Kate's Story – Part 2

Sunday morning dawned cold but sunny and still. After a late breakfast the two women decided on a walk in The Stray. Once on their way, Caroline smiled impishly at Kate, "We got rather side tracked last night from your story and onto ours."

Smiling down lovingly, "That was my doing, I wanted to make sure you knew how unique you are in my life, how truly precious you are to me."

Squeezing the arm that was tucked into hers, eyes alight, gazing up into Kate's, "Mmm. I think you did manage to convey that by the end of the evening." They walked on together looking more at one another than where they were going. Then searching Kate's face, "We didn't actually get to finish talking about your family. Is there more?"

Taking a deep breath, "You're sure?" At Caroline's 'Please', Kate recalled where she'd left off and began from there, "Janie and I came home from our gap year sadder but wiser women, as they say. We agreed that what happened in France stayed in France as far as telling our families about our affairs. Hers wouldn't have been any happier with her story than mine would have been about Dominique. Our families thought we were subdued because we missed our fun times in France and that was partly true but it was the romance we'd each left behind that was so difficult."

"In the autumn she went to Leeds and I was off to Durham, so once we arrived we didn't even have each other for support. There weren't mobiles and text and email the way we have today. The newness of being at university, the hard work, occupied me the first year. I met people but no one special really. It wasn't until autumn of my second year that I formed the friendships that, over time, became a circle of friends. It was then that I met Greg, a friend of a friend. He was fun, he made me laugh, after a time we started dating and we…" Glancing at Caroline a bit apprehensively, to see that she was studying her, "I liked him but I wanted to see…"

Looking into the distance, "Then, just before end of term, I thought I might be pregnant. I bought a test kit and it was positive. I told Greg just before we left for home. He was great about it. Shocked but sweet too. He said he would do whatever I wanted him to do." Stopping and dragging on Caroline's arm to stop her, pulling her around until they were face to face. "This is why I know Greg is not a jerk. He was there for me when I needed him."

Understanding now, Caroline nodded, "I'm sorry I said that. It was just not a good night for me to meet him, obviously." Seeing the toll this was taking on Kate, "Do you want to turn around?"

At Kate's nod they reversed course and the story continued, "I told him that I would be talking to my parents. He said he would call me to see how it went." Absorbed in remembering, "After the holiday parties, I told Mum and Dad. They were not happy about it clearly, but once they got over the surprise we talked about Greg and what options the two of us faced. They hadn't met him and they wanted to. I called and invited him for the weekend. He was nervous and the visit wasn't much of a success. It wasn't ever going to be under the circumstances. He had told his Dad. His parents were in the middle of a messy divorce at the time and his Mum was away in northern Scotland with her family. He didn't get much support there, his Dad said he should just… handle it, whatever that might have meant."

"So, we sat with my parents and discussed the pros and cons and at the end of the day we decided on abortion. Greg offered to stay but my Dad suggested he go home and let us take care of things here. Mum made the appointments and went with me. It was all very clinical and routine for everyone but me. Well, and Mum and Dad and Kevin, he knew too. In a few days I was fine and then it was time to go back to university."

"It was another sad term of working hard and getting on with it. It was only then that Greg began to get on my nerves, being overly solicitous and I finally stopped seeing him. Somehow that baby stayed on my mind though. I researched the stages of growth and mourned over the life it would never have. I guess that was the beginning of my obsession over babies."

Once they had returned to the suite and were sitting at the breakfast bar with a glass of orange, Kate resumed her story. "After university, I followed in my Dad's footsteps and began teaching, languages and music, my double major. I lived at home for a couple of years then took a flat of my own. I had friends, I dated a bit."

Long held curiosity getting the better of her, "Were there…? How many…? So did you…?"

Kate looked at Caroline for a long moment, thinking of what it had taken for her to get past Greg, at least she hoped she had, and while that was different to what Caroline was asking now she hesitated to risk the anxiety that further revelations could unleash into their relationship. Kate wanted to protect Caroline from unnecessary angst, so she simply warned, "Caroline."

Insisting, "But you know about me. It was Cindy at university, then John, now us."

"I thought you dated more than that at uni," revealing more in spite of her intentions.

"Well, dating. But that's not… Is it?"

Thinking quickly, "Caroline, in a way we are the same. For me the only emotional connections were Dominique, Richard and you. Anything else was just… chewing gum."

Startled, "Chewing gum?"

A small smile at Caroline's expression, "You know, something to do, a little flavor for a short time but no nutrition, no substance."

Giving Kate an odd look, Caroline quietly considered this. She didn't want to introduce a note of discord but she found it difficult to understand the sort of casual coupling that Kate implied.

Leaning forward, tilting her head to meet the blue eyes looking up at her from a downcast face, "Caroline, I've told you what's important, that everything in my life so far has lead me to you." Then with tears beginning to fill her eyes, Kate said softly, "Caroline, you are everything to me. You are so much more than I could ever have imagined or hoped for. I love you so much it hurts sometimes." Kate watched the blonde head come up, "You make my heart overflow." Then tears did seep out but Caroline's lips were on hers and nothing else mattered.

Finally, kissing a remaining teardrop away, Caroline's eyes met Kate's again, "I didn't mean to take us away from your story again. Will you go on?"

Taking a long breath, "One of the teachers at my new school threw a New Year's Eve party. Her brother was Richard. He was a year or so older than I, handsome, suave enough to be attractive and he made me laugh. He started pursuing me and it felt… different somehow from the others. He'd had a good start to his career in finance. He was ready to settle down, wanted a family. That was something I knew I wanted. I wanted children. I wanted to get it right this time. His family reminded me of mine, good people, stable and happy. All the things I'd been looking for." Looking at Caroline with her eyes wide, "So, when he asked me, I said yes. Everyone was delighted."

We were planners, Richard and I. We decided on the wedding we wanted, saved for that and married; for the house we would buy, saved for that and bought it. The next item on the list was children, so we set about that when the time was right. It took almost a year of trying the first time." Looking at Caroline with tears in her eyes, "Well. You know the rest of that story. Except, I couldn't help wondering if I was being punished for the baby I chose not to have."

Reaching for her hands, "Oh Kate, surely not. I'm so sorry. So very sorry for all the babies you've lost. For all the pain and grief you've suffered." Pulling her from the stool and embracing her, "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me the rest of your story." Blotting tears from both faces, they moved to the sofa.

"So, that's me. The wild child of the McKenzies, a sadness to my mother." Looking Caroline in the eye, the pain evident in her face, "Abortion, a failure at producing grandchildren, a failed marriage and now being gay. Instead of a reason to be proud I cause her to be pitied by the family from whom she has tried for years to gain acceptance."

"Kate, that can't be true. All I ever see for you in your mother's face is love and concern."

Tears in her eyes again, "That is a testament to the mother she is. Not the daughter that I am."

Holding Kate's eyes, "Look, I know you Kate. I know you've only ever done what you thought was right for you. Been true to yourself. Doing anything else would have been damaging to the person that you are." Caressing the hands that she held, "It was tragic, what happened with the babies but that wasn't your fault. It couldn't be helped. You cannot blame yourself for that. OK?"

Wanting to be face to face with Kate, Caroline slipped to her knees, "Kate, your mother is very proud of you. She's told me that she is, that she admires your courage. The courage it took to end your marriage to Richard and be on your own after all that you went through losing the babies and the depressions. She said that she didn't know if she could have done that. As for your being gay, that didn't bother her especially, except that she worried because you never seemed to find anyone suitable to you after Richard. She didn't like to see you so alone. That is what your mother thinks, not the things that you are attributing to her."

Amazed, "When do you find time to have these deep conversations with my Mum?"

Trying not to grin, "You do spend a good deal of time in the loo these days."

Laughing then, as she blots away the tears, "Apparently."

Still wondering, "So, when the McKenzies learn that we are getting married will that be a problem for you or for Edie?"

Tugging Caroline up onto the sofa with her again, "No, not in the way that it was for you with Celia. It's not that they don't live in the twenty first century, even the older generation, it's just that once again our family is different from the McKenzie family pattern." Ruefully, "I suppose they should be getting used to that by now. Dad marrying outside of his race, my life, even Kevin, the good son, went off to Doctors without Borders instead of marrying and raising a family here."

Smiling, "So, you see, you are conforming to the norm of your family, your branch of the family." Caroline said slowly, "So, we invite them all to the wedding and let them decide for themselves how to handle it?"

"That is about all we can do, isn't it?" Then, looking pointedly at Caroline, "Are you calling Celia now? To tell her about the wedding?"

Putting an arm around Kate and pulling her close so she didn't have to meet her eyes, "It is such a lovely day, let's not spoil it, shall we? We should tell the boys first anyway."

Eyes twinkling at Caroline's procrastination, Kate settled in, "Right."