Rose awoke the next morning, slightly aching and feeling not as well rested as she usually did. Brow furrowing, she gingerly rubbed her neck…why did she feel so sore?
True, it was not horrible, excruciating pain or any thing of the sort…more of a gentle all-over ache…but it still perturbed her. Had she slept wrong?
Yawning, sitting up and rubbing her eyes, she then blearily took in her surroundings. Yet…she also felt cold…
Sitting up straight, with a start, she began to panic. This…this was not her room. Why ever was she not in her room?
And…glancing down…why was she only covered in a sheet?
Then…oh god. Covering her mouth, it all came flooding back to her, in one sudden, vivid rush. Cheeks flaming, she hastily stood up, taking the sheet with her, and searched for her clothes. Someone had folded them up neatly and placed them on a chair for her.
She didn't even want to think about whether he had or not…or whether a servant had, worse yet.
Praying she would not run into any servants, she was relieved that the halls were still dark. It was clearly still early morning.
Hastily running into her room, she locked the door and quickly, quickly, drew herself a hot bath. She did not even wait for the water to cool off before entering. True, the water was near scalding…but it didn't matter to her. All that mattered…all that she needed right now, above anything, was to forget.
Quickly, she began scrubbing herself vigorously, all the while only reliving flashes of what had transpired. Cheeks flaming even more, she closed her eyes, and though she was obviously alone, she could still feel his kisses on her lips…still feel him all over her…
Taking deep breaths, the more and more she composed herself, it suddenly hit her that…though it pained her…goodness…strangely, she…she did not regret last night, the more she thought about it. She did not regret, in the slightest, what they had done…and, even worse…she had enjoyed it.
Realizing her reaction had been far too ridiculous, she grew calmer as time went by.
Yes. It was true. She…She…Rose…had slept with Cal. Willingly and completely. And enjoyed it.
The reality she was too painfully aware of did not destroy her, the more she thought about what they had done. It was true…she had gone willingly, and been just as eager to as he had been. It was time to stop acting so childish, and to act like an adult.
Yet…she had no idea where he was, now. Subconsciously her cheeks flamed yet again, as she pictured how facing him this morning would be…
Choosing to ignore that now, for the time being, she instead closed her eyes again, wanting nothing more than to still be blissfully asleep. Yet, submerging herself in the hot water, the heady fragrance encasing her, she still could feel, again, the sensation of him kissing her.
After a blissful hour-long soak, finally, she got out. Looking at herself in the mirror, her attention was caught by a red, slightly painful mark on her neck…She shook herself at the memory of just how she had attained that…Blushing yet again, she dressed herself, choosing to not wear a corset today…and then, after brushing out her hair and fluffing it up, she cast another glance over her appearance. Satisfied, she then left, trying to ignore the stabbings of butterflies in her stomach and the rapid beating of her heart.
She searched the parlor…he was not there. And, then, she checked his study, the memory of when they had played chess vivid. Again, he was not there.
Perturbed, she grew puzzled. On second thought…yes…how could she have forgotten? It was a Saturday…not a weekday, leaving work out of the question. So where ever could he be?
Oddly, she was…excited to see him, and wanted to. They needed to talk…and maybe do more than talk…She shook herself at the traitorous little thought, spoken by the snide little voice in her ear, so like her own voice.
She remembered how enjoyable skating had been and half wondered if…if they could go outside yet again today. She wouldn't mind…
Suddenly, a servant walked by her, a teenaged boy, and she stopped. Perhaps he would know…
"Ex…excuse me? Have you…you seen Cal?"
He stopped and politely handed her a message. "No…but there's a message for you, miss."
He nodded and went on his way, disappearing before she could reply.
Brow furrowing yet again in confusion, she unfolded the message.
Gone to New York for a month on business.
It was not signed, yet she knew his handwriting.
He…what?
Baffled, she wracked her brains, trying to think. A business trip? Why…he had never mentioned anything of the sort. And if he did have one…why hadn't he told her?
Crumpling the message in her hand, a feeling overpowered her, more so than confusion…disappointment.
The next afternoon, Rose sat, most uncomfortable, as she tried to tune out her mother's friend's incessant babbling about mindless, mindless things.
"Oh Rose darling," Ruth cooed, stroking her hair. "You look absolutely wonderful!"
All the other ladies nodded in agreement.
Going to her mother's for tea had certainly not been her first choice for her Sunday afternoon…but, seeing as there was nothing else to do today, she had supposed, why shouldn't she?
She was so stupid sometimes.
"And tell us, where is Mr. Hockley this fine, fine day?"
She flinched at the sound of his name.
Forcing herself to speak, feeling slightly disoriented, she said, "Oh…in New York. He's on a…business trip."
"He runs that business so well," one woman said, and again, all the others agreed.
Smiling a little, Ruth said, "Oh, bless him! I shall stop by when he returns…I haven't seen you two nearly as much as I would like lately!" Here she kissed Rose on the cheek.
And then, thankfully, the conversation turned, yet again, to trivial things, allowing her time to be silent.
Staring around at her familiar childhood home, focusing on the pink and white curtains of the parlor and the white carpet fluffed up to perfection, she tried in vain not to think…
Yet…
Again, she could still feel the sensation of him kissing her…the feel of his hands…and the way he had kissed her neck…
Her heart was pounding now, and she felt dizzy. She only hoped the others wouldn't notice.
Closing her eyes and breathing in deep, she could almost feel his lips on hers…
Hastily opening them, she dug one nail into her leg, before carefully lifting her teacup and sipping.
Yet Try though she did to not think of him, in vain, she could not help it, and now her vision was almost glazed over, and she was a million miles away from this room. Instead, she was back in his arms, feeling warm and freed…
Goodness…she could practically still feel him inside…
She wanted nothing more than to flee, right now, and run home and have him be there…be away from here, this mindless boredom…making love again with him…
She could feel her cheeks flaming now, in embarrassment, and, in her haste, she accidentally dropped the teacup.
The hot liquid stained the white carpet.
"Rose, darling? Oh, my goodness…are you feeling alright?" Hastily Ruth got up and felt her forehead.
The other ladies uttered sympathetic words, and she blinked rapidly, shocked.
"I…yes. I am."
"You're very warm, and look rather flushed," Ruth said softly. "Oh, darling…you should lie down. Please? For me?"
For once, she did not argue with her mother, and allowed herself to gently be ushered upstairs to her all-too familiar bedroom.
Lying down on the bed, she was not even moved by emotion at being back here, in the one place of solitude that she had had in her childhood, so undone was she…
Falling asleep, in the end grateful for being left alone, for once, this sleep was dreamless.