It was late. Yet he could not register anything, he was so consumed with grief.
Sitting in his study, he still could not breathe. His baby was dead, and Rose effectively hated him. Hated him still.
And just when his life had been going so very smoothly for once…he had been the happiest man in the world…
Vividly, he imagined Rose holding their newborn child…a perfect little girl, with red hair and blue eyes just like her…and smiling at him…
Yet their baby was dead…
But he would have been a terrible father anyway…
Finally, Cal allowed the tears to finally come, burying his face in his hands.
Sometime later, after awakening from a restless sleep, Rose vividly, with horrid detail, recalled how horrible she had been to Cal…and how she needed him to know she still felt the same…
But their baby…
Tears clouding her vision again, she hastily wiped them away, trying not to break down once more.
Getting out of bed, she almost collapsed, and yes, she did feel weak. Faint. She knew she was ignoring the doctor's orders, but she would rest when she knew she still had Cal.
Wincing a little, she gingerly walked to her door, opening it.
Why, it had to be early morning…
First, she tried his room, her heart thumping a violent rhythm in her chest the whole time…
She timidly tried opening the door. His room was empty and her stomach plummeted. Yet a small white envelope spilling out of his work briefcase onto the floor caught her attention.
Curious, she went over and picked it up, making sure to sit down on the bed. Her body could have screamed in relief.
Why…it had her name on it…
She opened it, brow furrowing. She read the first lines, with the utmost confusion…
Why…it was a letter, addressed to her…that evidently, he had chosen never to send…
Yet…as she read the whole entirety of his letter, with each sentence…each word…each syllable…more tears fell.
Why…it was beautiful…so beautiful.
Why…he really had loved her, the whole time. And she had been so terrible to him the whole time…
The full monstrosity of her behavior finally hit her…
Yet, though the entire letter made her feel happy…so very, very happy…buoyant, even… as happy as she could be in her current state considering all that had happened earlier…what truly hit her was the last paragraph, when she read how he clearly was wishing her well in life…and how he would be help her with anything should she ever need anything from him…
Puzzled, she thought, and then it hit her, violently. Yes…Of course. He must have written this while on his business trip…back when he had assumed she did not care for him…and would leave…
Covering her mouth with her hand, she still silently cried, she was so touched and heartbroken with grief.
Holding the letter to her chest, Rose oddly wanted to save it…to keep it forever, to reread whenever he was gone…
Closing her eyes, as once again the horrendously painful realization that there would be no baby hit her, more tears fell. She wanted Cal's warm, safe arms around her, protecting her and holding her as she cried…
Oh goodness…had she destroyed her chances with him?
The thought made her almost feel cold, and she could feel her heart breaking even more.
Feeling almost panicked, now, she stood up hastily, taking the letter with her and putting it safely in a hidden drawer in her own room.
Then, she slowly walked downstairs, but not before pausing. Weakly, she held her head.
Slowly…Slowly…it would not do to faint…
Breathing in deep, she walked downstairs.
She saw his study, and she almost wanted to run toward the room…she hoped he at least was there…
Timidly, Rose knocked, heart still in her mouth.
She heard him weakly say, "Enter."
Opening the door, she saw him, and he was hastily wiping his eyes.
He had been crying…
Closing the door, finally, her own tears fell.
"Cal!" she said weakly. "Oh…goodness…I…I was completely horrid to you…and I…oh goodness…I'm sorry! So sorry! Please forgive me!"
Rose knew, instinctively, that if he didn't…if he hated her…she would die.
Time seemed to slow, cruelly. Yet he looked at her, quickly, almost in shock.
"Rose! What…what are you doing here? And why ever are you out of bed…the doctor said you needed to rest! This cannot be good for you…"
Going forward to him, she launched herself at him and kissed him on the cheek.
"Please…I just had to see you! I…I was horrible…I wasn't mad at you…I was never mad at you. I was simply mad at God…I just…I…I can't even…"
To her relief, Cal gently leaned forward, bringing her close to him, and kissed her.
She closed her eyes at the sensation, more tears falling.
When at last he pulled back, he whispered, "Rose, darling…I am sorry too…for…"
She stopped him, holding up her hand. "Shh. You have nothing to be sorry for!"
Leaning her head back, lip trembling, suddenly all she could whisper was, "Please…just hold me."
And then, finally, he was…he gently lifted her up and placed her on his knee, and she was crying into his chest…his heartbeat alone soothing her for what seemed hours…
Finally…somehow, she knew he was crying too, and upon pulling back, she was proven correct.
"You don't have to be strong for me," she whispered. "I know you're hurting, too, just as much."
He did not speak, but kissed her again.
And finally, Rose said, "I…and I…I went looking for you in your room earlier. I'm sorry, but…I…I found the letter you had written to me. It had fallen on the floor…It was beautiful. And I…I do love you. I just want you to know that, Cal."
Her eyes met his, and it was as though he was shocked to hear it. Yet he gently smoothed a piece of hair away from her face, and caressed her face, wiping a stray tear away.
"I…I do, Rose. And I…it will be hard…and it will be an awful thing to come back from…but we…we will be alright." His voice broke at the end.
Feeling more tears falling, she said, "Yes…we will."
Finally, Cal bowed his head, sobbing a little, and Rose felt more tears falling. Once again burying her face in his chest, the both of them cried, still so broken, yet taking the utmost solace in the other.