Chapter two

Lord Beiber

Ron Weasley stood awkwardly over Chazz. "Err…you alright there?"

Chazz moaned. "I can't quite say yet. Tell the train to stop spinning. I'd like to get off." The world swam as he fought off tears. That was one heavy door.

"Ron! I told you to look check outside first!" A bushy haired girl with an incredibly displeased expression on her face stood In the doorway behind Ron.

She brushed past Ron. "I'm so sorry. Are you alright?"

Chazz pushed himself off the ground. I think so…I'm going to have a terrible bruise tomorrow"

She drew her wand and pressed it against his forehead. "medela" she calmly incanted. A soft glow of light and the pain in his head lessened.

"Standard book of spells chapter eleven section three?" Chazz was impressed, that was a second semester spell. Not that he had already read all of the textbooks at least twice of course. That would be crazy.

"Great." The ginger complained. "Another bookworm. We already have one."

"Would you like to join us? I'm Hermione Granger by the way." She ignored Ron as she helped Chazz gather his two suitcases. He hadn't bought a trunk as the letter had instructed, feeling that his samsonite would suffice.

He shrugged, "why not?"

A quick round of introductions got him familiarized with the other two occupants of the compartment. Neville Longbottom was a very friendly, very forgetful, slightly overweight, boy with an incredibly unfortunate last name.

Harry Potter on the other hand, was apparently incredibly famous.

Ron had been very excited to introduce Harry. Gesturing wildly he pointed at the black haired boy. "This is the Harry Potter."

"Cool. Nice to meet you." Chazz grinned at Harry before taking a seat by Hermione.

"Cool?" Shock was evident on Ron's face. "It's Harry Potter!"

"Never heard of him." Chazz answered truthfully. He turned to Harry. "Sorry mate."

"It's actually kinda a nice cha-" Harry had begun.

"What do you mean you've never heard of him? He's Harry Potter!"

"You keep saying that word. I don't think it means what you think it does."

The quote only paused Ron's tirade for a second. "He defeated you-know-who!"

"Actually I don't." Chaz said.

"Don't what?" Ron looked incredulous.

"I don't know who." Hermione and Harry were both attempting to stifle giggles now.

"He-who-must-not-be-named! That's who." Exasperation seeped into Ron's voice.

"Well that makes no sense. You just named him." Chazz was desperately trying to keep a straight face. It was plainly evident to him that his conversation was rapidly turning into a Gilbert and Sullivan routine.

"What?" Ron practically cried.

"Well I mean technically, He-who-must-not-be-named, is a name so technically it should be, He-who-must-not-be-named-unless-that-name-is-the-title-He-who-must-not-be-named-or-you-know-who." Chazz paused to count on his fingers "but that's like twenty two hyphens and that's insane, unless you want to try acronyms, but HWMNBNUTNITTHWMNBNOYKW is still ridiculously long. I suppose it could we shortened to (HWMN)2BNUITTBNOYKW, which is better but still absurd."

The other four in the compartment were looking at him like he'd sprouted a third head. That might be normal around wizards though…

"You are bloody mental." Ron's voice was filled with disbelief.

"You were talking about Voldemort right?" Harry asked.

Ron and Neville visibly twitched. "Don't say the name!" Ron hissed.

"Why not?" Hermione looked confused.

Ron lowered his voice "it's bad luck."

"But our good buddy Harry kicked Voldie's ass when he was just a baby right? So why is it bad luck now." Chazz was not known for his reverence. Nor his self control.

Ron was almost twitching. "He killed a lot of people, tortured more."

"All the more reason not to show him the respect to be afraid of him." Chazz met Ron's gaze until the red haired boy looked away.

The tension was broken by a knock on the door. A kindly old woman pushed a trolly piled high with candy. "Anything from the trolly."

Harry stood up and pulled a fistful of galleons from his pocket. "We'll take the lot."

The lady smiled, and counted out all but three of the gallons, handing those coins back to Harry, before pushing the cart into the middle of the compartment.

"Slayer of dark wizards AND buyer of chocolate?" Chazz laughed. "Harry I'm beginning to think you might be the messiah!"

Harry blushed, embarrassed. He didn't seem to be used to praise.

Hermione was staring dumbfounded at the piles of sugar. "Oh dear." She whispered "my parents are going to kill me."

Ron looked up from what looked to be a box of wands made out of licorice. (More proof for my theory that all wizards were mental. Who likes licorice) three hung from his mouth. "Wha?"

Hermione gave a shy smile. "My parents are dentists."

Chazz and Harry burst into laughter.

"So, what is this lot anyway?" Chazz grabbed the only thing he recognized, what looked to be a small package of jelly bean. He popped a handful in his mouth. Immediately he regretted the decision. "What the hell are these things!" He spit the wad of half chewed beans into a napkin.

"Oh! Those are Bernie Bots Every Flavored Beans!" Neville seemed happy to take part in the conversation.

"Well they tasted like barf!" Chazz was growing more worried about his eating prospects at Hogwarts.

"They prolly were."

"What! Who in their right mind makes a barf flavored jelly bean!" Chazz was aghast. "I'm pretty sure that should be a felony. "High treason against candy. What other nonsense flavored are there!"

"Well" Ron had finished his wands. "Grass, socks, earwax, curdled milk…"

Chazz was rather iffy about the candy after that, mainly sticking to the chocolate he knew was safe.

He noticed that Hermione was almost as gun shy.

…

When the train finally arrived at the castle, the small group nervously made their way down to the boats waiting for them. The castle was more massive that any of them could have imagined, a great black, many eyed beast that stood vigil over a icy lake of blackness.

Clambering into the small watercraft, they huddled down out of the wind that was beginning to whip the water into a fierce froth.

Their boat crossed the lake in no time, and they were soon huddled in the warmth of the great entry hall of Hogwarts.

A rather pompous boy with white hair approached Harry.

"So it's true then? The rumors on the train? Harry potter has come to Hogwarts." The boy gave a nasty sneer that added a ugly edge to his words. "I'm Draco Malfoy"

Ron sniggered.

"Think my name's funny, do you? No need to ask yours. Red hair... and a hand-me-down robe. You must be a Weasley." Draco snorted disapprovingly.

"Blond, aristocratic accent, ridiculous hair, and a complete ponce. You much be the love child of Justin Bieber and Jeoffry Lannister." Chazz smiled insincerely at Draco.

Ron looked befuddled. "Who is Justin Beiber?"

"Only Canada's he-who-must-not-be-named." As Chazz spoke, Draco looked intrigued.

"And this Jeoffry Lanister?" Draco asked.

"Only the most pure-blooded ruler in all Westeros." At the look of confusion on Draco's face. "A country in the Americas."

Draco looked pleased. "I'm glad you respect your betters. Good day Potter, Weasley, and the…others."

Hermione broke down into laughter as Draco walked away. "Chazz…" she gasped. "That was brilliant."

"What's so funny?" Ron looked befuddled. Chazz had begun to sense a theme with him.

"Well, Justin Beiber is a horrible muggle musician hated by most everyone excepting girls under the age of eight, and Jeoffry Lannister is a fictional character best known for being hated by all and being the mentally stunted child of incest, also being blonde." Chazz smiled at his own joke, finding far too much amusement in it.

"That's perfect!" A look of wonder spread across Ron's face.

Hermione and Harry both looked caught between trying to compose themselves, and falling on the floor.

"Attention, first years. Follow me." The stern voice of Professor McGonagall rang out through the entry hall.

Chazz beamed. "Oh! Hi Minnie!"

I would like to think everybody for reading! As before, all ideas are welcome.