Babies are Fundamental

Waking to full daylight streaming through the south facing windows, Caroline gently disentangled herself from a sleeping Kate. Donning a robe, she checked the nursery, finding it and Laurence's room empty started for the living area. She stopped short at the sight of Laurence on the floor, propped against the sofa, alternately talking softly to Callie on his arm and scratching the tummy of a bright-eyed, dark haired infant in Callie's bounce chair. Seeing her in the doorway, Laurence said softly, "Hi Mum. Tea in the pot if you want some."

"Who are you and what have you done with my son?" Caroline beamed as she headed to the kitchen.

Continuing in the quiet voice, with a sheepish grin on his face, "I figured it was the least I could do since you came out to rescue me so late last night. They woke one after the other with just enough time to deal with each one." Watching his Mum seat herself beside him, an arm on the sofa behind his back with that loving look she could give him sometimes, Laurence felt really good. "I found a bottle for Callie that Kate had left in the fridge," he explained.

Caroline ruffled his hair, "You're getting good at this." Smiling into his eyes, "I'm very proud of you." After a pause where they continued to make eye contact, "Not just for this morning. For taking charge of the situation last night, asking for help. You did the right thing."

Looking doubtful, "I wasn't sure. I know you've been trying to get Dad out of your life. Let him deal with his own problems. But… it didn't seem fair to this little guy." Placing his whole hand protectively over the dark haired baby in the seat, "he didn't ask for any of that."

"So, do you have a sense of what's been happening there since they brought him home from hospital?"

Laurence shrugged, "Dunno really. Dad's lecturing full time now so he can't be pissed all the time can he?" Looking up from the baby, "To hear him tell it, he's been doing most of the caring for the little bloke." Thinking back, "Dad was fine when he picked me up. Then at the flat they started in on each other and he got to drinking."

Hugging Laurence's shoulder against her, "I'm sorry you've had this to deal with. I'm sorry about everything between me and your Dad, the whole degrading mess."

"Mum, it wasn't your fault that Dad was…"

"I know, not that part but I could have handled everything so much better. Should have handled it better. I regret everything that you and William had to go through because of us."

"But, its so much better now though, isn't it?"

Leaning back a little to look at him properly, "Is it?"

Looking a little embarrassed, "At least since Kate got over… whatever… after Callie was born.

Wanting to be sure he understood and didn't worry that it would happen again, "A temporary imbalance. It can happen after giving birth." With a hand on his shoulder, "That's behind us now."

Watching her face he gave a slight nod, "Your both so happy these days." Looking back at the sleeping baby in his arms, "It would be hard not to be happy for you."

"Oh Laurence."

He could see tears forming in her eyes as she gave him that loving look again. Saw her wiping away a couple that escaped, "But how is it for you now?"

Looking at the little boy in the bounce seat, "Lots better than it is for him."

"What do you think we ought to do about that?"

Surprised, "You're asking me?"

"Well, he is your little brother."

Studying her face for a moment, the worry showing now, Laurence whispered, "We can't just leave him there, can we Mum?"

"We could call in the authorities. Likely they'd put him into the care system at least temporarily."

"Couldn't we just keep him Mum? I'll help. I already help with Callie a little." Sitting up straighter, "I'll help with both of them Mum. There's three of us, we could manage."

"Is that what you'd want?" Looking at him levelly, "He isn't a puppy Laurence. A baby is a long-term commitment. A lot to take on."

Looking down now to hide his emotion, "I wouldn't like to think that he was out there somewhere and we didn't know him. Didn't know what was happening to him."

Sighing deeply, Caroline drew his head against hers as they both looked at the contented baby in the bouncy chair, drifting into sleep. Hearing a sound she looked up to find Kate leaning against the breakfast bar watching them, a serious look on her face. Caroline quailed a little inside, wondering how much she had heard and what she was thinking.

Eyes on Kate while giving Laurence a squeeze Caroline released him and got up, "Tea's probably gone cold by now, I'll make a fresh pot." Smiling hopefully at Kate she got an inscrutable look in return.

Laurence seeing the silent looks exchanged decided he'd rather be elsewhere. Rising, "Think I'll get dressed now that the two of you are up." Meeting Kate in the middle of the room, "shall I put her in her cot?"

Kate gave him a warm smile, "Thank you Laurence, she'll sleep better there."

Taking her seat at the breakfast bar Kate watched Caroline glide efficiently around the kitchen, making tea and toast. She wondered yet again if the sight of Caroline would ever stop filling her mouth with water and putting that feeling in the pit of her stomach. Swallowing as Caroline turned with a smile to place a cup of tea and plate of toast before her. Kate saw that Caroline had not missed the look on her face by the way she pulled in her chin and gave her that flirtatious smile.

Receiving a firm look in return Caroline knew she would not get by that easily. She took her seat around the corner of the breakfast bar so she could see Kate's face. Knowing that a 'conversation' was about to take place she opened it herself. "How long were you standing there?"

"Long enough."

"You heard him then?"

"Yes. And heard you and saw your face."

Stalling, "Well, babies are fundamental, aren't they?"

Remembering that conversation and giving a warning look, "You've fallen in love with him, haven't you? The pair of you."

Using her charm for all it was worth now, "I fell in love with Callie when she was just fuzzy dots on a monitor."

Sighing deeply, "Caroline." Her eyes pleading, "Two babies? Barely two months apart?"

Pressing her advantage, Caroline scooted closer to Kate and took her hand, "You always wanted a family."

Defensively, "Caroline."

"Come on. It'll be fun." Sobering, "You know what it is to have a brother. I was always on my own. Alone with them." Looking down and then up into softened brown eyes, "Do you really want her to grow up an only child if there's a choice?"

Lamely, "She has Laurence and Will."

Gently reproving, "You know they'll be more like uncles than brothers."

Searching the hopeful face, "There are so many considerations, Caroline. It isn't like you to rush into something like this."

Giving a tilt to her head and looking sheepish, "I know."

When nothing more was forthcoming, "We have to discuss this properly. Besides, you don't know that John and Judith would agree to anything we proposed. She must be approaching forty as well. That could be why she elected to have the baby in the first place, her last chance to be a Mum."

Growing serious, "They don't want him really, do they? They wouldn't behave this way if they did. Either of them. Besides, they won't have a choice if the authorities get involved. And they will. Sooner or later, one way or another." Genuinely concerned, "God knows what could happen to him in the meantime. We can't have that on our heads, can we?" Then, "Kate?"

Weakly, "We could call the authorities this morning."

Trump card, "You saw Laurence's face!"

"I used to live a quiet peaceful life before I met you."

Unable to contain her grin, "Think how boring it was." Caroline was leaning in for a kiss, the grin still on her face, just as a thin infant cry reached their ears.

Kate evaded the kiss with a pointed look, "Someone is calling you." Placing the kiss anyway, Caroline went to retrieve the squalling infant, brought him back and put him into Kate's arms. Her face against Kate's she wrapped her arms around Kate's arms from behind her stool. They both gazed at the child for a time. Kate looked at him with new eyes. Then, feeling Caroline's gaze come to rest on her, "Caroline. You know it's not this simple. We are going to need to discuss this rationally." Looking at her levelly, "You'd better get dressed while you can. And then be ready to talk because time is definitely not on our side today."

The Discussion

After dressing for the day Caroline walked into the living area to find the little newcomer sleeping peacefully on several thicknesses of blanket over the oriental and quite alone. Turning she went back to the study and found Kate waiting for her in the comfortable chair by the lamp. Closing the door she took the desk chair. Kate's face was grave. Not angry, not cold but more serious than she had ever seen her. Caroline felt her mouth go dry.

"Will you start or shall I?" A very subdued Caroline gestured to her. "Fine. I get up this morning to hear you telling Laurence that a baby is not a puppy but a very real commitment, so I know you realize this but then, in the space of breakfast, you try to convince me to… what? What are you suggesting Caroline?"

"You heard him, saw his face. Laurence will be devastated if we let this baby go into care."

Shaking her head in disbelief, "This isn't about Laurence, Caroline. Not altogether." Leaning forward elbows on knees, tapping her temple with an index finger, "What is going on in there? Talk to me Caroline." Kate watched Caroline's gaze lift to the ceiling, apparently studying the molding details. She is willing to wait but becoming puzzled as to why this is so hard for Caroline to articulate. Gently, "Is it you and John?"

Looking at her then, startled, "No. Why would you…? No." Shrugging, "That… complicates it but, no."

Gently, "Caroline, you can tell me. Whatever it is."

Hearing the note of love in Kate's voice she drops to her knees beside Kate and takes her hands, "God, I can't sit in that stupid straight-backed chair and tell you this."

"Leaning back, "Caroline, you're starting to scare me."

Gripping Kate's hands and meeting her eyes, "Oh look, the thing is, it doesn't make sense. I don't know how to tell you something that doesn't make sense." Sitting on her heels, her eyes unseeing, trying desperately to find a way to say what has happened inside her, she feels Kate's fingers on her face, turning it until their eyes meet again.

Soft loving brown eyes on hers, "Caroline, its me. You know all that's happened between us that we can't explain, can't put into words. I'll understand. Just tell me the best you can."

Clinging to this, she nods, "Remember that day, at the beginning of half terms, when John called to say that Judith was having the baby?" At Kate's nod, "I was really glad you were willing to take the call. I didn't want to talk to John about that baby. It's been a worry in the back of my mind ever since… the day last autumn when he told me that Judith was pregnant. It's been… a dark spot that I could do nothing about. Just wonder and worry what would become of a baby born to a mother who couldn't keep away from alcohol even for her unborn child."

Sliding to the floor, Kate pulled Caroline down to sit too and they faced one another. "So you've had this baby on your mind since the day you first learned about him? Before you knew he was a him?"

Chagrinned, "Silly isn't it?"

Smiling, Kate said gently, "No. It is very Caroline though." The channel of intuition opening, Kate began slowly, "Sooo, all through the autumn you had two unborn babies on your mind." It was a statement not a question. Once again between these two what was left unsaid was still communicated through their eyes. Seeing the embarrassed look in Caroline's eyes conceding and pleading for understanding, "Two babies that you could do nothing for except worry."

Kate said very gently, "You associated them in your mind, didn't you?" At the tilt of the head that admitted everything, "And you lost your heart to him, sight unseen, just as you did with Callie." Kate's throat closed, she was unable to go on. The endless capacity for love in this woman she had been so very blessed to find fallen in love with her was overwhelming. That this magnificent, brilliant woman could love so deeply and without limit was a humbling thing.

Finally able to speak, Caroline went on, "So when Laurence called last night and I heard him crying in distress, mentally I was already halfway over there. I would always have gone for Laurence's sake and because it was the right thing to do but for this baby, I wanted to go. Needed to see him, make sure he was alright." Tucking her chin and giving Kate that disarming smile, "But you already knew that in the car on the way over, didn't you?"

Trying not to let her eyes sparkle with love the way they were, "Something like that."

"Then when we arrived and he looked so much like Laurence as a baby… I could never have called the authorities to turn them in, let him go into…" She had to press her lips into a thin line to suppress the sob.

So Kate finished for her, "And if you had, or someone had and this baby went into the care system it would haunt you for the rest of your life. As much as if, somehow, it were Callie instead."

At the recognition that Kate really did understand, the tears overflowed and they were in one another's arms. Kate's face again grave at all that lay before them as she stroked Caroline's head.

Hastily wiping away tears, Caroline sat up, "Kate, the thing I hesitate over is that for the first time in your life you have your heart's desire, the baby you've waited for so long." Her face working again, "And now I'm asking you to let me bring another child, another infant into our family. Don't think I don't know what a big thing it is that I'm asking of you. Asking you to share this precious babyhood of Callie's with another child. A child that isn't yours."

Kate sat quietly, assessing this new idea of another baby in their family, her eyes on Caroline. Then, "Do you think I'm not capable of loving another child? Of being as generous with my love as you?"

Stricken, "No. Oh no, Kate. I just want you to know that I realize what I'm asking is a sacrifice for you." Caroline's eyes never left Kate's face. It scared her to see how very grave she was as she considered the situation.

Finally Kate began slowly, "If we are going to do this, be parents to this little boy, we cannot let a yours and mine mentality into it at all. If you can accept Callie as your own the way you have, then it would be churlish of me to do anything less for this little boy that you have so obviously taken into your heart in exactly the same way you did my child. To do less would make me undeserving of your love."

"Oh Kate, you deserve so much more than I could ever give you. You've made me so very happy." Hastily adding, "And I don't mean just about this." Meekly, "Coming back for me at the dance. All that we've shared since then." Swallowing to go on, "I had no right to think you would ever understand the way you have." Loving eyes roving over the beloved face, "You do see me don't you? Really see me. You knew most of this before I told you, didn't you?"

"I knew you'd fallen in love with this baby."

"Every time I think I can't be more in love with you, I am." Caroline found it necessary to swallow again before she could go on, "I don't know how I survived the first forty-six years of my life without you. I certainly don't deserve you. You make me the happiest woman on the planet. You know that don't you?"

Smoothing blonde hair back, "Not possible. That's me."

Caroline needed to be closer to Kate. Lifting herself over one of the long curled legs between them, positioning herself close, Caroline wrapped her legs behind Kate and found herself scooped up onto her lap. Wrapping tight, Caroline continued to gaze down into Kate's face.

Feeling Caroline's heat against her sucked the breath from her body as Kate raised her face to meet Caroline's eyes.

Desire was present in this embrace, as it was never wholly quenched between these two, but this moment encompassed so much more. What really defined their relationship was more than physical and emotional there was a spiritual dimension that was a charism they knew was there but couldn't really define. In this moment, this embrace, they requited one another in the love they'd sought all of their lives. It was a sacred promise of love not only between them but also to encompass all who came into their sphere.

Their kiss was tender and holy; it was a renewal of their marriage vow to foster one another's strengths with the reassurance and love needed to overcome their weaknesses. They were growing together into a new life. Both knew they were taking on a big responsibility and it left them breathless and in awe of their audacity. Eyes searching and confiding they found the faith in themselves and one another that they needed to proceed. Another reverent kiss was their commitment to one another to become parents again.

At length, Kate lowered Caroline to the floor between her knees, "So what do we do? Have you talked to someone?"

"No, Kate. I wouldn't do that. Not without talking with you first. I have come that far." Sheepishly, "I did go online to see about private adoption. It can be done. We'd need someone very good though. Someone who could make John and Judith see that this is the right thing to do. We have to face the fact that even though it's obvious they have no real interest in parenting they may be unwilling to give the child up for adoption. Especially to me. You and me. Considering everything."

"So, you don't have someone in mind to call?"

"I have a solicitor. I don't know that this is her area though."

"John or Judith could call at any moment. We need to make a plan. If they do call we need to try to stall them, talk them into leaving him here until… well, as long as we can." Patting Caroline's backside with one of the hands that were still holding her close, "Lets go." Untangling herself from Caroline and getting to her feet, "I'll ring Margo to see if she knows anyone with expertise in this area, someone who will come and meet with us today. You find Laurence, we'll need to talk to him."

Caroline was on her feet now too. As Kate turned toward the door, Caroline took her hand and stopped her. "Have I told you how very much I love you?"

The love light in her eyes, "I think you may have mentioned it." One warm heartfelt kiss and she was gone with a squeeze to Caroline's hand before releasing her to find her phone.

A cursory look on the Internet reveals that private adoption is not an option in the UK. Once again I am asking you to suspend your knowledge of the dull facts of real life and simply enjoy this fiction.