Ladies and Gentleman: This is a public service announcement.

Please do not be alarmed. This is my attempt at humor and comedy. 9 times out of 10 this may fail. I am not really good at humor so please be advised.

Thank you. Now back to our regularly scheduled fanfic.

Disclaimer: I do not own, please do not sue.

Note: "Speech in Japanese", "Speech in English". Just a reminder!

Chapter 17: The Playday I: Substitute Teacher

Tap.

Tap.

Tap.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap.

Taptaptaptaptaptap!

"Kaito."

Taptaptaptaptaptaptaptap!

"Kaito!"

Grin! "Hmmhmhmhmmmhmmmm!"

SLAM! "KAITO!" Somewhat startled by the hand in front of his desk, he risked a glance from the window at the one girl with those infamous lungs.

"Hai?"

"I've been calling you for like forever! You're scaring everyone with that look of yours. Why are you so happy?"

Blinking, Kaito looked around to see that, no surprise, everyone was keeping a wiiiide distance from him. He honestly didn't know why they were staring at him like some sort of fff- finny things out to get them. They DO have the tendency to do it, he can attest to that (Suppresses a shudder). But…

He was giddy; hell, he was beyond giddy. A glee he usually gets when using his glider was bubbling inside him. He guessed it was the reason why he was tapping his toes and humming quite loudly. But he did have a reason. Well, two really.

NO HAKUBA! The half-Brit jackass will not be darkening this classroom. He felt like jumping and crying for joy.

"Well?"

The grinning was being kept under control. And he noticed that some of his classmates were waiting with bated breath. Aaand he lastly stared at his childhood friend that was glaring at him.

"Nothing, Aoko. Nothing at all."

Flip! "Ooh, black and lacy! Me likey!"

"BAKAITO!"

Mop in hand, The Chase begins again! They were waiting for this; it was the usual but still just as entertaining. Kaito surely did not want to disappoint his audience. Aoko, with her trusty mop, swung like a lumberjack, trying to hit the ever-elusive Kaito. He, with an acrobatic finesse, jumped from desk to desk and, with a magician's flair, from ceiling to wall.

The door of the now filling classroom (It was almost the start of first period) slid open. When Kaito, in midair, noticed who it was, he missed a desk and fell on his ass, barely dodging the dreaded mop. Aoko frowned at Kaito's startled look and smiled at the reason.

"H-Hakuba!" squeaked the magician. Suguru Hakuba in turn gave a cool smile the boy's way before giving a genuine smile at Aoko. She bowed back.

"I apologize for coming back early, Kuroba-kun, but hearing about how a normal wealthy man's party will become a battlefield between Kid, a mysterious new thief and detectives, I just had to come back from England to watch." His smile turned mocking as he took out a card. "It is strange that my invitation was lost in the mail. Yamada-san was gracious enough to give my father a second to give to me. Would you happen to know anything about it?" His eyes screamed, 'I know you tampered with my mail somehow, Kuroba!'

Kaito's left eye was twitching, violently. Shit, he is the last person I needed to be here. AT ALL! Breathing deeply, quietly and slowly the magician managed to calm down the twitching and smoothed his face into a mild frown. He allowed a less-mild glare to the Brit, who ignored it with civility as he claimed his seat. Kaito knew the blond believed that he was Kaitou Kid (which was true) yet he could never prove it beyond a reasonable doubt (which Kaito made sure it was the case). Rising to his feet, he dusted himself off. The -Great - Stick - In - The -Ass will not deter him from the now only reason why he was so giddy.

"Kaito! Are you alright?" Aoko asked, worriedly. With a sigh, he gave a lopsided grin to Aoko.

Flip! "Me still likey!"

"BAKAITO!"

Hakuba silently watched as Kuroba-kun did his usual flip-and-chase with Nakamouri-chan. Personally and guiltily, he cherished the shell-shocked expression on the prankster's face. If he was Kaitou Kid (and Hakuba knew he was) then the feeling was understandable. He already had to deal with three other detectives, plus another thief, who may be better than Kid.

The heist was blown all over the Japanese newspapers. How he found out about it? He luckily had his servants bring him the latest. When learnt, he had taken the next flight to Tokyo, having arrived just yesterday evening. The first thing he had done was visit the Ekoda station to talk to Nakamouri-keibu about letting him become involved in the heist and to prove that he was invited. (He was positively sure that Kuroba-kun tampered with his mail.) He was quite surprised to learn that the inspector was not in at all; as well as most of his task force. The remainder told the blond that he was working under another inspector in the Beika station, an inspector from Interpol.

Interesting.

Apparently, this inspector was after the mysterious `L'. And the other officers were strangely tight-lipped about the identity of both the Interpol inspector and that thief.

More intriguing.

In the end, right after school, he would have to present himself to this inspector, which means most likely encountering Mouri-san, Hattori-kun and Conan-kun. Officially speaking, he had met Conan-kun more times than the two older men, Mouri-san once and barely at that. (He remembered that annoyance who disguised himself as said older man during that detective gathering involving that annoyance. A part of him had wondered how Conan-kun had known that the man was Kid.) He also didn't want to meet Hattori-kun. They had not gotten off on the right foot; their personalities just clashing, even causing them to be wrong at that fake Detective Koushin.

He personally thought about that bi-speckled boy and how interesting he was involving Kid heists. What does he have that I do not have? A question for later.

Coming out of his own musings, the half- Britton noticed something was wrong. The school bell indicating the start of first period had wrung about five minutes seven seconds ago (he had looked at his beloved old, very accurate watch), yet there was no teacher.

Where could she be?

He wasn't the only one thinking the same thing as other students voiced the same thoughts. Even the `Mop and Chase' had slowed a little as the two participants held small frowns. He heard chuckling from the only person who had not spoken yet.

"Is there something interesting you are laughing about, Koizumi-san?"

The dangerously mysterious woman chuckled a bit before saying, strangely looking and sounding a bit tired, "So it starts." It was quite loud and Hakuba suspect she was talking to someone else. Saying nothing more, she turned her attention to the classroom door.

It slid open to reveal a young man in a dark grey suit reading in his hand a book. At about the same time, Kuroba-kun was standing on the ceiling grinning, sticking out his tongue. Nakamouri-chan with a grunt instead of swinging her weapon, threw it like a javelin with all of her strength.

At this point it was as if time slowed down.

The moment she let go, her eyes widened in horror. The prankster magician with his manic grin quickly dodged the wooden projectile, but noticing the horrified girl turned behind himself. It was hard to know his expression since his face was away from Hakuba but he guessed it was in the same horror as his friend's. Some of the students turned away from the oncoming carnage, while others stood rooted on the spot, Hakuba included.

"SIR!"

The Britton could only give a feeble warning, as the mop came just a few meters away. The man looked up from his literature to blink, turn to the blonde's shout, and then glanced at the missile, precious seconds he wasted.

SLAM!

The blond opened his eyes (when did he closed them?), expecting to see the man's body slammed into the wall, out cold with most likely a concussion. What he did not expect was the mop's handle in betted in the wall and the man's head just approximately a few centimeters to its left. His expression was a mixture of surprise and amusement, emotions that really should not belong to a man who was a few second away from being out of commission. What also bothered him was that dodge.

"Did you see that?"

"That guy just moved his head!"

"Cool! I wish I can do something like that!"

It was unfortunate that he didn't see this and he cursed himself for that but…

The man said nothing as he pulled the mop from the wall. He gave a soft whistle at the indent in the wall behind him and quietly gave a glance at the perpetrators. Once again those expressions should not be on a man who was close to death. His black rimmed square glasses shined mysteriously its own.

And Hakuba had the distinct impression that Kuroba-kun and Nakamouri-chan will not like what this man might have in store for them and that the man was probably more than he seemed.

Well, shit.

Because of their usual banter, a person nearly died. They were so screwed. Kaito was impressed with that man's dodge. It looked like it was more on instinct than adrenaline. He idly wondered if the man did some sort of martial art or gymnastics or something. A quick glance told the magician that the Brit detective was thinking the same thing. And showing a sense of pity.

Great, just what he needed.

The man, who looked no older than his mid-20's, and had short brown hair, walked slowly to the duo, mop in hand. Kaito had the grace of placing himself next to Aoko, with his head bowed and face serious. It wouldn't make due to look like he had enjoyed nearly killing the teacher. The man stopped two steps before them, and then twirled the mop. Confused, the magician and Aoko glanced at the unusual display. Still saying nothing, he pointed to the mop. Understanding, Aoko murmured, "We have another mop at that corner." She quietly retrieved said item and gave it to him. He then twirled the other.

Kaito did not know where that man was going with this. He can usually read people, but this guy was like reading a brick wall. The classmates around him began to move away. And the twirling mops began to gain speed.

"Um, sir? Listen we're -"

"Don't move."

About everyone in the room shuddered with that emotionless voice and the duo did as they were told.

"You think that it's funny to throw these things around when someone can get hurt?" His voice didn't change at all as his shining glasses and blank face did nothing to show any other emotion, not even the expected anger. And the mops were gaining more speed. Kaito blinked. He wouldn't!

The mops now looking like double helicopter propellers (Kaito can see the breeze of the papers on some of the desks), the man gave a distinctive grin, catching the magician (and detective if that small gasp was anything to go by) off guard. In a two second time frame, he abruptly stopped spinning and began to bring them down on their heads.

Then. Nothing.

The magician opened his eyes (they closed reflexively) to give a slight twitch. The mop handles were a mere few centimeters from the dead center of their foreheads. Aoko was shaking like a leaf. She only gave a feeble "Sir." before the man did another gesture in two seconds, letting go of the mop handles, turning his hands so the thumbs faced downwards therefore grabbing the handles, twisting the mops so that the mop hairs faced the duo and shoved them in both of their faces, mildly hard.

"AAAcccck!" "GaaaaaaHHHH!"

Oh God! These smell so bad! I think these were used yesterday and weren't cleaned properly!

Kaito never felt so humiliated in all his life. The coughing and hacking sound he and Aoko made did nothing to stop the smell from entering their noses and mouths. He can also hear the snickering from some of his classmates. He zoned in on one particular one.

Was the Brit, laughing at him?

Oh, he will pay! Snickering at his expense! Pink hair will do the trick!

After an eternity, the mops were removed. It didn't take long for Kaito and Aoko to run to their respective desks, gasping and clutching the desk edges like their lives depended on it. After a minute, it took a few seconds for the magician to see a small folded floral pattern cloth on the table, plus a small bottle of mouthwash. Without thinking, he immediately grabbed the cloth and rubbed it all over his face. Then he grabbed the bottle and drank it, swirled it in his mouth and spat it out… in a conveniently placed trash bin next to his desk. He blinked dumbly at it.

"I see you took advantage of my generosity." The teen stared at the man, who gave a small smile as he took the trash bin (he had another most likely from Aoko's desk). "Now then I hope you learned your lessons."

"Hai!"

"Good." The man suddenly had no bins in his hands, as well as the fact that the cloth and the empty bottles were gone. The students stared. Kaito stared. Hakuba stared.

"Where did those items go?"

"Did Kuroba-kun do that?"

"Don't think so. Those things were there before with no explanation."

"You don't think…"

The murmurings gave a pretty good point. One that bothered Kaito the most was the grin. He recognized immediately what it reminded him of; and glanced at the teacher in wonder.

The man clapped his hands. "Since that incident has been cleared up," he said as he walked to the front of the room. "It's time to start this class." Frowning, he glanced at the desk and took the only item he was carrying, a slightly thick book. "This is English, right?" Some of the kids nodded.

"Good I'm in the right place!" With a high- watt grin, he sat the book down and took his place in front of the chalkboard.

"Excuse me sir, but why are you here?" asked Hakuba. "What happened to our teacher?"

"Funny thing." With a long suffering sigh, he continued, "The poor thing was on a verge of a severe breakdown, I honestly don't know why-" He didn't notice, or pretended not to, it was most likely the latter, the eyes of the students stared accusingly at a certain, wild haired magician, who responded by returning a scandalous look at the kids and an angelic smile. "-So someone had given her tickets to a plane ride to one of those famous Hokkaido hot spring resorts. It was such last minute that they had no one planned to take her place, she disappeared so fast." He shrugged. "So I took the challenge. They did warn me about a few things. I paid them no heed."

He spread his arms wide, chalk in hand. "I will be your substitute teacher today~!" Hakuba blinked. The man's English was flawless to his surprise. Not many Japanese English teacher can speak the language without adding their accent. The Substitute turned to write on the board. After turning back around, showing the written kanji, there became another reason to stare.

His name, which in Kaito's most humble opinion, looked so unnatural it wasn't even funny, was neatly arranged as if he looked to be a perfectionist. He had also taken the time to write out the name in the English letters.

Sasuke Ookami.

"As I've said, I will be you substitute English teacher for today. My name's Sasuke Ookami. Please treat me well." He bowed a little afterward with a distinct flourish. The students themselves bowed back. Ookami-sensei then immediately took out a piece of paper. After a few seconds of jotting down things, he looked pleased at what he wrote. Before he opened his mouth, a student asked.

"Ookami-sensei, are you a magician by any chance?"

The man grinned again and said, "I dabbled here and there. I'm not as good as some other magicians."

"You think you're better that Kaitou Kid?" This question surprisingly enough came from Aoko.

"What do you mean better?" Kaito asked in horror. "No one's better than Kid!"

"Yes, coming from his biggest fan, hmmm, Kuroba-kun?" The Brit looked unnaturally smug there.

"Biggest fan?" The teacher raised an eyebrow, clearly amused with the banter.

"Hakuba-kun, you better not be accusing Kaito of being Kid again!" Aoko warned. "Because it's not true."

"Yes, of course, Nakamouri-chan, I apologize." With a smirk, Hakuba added, "He wouldn't do something so foolish as to get in trouble and get caught for a mundane thing like hurting a teacher, would he, Kuroba-kun?"

Ohhh, this Brit is going down! Pink hair dye is too good for him. Fuming and planning a satisfying vengeance against the blond inwardly, Kaito instead gave a slightly strained smile.

"Interesting," the teacher said, slicing the brewing cold war between Hakuba and Kaito right down the middle with his still familiar sounding steely voice. He pointed a finger at Aoko, Hakuba and Kaito.

"The Kid Task Force inspector's daughter, the famous British detective, and the budding son of a famous magician, correct?" Three confused nods later, he continued, "I make it my mission to learn about the people whom I'll work with, or in this case, teach." He chuckled as the detective instinctively flinched, as if it reminded him of a certain moonlight magician thief as he mocked all who try to catch him with his cocky laugh. Once again, Hakuba blinked. Why was he thinking about that thief whenever the teacher did or said something? Unless…. No, that can't be it.

"You're the infamous Kaito Kuroba I've heard so much about!" He sounded too cheery in Hakuba's opinion. "Can you show me a trick? I was going to do the attendance but seeing as everyone is already here…"

"I don't think that's a good idea, Sensei," objected Aoko.

"Really! I don't think he would do that much damage at all."

Hakuba saw the dangerous glint in the magician's eyes. Oh no! He wouldn't!

With a shark tooth grin, Kaito simply said, "I aim to please, Sensei." Ten doves flew out his sleeves as they began to circle around the teacher, as well as three extra hovering above Hakuba. The doves burst into purple smoke. No one except Akako noticed the shiny glasses on the teacher and his smirk as he was covered. But Kaito cherished the horrified look on that pompous blond before he was covered. Purple hair and skin… that should do the trick for Ookami-sensei if he is who I think he is. As for that pompous Brit…

"KAITO! WHY..." Aoko trailed off as she looked up in surprise. The unruly haired teen did the same, just as ten ravens that were circling around him burst into olive green smoke. Kaito could only give a surprised cry before he was covered. The two smokes mixed causing the entire classroom to be blinded.

After a bit of coughing, Aoko waved away the smoke, planning on giving that BaKaito a piece of her mind! She went toward what she was sure was his desk and slammed her hand down hard.

"Stop this NOW," she cried just in time as the smoke dissipated. And stared dumbfounded at the person sitting comfortably in Kaito's seat.

Sitting politely, arms crossed, right leg over left, purple hair and skin, and smirking, Ookami-sensei simply said, "Now that was a magic trick, wouldn't you say, Kuroba-kun?"

The response, as the smoke had completely vanished, was two strangled cries. One came from a pink haired, pink frilly dress wearing former blond, fuming at first at the desk where Kaito was supposed to be and then turning his attention to the front of the classroom, righteous fury giving way to shock… with a hint of a smirk.

As for the other cry… it came from a certain prankster magician, standing in the same position where the teacher was moments before, in complete shock… with green hair, skin, and clothes blending neatly into the chalkboard.

Now it's getting interesting… We'll see the fallout from this next time on CvKvL.