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"Malfoy," Goyle said walking into the compartment.
"Get out," I said angrily, "Just get out right now."
"What's wrong?" he asked confused.
"Nothing," I said sighing, "I just have a lot on my mind."
"That's fine," he said shrugging, "Do you want to talk?"
"No," I said shaking my head, "I jut need to think.
"Alright," he said leaving the compartment, "We'll talk later."
When Goyle left I felt alone, but I guess that's what I needed. I needed to be alone to figure out my thoughts. There were too many thoughts running through my head that I was barely noticing the world around me. I needed to figure out how I didn't figure this out before.
I was the Slytherin Prince, wasn't I? How could I really say what I was anymore? I was James Potter's son. I wasn't a Malfoy like I had thought. It's not that I thought less of anyone that wasn't a Malfoy, but I always thought I was. I didn't know who I was if I wasn't a Malfoy.
And Dumbledore… he's an ass. He caused all of this. He took my father away from me. He stole Harry away from Snape. How did this all happen? I hated all the things that I found out. I hated that Lucius lied to me, that I'm a Potter, that I had no clue what I was anymore.
Mostly I hated Dumbledore. How could he do this to me? He could he do this to Harry and Snape? He was supposed to be on the good side, but he did all of this. He took everything away from me. I could have Harry as a friend and have James as my father.
Harry, did he know this? Should I tell Harry about this whole thing? It wasn't really my place to tell him, but he had to know. Merlin, maybe the better question was whether or not I could tell him. If I could barely understand this how can I explain to Harry?
I need to tell this to someone. Who am I supposed to tell though? The only real friend I have is Goyle, but he can't keep a secret to save his life and I don't want people to know about this yet. I have no one I can talk to. This was going to be a lot harder to do then I had thought.
"Malfoy," Harry said knocking me out of my thoughts, "What are you still doing here?"
"What?" I asked staring at him.
"Are you okay?" he asked curiously.
"I…" I started to say, "Nothing. I have to go."
"Malfoy," he said confused.
"Just leave me alone Harry," I said desperately.
I knew that Harry wanted to say something, but I had enough of listening to people. I couldn't have Harry near me without wanting to tell him everything. Before I told anyone anything I had to figure things out myself and to figure things out I had to talk to someone.
This whole situation was completely screwed up. I had no clue what to do anymore. This was my fifth year at Hogwarts. I was supposed to be worried about classes and dating. It wasn't fair that I had to be concerned with this whole thing.
I had started to walk to the Great Hall only to stop in front of Dumbledore's office. The stone gargoyle stared at my silently. At least it felt like he was staring at me. Now that I knew what…who…the stone gargoyle is I felt totally different. I felt so many different emotions running though me.
"Mr. Malfoy," Snape said walking up behind me, "What are you doing?"
"Why didn't you tell me?" I whispered angrily.
"Draco," he tried again.
"Don't," I said constructing a mask around my emotions, "Excuse me Professor Snape, I have to get to dinner."
I walked away from him…away from my father…hoping I was doing the right thing. Being the Slytherin Prince had its perks. I had only one friend and multiple acquaintances. I didn't need anyone. I didn't need Lucius, Harry, Goyle, James, or anyone else.
How long was I supposed to keep that act up? I hated that I needed to rely on other people, but maybe I could keep this to myself for a long time. There was no one that I really trust in this place. I did trust Lucius, but how was I supposed to if he lied to me this whole time?
As I started to enter the Dining Hall I froze and thought of what I was doing. Goyle knew that something was wrong with me and he was going to ask questions. Ask questions that I couldn't answer yet. Maybe I should just figure things out myself before going in there to talk to people.
Sighing I turned around and walked to the Slytherin Common Room. While I walked I felt a wave of exhaustion hit me. This day had just hit me. I had never thought I could feel so sad and angry all at once. These emotions were majorly screwing me up.
I got into the Slytherin Common Room and walked up to my room. Once I got into my room I fell on my bed and closed the curtains around me. My eyes shut and I waited for sleep to come, but it seemed to allude me. I waited for what felt like hours for sleep to come, but it never did.
The questions that were running through my head seemed to be blocking my sleep. I knew that we didn't have school classes tomorrow so I hoped that this insomnia only lasted today. I had survived school on only two hours sleep, but I had also gotten detention for snapping at the teachers.
I wasn't really a talkative person. I never really thought of needing other people to help me, but I guess I was wrong. I hated to be wrong about anything, but what I was wrong about something that I couldn't fix easily I hated it more. This wasn't something that I could fix over night.
When I was about to get out of my bed and go walk around I heard the door open. Crabbe and Goyle walked in talking about me. The wondered why I wasn't at dinner, but Goyle said that I didn't feel good so it wasn't surprising that I was already in bed.
I waited until the both of them were in bed and snoring before slipping out of my bed. It wasn't that I had someplace to go, but I hoped I could find someplace peaceful that had no one around. Walking through the halls I watched for anyone to come, but luckily no one ran into me.
Once I was outside I walked to the Training Grounds. As I got there I took a deep breath and started to run. I let everything I was thinking and feeling drive me to run faster and faster. I hoped this would get me tired enough to sleep when I got to my room.