I'm surprised I would actually WANT to be on this flight.

Warning: Angst, swearing, innuendo, threats.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. I have fun manipulating their characters, though

Not-So-First in Flight

"So, about the bets!" Francis burst into the cockpit, smiling widely.

Arthur spun around, fuming. "Don't go around shouting and throwing open doors!" Then in a lower, but still stern voice, he added, "Alfred might get distracted."

"Oh," Francis hadn't thought about that before, and for once—though he'd never openly admit it—he was actually grateful for the Brit's warning. He walked over, leaning on the back of Arthur's chair, much to the Englishman's displeasure. "I was just thinking about those bets we made… and as I recall, you were wrong!"

Arthur swiveled around in his chair, making Francis stumble awkwardly, snapping, "I wasn't the only one wrong, Frog!"

"Yeah, dude, I mean, honestly, you can't take all the credit." Alfred said, glancing back from the wheel.

Arthur pointed a threatening finger at him. "You. Keep your eyes on the sky."

Alfred pouted, but did as he was asked, to Arthur's utter relief.

"So," Francis began. "How do we do this?"

"Well, let's go by who we said would not show up." Arthur suggested.

"I'm all for it." Alfred interjected.

"You be quiet and I'll sort out the bets. Focus."

"Gotcha, Art. Jeez, so friggin' pushy…"

Arthur ignored the muttered insult, and began, "Okay, so I said Turkey wouldn't show up. And France said that the Italies wouldn't make it. And Alfred said that Russia didn't make it, of course…" He pondered for a bit before concluding, "All right. I said Turkey and Turkey showed up, so Francis gets my compass, I'm pained to say…"

"Hold on a sec," Alfred said. "I guessed that Turkey would be here. Why don't I win?"

"Because you said Russia wouldn't be here, which makes me the recipient of your… whatever-you-call-it."

"It's a dream-catcher, moron." Alfred scoffed, and Arthur glared. "And I still don't get this."

"Of course you don't."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"I don't get this either, ami. Would you care to elaborate for us?"

Arthur sighed. "Okay… both France and I guessed Russia would be here and Alfred didn't, so technically, we would both be winners… that is, if Alfred hadn't said Turkey would be here, thus proving my bet false."

Francis wrinkled his nose in confusion. "But I also said Turkey was going to be here, cher. Have you gone deaf?"

"No, you git!" Arthur snapped. "Don't interrupt. As I was saying, Alfred guessed Turkey would be here and proved me wrong when he showed up. France would have won also, if he hadn't said that the Italies would be here. Now, I know both of you said the Italies would be here, but I said the Italies would be here, and so did Alfred. His guess would have counted if he had said that Russia would have showed up also, thus copying my claim. As so, and if my calculations are correct, Alfred lost to me, I lost to… ugh, the Frog, and France lost to Alfred."

Francis and Alfred were both silent, trying to contemplate what the man had just said. Eventually they came to the unspoken conclusion that it was too damn complicated to figure out, and that if Arthur admitted that he lost to Francis—which he would never do under any normal circumstances—he was probably telling the truth.

"Oui, so congratulations, ami, you won." He fished the small sack of aphrodisiac out of his pocket and gave it to Alfred, the few moments he took his hands off the wheel to grab it making the plane tip slightly to one side. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with this?"

Francis tsked with a leering grin on his face. "No, amour, it is who you are going to do."

"Shut it, Frog, and here." Arthur grudgingly tossed his prized compass over to Francis, who examined it closely.

"Uh, mon cher," Francis tapped lightly at the glass pane. "Are you sure this isn't… broken?"

Arthur looked extremely offended. "Of course not, bloody prat! Why else would I give it to you?"

Francis gave him a skeptical look, but said nothing. He was just glad to finally have something of Arthur's to keep with him, to hold, to look at, to marvel over, to… do other things with.

Arthur looked at Alfred, hand out and gesturing. "All right. I do believe you owe me that drear-retcher or whatever the hell it is."

"Dream-catcher," Alfred enunciated, taking his hands off the wheel for a moment to search in his many pockets. Finally, he located the trinket, giving it to Arthur gently, as if it would snap if he so much as moved too quickly.

Arthur snatched it out of his hand, enjoying the outraged look on Alfred's face as he mulled it over curiously. "I think I've heard of these, but I didn't pay any mind to them…"

"Well," Alfred said seriously. "Do well to pay mind to this one. It's very special and very old. 'S not like some of those other fake models out there that they sell in souvenir shops. I got it in the early years of the Cold War and it was blessed by a real shaman."

"You believe in this stuff?" Arthur asked in surprise.

Alfred scoffed. "What, and now all of a sudden I'm strange for believing in the supernatural? Dude, how many 'friends' have you got again?"

Arthur growled, "I've told you time and time again, brat, that my friends are 100 percent real! I should know. I talk to them all the time."

Alfred and Francis exchanged worried looks. "Whatever you say, dude." Then Alfred added as an afterthought, laughing, "Just as long as you tell me what kind of drugs you use to see your 'friends', 'cause I can sure as hell use a fix right now."

"I'm not lying impudent brat!" Arthur snapped. "And you will not be getting smashed when you're flying an airplane!"

"Chill, bro, sheesh." Alfred said, pocketing the aphrodisiac with a sigh. "You know what I just thought of? Where are we going to land?"

Francis and Arthur eyed each other in question. Then Arthur said, "Well… I don't know."

"Is there possibly a place that does not have many people?" Francis asked. "The less people there are around us, the safer we will be."

Arthur blinked. "You've got a point there, Frog." When Francis leered at him, he said, "Don't let it go to your head!" When Francis continued to leer, Arthur blushed and snapped, "Your other head, insufferable pervert!"

"Well…" Alfred took a moment to think. "Montana has Yellowstone National Park. There are many predators living there, granted, but no one in their right mind would think to go in there. And I believe we have enough protection to ward off anything that might confront us."

"Sounds like a good idea." Arthur agreed, rising from his seat. "I should go inform the others of the plan, yes?"

"Artie," Alfred said. "Please bring them up to speed with Mr. Roberts and everything. I feel his memory shouldn't be forgotten. He helped us a lot and…"

"I understand," Arthur stopped him, turning around to snag Francis by the shirt. "And you, Frog, won't be staying in here to distract Alfred from his work. Into the cabin with you."

Francis leered as he was pushed ahead of Arthur. "Oh là là, mon cher, getting a little rough, are we?" He waggled his eyebrows seductively.

Arthur rolled his eyes and gave Francis a massive shove to the back that made the other man stumble through the door of the cockpit. "Yeah, yeah, shut up and move."

"That's what she sa—Oof!"

Alfred chuckled to himself as he heard Arthur hit Francis with the door.

In the cabin, everyone was getting anxious. Feliciano had finally been strapped into his seat and Ludwig was sitting on his right side, shielding him from Ivan's impatient glares as he sat in the seat across the aisle. Lovino was sitting with his arms crossed in the seat in front of Feliciano, brooding as Gilbert sat beside him, talking about how awesome he was. Kiku sat next to Yao a row over, staring out of the window, while Yao muttered irately under his breath as Sadiq crunched annoyingly through multiple packages of sweet and salty peanuts he had found in the back. And, as always, Matthew was seated in the midst of them all, being utterly ignored.

Francis stumbled through the door followed quickly by Arthur.

"Honhon, you can push me around anytime, amour~"

"Sit down before I punch your lights out, Frog!"

"Mm, go ahead, I find I'm much more creative when I'm asleep."

Arthur's face reddened a bit and he sighed, rolling his eyes as he turned to address the others. "Since being in any area where there is a large population would be extremely risky, we have decided to land in a secluded place in Montana."

Ivan's eyes immediately narrowed. "I do not like this idea."

"Why?" Arthur snapped back, too busy glaring at Francis to notice the dangerous look Ivan was giving him. "Because it doesn't involve some gutsy maneuver that might kill us all?"

"Nyet," Ivan growled, and this time Arthur minded enough to direct his full attention to the Russian and take a wary step back. "There are too many ways this could go wrong. I'm sure there are a scarce amount of people living in the forests there, but the animals have seen no reason to abandon their homes. We could be even more at risk out in the wild away from an easy supply of food, water, and shelter than we may be in a city or town."

"Not only that, but if something bad happens, who will know where to find us, eh?" Gilbert took a moment to cease talking about himself and mutter, extending a fearful look to Ivan and then back to Arthur.

Ivan made a rumbling noise deep in the back of his throat akin to the growl of a bear. He swiveled in his seat to look through narrowed eyes at Gilbert and snapped, "If you keep implying who may make these bad things happen, I'm certain that they will be more inclined to come for you first."

The Prussian let out a soft squeak and shrank back into his seat. Beside him, Lovino looked relieved by the fact that he no longer had to listen to Gilbert's constant pratter.

"Hey!" Sadiq chimed, still crunching. "Don't be so negative! I know how to survive like a boss in the wild. You'll be safe with me."

"Oh, please," Yao spoke up. "I am much better survivor in wild. I am oldest nation, you know. Experienced."

Sadiq suddenly straightened up and tensed his muscles. "Are you saying you're better than me?"

"Of course,"

"I guess it's a competition, then." Sadiq sniffed, crossing his arms and giving Yao a narrowed look. "But I doubt you can beat me."

"This is no time to quarrel amongst ourselves!" Arthur snapped before Yao could remark. "It's already been decided. And, in all honesty, I believe we've all had enough with crowded cities. Why not try this out and see if it works? No one says we have to stay there for months on end. We have a plane."

Everyone looked at each other, muttering and nodding in approval. Ivan, however, glared at the Briton. "I agree. But next time, we go by majority vote."

From the open cockpit door, Alfred's annoying laugh could be heard. "Go by majority vote, my ass, commie bastard."

Ivan sat back in his seat, looking unusually calm. However the creepy, childlike smile was on his face and his ominous purple aura was starting up. "I would not be saying such things, Amerika. I am no longer communist, as you know. And you don't want an enemy like me."

Alfred scoffed, the plane tilting slightly to one side as he turned around to address the Russian. "Ha! Like you could threaten me. I was already your enemy, moron, and if you didn't know I totally kicked your commie ass!"

Everyone shrank back as a string of kolkolkol's erupted darkly from Ivan. Though Ivan still retained his childlike appearance, his fingers were now puncturing the arm cushions of the seat.

"Uh, Alfred," Arthur said warily. "I-I don't think you should say anymore."

"Hahahaha!" Alfred laughed. "Whatdaya mean, bro? He can't touch me! Let him try and—"

Before Alfred could further piss Ivan off, Arthur quickly slammed the door to the cockpit shut. He waited for Ivan to settle down before continuing, "Ahem, right, so… we're over Ohio at the moment, I believe. We should be crossing the lakes here soon so as to avoid detection from as many people as possible. We'll be touching down in Montana in about six hours, but we'll have to stop for fuel first." When the plane tilted again, Arthur braced himself against the wall and put a hand over his face. "Oh God help us."

"We'll see," said Matthew, and of course, no one heard.

Arthur went on as if no one had spoken. "Right, so America wanted me to bring you up to speed on what all conspired before you lot showed up…"

No translations

A Word From the Writer: Definitely DO NOT want to be trapped miles in the air with Russia. Especially with America there to annoy the hell out of him. Who knows what else he's got hidden in that coat?

Things are picking up. And everyone knows planes can't keep going forever...