Episode 4:Beacon Of Light- This Is Our Group
A/N- The chapters were much longer on this one so only six parts on this episode. But get ready for a major decision at the end of Beacon of Light that may determine the outcome of this whole season! Enjoy! :)
"I care about you, Clem." Michael confessed to her. "I care about you a lot, actually. I don't want you to end up like them..." He referred to the people he's lost before.
She smiled at him. "I care about you too, Michael."
Michael leaned closer. Clementine was a little stunned, she didn't quite know what was happening. But what we would call butterflies in their tummies arose and their cheeks flushed hot. What was this?
Michael's lips almost touched hers and then... before their lips could touch, Michael pulled away at the last second and backed away. "I'm sorry." He apologized. "I don't- I don't care about you in that way, Clem, I-" He stuttered. "I... I don't know..."
Clementine was stunned into silence and stared at him with a look of shock.
(?) Michael noticed your silence.
"Don't look at me like that, Clem, I just-" He cut himself off and proceeded to facepalm. "You should probably go... I need some more time alone. I need to think."
"Yeah, okay." Clementine agreed, still a little shell shocked. "I should probably take this with me." She stated, reaching for the bottle of alcohol.
"It's probably for the best, yeah." Michael agreed with a nod.
Clementine walked across the lantern room and over to the stairs and paused at the top. She gave Michael's back, who didn't move from his position on the widow's balcony, one last look before descending. She wasn't really sure what had just happened, and she had a lot of questions; did Michael have feelings for her? If so, how long had he had those feelings? Had he tried to kiss anyone before or was this his first time? However, she was glad that he had backed out when he did.
She reached the bottom of the stairs, and entered the living quarters. She placed the bottle on the table and went to speak to the rest of the group.
(o) Talk to Dusty and Brooke.
Dusty and Brooke were leaning against the far wall and talking among themselves. "Hey you two." She greeted warmly.
"Hey Clem." Dusty welcomed her.
Brooke turned her attention away from Dusty and shifted her focus onto Clementine. "Dusty told me about the daycare... If I'd known I would've gone with you."
Clem shook her head. "Nobody could have known how bad it was there"
But Brooke wasn't going to let her off so easy. "You should have stayed with AJ, not me."
"That probably would've been best." Dusty agreed while he crossed his arms.
"I can handle it, Dusty." Clementine retorted.
"I know, it's just-" He began.
"Just what?" Clementine interrupted, getting slightly ticked at them now.
"Nobody should have to see something like that. Especially a little girl. I know you're capable of a lot of things Clem, but... This is different." Dusty furrowed his eyes at her.
"You think what happened back a the daycare didn't phase me? Of course it did!"
"All I'm saying is... I think your choice was a mistake. Maybe next time you should think about what you might be dealing with, that's all." He informed her.
Clementine looked over at the stove to see Hazen where Lucas should have been. "Where's Lucas?" She asked, wanting to change the subject.
Dusty shrugged. "I don't know."
"Maybe you should go ask Hazen, he might know." Brooke suggested.
Clementine nodded, turning away from the burnt man and the red head whilst approaching Hazen.
(o) Talk to Hazen.
"Hi." She greeted calmly.
"Hey" He replied.
"Where's Lucas?" She inquired.
"He stepped out for a bit, asked me to keep an eye on dinner." He explained.
"How long ago was that?" She questioned further.
"Not long after you went to see Michael." He told her. "I hope he gets back soon... I don't know the first thing about cooking."
"Well, if it starts to boil over, you just take it off the stove, right?" Clementine said so matter of fact about it. Common sense right?
He murmured. "Yeah..." He then shrugged.
"How are you?" She asked, shifting the topic.
"I'm okay. My face still hurts a little, after Michael- y'know." He paused, remembering his outburst back at the church, and he turned his gaze to Clementine "Does it look bad?"
She examined Hazen's face and then gave him an answer. "It's not as bad as it was, the swelling has gone down a lot." She told him truthfully. "You can barely notice it."
"When you and Lucas went to return that bag, I tried to apologize to him, like you said, but he was having none of it. He said 'I didn't mean it' and 'Even if I did, it wouldn't bring Helga back'."
"He'll come round eventually." Michael had done so for Lucas, so maybe he could for Hazen one day too.
"At least I try to be civil, but he just keeps picking fights with me. If he starts mouthing off, I have to fight back. I can't let him pull that shit on me." Hazen explained. And this..." He pointed to his own face. "This was a one-time thing, but next time..." He trailed off and didn't finish his sentence, prompting Clem to speak.
"We've all had a rough time these last couple of days. Once things calm down, maybe you could try again." She suggested to him.
There was a brief silence between them, and Clementine looked back at the pot to see the chili and beans combo was still cooking away. "About the day care..." She began.
He immediately stopped her. "I don't want to talk about it. Maybe later, okay?"
Clementine nodded. "Okay. Later is fine." She glanced over at the lighthouse door. "I should go find Lucas, see what's keeping him."
"Good idea." Hazen agreed as he resumed his watch over the food.
(o) Go outside.
Clementine glanced over her shoulder at the others before pushing the door open and walking outside.
Sunlight had almost faded now, leaving the sky dark and clouded, with a black void cloaking the woods that surrounded the lighthouse. The stench of smoke hit her nose and wafted up her nostrils. Clementine grimaced and reluctantly followed the smell, only to find Lucas standing close to the lighthouse, the damp, wet grass soaking the ankles of his pants.
He had a cigarette between his fingers and was currently smoking the joint. He gave her a brief glance and exhaled, smoke pouring out of his nose and mouth, with some of the musty, grey cloud circling his own head like a halo.
He nodded her way and tapped some ash onto the ground. "Nice of you to join me... But you should really be inside." He commented, puffing on the cigarette.
"I came to check on you." Clementine explained.
Lucas simply responded with a 'Hmph' and puffed on his cigarette again.
"I don't get what's so special about those." Clementine told him, gesturing at the cigarette.
"They help you relax and relieve stress." He explained, smoking some more.
"I was offered a cigarette once." She murmured, recalling on the time Bonnie had been smoking... Which hadn't been long after Luke's death.
"And did you take it?" Lucas asked curiously.
Clementine shook her head "No."
Lucas smiled "Atta girl."
He paused, exhaling more smoke. "You wouldn't catch me doing that. I wouldn't want to be responsible for a girl your age becoming a chain smoker."
"How long have you been smoking?" She asked him.
"Well, when I was sixteen my friends managed to convince me to try one. Then I was hooked. That was until Rachel told me she was pregnant, so I decided to give it up. It was the best thing for the baby. But I recently found a box of these and this is the first time I've had one in years." He told her. He paused and puffed the cigarette again, relishing it. "God, I've missed this." He turned his attention back to Clementine. "So... Did you talk to Michael?" He asked.
Clementine grimaced at the thought of what had happened with Michael. "Yeah, I did. He... Told me about Rosie."
"I thought he might have." Lucas commented.
Clementine paused, considering whether to tell Lucas about what happened or not. "He tried to kiss me..." She murmured quietly.
"What?!" Lucas exclaimed, a little shocked. He put his cigarette between his teeth and inhaled deeply, calming himself down a little. "Well... He has the guts for trying, I'll give him that." He muttered, removing the cigarette from his mouth.
"Did you know about this?" Clementine questioned with a furrowed brow.
Lucas shook his head. "Didn't know a thing about it. Didn't know he felt that way about you before." He paused, puffing away on the cigarette as usual. "Well, you know how it is... I doubt he feels for you in that way... He's just going through changes."
"Changes? What changes?" She asked, a little confused by Lucas' words.
"Y'know, he's growing up... His body's changing."
"I don't know what that means." She replied, still very confused.
"You mean, you've never had the 'talk'?" He questioned.
"What's the 'talk'?"
"Well, shit... This is awkward." Lucas scratched the back of his head and grimaced. "Do you know where babies come from Clementine?" He asked.
"Kenny and my friend Christa told me a little bit about the birds and the bees... But not much."
"Do you know about puberty?" He questioned further.
Clementine shook her head.
"Damn... Okay." Lucas sighed. "There comes a time where in a boy or girl's life they start to become a young man... Or a young woman. Michael's at that stage right now and... His body is changing... In lots of ways. For girls, well... They start to bleed from the... Uh... Area between their legs."
Clementine grimaced at the word 'bleed' but she let Lucas carry on. "Don't worry! It's completely normal... Happens once a month... I think. It's called a period and the bleeding is a girl's body preparing to have a baby." He explained.
"I'm going to have a baby?!" Clementine exclaimed her eyes big as dinner plates.
Lucas' eyes widened as well. "No no! You're not going to have a baby." Clementine relaxed a little but he could tell she was still on edge. "Babies only happen when a man and a woman love each other very much and they have... Sex. The man... Gives the woman sperm, they, uh... Look like tadpoles... Only really tiny. And the sperm go into the egg that the woman has in her... Vagina, which is the gap in between your legs. Don't worry, the egg isn't like a chicken egg... It's small... And round. The sperm and the egg come together and the two make a baby."
"But where does the sperm come from?" Clementine asked she heard Michael use that word before.
Lucas groaned, he had already opened Pandora's box so... "It comes from the man's penis."
"What's a penis?" She asked. Jesus, now it's like a classroom and she asking the teacher a question.
(?) Lucas feels incredibly awkward right now.
Lucas sighed. "You've changed AJ's diaper before, right?"
"Yeah..."
"Well, the thing between his legs... That's his penis."
"Okay... But what about-" She began, only to be cut off by Lucas.
"Just go ask Brooke about the whole baby thing, she's a woman, she'll know more than me."
"Oh..." Clementine trailed "So... What does this have to do with Michael trying to kiss me?" She questioned him yet again.
Lucas sighed again, putting the cigarette between his teeth and began to puff away, trying to calm his nerves after the awkward situation. "Look..." He began, the joint still between his gritted teeth. "Michael is growing up and his hormones are all over the place, which makes him do strange things. You'll go through it too some day, then you'll understand a little better." He explained.
"I'll try to kiss someone too?" She asked.
Lucas facepalmed. "No... It affects people in different ways... You'll start to have feelings that you never felt before, but they'll go away eventually... Does that clear a few things up?"
"I guess so."
"Thank god." Lucas breathed a sigh of relief. "Listen... Don't hold what Michael did against him. He made a mistake, and I know you're probably surprised and confused, and there are a few things you don't get. He's just a kid... Growing up to be a man. He'll probably never be able to share something like that with a girl... Maybe he just wanted to know what it was like... Even if he didn't go through with it."
Lucas shrugged. "I don't know his mind set. But I do know one thing. I've seen the way he looks at you... It's the same way he used to look a Rosie. And I'm not saying that he wants to replace Rosie with you... He'd never want to replace that little girl... She was his world. All I'm saying is he really cares about you. As a friend... Or maybe even as a little sister."
Clementine nodded. "I'll keep that in mind."
Lucas threw his cigarette to the ground and put it out with a grind of his shoe. "Well... We better get inside. Dinner's probably almost ready." Lucas walked over to the lighthouse door and opened it, allowing Clementine go inside first before he followed. "Hey, Hazen. How's dinner doing?" Lucas asked the teen as he walked over to the stove. Clementine followed him so she could simply observe.
"It's doing okay. I think it's ready." Hazen replied confidently.
"Great. Thanks for keeping an eye on it for me. You did a good job." He praised him, taking the pot off the stove. "I'll go dish up, you two settle down by the table. I can take it from here."
Clementine went over at the table. The table had eight chairs in total, with three on both the long sides and one on both of the shorter sides. Clementine went to the side closest to the wall and sat on the middle chair with Hazen sitting to her left.
Brooke and Dusty came to sit down on the other long side, with an empty chair between them both.
Lucas reappeared with bowls and laid them out on the table. He disappeared again and came back with the pot. "Michael!" He called up the stairs. "Dinner's ready!"
Lucas paused, and then began to dish up the chili and beans combo into everyone's bowls. Moments later, Michael appeared by the stairs and walked over to the table. His father silently invited him to sit in the chair closet to him, as he was positioned on the shorter side of the table. The chair, however, was also right next to Clementine.
Michael shifted awkwardly on the spot before going for the chair which was on the opposite shorter side, which was also opposite to Lucas and sat down.
Clementine turned towards Brooke. "Where's AJ?" She asked.
"I left him on your bedroll after I fed him his dinner. He's sleeping." Brooke replied, and then started eating her food. "Tasty." She commented.
Clementine took a spoon full of chili and beans and put it in her mouth. She then nodded in agreement. "Very tasty."
Lucas smiled. "Thanks, but... It's not exactly homemade. All I did was cook it."
"It's still really good." Dusty commended him. "Thank you."
After eating, Clementine retrieved the bottle of alcohol that she and Lucas had agreed to share with the group. She passed it to Lucas, who then held it up in the air.
"Anyone fancy a drink?" He asked with a quirked eyebrow.
Dusty smirked. "I think we all do."
"Well... We'll all pass it around... But first, how about a toast?" Lucas suggested.
"We should all make a toast... To the people we care about... Or the people we have lost." Hazen added.
Clementine had half expected Michael to say or do something But he remained silent and calm. "That's a good idea, Hazen." Lucas responded. He then cleared his throat and lifted the bottle "To my girl, Rachel." He announced, taking a swig of the liquor.
Lucas passed the bottle onto Dusty, but managed to catch Michael's eye. He gave his father a brief nod in approval. "To Maree and Vaughn, may they rest in peace." Dusty stated to them.
One by one, the bottle was passed round. Brooke toasted to AJ and the group's survival. Michael toasted Helga and Rosie. Hazen toasted to his dead sister... Before the bottle finally reached Clementine.
She paused, and gripped the bottle tightly. After giving it a moment of thought, she nervously raised it and took a deep breath. "I've lost a lot of people... And it's hard to pick just who. I thought about toasting to just Kenny but... That wouldn't be fair to those I've lost before. So... To the people we've lost along the way and to the hope we get to see them again, someday."
Luke had once said that. Those words were hard to forget and seemed very fitting.
"Very poetic..." Lucas murmured, a smile on his face.
Once the toasting was over, everyone drank a little more. Clementine didn't have anything more than a handful of tiny sips. Apart from her, Hazen, and maybe Michael, everyone else was a little tipsy.
Now, everyone was sharing stories about their past. "Before all this shit started, I ended up dropping out of school. And when shit did hit the fan, it took a while before I realized how bad the world had become." Dusty paused and closed his eyes. "I was with my parents, but when I was out one day they were killed... By looters." He sighed deeply. "A lots changed since then, and I'm trying my best to be a good leader for this group. And right now, after what happened at the daycare, it only makes AJ that more important to raise him, we need to keep him safe."
"We're all behind you on that one." Lucas agreed.
"I never knew my parents..." Hazen murmured sadly. "The only family I ever had was my sister."
"Do you have any regrets, Hazen?" Dusty asked.
"I have a lot of regrets... But sometimes you have to do bad things in order to survive." He ominously stated.
"We've all done our fair share of bad things... Things we regret." Lucas added in an attempt to comfort him.
Clementine glanced over at Michael and saw that his gaze was fixed on Hazen, his eyes narrowed and his brow furrowed.
"Well, I certainly don't regret joining you guys." Brooke commented. "Katherine became a cruel, unforgiving person."
"She gave off that impression." Clementine responded, turning her attention away from Michael, even though she was concerned by how he was looking at Hazen.
Brooke continued. "Gave me this scar for talking outta line." She told them, pointing at the scarred cut across her cheek.
"Ouch, that must have hurt." Clementine grimaced.
"Hurt like hell. I'm just glad I don't have to go through that anymore. I really appreciate what you all have done for me."
"No problem. You helped us at the church, so we helped you" Dusty replied firmly to her. "You earned your place."
Lucas took a swig of alcohol. "Hell, I remember this one time where I was trying to get Michael a birthday present. But it's difficult to do something like that with the world like it is. We got boxed in by walkers at a CD store and ended up losing-"
"Don't." Michael cut him off.
"Shit Michael, I'm sorry... I've had a lot to drink-"
"Just don't."
Lucas didn't say another word, instead he just passed the drink on. "Anymore stories to tell?" He asked, his question directed at Dusty and Brooke.
"I've got a few... And some of them aren't as depressing." Dusty rallied them into a different tone of remembrance.
"I'm going to step out for a minute." Michael stated, rising from his chair.
"You sure?" Lucas asked.
"Yeah, I just need some air."
"Okay, don't be out there too long, watch out for walkers."
Michael picked up the bottle. "Mind if I take this with me?" He asked, there was about a quarter of the liquor left.
"No, just don't drink all of it, you hear?"
"Yeah." He muttered. Michael walked over to the door and headed outside. Once he was gone, Hazen turned towards Clementine. "Clem, I want to talk to you... In private."
"Is this about earlier?" She questioned.
"Yeah, sort of."
"Okay, sure." She replied with a nod.
Clementine and Hazen stood up. "We're going to go upstairs for a bit." Clementine told them.
"More of us leaving the table?" Lucas questioned, half to himself than anyone else.
"You two go ahead. We'll be down here." Dusty responded with motion of his hand.
Clementine and Hazen climbed the lighthouse stairs in silence. Once they reached the top, they sat down by the large unlit lighthouse bulb and began to talk.
"I've been thinking about the daycare... And how you wanted to talk to me about it earlier. I've given it a lot of thought and..." He paused "I just need to tell you something. I've been keeping it bottled up for so long and I just need someone to talk to about it."
"Okay, I'm listening."
Hazen took a deep breathe and began. "Okay... Me and my sister, we were both from Minneapolis... it's far away and we uh... had a really hard time when the biters first came around." Hazen paused and then he looked out at the sky. "Right before the first winter came in, there was this army base that was trying to collect and save as many people as they could. We got in, just before the doors closed."
"So, what happened after that?" Clem warily asked him. She wondered if Hazen knew back then or even the soldiers at that army base knew that everyone was already infected. Were they compromised?
"...We were overcrowded. And when winter came in up there, it was... it slowly became my worst nightmare, for the both of us." He didn't ask for Clem's consent to hear the rest of his story, so he just went on. "At first, we had plenty of supplies and protection from the soldiers there, but then... the cold never let up. Our food rations were getting less and less each day, and the soldiers they were becoming more and more distant. They kept everyone in from their high walls like prison guards, and we had no weapons, no guns, it was then that I knew they were withholding and hiding the food for themselves!"
Clementine had a theory as to what may have occurred next. "Did you guys break out? Try to leave?" Citing the cabin group's plan from long ago.
"No. There was too much snow, it was still too cold. We'd catch our deaths out there before we got anywhere. But we planned on leaving as soon as spring came. We had to hold out." He sighed sadly. "But some people, they couldn't handle it, they were beginning to turn on each other..." Clementine looked on somberly as he continued. "The soldiers just let it happen as they began to... eat one another..."
"What?" Clem's eyes widened, she learned from Lee that cannibalism was never the answer. "How could they do that?"
"I'll never forget it..." Hazen shook his head as tears threatened to pour out. "There was this group of men with knives, and they cornered a mother and her baby. They told her to hand the kid over and they'd leave her alone... But she refused her baby." He sobbed. "And then this old man walked in and he got in front of them, and do you know what he did?" Before she could guess, he told her. "...That old man cut off his own arm and offered it to the men... to save the baby... to feed them..." He wiped away his tears that dripped down to his cheek. "He wasn't even related to them, he was just a stranger... a sweet old man..."
"Oh my god..." Clem whispered in pure shock.
"Those men with knives, they took his arm... then they killed him, took the baby anyway... stabbed the mom too." Hazen sniffed and wiped his nose with his sleeve.
"What? But, why would they do that?! They were just people! Did you tell anyone?! Hazen?" She cried, staring at him for an answer.
After a moment of silence he answered. "No. I didn't do anything... I watched the whole thing, and didn't do anything..."
"What?! Why not?"
"Don't judge me Clementine..." Hazen croaked as he clutched both of his hands in his hair and avoided her gaze. "Don't think bad of me please..." He paused, keeping the little girl in suspense even though she knew what he was going to say. "They were already dead and I... I had to feed us. Everyday, I regret it-!"
Her breathe hitched. "Y-you ate a person? Hazen you...?" Clem was staring at him with wide eyes. "How could you-!?"
"It was a dead person, Clem! The bad people that killed them, they gave some to me for not stopping them and I..." He trailed off as he sniffed to clear his nose. "I was scared... I was hungry... I was tried... but I was disgusted with myself. ...I hated myself..."
Clementine just noticed that Hazen's hands were shaking. For some reason, the little girl thought back long ago on a dairy farm in Georgia. How her savior Lee saved her from eating human flesh, if he hadn't stopped her in time, she definitely would've put the meat in her mouth. She remembered she was too hungry to care what was on her plate. But when she learned that poor Mark was the main course... "Why are you telling me this?"
Hazen grimaced at her comment as his somber expression turned that to a serious one. "Because I need someone I can trust, someone I really trust, and I can see it in your eyes that I can trust you. Did you think anyone in that group out there would sympathize with me for what I did?"
"I think you should keep this a secret, Hazen." Clementine advised him as she patted him on his arm to get his attention back on her. "At least for now."
(?) Hazen will remember that.
"Well, I'm glad I told someone." He nodded to her, agreeing. "God, I feel better... Thanks for listening Clementine," He then crouched to her height, with a grateful smile on his face. "Y'know, I'll always have your back okay? You saved me when we first met... you brought me back."
[Console Him]
[Condemn Him]
"I don't know what anyone could have done in your situation Hazen, and I'm sorry you had to go through that. But if you keep it together then everything should be okay." Clem placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I won't abandon you, not after all this." What was in the past stays in the past.
(?) Hazen will remember that.
Hazen's smile grew that to one of relief and thankfulness. "You have no idea how happy you've made me Clementine. I'm with you to the very end, you can count on me. -!"
*smash!*
The sound of the glass bottle smashing startled Clementine and Hazen. Clementine got up and walked over to the doorway that led to the stairs and caught Michael standing there, the bottle of alcohol from earlier shattered on the top step and the liquor soaking the concrete.
"Michael, how long have you been standing there?" Clementine asked. She felt Hazen's presence behind her.
"Long enough." He replied, before turning his attention to Hazen. "You killed Helga, and now it turns out you let a baby die too?"
"You don't understand, Michael." Hazen argued with him. "You weren't there."
"I didn't need to be there!" He snarled at him. "What else don't we know about you, Hazen?! What kind of a sicko are you, huh?!"
"It was for survival!" Hazen insisted in his defense.
"You're fucking sick in the head. You hear me?! Sick!" Michael exclaimed the accusation. "I went through hell to keep a little baby girl alive, you know that?! And you're willing to just use a dead infant for food?!"
"I didn't!" Hazen retorted. "We were starving!"
"Starving is a lot better than resorting to that! You should be ashamed! How are you even fucking standing right now?! How do you live with yourself?!" Michael paused, his anger nearly reaching boiling point. "I wish Helga was here, not you! You fucking cannibal!"
Clementine looked from a distraught but frustrated Hazen to a livid and disgusted Michael. Then both teens looked to her for support...
...
[Defend Hazen]
[Side with Michael]
...
And we will make the choice. The Walking Dead Season 3 will continue and will be completed with Episode 5: Too Far Gone...
Penalty: Would you have helped Hazen from Michael's beating?
Trust: Would you have trusted Hazen with AJ or not?
Returned: Would you have split the bag or take everything back to the Bridge survivors?
Innocence: Would you have kept going or waited outside at the daycare?
Survival/Morality: Would you have you consoled or condemned Hazen for his past actions?