And this is why nothing gets accomplished at world summits.

Warning: Angst, insults, threat using weapon, and some fluffystuffs.

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. I have fun manipulating their characters, though

To Go or Not to Go

There was a rapping on the side of the tent.

"Wake up! We have a problem."

Alfred groaned and cuddled closer to Ivan. Well… he wouldn't use the term 'cuddle.' That would just be too weird.

But Ivan didn't seem to mind the cuddling at all. In fact, he made a sound like that of a purr deep in his throat when Alfred's arms tightened around him. The Russian rubbed his back and kissed his forehead softly. "Hm, we should be getting up now, da?"

"Ah, she can wait."

"Dad!"

Alfred sighed and pushed himself up onto his hands. He was already beginning to miss the feel of the Russian's body against his own. "Coming, honey!"

Ivan chuckled as Alfred pulled on his clothes, still laying in the sleeping bag, content with just watching the American rush around. Alfred sent a mock glare at him. "What are you laughing at?"

Ivan chuckled and sat up. "I would never have believed you would make a good father."

Alfred blushed and busied himself with organizing his backpack to hide it. "Uh… yeah. Thanks, I guess."

"Da," Ivan went on. "With all the dangerous situations you got in and the destruction you caused, it seemed surprising to me that you are a good example to your states."

Alfred didn't know if that was a compliment or an insult, so he was confused about how to respond. Eventually, he said, "Well, I have to be. And I have to protect my states, don't I?"

Ivan was now standing in only his underwear. "I suppose. If I would have known you had a soft spot like that, I'd have struck there."

Alfred stiffened. "You almost did."

"But I did not, did I? Now I know how much I would have hurt you if I did. Sure, I would have won the war, but," Ivan shrugged and pulled on his pants. "It does not hurt to know one another. Perhaps if that was the case, we would not have been so hostile toward each other."

"Yeah," Alfred muttered. "Maybe," Then he turned around and examined Ivan. "Jeez, put on a shirt or something. They'll suspect something."

The Russian put on his coat, buttoning it up. "Whatever you say, woman."

Alfred growled. "I'm not acting like a woman. I don't nag. That's Iggy's job. I just don't want this slipping out just yet." He watched him, scrutinizing until he threw up his hands and gave an impatient sigh. "Here, let me do it. You're too slow. With your gigantic fingers…" Alfred buttoned up the rest of his coat and when he looked up, he found that Ivan was gazing lovingly down at him. He immediately felt his face heat and he jumped back, giving the Russian a couple hearty slaps to the chest, clearing his throat. "Uh, yeah, right. There ya go, man. Now let's go see what the hell Marge is so worked up about." And he marched out of the tent, backpack in tow.

Ivan chuckled under his breath, shaking his head. "Such a child. Good thing he's cute~" He hefted his backpack over one shoulder and ducked out of the tent flap.

Everyone was already out and awake. Ludwig was trying to keep Feliciano awake and Gilbert was restraining Lovino from going back into their tent and sleeping. His shouts and cursing in the morning was an assualt to the ears. Sadiq and Matthew were talking quietly to one another, possibly about the condition of Sadiq's wound. Sadiq was leaning against the trunk of a tree, looking miserable. Yao and Kiku were as quiet as ever, respectfully reading the atmosphere. Arthur and Francis, surprisingly, were not yelling at each other, not even glaring; they were in fact looking in different directions. Arthur's face was flushed and Francis had a curiously smug expression.

"Okay," Marge said, folding her arms. "So I went through all the cans of food we all gathered yesterday and discovered something unbelievable."

"A secret weapon?" Lovino asked.

"Nein, that's stupid." Gilbert said and Lovino frowned at him. "It is mein awesome face!"

Ludwig scoffed. "Shut up, East. It's probably a bomb. Whoever set that trap yesterday might have planted others."

"A message?" Arthur asked. "Asking for our surrender?"

"A map, maybe?" Yao inquired.

"Plans from the Organization?" Kiku asked.

"A hero?" Alfred said, then scoffed. "No wait, you already have me. Scratch that."

Ivan rolled his eyes. "Is it a form of communication, perhaps?"

"Non, of course not." Francis said, leering. "It's probably some sexual toy stuffed into a can!"

Arthur grimaced at him. "Why would you possibly think that?"

"Oh… experience." Francis said airily and everyone took a step back from him.

Matthew cleared his throat and asked meekly, "Is it… something gruesome?"

"Yeah," Sadiq said. "Like a body part or something? That wouldn't be surprising since we're in America…"

"Is it pasta~?" Felicianio trilled hopefully.

But Marge shook her head at all of them. "Nope, you're all wrong."

"Then what is it?" They all asked at once.

Marge produced a can from out of her bag. "How the hell are we going to get into these without a can opener?"

At first, no one said anything. Then Gilbert broke out laughing.

"Kesesese! We are all idiots!"

"Speak for yourself, bastard." Lovino grumbled beside him. "We can open it with knives, can't we?"

"Nein," Ludwig said. "We use our knives for everything. The last thing we want is to stick it in our food."

"Shit," Arthur swore. "I didn't even think about a bloody can opener!"

"Maybe it was because Ivan had just shot someone…" Francis muttered.

But Ivan heard and gave him his signature shut-the-fuck-up smile. "What was that, Francis? I did not seem to catch it."

Francis stiffened and laughed nervously. "Aheheh, nothing, nothing, Russie!"

"You mean all that shit we went through yesterday was for nothing?" Alfred said in disbelief.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, Alfred." Arthur said. "We're going to have to make another trip into town."

"I'm not going." Lovino snorted. "Not as long as those rebels are anywhere near there."

"Lovino is right." Francis said, moving over to stand close beside Matthew. "We almost lost people out there. And who knows if the rebels are still there?"

"Da," Ivan agreed. "They might have regrouped."

"They might be scouring the woods for us." Kiku said under his breath, but his words carried and made them all quiet.

Then Ludwig said, "Well… we can't just stand around here and expect a can opener to show up. We must go back into town or we will starve." He then looked worriedly at Feliciano as the Italian's stomach rumbled. "And Feli is weak and hungry. We are all hungry."

"I say all of those in fit condition go." Alfred said and stepped into the center of the circle. "All right, who's with me?"

"Oh no, you don't." Arthur said quickly, pulling him back. "You aren't going anywhere after what happened."

"And why the hell not?"

"You insulted the rebels, ami." Francis said and Arthur cast him a first-time grateful look. "They won't take kindly to that if they find you."

"Da," Ivan said. "Anyone who helped Arthur and Sadiq should not go, myself included. If the rebels find us, they will not hesitate to kill us."

"So," Matthew began, ticking off his fingers. "That's me, Ivan, Alfred, Arthur, Sadiq, and Francis…"

"Ha!" Alfred laughed spitefully. "I can take them. They have nothing on me. Let them attack me. We'll see how far they can get."

Arthur frowned. "That's not very good thinking, Alfred."

"No, Dad." Marge begged. "Please don't go. They'll kill you as soon as they see you."

"Oh?" Alfred said. "And I suppose you want to go in my place?"

Marge didn't say anything, only looked at her father expectantly. Alfred's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No, absolutely not, Montana. You won't be going anywhere unless I'm with you."

"But you can't go, Dad." Marge said, pleading with her father to listen. "Besides, with me the trip would be a lot quicker. I know this town, Dad. I know all the hiding places and stores where can openers may still be. And I know my way back."

"You know," Gilbert said. "The chick has a point."

Alfred stared indignantly at her. "I won't let you go. No. And that's final."

"Dad!" Marge said, now angry. "I'm not a child anymore!"

"What does that have to do with anything? You're still my daughter, and, goddammit, you will listen to me!"

"It has everything to do with it!" Marge said furiously. Her face was now a dull red. "You can't tell me what to do anymore! I'm old enough to make decisions on my own, get it? It's what you raised me to do! How am I ever going to survive on my own if something happened to you, God forbid?"

"No,"

"Just give me a chance!"

"I said no, Marjorie."

Marge looked as if she would explode, but she exhaled deeply and said, "Fine. If you're going to be like that, I guess I'll just go whether you like it or not."

Alfred's face fell. "Marjorie!"

But Marge was already headed to the trail that led back into the town. "I'm going, who's with me?"

"Someone get her!" Alfred said, looking around desperately. "Tie her up if you have to!"

But no one moved.

"Fine, then," Alfred said, glaring at all of them. "Since she's my daughter." And he rolled up his sleeves marching toward her.

But when he got within a few feet of her, Marge took out her gun and said, "Don't you dare, Dad."

Alfred stopped in his tracks, looking scared and confused. "M-Montana…?"

"I could never kill you." Marge said, still holding her gun aimed at her father. "But I can hobble you."

Alfred was panicking. "Marge, listen I—"

"Don't think I won't." Marge said firmly, aiming her rifle at one of Alfred's legs. "Anything to keep you out of harm's way. It'll be too risky to go back to town for you. You know that, but you're too stubborn to accept it."

Alfred at first considered wrestling the gun away from her. He didn't care if he got shot in the leg in the process. It was just a leg, honestly…

But if he was disabled, he would be a burden to everyone else and he wouldn't be able to help defend the group if need be. And he loathed just sitting back and feeling completely helpless…

So he took a step back and ducked his head. "I'm sorry, Marjorie. I understand your reasons for doing this. But I want you to know that this is your first and only chance to prove to me that you're ready to go off on your own without me."

Marge scoffed. "I've been without you since before the Uprising, Dad." She cocked her rifle. "I can handle myself. I always have. How do you think I've survived living in the forest by myself for years on end?"

"Didn't you have Ruby with you?"

At this, Marge's face fell. "Well…" Her voice was raspy. "She couldn't do everything for me. And she was only eight years old, so I've only had her for a short while."

"But the Uprising is something you haven't ever dealt with before."

Marge sighed. "Dad, I'll be fine. This is what you trained us for. Have you felt anything unusual coming from my brothers and sisters? No. That's because they know how to take care of themselves in situations like these. You can trust me." She looked up at Alfred. "I'll return home safe, I can promise you that."

Alfred gave a sad smile and held out his arms. Immediately, Marge lowered her rifle and ran to hug him. "I'm sorry, Marge." he said. "I just worry about you sometimes. I worry about all my states."

"Even Red?"

"Even Red."

"I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, baby." Alfred said, then released her and turned to face the rest of the group. "So, who's going to volunteer to defend my baby girl?"

"Dad,"

"I will go also," Kiku said dipping his head. Alfred smiled. He knew he could trust Kiku.

"All right," he said. "Who else?"

"I will go," Ludwig said and stepped forward.

"I will," Yao said. "I'm the only one left after counting out the injured and everyone that was seen before."

"Kesese!" Gilbert laughed. "I am not injured! I will go too!" And he started forward to join them.

"Nein, East." Ludwig grabbed his brother by the shoulder and pulled him back. "You are too weak. I'm not going to risk losing you."

"What are you talking about? I'm awesome at healing!" Gilbert said, then winced as Ludwig tapped gently on one of his scars. "Ow, ow, fucking ow! Okay, West, okay! I'll fucking stay here… OW!"

"I'm not touching you anymore." Ludwig said quizzically.

Gilbert glanced behind him. "Well, then who—?"

"This is for pushing me around, kraut breath!" Lovino laughed, poking him everywhere on his injured back.

Gilbert quickly snatched up his hands. "That would not be wise of you when we share the same tent, ja?"

And Lovino, though grudgingly, stopped, grumbling under his breath.

"All right," Alfred said, examining the group. "You guys be careful and bring my daughter back safely, okay?"

"Shí," Yao said.

"Hai, Alfred-san." Kiku dipped his head.

Ludwig just nodded.

"All right," Alfred sighed. "Off you go then. And if my daughter returns with any sort of injury, I won't hesitate to throttle you."

"Alfred!" Matthew snapped.

"Just kidding." Alfred laughed weakly and gave his daughter another side hug, Marge's gun still out, but no longer aimed at him. "Stay safe, sweetheart."

"Thanks," Marge said and moved away from him, brown eyes meeting blue. "Love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, baby."

"See you soon."

"I'd better."

Marge smiled for the first time since Ruby's death and Alfred concluded there and then it was one of the most beautiful things he had ever seen since the horrors of the Uprising.

Marge looked as if she was going to say something but closed her mouth and turned to follow Ludwig, Yao, and Kiku, giving her father a wave before disappearing among the trees on the path to town.

"She'll be fine, lad." Arthur assured, placing a hand on Alfred's shoulder.

"Yeah," Alfred said. "I know. I raised her, after all."

Arthur scoffed and led Alfred back to the center of the camp. "Whatever. Let's get that shoulder of yours bandaged and check Gilbert and Romano's wounds. Now that we have proper medicine we'll be able to treat you all properly."

"Artie?"

"Yes, Alfred?"

"I'm still hungry."

Arthur snorted. "You always are, git, but we can't eat anything until Marjorie and the rest come back with the stupid can opener we were all too stupid to think about picking up."

No translations

A Word From the Writer: Fucking can openers. Why can't they have Edward Scissorhands with them?... Except, you know, he'd be Can...opener...hands... LAME.