Chapter 1: Strawberry Shake
My mother drove away in the car on her way to visit Chief Swan, or Charlie as he had everyone call him. She was taking him one of her homemade casseroles.
Sue Clearwater, my mother, was a strong woman and when life pushed her to the limit she did not break or bend. I sometimes wondered what it cost her to be this strong, more importantly I wished she would share the secret of the impenetrable armor. These days all she cared about were duty and the tribe; in fact, just a few weeks ago she picked the tribe over her own children. She had put on the mantle of tribal elder and has not taken it off since. The resentment over my mother choosing her duties over her children had only added to the mountain of bitterness already residing inside of me; show me one person who would not be pissed in my situation. Maybe my little brother Seth but he was a freak like that, he always saw the best in people; absolutely nothing could bring him down.
It would have been nice if she actually was a mother to me, it would not take too long, a few minutes would have sufficed. I might be nineteen years old but I still needed my mother. Especially at this time in my life, a few months my life was so certain and my future secure, then suddenly everything fell apart. The worst part was that I had been so sure of how things were going to turn out I was not prepared for a change of plans; this reality was not even close to how things should have turned out.
When my father had died a few months back, my mother had not stopped to grieve, she had not even slowed down. I was angry at her, resentful for not seeming to even be phased by the death of my father. She continued to go on like she did before he had died. There was no pause, there was no week of sitting in a dark room and crying, just business as usual. It might have been extremely selfish to wish that my mother had fallen apart, nonetheless that is what I wanted her to do.
Sadly I missed my father, not only because he was my father, but because unlike my mother he had seemed human. Did that make me a bad person? Maybe. But most of my behavior recently has been reprehensible. The only problem, I did not really care. I felt like crap, why should I go out of my way to make everyone around me feel good?
My mother had now deemed herself Charlie's guide to the supernatural. I guess she had some authority over the subject of the supernatural, both her children being shapeshifting wolves might have helped a little. But I don't think even my mother, with all her knowledge, could have anticipated what Charlie had to deal with: a vampire for a son-in-law, a half vampire grandchild, and finally his only child Bella had been turned into one of those things as well.
Charlie was having a really bad week having found out about this just recently, I should have felt sorry for him. A few months ago I would have felt some sympathy, but currently I needed all that energy to feel sorry for myself. There was a bright side to all of this, at least he was not attending his daughter's funeral. He was not aware how close his daughter had been to death, he did not know her heart had stopped. Not that he knew any details, all he knew was he should not ask questions. Charlie seemed good at ignoring things he did not want to think about, which was somewhat strange considering his daughter had wanted to know everything. She had been relentless in her need to appease her curiosity.
I don't know why my mother bothered with Charlie, the leeches took care of him. Regardless of that, the man had been living on his own for a long time, why would he all of a sudden become incapable of seeing to his own needs? Esme Cullen, or Mama leech as I like to refer to her, constantly was taking him food. It was strange for the leeches, or vampires as they called themselves, to be cooking considering they did not eat food. They just drank blood, sucked the life out of anything and anyone around them. They had certainly drained away any chance of happiness I might have had in life. Charlie was lucky, he had just gotten a glimpse of my world, the world that lies under the pretty one most people believe in. In my world very few things can be counted on, especially when it comes to love. Charlie was trying to ignore most of my world, I wished I could do the same. But he had people who loved him and sheltered him from the darker side of this supernatural world.
I headed into the local diner, my mother would pick me up when she was done, she knew better than to take me with her. She was afraid I would embarrass her, or something worse. I had gotten good at that lately, so nobody wanted me around these days. That was all right, I did not want to be around them. I heard the chimes of bells over my head as I opened the door. I resisted the temptation to growl at them and rip them off. They sounded too cheerful for my taste, but it did not take much to irritate me these days.
The place was not packed, it was eleven o'clock on a Saturday morning, but it was not empty either. There were a couple of locals I recognized but could not name sitting around drinking coffee and reading newspapers; the remains of their brunch sitting abandoned in front of them. A few of them looked up, but they quickly went back to their newspapers. I was nothing new, nothing of interest. I might not live in town but this was a small enough region that they recognized me as a local.
In one corner a group of six or so teenage girls were all packed into one booth. It was funny how I no longer thought of myself in the same category as that bunch. Technically at nineteen I was still considered a teenager, but I think I had been through enough lately to age me at least ten years. My body had certainly aged, I probably looked closer to twenty five; it was all part of being a werewolf. The girls looked fifteen maybe sixteen. Their make-up was too thick, their shirts too low cut, and their heels too high. I could smell their perfume from the door, they did not know restraint even when they applied that. I wish they had, the smell was overwhelming and not all that pleasant. Their male counter parts were in a booth right next to them, trying their best to get the attention of the girls. I ignored them, their antics were not for my benefit.
A few of the boys spent a moment checking me out as I entered. I could guess what they saw when they looked at me. A too tall native american girl, with the typical dark hair and brown eyes. It did not help that my recent growth spurt had put a major dent in my wardrobe options. Most of my clothes were too small for me now, and I did not have the money to go out and buy the stuff that would be needed to replace the things that no longer fit. Just yesterday I had tried on one of my nicer dresses; I wanted to get dressed up since I had been living homeless for the past few weeks. I must have grown even more since leaving home, because the dress had ripped at the shoulders when I tried to put it on. Then my wolf temper got the best of me and I ended up ripping the dress into pieces getting it off. Yesterday had not been a good day, but then I cannot remember my last good day.
So instead of a nice dress I was wearing cut off shorts that I had inherited from one of the other pack members, an old t-shirt, and my dad's hunting jacket. Fashion for a werewolf, oh lest we forget sexy flip flops since I had outgrown my shoes. And if werewolf feet were anything like puppy feet I still had some growing to do. The teenage boys quickly put me in the uninteresting category, and went went back to their games of trying to attract the attention of the girls. That was a smart move on their part, I would probably have kicked their collective asses if they tried to mess with me.
The waitress, I think her name was Cindy or something, looked up from where she was taking someone's order. "Just have a seat anywhere, and I will be right there," she said. It looked like she was the only waitress here right now, guess I had no choice but to wait.
I shook my head as one of the boys, said something truly obnoxious and the girls giggled en masse. Was I ever this innocent? Was it wrong to be jealous of a fifteen year old? I did not want to be them, because one day they too would grow up and have to deal with the same disappointments.
Though maybe not the quite the same, I thought to myself as an embittered smile crossed my lips.
Disillusions. That was my word of the day. I had picked up a used copy of a book that is supposed to improve my vocabulary. It was too late to sign up for classes at any of the nearby community colleges, being late September and all. But I had been tied up during registration. Nothing like trying to protect the town from a killer horde of newborn vampires. Followed by trying to protect my little brother from our old pack of killer werewolves. All in all it had been a great summer for me, Leah Clearwater. I was starting to see a little trend here, horrible spring, horrible summer, I wonder how my fall was going to turn out?
Oh yes, let us not forget the whole homeless bit. It was all to make sure my little brother Seth was not killed by the leeches he was supposed to be protecting. That is why I had gone homeless, with no clothes, no cooked food, and no bed to sleep on. It had nothing to do with my getting away from my ex boyfriend Sam. Who was I kidding? I would do anything to get away from him. We had no choice but to share thoughts in wolf form, and so while I was a member of his pack I had to listen to his thoughts about Emily.
I sat down on one of the barstools and took off my jacket. I did not really need it, being a wolf and all I did not get cold. But it would have looked strange if I was running around late September in short sleeves. In wolf form I ran around in even less than that, but the locals did not need to know that part either.
"What can I get you?" the waitress whose name tag identified her as Sally. Oh yeah Sally...Cindy close enough.
"I want a strawberry shake, with whip cream and a cherry on top." I did not even bothering opening the menu she had pushed my way.
"Anything else?" she asked as she wrote down my order. I just shook my head.
"Order up," said the guy from the kitchen as he put several heavy plates on the counter for Sally to take. She deftly picked up the plates and set them a little bit down from where I was sitting at the bar. Looking over to the spot I was impressed with the number of vegetables. I did not think the diner had that many veggies on its menu. They were not exactly going for the heart healthy stuff here, more like comfort food with lots of salt and fat. In other words, the stuff that tasted really good. Ever since the change had happened and I became a wolf I started eating for calories rather than health. No matter how much I ate, I did not seem to gain a pound, unless it was in muscle. I guess it was one of the few benefits of being a werewolf.
Having nothing better to do I watched Sally place three large plates filled to the brink with food on the counter of the bar a few chairs down from me, the seat was empty so the owner of the food must be elsewhere. There was already a half filled glass of water, and one set of utensils. Surely this was not just for one person? Looking around I sniffed the air, that amount of food would be considered werewolf portions but I could not smell any wolves in the building.
Just then the bathroom door in the back creaked open grabbing my attention, I was going to assume this was the owner of the insane amounts of food.
He was a man, not a boy, I could not exactly describe why I knew that. Maybe it was the way the bones stood out on his cheeks, no baby fat to round out his face. He was a really tall man. His height would have been impressive if it was not for the fact that I was now surrounded by giants. Something about the werewolf genes made the boys shoot up abnormally tall. Even my little brother who was a few months shy of his fifteenth birthday had passed the six foot mark.
So it was not his height that kept my gaze on him for longer than necessary, it was something else. Thinking about it for a few moments I decided it must have been the way he walked. This man was a predator, I did not need wolf instincts to figure that out. My human ones were quite adequate to make that assessment. His long legs encased in dark blue jeans quickly moved to cover the distance between us. They were not the same jeans that the boys were wearing, the ones you spent too much money and bought with the holes already in them - these jeans looked utilitarian.
I noticed he was checking me out as I checked him out. I guess he must have felt my stare. Or he was just looking where he was going, I rolled my eyes at my own vanity. But I did not look away from him, instead I met his stare head on. I did not care, I had developed a certain level of boldness and obstinacy of late.
He was not good looking, at least not by conventional standards. His features defined him as strong rather than good looking. His skin was dark, darker than if a white person had gotten too much sun but it did not have the same tinge as my people had. I could not tell what race he was, so that would mean he was probably of mixed heritage. His nose was pretty flat, and he had wide lips associated with blacks. His forehead was wide with a deep widow's peak. His brown eyes matched his midnight black hair. I don't know how long his hair was but it was long enough to be held back in a ponytail. There were some strands slipping out of their restraint, but that did not help soften the hard face. His jaw was square and his cheekbones wide. His large thick eyebrows had risen when he noticed my stare.
His plain grey T-shirt did not look to be deliberately tight but there was no way to hide the muscles in his chest or arms. He was not really all that bulky, more lean and strong - my inner wolf approved. It was not the kind of muscles you get by working out at the gym everyday, it was more like the ones you get from working at a construction site. The boots he has on made a clicking sound on the floor of the diner, I was guessing they were steel toed, they looked pretty scarred up. It seemed to go with my construction worker theory.
He broke eye contact as soon as he noticed his food was ready, my presence was forgotten. He did not hesitate long in front of his food.
"Here is your food honey, is there anything else you need?" the waitress asked him.
"Ketchup," I felt shivers go down my spine. What a voice, deep and somewhat gravely. Get a grip Leah he just asked for ketchup. With a voice like that he could make anything sound sexy.
I looked away before I did something embarrassing like ask him to read the menu out loud. What can I say, I always liked guys with deep voices. My friend Claire used to tease me about my criteria for favorite actors, I tended to go for the ones with the deeper voices. This guy would not have made it as an actor, he was not pretty enough. In fact, I would hazard a guess that he would kick the butt of anyone who dared call him pretty. I had better look away before he noticed me staring and got the wrong impression. Not that I could not handle him in a fight but there might be some awkward moments while I explained why I had not lost the fight. Or worse yet he thought I was coming onto him. Though that seemed to be not that bad of a plan. Apparently my libido which had been shoved down under a large pile of bitterness and depression had decided show up for the first time in months.
An extra loud noise came from the boys crowd. They were really trying hard but I guess I could not blame them completely, the girls were a rapt audience. They were not very good at pretending to ignore the boys.
"There you go," Sally said as she set my shake in front of me. Surprisingly she had managed to startle me, that was an unusual occurrence with the super wolf hearing. I must really be distracted today.
Staring down at my shake I poked the maraschino cherry. I never liked the cherry, but I still asked for it every time. When I was a little girl my father used to eat the cherry for me, I would generously share that part of my shake with him. My father would not be joining me today to help me with my cherry problem or any of my other problems. I pushed the cherry aside and drew up some of the thick shake through my straw. The shake was pretty good. I don't know why I did this to myself, why I opened these wounds. I had enough to be miserable about, why did I feel the need to add more? One reason was that I did not want to forget my father, I wanted to remember the good times, I wanted to remember my father from my childhood.
Unfortunately no matter how hard I tried I could not seem to forget his face the last time I saw him, purple and splotchy. His heart had given up. The EMTs were trying to force it back into motion, I felt so useless then. I had wished my father had had even a small portion of the healing ability I had as a wolf. I would have given anything at that point in time to give him my ability to heal.
The relief I felt when they succeeded in starting his heart up again was indescribable. But then his heart stopped a second time, permanently. I had no one to comfort me at that time. My mother was going on as if nothing had happened, my little brother had just lost his father, Sam my boyfriend was no longer mine, and my best friend was not longer available - she was the one who Sam belonged to now.
It seems like a lifetime ago, in the months since then I feel like I have lived a dozen lifetimes worth of bad. Some of it was my own doing, my own attitude had brought on some of the pain. I kept waiting for the good to start. Is the bad karma not supposed to be followed by some good? I needed something really good to happen. Imprinting would have been nice.
If I imprinted I would finally stop loving Sam, but with the way my luck was going I would imprint on some guy that was unavailable, married with four kids or something equally disturbing. Imprinting had worked for Jake, he was over Bella and completely enamored with a baby. Why could that not happen to me? But maybe take out the half-vampire part of the story.
"Are you going to eat that?" a voice interrupted my musings. I recognized the voice even though I had only heard him say ketchup. He was waving his fork in my general direction.
"What?" I said sounding pissed. Yeah way to go Leah, but this pretty much has been my conversational tone for the past few months. It was extremely pathetic, even I hated myself at times, but I did not know how else to survive. If I was enough of a... well I did not want to think of the word... then people would be too busy hating me and not have enough time to pity me. At least that was the plan. But back to me being stupid.
"The cherry, you gonna eat it or kill it," he said looking down at my hands. I followed his gaze to the shake in front of me. I must have been stabbing the cherry with my straw. He took another bite of his food, not overly concerned with my less than polite answer.
"I don't like maraschino cherries" I told him, I don't know why I felt the need to share. He did not seem to be the kind that would be interested.
"I see" he said looking up at my face, but his tone clearly said he did not. He was probably thoroughly confused with my answer, I could see that from the wrinkling of his forehead. I could have explained why I asked for cherries but he would want to hear my pathetic sob story about my daddy.
The waitress came back to refill his water. I was surprised to note that not only had he ordered the veggies but he was actually was eating them. I kind of took him for a meat and potatoes guy. I was not surprised by the amount of food he ordered, that size of body took energy to maintain, I was surprised by the choices he made. Ewww had he put ketchup on his green beans? He turned back to his food, I could not seem to hold anyone's interest for long these days.
I pretended to drink my shake, I had lost my appetite, which is saying a great deal for a wolf. We were always ready to eat and most of us were not very particular about what we ate. I did draw the line at dining a la natural, I hated eating the raw stuff even in wolf form. Jake still harassed me about that.
The combination of memories both recent and from the past had given me a sour taste in my mouth. I could not drink any more of my shake. Looking around again I searched for something to distract me.
My gaze landed on the man sitting a few chairs down from me. I told myself I was being curious. But I guess it was my duty to be that way, I would not want to ignore some stranger and he turned out to be a psycho killer or something. It was my job to protect the Rez and the people of Forks, my wolf duty. Yeah right Leah, keep telling yourself that. I watched as he used his fingers to rip apart his roll. He had long fingers, his movements looked almost delicate compared to how his big his body was. He must be good with his hands, I thought to myself. My mind started thinking of all the things he might be able to do with deft fingers, I am so not going down that path. I shook away those thoughts, down libido down. Seriously this was not something I needed; having naughty thoughts about a guy whose name I did not even know.
So I looked back down at my shake and stabbed my cherry, again. This time with more vigor. I was pretending the cherry was someone I knew. It was amazing to learn that the human heart is capable of loving and hating a person all at the same time. If you had asked me a year ago I would have told you it was not possible, things had changed since then.
You are still in love with Sam, I told myself bitterly. How sick was that. Sally had already put my bill next to me. I picked it up and went to wait by the checkout to pay for my drink.
"Was there something wrong with your shake?" Sally asked as she rung me up. I guess she had noticed I had left most of it there.
"No it was fine, keep the change." I said over my shoulder practically running out of the diner. The bells chimed pleasantly, this time I was unable to contain the growl that rose in my throat.
I hated the bitterness that had consumed me these past few months. But I could not get over it. I had reached an ultimate low. I thought it would help when I left Sam's pack to join Jake's but soon even being free from Sam's thoughts was not enough. It used to be almost tolerable because Jake was just as upset as I was. I was in misery but at least I had company. His best friend Bella had been in love with a vampire. In fact she had made her choices, she had not only picked the bloodsucker over Jake but she had chosen to break the treaty and have the vampires turn her into one of them. It had really messed Jake, but nothing had compared his agony when the leech got her pregnant and that thing was killing her from the inside out. It seemed almost nice for a little bit, here was someone who was worse off than I. All that had changed when Bella gave birth to Nessie. Jake had imprinted on the newborn child and now all was hunky dory, it was like the time of pain and misery had been completely erased from his mind. Worst of all I was alone again in my woes.
I guess this meant there was small ray of light at the end of this long tunnel. The hope that I would imprint and all this baggage of Sam would disappear. At this point I almost did not care who I imprinted on so long as I could get away from Sam. Maybe I should go find that happily married father of four. I could take care of his kids for him, since it looked like I might not be able to have children of my own.
Anything to get away from Sam. Soon I will find a way.
A/N: Most of these first few chapters should be very similar, just changing up some of the order. And of course spelling mistakes. Reviews are welcome...yeah, yeah, I am a review whore.
Happy reading,
LW