I never promised you an open heart or charity
I never wanted to abuse your imagination
I come with knives
I come with knives
And agony
To love you
Song: I Come With Knives Artist: Iamx
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
And I wait without you
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
My hands are tied, my body bruised
She got me with nothing to win
And nothing left to lose
With or without you
With or without you
I can't live
With or without you
Song: With or Without You Artist: U2
Had it all been a dream?
It was all he could think, but, miraculously, he was forced to concede, that, yes…it had all happened. But it still baffled him.
The sky was still black outside, and it was only six in the morning, but Cal was up now, dressed and ready to greet the day. It still seemed too good to be true.
Looking at Rose again, still sleeping peacefully in his bed, he again felt his pulse start to race again in desire, the memories of the glory they had shared last night still so fresh…Last night had been the best night of his life…without question.
He also couldn't help but notice, as always, how beautiful she looked when she slept. His heart swelled.
Going to tenderly tuck the sheet tighter around her, he suddenly, as if in a daze, could not move afterward…he wanted so badly to kiss her on the cheek…but then balled his first, backing away. No. Because she did not love him…had never loved him…and never would.
The anxiety starting to get to him, mixed with the pain, he couldn't stop himself from quietly pacing…Oh, he just knew it would happen. The moment she woke up, she would remember what happened…remember it, and regret it.
She would be angry…cruel…biting, making her ever-present hatred of him known. She would not be happy…she would not be, as he secretly hoped…in love with him…or, at the very least, developing feelings for him. She would hate him even more…she would…she would accuse him of raping her…
It really had been far too good to be true…far too good for him, anyway. He could already feel his heart throbbing again in pain. Whatever his wishes were…whatever his desires and hopes involving Rose…they would never happen. They would never, ever transpire, even if he were the last man on earth, and she had always hated him, hated him now, and always would…
It was simply without question that she would be monstrous when she woke up…and this, he simply knew, would finally be the end. She would soon leave him…and he would be left alone again, forever.
Cal Hockley was a brave man, and considered himself one, but even he could not bear to face her. As much as she brought him up, she could bring him down, and she was perhaps the only thing he feared in his life sometimes…
Being around her for so long had slowly begun healing him, but his heart was still only bandaged up, still healing from her betrayal…still ready to start bleeding again at the slightest touch from her.
Vividly, he was back on Titanic, on his knees, smiling up at her…
"Oh open your heart to me, Rose."
Crack. Her face never changed…her hatred of him and the all-too clear revulsion he inspired in her clear in her expression.
His smile gradually fell… but she didn't notice…
Shaking himself to get the memory off, he tousled his hair, taking a deep breath. It was the same…all the same…still the same…glancing one last time at her, he again felt his heart throb. Her reaction would be the same, and he could not bear the pain again, or to feel it.
Going out into the hallway, closing the door gently behind him, he shakily thought. He still had one final short business trip to take before the end of the year…truthfully he could take it anytime…could even have one of his associates take it…but, he decided, now would be the best time. It was only a one-week trip…but he would stretch it out to a month. What he would do with the remaining three weeks, he did not know…but at least he wouldn't be here, victim of her wrath. At least he would be safe…
Again, pain flooded him, at the knowledge that their wonderful time together would finally be at an end when he returned… They would part ways, and he would never see her again. He knew, though, that he would still give her money…he would not deny her that. He only hoped that she wasn't too brutal in the end…For one wonderful night he had been the luckiest man in the world…at least he would always have this night. Though the thought brought him little joy.
Mind set, he quickly made up his mind that, upon his return, he would be as cold and arrogant as possible when he finally saw her again…he would not let her know how much she had hurt him. He would not give her the satisfaction…
Pushing away all of his sorrow, he forced himself to think about the trip. The business was doing even better than it had been when his blasted father was still alive, (though of course it had still been a success) and as always, it gave him a surge of satisfaction and savage pleasure to know he was even better at running the company than his father had been, or even his grandfather…
I proved both of you wrong. Turns out I'm not the useless dolt who can't do anything right.
Shaking his head again, he quickly changed into his suit, and packed a suitcase.
Chancing one last glance at his appearance, coat on and scarf complete, he already looked like a dead man. But he shook it off as best he could.
Upon leaving, he hesitated. He should at least give notice to the maids and other staff…and, at the very least, her.
He wrote a detailed note for members of staff, just so they were aware…and then stared down at the other white piece of paper.
He hesitated, and then finally scribbled, the black script rather messy yet elegant.
Gone to New York for a month on business.
There. Suddenly hit with an overwhelming urge to kiss her, just one last time, he shook himself again.
Leaving both notes, he finally stepped outside, the December chill biting. His driver had off for the weekend, but he didn't mind. He would simply drive himself to the train station. He didn't mind driving…it honestly was an enjoyable activity.
Getting in the shiny black automobile, he forced himself the entire drive not to think of her, still sleeping in his bed.
He forced himself not to call the entire thing off and drive home and tell her how he felt…
Rejection. That was all he would get if he did so…and the more he thought, the more he was glad he hadn't. He was already in enough pain.
Finally arriving at the station, he was on the first train of the morning en route. As the time flew by, he honestly registered nothing outside the window…he saw nothing, nothing of the scenery…or the sky gradually turning gray with the dawn. All he could see was her face, smiling, and, when this proved too much, when he closed his eyes, he could still feel her kisses from last night…and still feel her in his arms.
Finally, sleep freed him from the torment for at least a little while.