door, arms folded, but feeling fidgety. She watched him emerge from the bathroom with no towel. I suppose he really feels comfortable now, she thought. She watched him closely, memorizing his movements and the shape of his body. He knew she was staring at him and he liked it. "Two minutes... we're cutting it close." She told him and tucked her phone into her pocket. He didn't respond and continued to dress. Next thing she knew he was fully ready and throwing a few items into a small bag. "You're quick." She told him and he gave her a small smile, saying nothing. She hated the silence but knew he would be like this.
Quinn finished and tucked his gun into the back of his waistband. He walked toward her and stopped, looking into her eyes and she felt as if he could see her soul. He ran his hand against her face and allowed his palm to rest against her cheek. "Carrie...I-" he was cut off by the ringing of his phone and they both flinched. He knew it was their ride, "Yea." He answered, "Be right out."
"Quinn, what? ...What were you going to say?" She asked him, not wanting to beg, but needing to know. He stared at her and didn't move, then finally leaned in and kissed her fairly quickly, before pulling away. "Let's go." He said to her and took her hand in his, forcing himself to smile a tiny bit. She didn't argue and she didn't push him. She didn't want to go, but knew she had no more say in the matter. Quinn opened the door and pulled Carrie outside, behind him.
They moved quickly down the stairs of the apartment complex, Quinn scoping out their surroundings and carefully watching each step they took. He didn't let her go and she kept up with his quick, slinky pace. There was a small, dusty SUV about 15 feet to the left of the complex and Quinn observed the street before leading her quickly to the car. He naturally checked the vehicle and nodded to the driver - a translator working for the U.S. He finally let her hand go and opened the door of the car, ushering her into the back seat. She climbed in quick and slid over so he could join her.
As soon as the door shut, the man started driving not wasting any time. Quinn exchanged no words with him and sat about a foot away from her, gun in his left hand, resting on his lap. She stared at him. He could feel her eyes on him but he couldn't bring himself to make eye contact. He heard her shakily breathe in, and he knew she was anxious and upset. Quinn reached out his right hand, finding her left. She took his hand quickly and they wrapped their fingers tightly together. "It'll be ok. I promise." He told her and finally looked at her tear filled eyes. Carrie opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. She looked into his dark eyes then broke their stare, looking straight ahead. He did the same. They didn't dare move the rest of the car ride and neither of them let each other's hand go.
-
For the rest of her life she'd never forget that moment. She felt like she was watching her own body from afar. He had let go of her hand and they had climbed out of the car, entering the large military hangar. It was fairly empty, with only a few soldiers scattered about, taking inventory of the most recent cargo load. It was night and the place was lit up, almost making her eyes hurt. Carrie watched Quinn's careful and calculated movements and followed him at a distance, taking in her own surroundings. He spoke to a few people and she knew he was confirming and re-confirming her departure. Then she noticed a smaller plane and a few men sifting through cargo boxes nearby. They whispered amongst themselves and she knew they were Quinn's escort back into Pakistan. She swallowed hard, her heart sinking. The reality was hitting her as she stared at them, frozen in place. She jumped when she felt him place his hand on her lower back.
"You ok?" Quinn asked her, walking to her side and shifting her away from the other plane. She didn't respond, but instead just nodded and shuffled away with him. They walked next to each other, and he kept his hand on the small of her back, guiding her along. Carrie wanted to dig her heels into the ground and not walk another inch, as they neared the large cargo plane she would get on to get home. They crossed the threshold of the hangar and the night air was cool, the wind blowing up her hair slightly. "Quinn.." She finally said, and a tear rolled down her cheek, but they continued to walk. "It's ok." He reassured her and moved his hand from her back to her shoulder. They both looked ahead as they walked and she felt as if her knees would give out any second. He slowed his pace and she automatically followed suit. He finally stopped walking and released her shoulder. Carrie stopped and stared at the plane for a moment. It was still being loaded up with crates. She turned to face him and shook her head, "I can't...I am sorry. I can't go...I won't." She told him firmly, folding her arms.
Quinn took a deep breath and placed his hands on either sides of her arms, "Carrie...you know you have to go." He told her gently. She still shook her head at him, "No. I don't. I can go with you. I can help you get back into Pakistan, I can use my resources. Hell, I'll be a fuck load better backup than those guys!" She said and gestured towards the small group, who had been loading the other plane.
He saw the look in her eyes and knew the only way to calm her. "Carrie, please... I need you to go home. I need to know you're safe." He didn't paused and didn't slightly blink, "I need you to go home and be with Frannie. Take care of her, hug her, kiss her...love her. Be her mother." He saw the tears roll down her cheeks and her mouth quivered, but he continued, "Please... I need you to do this for me. Go home and wait for me." He gently wiped the tears from her cheeks and she uncrossed her arms, throwing her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He pressed his mouth to her neck, feeling her soft hair against his face. He held her so tightly he thought for a moment, he might be hurting her.
Carrie pulled back from their embrace and looked at him. She thought his eyes seemed watery but maybe it was just the wind. "I need you to promise me that you'll come home." She demanded. He swallowed and took a breath, "I promise."
"No, I need you to say it! I need you to say it Quinn!" She shouted desperately, still holding onto his arms. He grabbed her, looking into her eyes deeply and knew he shouldn't do it. "I promise I will come home- to you, Carrie." He told her firmly and his voice was sincere. She knew he would do everything in his power to keep his promise to her.
"Sir!" One of the men yelled across to Quinn and they both turned to look. He nodded back and the pilot walked onto the plane. "They're ready. We both have to go." He told her quietly. "I am not leaving until I see your plane take off." He ran his fingers through her blonde hair, holding his hand gently in place, against her cheek. He pulled her face to his and kissed her deeply. She returned his kiss and could taste the saltiness of her tears against their lips. They finally pulled slightly away and she furrowed her brow, not wanting this to be it. She gave him one tiny kiss and pulled him in quickly, her hand wrapped around the back of his neck. Carrie brought her lips to his ear and whispered to him, "I'll always love you." She released him, barely kissed his cheek and turned away, not meeting his eyes.
Quinn's heart nearly leapt out of chest when he heard her words. She had returned the exact words he had written in his letter to her. He also felt his heart break as he knew she was crying, as she told him. She had pulled away quickly and he had let her hair slip through his rough fingers one last time. He watched her blonde mane swoosh back and forth as she walked fiercely away from him. A piece of her heart stayed with him, whether he knew it or not.
Carrie walked right into the plane and didn't look back at him; she couldn't. He wished she had, so he could see her face one last time, but she didn't. Quinn felt a wave of anxiety he barely ever felt, sweep over his body. He took a deep breath and watched her disappear. Carrie made her way onto the plane and when she knew she was out of his sight, she leaned her hand against the wall, bracing her body firmly. She took three large deep breaths and tried to regain herself. "Ma'am?" she swung her head to the side and the pilot was staring at her, unsure of what he should do.
Carrie straightened her body and walked forward to where she would sit, forcing a small smile. "I am fine. Are we ready?" She sat down and began strapping herself in. The pilot nodded and disappeared back into the cockpit. She knew Quinn was still standing right where she left him and loyally watching her plane. She couldn't look at him. It wasn't until the plane started down the runway, increasing speed and she felt her pulse quicken. She felt the wheels leave the ground and the plane circle back, and it wasn't until then that she looked down and saw his silhouette fade into the distance.
Quinn waited until her plane disappeared into the clouds before turning and heading towards his own. He left his heart completely with her, whether she knew it or not. Now he had two missions: get Haqqani and get home to Carrie. He boarded the plane and didn't look back.