About two weeks had passed since his accident, and thankfully, Cal was feeling substantially better. True, Cal still had his fading black eye, and bruises on his ribs that also had yet to fade, but other than that, he felt wonderful, for which Rose was devoutly thankful…
Yes, he had been forced to take at least a little time off of work, though not voluntarily, but she had been appeased at the prospect of him taking the entire next week off. She wanted nothing more than to have him all to herself, for at least a little while.
Smiling, she could not help herself from doing so, as she was happier than she had been in a long time. Putting a gentle hand on her stomach, she gently smiled, as she imagined just how beautiful their baby…boy or girl…would be. True, she was more than terrified at the prospect of childbirth…but it would all be worth it in the end.
That evening, Rose sat on Cal's lap, the pair of them locked in his study.
Rose closed her eyes as she felt him play with a lock of her hair.
"Have you been feeling alright every morning, darling?" he asked softly. "I will gladly get you something if you are not feeling well right now."
Smiling at the gesture, Rose laughed. "I am fine for now, but thank you," she said.
Cal kissed her cheek, and then said, "Do you think it's a boy, or a girl growing inside you?"
She smiled again. "I have no way of knowing, but I know I will be deliriously happy at either," she said.
"But I suppose you want a boy, to carry on the Hockley family line?" she said, exaggerating her speech to sound pompous.
Cal laughed. "Well I wouldn't mind a boy, but I would be fine with a little girl."
Rose smiled. "A little girl would be perfect."
Cal said, "I was thinking…we could go to Germany after the baby is born…or we could postpone. I don't want you to travel in case something would happen."
Rose couldn't help herself from rolling her eyes, yet still smiling all the while. "Oh Cal, I'm pregnant, not dying! I'm sure it would be perfectly safe…yet I would be fine with waiting."
Cal smiled. "It's settled, then."
Rose simply closed her eyes in contentment as Cal gently kissed her neck. She had found the perfect gown…the wedding arrangements were going well…and she had Cal. And their baby. All was perfect…all was…
Yet she was unprepared for the sudden, violent, stabbing pains assaulting her abdomen. Crying out, she couldn't help herself from tearing up.
What ever was happening…this was much too soon for the baby to be born…
Instantly, Cal was alert. "Darling, what's wrong?" he said swiftly.
Gasping, Rose said, "I…oh god, it hurts! I…I think there's…there's something wrong!... Oh god!"
Trying to breathe in deep, Rose suddenly felt cold at the hot feel of wetness gushing out from inside her.
Cal gently lifted her off of him, setting her on the chair, and there was crimson blood staining his right pant leg. Weakly, Rose felt the back of her gown, and couldn't help from tearing up even more as her fingers came back covered in her own blood.
Holding her stomach as more pain wracked her, she screamed.
"C…Cal…call the doctor! There's…I…"
Yet Cal was already halfway to the door.
No. No! She couldn't be losing…their baby could not die. It couldn't…
After what seemed hours, Cal was back inside, gently holding her. "Breathe, darling…I know it hurts, but it will be alright. The…the doctor is on his way…"
Yet as her held her, and gently kissed her tears away, as her eyes met his, she saw the same intense worry and anguish on his own face to match hers.
Pacing, Cal couldn't breathe. No…their baby would not die. It wouldn't!
He wanted so badly to be inside the room with Rose…wanted so badly to see that she was all right…
Listening to her hair-raising screams, and sobs, was torture. Utter and complete.
He was numb to the scarlet blood still on his pants…numb to his surroundings. Everything. He only heard his heart, pounding frantically.
He felt sick. Rose and the baby had to be alright…they just had to be!
As she screamed again, he almost could have run out of the mansion.
Finally, after three horrible hours, the doctor emerged, face grave.
Cal jumped up from where he had been sitting on the floor.
"Doctor! Is she…is my fiancée alright? And the…the baby?"
Yet he could already feel his heart sinking at the look on the doctor's wrinkled face.
Sighing, the doctor gently put a hand on his shoulder. Yet Cal could barely feel it.
"I…I am very sorry, sir, I did everything in my power, but your…your wife miscarried. She will be fine, but is weak, and lost a lot of blood. The exact cause of the miscarriage is unknown, yet I have seen many in my years of practice. Too many. But, do not feel disheartened. There is no reason why, eventually, the two of you may have a healthy child together…or many. Again, I do wish I had better news for you, son."
Sympathetically squeezing, the doctor left. Cal simply stood there, feeling his heart shattered into a million jagged shards.
Dead. Their baby was dead, and would never know life. It was as though the air was being squeezed out of his lungs and he was suffocating.
Tears pricking his eyes, he blinked them away. He would not allow himself to cry in front of Rose…he had to be strong for her.
Yet, before going in, he simply leaned against the wall, resting his head against it. He had to stay here for a few moments. Be alone. He still had no idea what he would say to her. Saying the words would make it all real…and he so badly didn't want it to be.
Finally gathering his composure as the minutes ticked away, he almost grew sick at the sight of servants removing the soiled linens from Rose's room…at just how bloody the once-white sheets and blankets were. How could a person lose so much?
Allowing them time to finish, finally, he timidly knocked.
Rose simply lay on her side, numb. The room was darkened, and almost cruelly, it matched her mood.
She surely could not cry anymore…she still couldn't have more tears left, could she? And yet…at the very memory that their baby…their baby was dead…she felt herself tearing up.
Why? Why was God so cruel? She had thought she would never be happy again after Titanic, and now, finally, when happiness was once again hers, it had been snatched away.
Her baby was dead. Dead, cruelly so, and she would never get to hold it. Never get to sing to it, or play with it. Never take it outdoors with Cal in the summer months and just spend time together as a family. Never kiss it…
Her wedding gown would have to be taken in now.
Dimly, she heard soft knocking at the door.
"Rose? Darling?" Cal said softly, yet she heard just how hoarse his voice was.
If there even was a God anymore, she thought bitterly, she hated him. He had taken so much away from her already…first Jack, and now this…
She heard footsteps, and now he was sitting at her bedside.
She still didn't turn around.
"Darling?" he said. "How…how are you feeling?"
She didn't answer.
Cal tried again. "I…I'm so sorry, darling, but the…the baby didn't make it." Yet the horrible words, spoken in a hushed tone, to her seemed too loud. She wanted to cover her ears.
His voice cracked just a little near the end, but remarkably, he seemed to be rather composed.
She almost, at that moment, envied his composure. Why couldn't she be that composed?
"I'm quite aware, thank you," she said frostily. At that moment, she even hated him. Hated him for still being able to be so strong…so together, when she knew she was not.
"Darling, please, look at me," he said softly, stroking her hair.
Rose closed her eyes.
"I…do not blame yourself. It was not your fault."
Violently turning over, almost delirious with anger now, she spat. "If anything, it's yours! You are the reason I'm in this position in the first place! If not for you…I never would have gotten pregnant, and never would have lost my child!"
Freezing, Cal spoke, confused. "Darling, I'm…it was not my fault either. I just…I am glad you at least are alright," he whispered, leaning in to kiss her cheek.
Rose pushed him away. "How can you be so calm? It's as if you don't care!" she said.
Cal spoke. "What? Darling, of…of course I care! I…I feel just as dead inside as you do now! I…I know exactly what you're going through…"
Rose laughed bitterly. "No you do not! You do not! You didn't carry them inside of you! You didn't feel the pain of losing them! You clearly didn't care half as much as I did, you bastard!"
Understanding her need to lash out, he still could not help growing a little angry at her last words.
Speaking slowly, he said, "Darling, I understand you're angry…I am as well…but I…I loved our child just as much as you did, and cared just as much."
Closing her eyes, the tears threatening to spill out, she could have screamed.
Loved. Cared. Past tense. Their baby was dead. Dead. Dead. Dead.
There was clearly not even a God…her anger at him mounting, she finally screamed, not even knowing why she was taking her anger out on Cal.
"Oh just go away and leave me! I hate you!" she said.
Cal was silent. And then, mercifully, she heard him walk toward the door.
All was still silent, until she finally heard him speak.
"I knew this was all too good to be true, darling. But that's alright…at least now you are finally free of me, like you always wanted. But honestly…I'm sure you were just pretending it was Dawson's baby growing inside of you the whole time. And just pretending to love me," he said bitterly, the words spoken so softly it was as though he were whispering.
She heard her heart break at his pain.
Finally, she heard the door close, and dimly, vividly, she wanted him to come back, and hold her, and she wanted nothing more to apologize to him…she didn't even know why she had been so horrible to him…she was so stupid…
The tears came again, then, in floods, and she sobbed.