A/N: Heeeey peeps!

Blizzcon... Blizzcon... I can't wait for it to start today! Woohoo! :)

And yes, I suggest you send a lot of love in Natsu's direction when reading this chapter. He's a sad little dragon slayer...

Disclaimer: Fairy Tail belongs to Hiro Mashima.

Chapter 14: Complicated Emotions

"And if there's anything, anything at all make sure to contact me, okay?" the nurse smiled brightly towards the dragon slayer as she followed him towards the exit of the hospital.

"Yeah sure" he shrugged and smirked slightly in return.

"I mean it! With all you've been through it would be normal if you develop some nasty side effects"

"I'll keep that in mind"

"Just make sure you talk to someone about it, mkay? It ain't healthy locking yourself up in that pretty head of yours"

"Shut up..." he pouted in annoyance, making the nurse laugh.

"Seriously though you have to take care of yourself. I've seen strong men melt like butter because they didn't take their problems seriously. And it's silly really, because society dictates that it's not okay for men to show their feelings. They have to be strong and fierce!" she stopped to flex her arms "Because men have to protect the world, right? But that's just stupid! Women can take care of themselves and still be free to show emotions"

"Uhm..."

"So! If you feel your emotions are trying to overwhelm you, talk to someone. It helps a lot"

"Thanks, I will"

"Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise"

"Good. Is that your friends waiting for you?" she pointed towards a small group who was talking and occasionally glaring in their direction.

"Yeah they're great" he smiled but it was obvious even to the nurse, that he was forcing himself to look happy.

"Mmm-hm"

"Hey Natsu!" Lucy smiled eagerly while waving her hand.

"Are you ready to go?" Erza questioned exchanging a quick look with the nurse.

"Yeah..." Natsu shrugged while smirking towards his team "... I am"

"Natsuuuu!" Happy cried as he flew into Natsu's arms, hugging him like he was afraid that the dragon slayer might vanish if he let go.

"Let's go home. I can't wait to see how much you've trashed our place, in the time I was gone"

"It... it... isn't that bad..." Happy's eyes suddenly became huge in horror "Oh no... I forgot to put the fish in the freezer"

"Uhm... hasn't it been like a week since you were back at your place?" Gray asked the cat who nodded in return "Eww..."

"You guys make sure to take good care of this tiny little dragon slayer" the nurse giggled as she pinched Natsu's cheek between two fingers, making him squeal in pain "And if he doesn't behave or if he acts abnormal feel free to contact me, okay? I have this weird feeling he wont keep his promise to me, so if you spot anything out of the ordinary don't hesitate" she released him, earning a few grumps and insults as Natsu started rubbing his sore cheek.

"I promise we will. Thank for everything, we will be on our way now" Erza bowed before gesturing to the others to follow her.

"No problem! Take care, you hear!" The nurse smiled brightly while waving enthusiastically towards the group leaving the hospital. She truly hoped everything would turn out right for the poor kid and prayed to whoever was listening, that he would use his friends and talk about the inner battles he was having. The future would be hard to face, but if he shared his burden it would be easier.

Natsu walked in silence and listened to his friends babbling about nothing and everything. They tried involving him in their conversation a few times, but he would just shrug and lose his attention after a short period of time. He didn't want to be rude but for some reason he couldn't prevent his mind from flying in a different direction. It wasn't as if he was thinking about something specific, his mind would just redirect itself for some bizarre reason.

"Hey, you okay?" Lucy poked his shoulder, trying to get his attention.

"Mmm?" Natsu turned his head and smirked towards the girl "Yeah I'm good"

"You sure?"

"Mmm-hm" his smile was strained, but he didn't feel like opening up at the moment. Well not that he had anything to open up to, because he didn't feel particularly sad or frustrated. He just felt... numb? Of course he was thrilled they were going back to the guild and he was happy his friends was there with him. But other than that... he didn't feel anything.

Indifferent... yeah that was the right word for his feelings right now...

"Don't look at me like that Lucy" he sighed heavily while putting his hands into his pockets "I'm fine..."

"Sorry, just let me know if there's anything I can do"

"Sure..." he stared at the ground with a haunted look "yeah... of course..."

"Good" she placed her hand on his shoulder making him flinch momentarily, before turning his head towards her.

"Thanks Lucy" he smiled sadly, before glaring at the ground again.

It hurt her seeing him like this, but she didn't say anything. Instead she smiled brightly hoping it would help him somehow.

They kept walking for a while until they reached a crossroad where Natsu stopped in his tracks.

"Guys, I'm going home. I'll... see you later, okay?"

"I'm coming with you!" Happy replied.

"No... Happy I know I'm being rude, but can you go with Lucy? I..." he sighed heavily "I need... I..."

"Aye! Lucy can you cook some fish for me?"

"Sure thing" the blonde girl replied.

"Fine" Erza said before continuing "Will you join us at the guild later today? As I've told you before they are holding a party to celebrate you're back"

"Of course! Count me in"

"Good, I will deliver your statement to the master. See you later then" Erza smiled as she started walking in guilds direction.

"I... I'll see you later" Lucy clenched her hand and raised it into the air "Let's have a fantastic party tonight!"

"Yeah, I'm game" Natsu nodded at her before going towards his home. He needed some time for himself, but then again he couldn't wait to see his friends later on.

Natsu was staring at the fish Happy had left in the kitchen. It smelled, no it reeked of rotten flesh and usually he would gag at the stench. But for some reason he didn't care. He just kept staring at it like it was some work of art he was judging and found interesting.

"Tsch!" he grunted before grabbing the fish carrying it to the garbage can outside of the house. But for some reason he froze in his position as he opened the lid. Usually he wouldn't dwell on symbolism and things like that, but there was something about throwing the rotten fish away. Like it was a piece of himself he was letting go. It was a stupid thought, but still it was lingering inside of him, nagging to be heard.

"Fuck" he snarled as he threw the fish away walking inside his house once more.

Turning around he looked at all of his relics from past missions. Normally he felt nostalgic remembering the different times and experiences he had with the items. But for some reason he couldn't feel the same emotions he used too when he looked at them. It was all so faint as if it was something he had done in a different life. And it hurt thinking like that... knowing and feeling that he couldn't commit to the same things he used to take pleasure in. Well not on the same level... He felt so utterly lost even when it was something concerning his own memories...

Sighing, he walked back to the kitchen. He needed something to eat...

There was some dried meat, some old cheese and some different things that hadn't mould on it or otherwise turned bad.

Natsu shrugged before grabbing the dried meat, taking a huge bite. It tasted so bland? He chewed on it lazily without putting any effort into his actions. For some bizarre reason it felt like the meat in his mouth started to grow in size, making him more nauseous as he kept chewing.

"Ugh!" he spat into his garbage can, removing the meat from his mouth. Once it was gone he started smacking his tongue inside of his mouth, as if he could somehow remove the taste by doing that.

Natsu tried thinking about food he wanted to eat, but no matter what he thought about it would make his stomach twist uncomfortably. Well he didn't really want to eat anything anyway... actually it almost felt good having his stomach growling and hurting. He didn't know why because it was stupid feeling that way. But for some reason it felt nice having a physical pain, because he could relate to that.

"Whatever..." he sighed sitting on the floor. It wasn't as if they didn't have chairs but for some reason it felt good being there. On the floor in his kitchen... alone...

He was rocking back and forth for some reason and it made him laugh hysterically when he thought about it.

Fuck, it was good being back. Being with his friends... being home... even if it was a rotten fish that was his welcome back present. His laughing escalated making it hard to breathe, but eventually he got a hold of himself.

"Damn..." he removed some lonely tears, that had come from laughing so hard. For some reason he stared at his wet fingers and as he did his hands started trembling. While he kept staring at his hands, the world around him seemed to spin unpleasantly. It kept spinning around him until it seemed to wrap his brain into the circle. As it did he felt his own emotions being hurtled into the storm, awakening a lot of feelings he didn't want to acknowledge. All of a sudden the spinning stopped, hitting him with full force making his stomach clench painfully and making it hard to breathe.

"I'm sorry..." he whispered as warm tears suddenly ran down his face "I'm so sorry..."

There was nothing to apologize for but for some reason he felt he had to. It was weird and it didn't make sense but he felt guilty. Like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Why is it so hard to breathe, he thought while wrapping his right arm around his stomach hugging himself, trying to prevent the pain in his stomach from somehow escalating to the rest of his body. It helped somewhat, but he couldn't move.

Frozen in his position he slowly started rocking himself back and forth again.

Why... this doesn't make sense... he tried logic to calm his emotions, telling himself this wasn't like him. But it didn't help. Nothing helped... he was a passenger on the wave of emotions overwhelming him and he could do nothing to stop it. No, he had to endure it until it eventually stopped, leaving him breathless and in pieces on the floor.

He didn't know how much time had passed but eventually Natsu got a hold of his emotions. Or well it was more like he felt so exhausted from the feelings overwhelming his body, that he couldn't feel anything any more. It was too much and too painful that his own body somehow locked his emotions away.

For some reason he just wanted to lay there. Not feeling anything, doing nothing but stare at his surroundings with a blank look. But then again he wanted to go to the guild to meet his friends. He needed, no he craved to be in their company. Why did he have conflicting feelings about it? Normally he would be more than happy to go to a huge party and celebrate with all the people he cared about. This wasn't like him at all and it made him angry for some reason. Maybe it was because he didn't understand himself or his emotions, but he could honestly say it was damn frustrating!

Especially because the lack of control and the feeling of not understanding what was going on, was so annoying it made him shiver in anger.

"Fuck..." growling he got into a standing position. Once there he turned his head, unsure of what to do next. For some reason the anger made him restless but also undetermined about what he should do.

Well maybe a shower would work? He thought to himself as he removed his clothes while walking towards the bathroom. Stripping and walking, huh? Does that remind you of someone? Chuckling he turned on the water, making sure it was warm enough. When he was satisfied with the temperature he walked into the streaming water.

It felt so soothing... a shiver of delight escalated through him at the feeling of the hot water running down his body and cross his exposed skin. He knew that the nurse would scold him if she knew he was taking a shower with his bandages unprotected from the water but he didn't care. It felt so fucking good, making him smile genuinely to himself.

He kept standing like that just enjoying the feeling of the hot water streaming down on him and covering his body in a thin layer of heat. It almost felt like being engulfed in a warm embrace. Like the water itself was trying to calm him down.

After awhile he got out of the shower, drying himself quickly with his magic. His bandages didn't seem to have gotten affected by the shower, which caused him to snicker slightly because he didn't want to replace them. Of course he would have to do that eventually but he didn't feel like doing it now. Well he couldn't exactly replace the plaster on his left arm, but he couldn't remove it either because it would take awhile for the bones there to heal.

Mehh, shrugging he found some clean clothes, putting it on rather smoothly considering his condition. With that in order he found his scarf laying on the floor with the other things he had tossed there, when he stripped for the shower. When he wrapped it around his neck he could feel his heart fluttering in joy. It was an important item to him and for some reason it made him feel better. Just the smell of it made him feel hopeful.

Natsu didn't have the scarf with him in the cave, but after waking up he was thrilled for the first time, when they brought it to him. Actually he had been so overwhelmed by joy that he felt like crying. Happy was the one who brought it to him and the poor cat was shocked when he saw him grabbing the scarf with trembling hands, hugging it closely to feel the fabric against his skin.

Ohh well... he managed to smile almost convincingly as he walked towards the door ...time to get this party started!

His honest opinion? It was fun! His friends, the party everything was awesome!

For some reason the alcohol seemed to dull his pain, showing it away somewhere inside of himself like it was a nightmare he never really experienced.

Natsu was talking casually with people, picking up random fights and was what he would call acting like his usual self. Of course he sometimes caught the nervous glances Lucy would send him, but he didn't pay much attention to it. It was a party! And he felt amazing!

"Gajeel! Let's wrestle!" he grinned enthusiastically while pointing a finger towards the metal head.

"Huh? You sure kid? I won't go easy on you, you know?"

"I wouldn't want it any other way!" snickering he placed his elbow on the desk luring with his right hand for Gajeel to grab it.

"It's on!" the other dragon slayer was smirking as he grabbed the hand "You ready?"

"I was born ready!" Natsu exclaimed as they started their little contest. Both of them was putting all of their effort into the action. But even if he was set on the challenge Natsu couldn't help his gaze from momentarily wandering to Lucy who was talking to Gray. It seemed like she was having a good time. Good, she deserved it... he thought to himself.

But for some reason there was something that started burning inside of him. It was an unpleasant and unknown feeling. For some reason it made him angry, frustrated and annoyed. He didn't know why all of those feelings seemed to rage inside of him, but once it started it seemed to escalate. Especially when he heard her laughing or saw her gently punch Gray, at something he had said.

What the fuck... he thought to himself and was momentarily so consumed in his own thoughts, that he didn't commit enough to the match he was having. He felt it though, as Gajeel in a quick movement slammed Natsu's hand against the desk, making the whole thing crack and splinter to pieces.

"Huh...?" Natsu glared at his hand as the metal head released it, not noticing the roaring laughter coming from his opponent.

Ohh... he blinked a few times still staring at his hand. He... lost? Again? Wait... had he ever lost a wrestling contest against Gajeel? He couldn't remember. Not that it mattered. Or did it? For some reason he felt angry, but there was also this other feeling he couldn't put his finger on.

"For fucks sake!" he yelled before wiggling his tongue teasingly towards Gajeel "Bleeeeh!"

"Don't act like a girl just because you lost, kid"

"Bleeeehh!" he kept wiggling his tongue, while momentarily looking in Lucy's direction. She was still engulfed in her conversation. Evidently she didn't even hear him losing! Well that was... good? Wasn't it? But... then again... what? He wanted her to cheer on him? Tell him Gajeel cheated? What?

Confused he ruffled his hair with his right hand while exhaling rather loudly. It didn't matter, did it? But why the fuck was he so confused all of a sudden? Why was his emotions behaving like a bunch of kids high on sugar, each one trying to convince him he was feeling bad?

"Fuck this shit!" he threw his hand into the air somehow acknowledging the defeat in his mind.

For some reason his surroundings suddenly felt loud and smothering. Like it was trying to consume him, capturing him inside a tiny box. The air in his lungs seemed to vanish all of a sudden as he started to panic. Why? He was panting, feeling a chill run down his spine. He was... scared? Confined? It was weird, too weird.

Sprinting he left the guild. He had to run, escape. But from what? It was so irrational! He kept running and for some reason it felt good how the muscles in his legs seemed to ache, from his sudden movements.

Natsu didn't know for how long he ran but he stopped once he got to the canals. Heaving for air he felt how his knees seemed to buckle underneath him, making him fall down to a sitting position.

He kept sitting like that, just staring at the water passing by. It almost felt soothing just staring at it, trying to ignore the feelings rummaging inside his mind.

Why? What the fuck is going on? Bending his legs in front of him, he wrapped his arm around them, before placing his head on his knees. This is so confusing...

He didn't know how long he sat there. It was in the middle of the night, so fortunately no one cared about him being there. If it had been during the day he was sure people would frown at him, thinking he was a lazy punk. Not that he would care about that, but it was nice having his own space.

It started raining all of a sudden, but Natsu didn't care. No, it was actually nice feeling the cold water as it hit him, running down his skin and drenching every inch of him. Time seemed to freeze, like he was caught in the moment. It was a weird feeling because even his emotions seemed to be at a standstill. Nothing seemed to happen and for some reason it was almost pleasant. Well no that wasn't the right word, but the indifferent feeling was a nice replacement from his pain and confusion.

"Natsu...?"

He heard the voice but was unsure how to react.

"Natsu?"

"Mmm" it was more of a grunt than an actual sound but he made it to acknowledge her presence.

"Are you okay?" her voice was so gentle it made him flinch momentarily, before turning his head in her direction.

"Luce..." his eyes widened as he looked at her drenched body "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you"

"Why?"

"Well you rushed out of the guild all of a sudden, so I was worried. You know, I was wondering if something happened"

"Ohh..." he cast his look downwards to avoid her eyes "... it's nothing. I just needed some fresh air..."

"You sure?"

"Yeah..."

"Okay"

Natsu had to look at her to confirm she didn't need any further explanation. Why didn't she ask him why he left all of a sudden? Demand to tell her why he was behaving so uncharacteristic and just left without a word?

"You don't have to say anything to me if you don't want to Natsu. I know it can be hard explaining emotions sometimes and considering it's you I wouldn't be surprised if it's even harder. Don't misunderstand me, it's hard for a lot of people to talk about their emotions. Heck, it's even harder to acknowledge them"

Lucy was blushing as she continued "I mean you're the type of person who lives your life not bothering to put a name on the things you feel. That's admirable because you don't usually dwell on things for too long. You do what's best for the people around you and eventually you do what's best for yourself as well"

She was sincere and the meaning hit him directly, making his heart skip a beat. Her soothing words trying to reach out to him, making him feel comfortable without pressuring him.

Natsu knew she was right. If he wanted salvation he would have to find the answers himself. And to do that he needed help, no he craved for it. He didn't know why, nor did he feel any reason to justify his actions, but in an instant he grabbed her with his right arm, forcefully pulling her into a tight hug. The action was so quick it made Lucy jump in surprise for a second.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to startle you" he chuckled darkly, while placing his head on her shoulder.

"It's okay" she giggled while gently placing her arms around his torso "You can hug me all you want. I'm here for you... always"

"Thanks..." he placed his nose against her neck for a second, inhaling her sweet scent before resting his head on her shoulder again "... for always being there"

"You've always been there for me, so of course. I would never abandon you"

"You'll... never leave me?"

"No"

"Promise?"

"I promise"

Natsu could feel the chaos inside of him vaporising as he exhaled a shaking breath. It wasn't entirely gone but it was like a lid had been placed on it, making his confusion and pain so small in size it was nothing more than a dull throb inside his stomach. Everything would get better eventually he just had to focus on the here and now. Living, feeling and leaning on the people in his life that meant the most to him. Hope... yes... the feeling of hope was rushing through him, making him confident that eventually everything would settle inside of him.

A/N: Aaaand there you have it! I'll admit this chapter was hard to type, because I had to face some inner demons to create it. It's all good though, because once I started typing it just escalated on it's own.

I'm soooo tired... my cat is sleeping on his hammock... I want a hammock... zzZzz...

Until next time! :)

/Hejmdal