Post-Mortem Blues

Olivia's body throbbed in numbness as she sat in a fog atop the hospital table. Her arms were shaking as she tried to keep her breathing under control. She'd seen Nick leave the room, but she'd made him promise to come back. He had.

She sat waiting as her face burned. She could feel the life of her worst enemy on her face. She wore the evidence of his death. She could see it in the corners of her eyes. His blood, his brain had shattered on her face. She'd seen it. And now she wore memories in his head on her body. His mind was on her, in her, around her. It was worse that she could feel it sticking to her. She just wanted it off.

The nurse returned with the medication to lower her blood pressure. Olivia took it gratefully, almost hoping she'd take too much. She wanted out. She was done. Her body and soul were on the bottom looking up toward the surface, knowing there was no way to swim to the top. She didn't even remember how to swim.

The door opened again, startling her. Her nerves tensed as her entire body lurched in surprise and panic. Every sound sent her closer to the edge of insanity.

Nick closed the door slowly, seeing how badly it had scared her. He cursed in his head, knowing better.

"Liv." He made sure she could hear him.

The tears mingling with Lewis' blood on her face made his knees weak. He wanted to get it off of her. He had to.

"Are you done here?" He asked the nurse, sounding more challenging than he meant to.

Olivia waited for the answer with what hope she had left.

The nurse nodded, "CSU says they're done processing."

Olivia held the patch to her arm as it bled. The hospital had done more physical damage to her than Lewis had that same day. She stared hopefully up at Nick. The nurse left as Nick grabbed a wet wipe from the counter behind him.

"Let's get that off you."

She silently thanked him. Her eyes looked so terrified, so full of need. He could see her drowning, and he wasn't going to let it happen as her attacker still laid upon her. Olivia let go of her arm, not caring if she bled. She took her hand and reached for Nick's free one as he wiped the streaks of blood from her forehead.

She closed her eyes, feeling the stinging stop. Nick fought the lump in his throat as he held his partner's hand. He had to steady his own as he gently removed the blood from her. It scared him. He couldn't imagine what she had seen.

He swallowed hard as the wipe became unusable, stained entirely with red. He turned behind him to grab another, realizing that Olivia's grip tightened. She kept her eyes closed, wanting nothing more in her life than someone to lead her, someone to take care of her. Nick was doing just that. She couldn't be independent in that moment. She didn't have any pride left.

The evidence of the last moment of Lewis' life came off slowly, streaks still staining Olivia's cheeks. Nick lost his battle against his tears when he saw and felt her new tears fall onto his hand as he wiped her cheek.

Olivia could feel again. The touch Nick offered provided her an anecdote to her soul's numbness. Suddenly she could feel the pain again. She could feel everything. The images remained, but the contact she held with Nick eased them. It reminded her she was still safe.

Nick let his own tear slide down his cheek as he held down sobs. The entire world quieted as he squeezed Olivia's hand, removing the last of the blood from her face. When he glanced down to the crimson that stained her neck and collarbone, he saw something that nearly brought him down.

The only area on her chest untouched by Lewis' blood was her gold-plated necklace. The word remained untainted. It hit him hard. Olivia was fearless. She always had been. Lewis never changed that.

Olivia felt him reach to her necklace. She hadn't realized up until that moment that she still had it. Another tear escaped from her eye and dropped to his arm. Nick threw the last wipe away, taking Olivia's other hand in his own. She opened her eyes as she held a calmness within her. Her eyes met his and didn't stray. He held every feeling she gave as he looked at her, into her.

Olivia saw that his gaze hadn't changed when he looked at her. She saw the concern. She saw the terror of the future. But she also saw him looking at her like she was still her. Her hands enclosed in his spread a complete sense of security through her. Nick took a deep breath without bothering to wipe the tears from his face.

Olivia stood up slowly as her eyes clouded with tears again. What he'd just done had meant more to her than he could ever know. She knew he wouldn't judge her tears.

"Thank you." Her whisper was one laced with every emotion in her.

Nick felt his own tears threatening again.

The two moved together, letting go and grabbing on at the same time. Their hands let go and their arms took one another. Their embrace was one so tight that not even Lewis' reigning terror over Olivia's tattered soul could break it. Olivia's fingers curled into Nick's back as she held him, squeezing her eyes shut as she kept her iron grip.

Nick let his emotion out in his tight grip too. He wrapped his arms as far around his best friend as they could go. He held her shoulder with his chin as he closed his eyes, letting the silence mend them both. It lasted for long minutes.

Olivia felt the images in her head, the pain in her heart making themselves known. She let her fear and relief show at the same time as she wetted Nick's shoulder with her tears.

Nick tightened his grip as he felt her sobs wracking his own body against her. His tears fell down his cheeks at the same time. There was no stopping the flow of every feeling he'd had in the year that lay behind them. Lewis had taken a piece of him and changed it forever as he'd threatened to take his partner forever.

That was the moment they both knew he was gone. They both believed it.

Olivia let her cries die off as exhaustion finally set in. But she didn't let go. She moved to rest her cheek on his, leaning into him and giving him the weight to bear. She knew he'd take it.

Nick did. He held her a little lighter then, moving his hand over her back as gently as he could. The replays in Olivia's head fell into darkness as she felt nothing but comfort. She let her weary body collapse into his. Her tears stopped. Her face felt every draft in the room ricochet off the rivers down her cheeks. The world seemed so much less scary in Nick's arms. Life seemed worth living.

Nick rocked her smoothly as he let his world disappear. She was the world to him. She was right there with him, living, breathing. If he had a choice, he would never let go. The healing began right in that room. Lewis' power disappeared. They both held onto the realization that he'd never had any to begin with.