I really apologize for the span between updates. I just moved into college and have been uber busy with getting used to it and figuring out classes and things. I will write and post when I can, but it will be unpredictable for a while. Thank you for sticking with this even through my negligence!
Post-Mortem Blues
Nick had his hand on his shaking partner's shoulder as they led her from the scariest place he'd ever seen. The grain terminal towered above their heads, harboring the body of William Lewis, not even cold yet. As Nick and Lt. Murphy led Olivia out to the first squad car they could find, her gaze remained unwaveringly fixed.
The blood on her face was still wet, making Nick's knees weak. He had no way of knowing everything that had happened to her in that oppressive structure. He wasn't sure he wanted to. He'd seen her legs taped to the table, her hand cuffed. She had been at Lewis' mercy entirely. And he'd used that advantage he'd created for himself. Nick had also seen, even though Olivia pulled her shirt down to try and cover it, that her belt was undone, her pants unbuttoned and unzipped. It physically hurt to think that Lewis had gone that far. He couldn't have.
Olivia was unresponsive as they sat her down in the car. Murphy shared a few words with her, instructing her not to talk to anyone, telling her she did good, before shutting the door. Nick pressed on the gas slowly, even though he felt so rattled. Any movement was sure to launch her into a panic. He'd seen it before. And he wouldn't do it to her again.
Her eyes were wide and unseeing as she stared into a different world.
It was scary. It was scarier than the first time he'd driven her to the hospital from that beach house. The injuries on her now were different. It wasn't her blood she was wearing, but her perpetrator's. Still, Lewis had injured her. This time it was just the wounds that were more traumatic, harder to heal - the internal ones.
He glanced up in the mirror at least once every minute, checking to see if there was any change. Olivia was too far away to notice. She didn't even know where she was.
:::
His hands grabbed her breasts as he stood behind her, his hips pinning hers to the table. His lips then covered hers as he moved his hands to grip her face.
She couldn't move. There was hardly struggle she could give him, which she knew he wanted. She froze as she prepared for the inevitable.
His kisses moved to her neck as she gripped the table with everything she had. Maybe if she held it hard enough, he wouldn't have a chance to do what he wished.
It happened so fast.
His hands were at her belt in mere seconds, ripping it apart as he made noises of approval with his mouth. His fingers tore her pants open as he moved them next to her skin.
She stopped struggling against him as he went further. He was already so worked up. No amount of struggle would keep him from taking all she had left.
:::
Nick didn't say anything. He wanted to bring her back from the pain she was so obviously reliving, but he couldn't. She was in such severe shock that he didn't know what she'd do if she was brought out of it.
He kept his acceleration steady. He needed to get to the hospital. She'd been with Lewis long enough.
The crimson on her face gave him chills like he'd never had. It looked like she'd been crying tears of blood that now streamed down her face in permanent marks of emotion, emotion that had long since disappeared. It was haunting to Nick.
He cursed when Olivia caught his eye in the mirror.
It was like she couldn't see him. She could, but she didn't know how. His face was unfamiliar to her. All comfort she'd ever had was lost. She could feel the blood on her face burning her skin.
He was dead. He was dead and he wouldn't stop taunting her. She wore him on her face.
Nick apologized for his stare, still not believing that she could hear him. Her eyes darted back to the window.
:::
Amelia was turned around, but Olivia knew she could hear. She'd be able to hear when the bullet went through her head. She'd be able to hear when Olivia killed herself to save her.
The cold metal of the gun pressed into her hair, keeping her as grounded as she'd ever get. When she drew it away again, unwilling to take her first turn, Lewis pointed his gun at his youngest victim.
Amelia turned around, crying out. Her eyes caught Olivia's as a tear dropped down her cheek.
It was already determined what would happen. Olivia had unconsciously decided when she'd followed Lewis' trail and gave herself to him willingly. Their battle wasn't with Amelia.
Olivia knew her pain didn't have to affect that little girl. So she went to die.
:::
Nick couldn't see the Olivia he knew within those dark eyes staring out the window. His heart trembled as his hands and feet did. It was the most terrifying thing he'd ever seen.
Even the first time, Olivia's injuries had been horrific, but this time he couldn't see them. This time everything that Lewis might have had the chance to do, the final chance, played over and over in his mind. It wasn't anything simple either. Olivia was deep in a murky world that she didn't seem to know how to get out of.
Nick swallowed painfully as he fought tears. It was a relief to have her back, but he kept asking himself – did they really have her back? And then an echo within him repeated – what had Lewis done?
Olivia could feel the car moving beneath her, the tires on the pavement going faster than they should have been, but still she felt like she was frozen. She could see the buildings of Manhattan looming in the distance over the bridge, the traffic moving to the sides as the sirens screamed from their vehicle, but she could hardly see anything besides images burned into her mind by the hours that had passed.
Nick maneuvered through the traffic that was courteous enough to pull over, but he had no choice but slam on the brakes when a car swerved into their lane just feet in front of them.
Olivia's body immediately reacted before her mind could rationalize.
Nick could hear her inhale sharply as her eyes widened again, fixed on an invisible object. She was gone.
:::
Her body shook as she held the gun to her head, preparing for death. Amelia was turned around, her head hung low as she waited for the game to end. Olivia put her finger on the trigger, the cold ricocheting into her bones. There was no other alternative. She had to shoot, or he would.
That was what scared her the most, the feeling that she'd rather her own hand take her life than the man pointing the other gun at her face. He'd taken so much of everything else. He wouldn't have that.
The trigger was harder to pull than she had remembered, even after fifteen years on the force. The gun was so heavy that her hand shook. She was as trapped as she'd ever been. Her legs were bound to the table, her hand cuffed as Lewis gave her the freedom only to shoot herself.
Olivia's eyes locked briefly with her assailant's, and she did what she had to. The click of the gun had her quietly sobbing until she realized what it meant. She closed her eyes.
She was still there with him. She was still trapped. There was no way to win. Not ever.
:::
When Nick braked again, he glanced in the rearview mirror to find Olivia look up at him quickly. Then her voice came, urgently, rushed.
"I lost. I lost, and he was going to kill me."
Nick didn't know what to do. Would she even hear him if he spoke?
"But he turned the gun on himself. He killed himself. He shot himself – and I can't –"
The words were coming from a panicked state of shock. Even so, she could hear herself saying them, and she understood.
She couldn't get the image out of her head. The bullet that took his life was the one that had been waiting to take hers. It had been her bullet to take. Her attacker had saved her life, and she hated him for it. He'd saved her life to ensure that she'd never forget the end of his.
"Liv." Nick tried to get through.
She didn't respond. Her eyes kept his in the mirror.
"Olivia."
Olivia heard him.
"Nick." She replied softly. His body was covered in goose bumps at the sound of his own name. It was so simple, but it meant she was still in there.
"You did what you had to do." He selected his words slowly and carefully.
The world became real as Olivia listened to him. A tear mingled in the blood on her face, smearing as the salty drop weaved its way down her cheek. The emotions were returning, and all she could feel was pain – pain that made her wish she didn't have to start all over again.
"You're still here." He tried to cover the hitch in his voice when he said it.
He didn't want to have to think about burying his partner ever again. In a year, he'd almost had to do it twice. He took a silent vow never to let that happen again.
Olivia nodded, nearly whispering her reply. "What's left of me."