Post-Mortem Blues
Olivia was sitting alone, like she'd requested to be. The pale walls of the hospital reflected the dim light entering through the three windows. Her eyes were still wide open, staring at an invisible object in a realm mirroring reality. It had been seven hours since she'd felt his blood splatter on her face. It seemed like an eternity. Though it was gone, Olivia could still feel a strange numbness where the crimson evidence of Lewis' death had settled deep into her skin.
The adrenaline that had been keeping her awake had run out hours before, but still she blinked alertly. Her body was running on empty.
When the door opened, Olivia found Munch standing before her. She'd seen him earlier when he had come by to make sure she was alright. He had no hint of his humorous disposition as he came in cautiously.
"Liv, I know you want some quiet, but Brian has been calling me every two minutes." Munch stopped near her bed, changing the subject without a second thought.
"How are you feeling?" He shoved his hands in his pockets.
"I'm alright." Olivia swallowed hard. His presence relieved her. Still, in the back of her mind, Brian was still in the dark about it all.
"Could I use your cell to call him? I'll get him to quit bugging you." Her face remained deadpan as she spoke.
Munch nodded. "Bless your heart, Liv."
His humor came back effortlessly, earning him a small twinkle in Olivia's eye. Life was going to go on. She already saw it happening. It didn't stop just for her.
Munch handed her his phone and turned to leave. Just as he got to the door, he looked back.
"Oh, and could you tell him his ass is mine for failing to return my favorite tie in time?" He found a small smile on Olivia's lips. He'd done his job. He'd gotten her to smile.
And as he left, Olivia heard him mumbling to himself, just loud enough for her to hear. "It's been three years."
She watched her friend disappear and felt her smile fade. Talking to Brian wasn't something she wanted to do, especially since the last time she'd spoken to him, they had thought their trials were over. This would be her first recovery that she'd have to go through without him. Olivia held the phone, unable to dial. A tear surfaced. She did miss him, but parting was a change they'd agreed to make.
Now, knowing that it was Lewis who had indirectly brought them closer - possibly even set them apart - Olivia had to figure out what to say. Brian had reminded her she'd never talked to him about any of what Lewis had done to her. But she felt she'd had no choice. Was it really him she was protecting by keeping her burden? Or was she just trying to protect herself? Her thoughts halted altogether when the phone lit up. Brian was on the other end. It took a long moment for Olivia to bring it to her ear.
"Brian." She answered softly.
The sudden, audible inhale on his end hurt her heart. He was worried - she knew he would be.
"Liv - oh god - are you - how are you?" Brian had great difficulty stitching a sentence together. Just the sound of her voice was the confirmation he had needed to know she really was safe.
"I'm ok. Really, I am. He didn't - hurt me." Physically, her wrists were bruised, along with her cheek, but Brian didn't need to know that. She was doing it again, keeping it bottled up.
Then, neither of them said anything. They didn't have to. The silence, knowing that they were so close to one another, was comfort beyond what words could deliver. Olivia breathed easily, reveling in the realization that even though they weren't together anymore, they weren't apart either. The bond they had wasn't broken, just increased by distance.
One teardrop squeezed through the barrier over Olivia's closed eyes as she let the emotions begin to show. The adrenaline was long gone. She had no more energy to hide what she felt.
Brian stood in his dark living room, his elbow resting on the wall as his hand cradled his head. The worry wasn't gone, but it was relief that dominated his heart.
"He's dead." The shake Olivia's voice held threw a giant marble into his throat.
William Lewis was dead. Brian couldn't say anything in reply. He'd lost the ability to speak.
Olivia wasn't expecting an answer. She just had to let him know. The man whose torture had brought them to a new level of dependence - whose actions left holes and secrets in their relationship, bringing it down - was dead.
Brian swallowed hard. It was to no avail. The pressure in his throat remained.
"I saw the story - from the news crews there. They heard a shot, and they didn't say who had gone down."
He was speaking so fast that he didn't have time to hesitate. His thoughts immediately came out as words. The words stopped, though, when he remembered seeing the aerial helicopter shots of the granary, the panic he'd felt when the reporter breathlessly announced that a shot had been fired.
Their cameras had captured the ambulance speeding by, a fleet of police personnel raving after it. For hours, Brian was left to wonder, had Lewis taken the life of the woman he still loved?
"I thought it was you." His breath hitched as he finished.
Olivia opened her eyes as a merciless flashback began.
"I lost."
She saw Lewis' gun at her head again, his mouth silently moving: "game over."
Brian held his confusion to himself. Then it dissolved altogether. He was sure of what was happening. It had taken Olivia months to stop reliving her first attack. It had only been mere hours since her last.
"He was going to shoot me-" Olivia felt Lewis put his iron hands on her jaw, holding it painfully as she prepared for the shot that would end her life "-but he turned the gun on himself."
The spontaneous confession came without any trouble. She had no room within her to seal it inside.
Brian swallowed harder than before.
Lewis' face dissolved from in front of hers. The flashback was over. Her free hand covered her eyes as her raw emotions let loose. A sharp breath caught in her throat as her tears began, wetting her face with evidence of her mortality. She was alive. He was dead. Yet she could still feel his lips on hers, his hands roaming free, dipping into her pants as he tore at her belt.
Brian's eyes closed as he sank to the floor, his back resting against the wall as he listened to her pain. He cried tears of his own.
Olivia froze when she felt her feet duct taped to the table. Another flashback took her by force.
Lewis walked behind her as she gave in. There was no stopping it this time. He was wasting no time, ready to rape her on her own command. She'd never been in that position before. Lewis had given her a choice, and she'd told him what to do. And he was doing it.
"Liv." Brian had to interject. He knew what her silence meant. He couldn't know what she was seeing, but he could bring her back from it.
"Liv." He tried again as the muted quiet on the other end became eerie.
Olivia was yanked back to the present, her eyes wide, a bead of sweat rolling down her forehead.
"Thank you." The mutter was different from her other answers when Brian had brought her back before. It was relieving. Her usual "I'm sorry" was an unknowing display, an admittance of shame. That loss of confidence and security seemed less pressing as she thanked him for bringing her out of an agonizing reliving.
Olivia didn't know what she'd said until her mind repeated it - Thank you.
Brian took an incredibly deep breath. He knew with that one little sign that she was going to get better. She already was. "You're going to get through this."
Olivia nodded after pausing to let it sink in. She'd already known that.
"Yeah." She agreed. "I am."
Another bout of a different kind of silence, one of great and strange beauty, fell between them. Olivia knew he was right. Lewis was dead. She had her life to recover. He never would. That sense of safety gave her an uplifting push of confidence and power. Lewis had tried to take it away, but he couldn't, not unless he'd taken her life.
Brian felt a weary smile light up his face. Olivia could sense it as he spoke. "You take care of yourself, Olivia."
She sighed, feeling a grin of her own. "I will. You too, Brian."
A pause.
"Oh, and Munch said he wants his tie back."
She heard Brian chuckle a little on the other end. Her smile took a great amount of energy. It was hard to keep it up, but it was there. That was all that mattered.
"I'll see what I can do." He already felt lighter. If it was possible, he missed her even more after hearing her voice again. He wanted to have her right there, always just a breath away as she recovered. But he could already hear her exhaustion.
"Thanks for calling." Olivia's voice was softer than it had ever been. It didn't phase her. After feeling the release, the weight lifted off of her with one simple phone call, she knew that she needed to have help and support.
Brian was again at a loss for words. He replied anyway. "Let me know if there's anything I can do."
Olivia nodded even though she knew he couldn't see her. "I will. Bye, Brian."
"Bye, Liv."
After the call ended, she allowed her hand to linger at her ear. What a good man.
As if on cue, a cautious knock came at the door. She said nothing, seeing Munch enter again as she dropped the phone to her lap.
He immediately saw how red her eyes were. It had been a powerful phone call. Munch didn't say anything, taking a seat on the edge of Olivia's bed. Her hand fit comfortably in his.
"So?" He nearly whispered. Not even he knew what he was questioning.
"I don't think you're getting your tie back." The sliver of a sad smile disappeared from her as quickly as it had come.
Her voice dropped. "He's still a good man."
A blur of new tears never made it out of her eyes. Munch gave her hand a gentle squeeze as he smiled. He said nothing.
"Always was." Her whisper was a relief to him.
Though they'd parted, Olivia held no resentment. Neither did Brian. Olivia broke eye contact for a moment, but Munch caught her gaze again as she spoke, her confidence an incredible admiration.
"I'm going to be ok."
Munch felt his chest swell with so many different emotions. He missed working with Olivia, seeing her every day. He felt terrible grief knowing she'd suffered two hard battles after he'd left: the trial, and now this. Still, her courage amazed him.
"I never had any doubts about that." He showed everything he felt. "But when there are days when you're not ok, I'm ready to take them on with you."
Olivia used what she had left to smile again even as the pressure in her airway increased. Her nod was short and concise, but it channelled so many things.
"I won't ever be able to thank you enough for that." The end of the sentence trailed into oblivion as she struggled against her tears.
Munch grinned a little again. "You don't have to."
What he said was not what she'd been expecting. In all reality, she didn't know what she had been expecting to hear.
"Because that's what I'm here for; Same goes for everyone else." Neither said a thing until Munch stood up.
"Another one of my jobs is harassing the people around here to get you out of this place." He let go of her hand as Olivia let the freeing feeling of another smile flicker across her face.
"We'll get you out of here soon, Liv." He stopped at the door briefly before vanishing.
Olivia, though she was alone, fell asleep clinging to Munch's phone. He left it with her, understanding its value. It wasn't just a phone. It was a connection to everyone and anyone she might need. One push of a button would get her the comfort of a voice that she needed to hear. The phone lay with her, making the world seem a lot less frightening with Nick, Amanda, Munch, Fin, or her captain just a phone call away.