This Thing to Tell You

"Laurence, have you got these two? I want to talk to your Mum for a few minutes."

Caroline looked up in surprise to hear these words and find Kate already taking her hand before she could even finish hanging up the dishtowel. As they left the kitchen she saw Laurence on the floor with the babies looking up at them speculatively.

"Yeah." Laurence felt himself go on alert. "Sure." They both looked very serious. Everything had been fine at dinner. What could be up already? Shrugging mentally after a long look, he turned back to the infants saying conspiratorially, "Hear that gang? It's just us now. What can we get up to?"

Still leading Caroline by the hand into the overcrowded study, Kate picked William's jumper off their comfortable chair and folded it over the straight-backed desk chair. She guided Caroline to take a seat on the cushioned chair in spite of her words of protest.

As she reluctantly seated herself, "In here, Kate? It's very messy with William's things plus Thomas' cot and… everything else. Wouldn't it be better to go into our room where it's more orderly?"

Seating herself on the rim of the chair and swinging her legs across Caroline's lap, "Not for this."

A little worried about this unprecedented behavior of Kate's but deciding to override that with cheekiness. Eyes twinkling, Caroline lifted her chin with a tilt to inquire, "Besides, if you're telling me a story, shouldn't I be sitting on your lap?"

Settling to rest more of her weight on Caroline's legs, "Not for this."

"Not for-" Breaking off and pulling her head back to really look into Kate's eyes, "What does that mean?"

Taking a deep breath to begin this task, "It means that I have this thing to tell you and I don't want to talk about it in our bedroom."

Concern evident in her voice now, "Why?"

"Caroline, I had an email from Greg today."

Under her breath, "Bloody Greg." Caroline's face turned into a mask and her mouth formed a thin straight line. Eyes fixed on Kate's face, Caroline found herself thinking, 'Not yet. I'm not ready yet.'

Accurately reading fear on the beloved face, "No, Caroline, it's nothing bad, he just wants to stop in for a visit." Using the arm that had been resting along the back of Caroline's shoulders to pull her close as she rests a cheek on her wife's hair, "I didn't mean to frighten you." Pulling back and tipping Caroline's face up to look into her eyes, "Caroline, have you been worrying about this? About Greg?"

Looking away, Caroline swallowed, "Maybe."

Sympathetically reproving, "Caroline. I told you what Greg and I talked about that night… the night before we… When you and I…" Not wanting to conjure that particular night again for either of them Kate went on, "He told me one of the chief reasons his marriage broke down was that his wife wanted children and he didn't. He told me that his parents had been at one another the whole time he was growing up and filed for divorce almost the instant he went off to uni. He never wanted to run the risk of doing that to a child. So, he decided that not having any children was the best way to assure that it never happened."

Watching Kate, the trepidation still in her eyes, "I know, I know." Closing her eyes briefly and swallowing again before looking up into loving brown eyes, "I know. You told me that's how you knew it was going to be alright for us. That he wouldn't…"

Gently, "But you haven't really believed it?"

Giving a tilt to her head as a type of shrug, "I do here" tapping her temple, "because you told me so, but here," pausing as she placed her hand over her heart, "I'm never fully convinced that he doesn't want you and Callie."

Taking Caroline's hand from her heart and pressing it to her own, Kate smiled sweetly into brimming blue pools and said gently, "It's only that you think everyone wants what you want but they don't Dear Heart."

Using feistiness to override her alarm Caroline challenged, "Then what's he want to come here for?"

Trying to soothe, "Just for a visit, that's all."

Countering, with a touch of ire, "Yeah, right. Cause the last one went so well."

Kate had once found this tone from Caroline intimidating but now she knew it was a signal of distress and dealt with it as such. In fact, she found a certain humor in the quick sarcasm coupled with the expression on Caroline's face. Trying with limited success to contain her urge to laugh, Kate said reprovingly, "Caroline." Then more seriously, "It'll be different this time. You and I won't be angry with one another. I think you're reading too much into this."

Part of her was gratified at being able to make Kate laugh but part of her needed space. Hands now behind Kate's hip and knee as she tries to push her off of her lap in an effort to stand, "If I'm reading too much into this why did you decide you needed to sit on me to tell me?"

Staying put and wrapping her arms tighter around Caroline's shoulders, "Because I knew you'd get like this."

Still challenging, "Like what?"

Pausing to stroke the hair off of her face, "All fearful. Then lashing out to hide it." Kissing her forehead, "Talk to me Caroline." Tenderly, "What are you afraid of?"

Her head on Kate's shoulder now, "That he does still want you. Or Callie. Or both of you."

Fingers running through blonde hair, Kate said in a softly incredulous voice, "You don't think I want him, do you?"

"He does want you," she insisted. "Look at the way he jumped at the chance to…" Unwilling to say the words Caroline resorted to nodding her head toward Kate.

"Caroline." Cocking her head, "He did that out of friendship."

Snorting, "You don't believe that. You couldn't."

Becoming defensive now, "I know it was more complicated than that. It was also about our history. Greg's and mine-"

"Damned straight it was. He never stopped wanting you. You dropped him."

"Even if he did, and I'm not saying that's true, it doesn't matter because I don't want him. I want you.

Jutting out her lower jaw, "So, why do you want to do this then?"

Reasonably, "Because I think we all need to come together again to give closure to that chapter." Seeing Caroline turn her head to discount this, finger under her chin Kate brought her face back, "Obviously you still have concerns and sooner or later that will come between us if we don't deal with it." Then quieter, "Also, I wasn't very kind to Greg after…"

"Yeah, and that's been worrying me a lot."

Ignoring this, as on that long ago day on the playing fields she'd paid no attention to Caroline's, 'Whyn't you marry him then?'

If we don't see Greg again, normalize this… situation, I'm afraid it might create just the very problem we'd rather avoid."

Skeptically, "Which is?"

"Greg thinking about it more than he should. About what happened… him & I... About Callie. Maybe thinking of coming back later… oh, I don't know. Wouldn't it be better to get it into the open. Invite him here to see how happy we are, that Callie thrives, see our family." She could tell that Caroline was unconvinced, "Put it all behind us. For all of us."

"Or open up a can of worms."

Sincerely, "Do you think I would suggest that we meet him if I thought that was going to happen?" When Caroline didn't respond, "My sense is that Greg is more worried about where things stand between him and I than about Callie or designs in that direction." Pulling a face at Caroline's 'I told you so' look before continuing, "We have been friends for a long time and we did leave it all up in the air." Still trying to convince, "Caroline, I want you to see that this is all it is, so you can stop whatever merry go round is going on inside your head." Appealing to her, "Will you trust me on this?"

Eyes resting on Kate's face, the love she saw there finally turning the tide in her reservations, "You I trust. It's him I'm not so sure about."

"Can't you even say his name?"

A twinkle in her eye but only half jesting, "Bloody Greg?"

Seeing this for the bravado it was, Kate bent her head and placed her lips on Caroline's before saying dryly, "I hope you'll manage to do better than that on the day."

Going back to her other fear, "You really believe he doesn't have designs on Callie?"

"I believe that's the way he felt last summer. Nothing since had given me the impression that anything has changed for him on that front."

Stubbornly, "He might have changed his mind."

"I don't think so."

Lifting her head, "Do you really believe that?"

Smiling her reassurance, "Yes. I do." Her smile broadening, "I hear your daughter getting fussy out there. You know how she likes her Momma at night. Will you feed her last bottle?"

Lifting her hands and trying to suppress a grin, "Unless you plan to keep me captive here any longer."

Lowering her head for a reassuring kiss before rising, Kate watched her out of the room then began to gather tossed about items, restoring order to the room before going after Thomas to relieve Laurence.

William had come home and the boys were watching a loud action film so Caroline took a pajama clad Callie and her last bottle to the Nursery to sit in the rocker with her. The two of them studied each other seriously as the baby drank her bottle. Callie raised her near hand to finger her Momma's lips bringing tears to Caroline's eyes again. What would her life be without this child that she had first thought she didn't want. If she could change her mind maybe Greg could too. To distract herself from thoughts she didn't want to think, Caroline began singing softly, "Itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout." Watching Callie smile around the nipple, Caroline smiled too, "Down came the rain and washed the spider out…"

Suddenly, Kate was kneeling before her, resting the arms that held Thomas on Caroline's knees, eyes sparkling with love, "Please don't stop. I love to hear you sing." Grinning, "And by the way your much more beautiful than Carly Simon."

Ruefully, "Mmm. Think you might be a little biased?" Leaning in for a kiss, then, "Sing with me?"

So they remained, their babies between them, singing Itsy Bitsy Spider as they gazed into one another's eyes. It was one of those moments so sweet that it's remembered years later as if it were yesterday. A moment in time to take out later like a snapshot and see just how good life could be.

Coming back from putting Thomas into his cot, Kate found Caroline hovering over a sleeping Callie. Feeling Kate's arms around her Caroline straightened leaning back into the embrace. Turning in her arms, "Kate, you do know how very much I love you, don't you?"

Smiling in love, "I do know. You tell me everyday."

Remorsefully, "But I don't tell you every single day."

Contradicting, "Oh but you do. You show me every single day. By every loving gesture, all the things you do for me, for the children, all the ways you try to save me from having to do things here in the house. That speaks louder than words, Caroline."

"But the words are important."

Agreeing, "They are. Until they become rote. Too many couples say the words so automatically that they become meaningless. I'd rather hear them when you feel them." Grazing her lips across Caroline's, "Like just now."

Leaning the length of her body against Kate and pulling her in by the hips, "What I really feel is the need to possess you."

"Mmm?" Placing a soft exploratory kiss, "I think I might like that."

Moving one foot between Kate's and pulling them together again, "Oh, I think I can promise that you will."

Catching her breath at the suggestive way that Caroline was pulsing against her leg, "Promises, promises."

Smiling through her kiss, "There are advantages to you being taller."

Taking a deep breath of regret, "And disadvantages."

Moving her hand between them, "I can take care of that."

Resolutely pushing her away while turning her toward the door, Kate said, breathlessly, "Bedroom. Now."

Her laugh ringing out naturally until she remembered they were still in a sleeping Callie's room, Caroline quickly covered her mouth and went back to murmuring over her shoulder as Kate is steering her through the door, "Oooh, I love it when you take charge Mrs. McKenzie Elliot."