Chapter 14:

By the time Anna made it to the dorm, Elsa had just gotten out of the shower. The punctuality of that woman amazed Anna even when she believed she could no longer be. But then again, she made a mental note that anything Elsa did would amaze her.

Exhaustion took its toll on the redhead's body. Her thighs felt stiff and her ankles weak. Soreness spread from her lower back through her shoulders and her spine. No matter how many mornings she'd go for a run, she knew she would never get used to it. Not to the pain anyway, the habit of running was already imprinted in her brain. It was all a reminder of Elsa. Painful, but a reminder nonetheless.

For the first time since the incident, Elsa was the first to speak as Anna entered the room. Anna could have sworn the blonde read her mind.

"Are you going to make it a habit of following me every morning?"

"It's not my fault you got me in the habit of waking up early and going for a run." Anna quickly searched the room for a place to sit.

Elsa remained silent, her arms folded across her chest. It was the first time in a while since she was left speechless. Anna was right, of that she was guilty of.

Anna stared at her, she bit her lip. The expectation of a response, or a sign, was now stronger than ever.

Elsa opened her mouth, emitting a low sigh before closing it and finally speaking. "So is it my fault, too, that I spent too much time around you? Is it my fault that you feel that way about me?"

Anna was hurt. Elsa was speaking with hatred, something she rarely did. Well, at least for as long as she had known her. The blonde used the same tone on Anna that she used on Ian during the weekend. That was the first thing Anna noticed; the emotion behind it. To make it even worse, she processed the words Elsa said.

Elsa blamed herself, and she spoke of what happened as... An abomination. Clearly the situation was problematic for her, but she couldn't deny that the friendship they had before the incident was beautiful. How could Elsa blame herself? There was no one to blame, things happened for a reason. Although maybe not the best of reasons. As soon as she finished talking, Anna knew that Elsa's tone was an indication of how bad the argument they were having would turn out. But it didn't matter; this might be the only chance she had to clear things up, to fight for Elsa and to at least make her understand.

"It's not your fault, Elsa." Anna said calmly before Elsa quickly retorted.

"Then it's yours."

Anna lowered her head. "That's- that's not how it works. You can't just blame this on someone."

"Oh so now you're saying its destiny?"

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Please, explain yourself will you?"

Anna thought of all the different ways she could go with this; she could play the aggressive card or she could be understanding but that would be like giving up. "Look, Els-" She was about to clarify before Elsa interrupted.

"Don't call me that." Elsa looked away.

"What? Why?"

Elsa didn't respond. "I can't even talk to you anymore? Is that it? Am I forbidden from even looking at you?"

Elsa refused to respond. What did Anna want to hear? "Yes, Anna! That's it alright? Pretend I don't exist, it'll make my life a whole lot easier."

The fury Anna felt as another rejection was thrown at her changed the course of the way she decided to handle the situation. Sure she could be reasonable and try to understand Elsa's point of view. She could be patient and keep trying, but Elsa refused to give her a reason. Perhaps the worst part was her failure to understand why Elsa felt that way; it wasn't all that bad after all. Her reaction had been overly dramatic, was there another reason behind it?

Anna finally exploded. "So now you're telling me you don't value our friendship at all? You're willing to let it go? To put it in the past?"

"I thought we had a friendship, Anna. You! You, on the other hand, you had some other idea about us. You took advantage of it!" They were both screaming at each other now.

Her conversation with Kristoff quickly came into Anna's head. "What if I hadn't kissed you? Could I have blamed you for kissing me instead? I bet you didn't even think about that. You didn't even think about how I felt, did you?"

"Anna, that's completely different. I didn't kiss you because I felt that way about you. Please understand that."

"So you think that kissing me to make a statement to your ex is completely reasonable. Way to use me, Elsa. And here I thought I was the one who took advantage of our 'friendship'." Anna's eyes were teary again.

It was the blonde's turn to speak, or rather scream. She walked around the room exasperated. "What made you kiss me Anna? Why couldn't you just hold it in?"

"I thought I had a chance... With the Ian incident, I- I don't know."

"So you thought that catching me in my most vulnerable state would be a good idea?" She stopped, but she knew that she wasn't finished yet. She had to make it clear for Anna, clear that this- whatever it was- couldn't be. She had to hand it to her; make her see it in a completely different way. She had to be cold-hearted once again, with the person she thought she would never be again. "You know what the worst part is?" She paused again until Anna finally looked at her, expecting an answer.

"I only kissed you to make Ian jealous."

Ouch.

If Anna believed she couldn't feel any more pain, Elsa was there to prove her wrong. The shard that had threatened to cut through her heart before had broken into a million pieces and stabbed her in numerous ways. She hoped the tear that ran down her cheek would be the only one for that day. That single tear was her white flag. It was her way of begging Elsa to stop.

To Elsa, Anna looked broken. Her head was down by now, her shoulders no longer stood firm. She had done it. Her mission was accomplished. Anna was hugging herself, as if preventing the shivers running down her spine.

Did I go too far? Elsa though.

It's what you had to do. It was necessary. Another part of her brain told her.

"Anna... I'm sorry if I used you but-" Elsa insisted on explained herself for the first time.

" .Shutup." Anna couldn't handle it any longer. "That's enough Elsa. I can't hear it anymore. You're only going to make it worse, aren't you?" She took a moment to think about her next words. "You know? This might all be my fault, but you- you're such a tease. You drew me in... You said that me kissing you explained it all but guess what? Nothing explains your behavior towards me. The way you talked to me, approached me... The way you kissed me. You only wanted to hurt me didn't you? That's all you still want to do." She couldn't stop her thoughts from escaping her mouth any longer, everything she was saying was finally coming out the way she intended to. But what she blurted out next, took Elsa by surprise.

"Carlos. He was right, wasn't he? I should have stayed away from you. Why didn't I listen to him?"

"No, no, no. Anna, you have it all wrong. Carlos didn't know what he was saying..."

"I'm starting to think Ygrette and Carlos were right about you. I should have listened to both of them. I shouldn't have fallen into your trap. Look at me now. It's too late for that. It might have been my fault, what happened, I mean. I was too stupid to see what you really had in mind." Anna could no longer hold her whimpers.

"Anna, stop! Stop it!" Elsa reached for the redhead, thinking that maybe grabbing her would somehow make her understand but Anna pulled her arm before Elsa could touch her.

"Don't touch me! Don't you fucking dare feel sorry for me now." Elsa could now clearly see the consequences of her actions. This was a whole new side of Anna she thought she would never see, and she was the cause of it.

"I'm sorry." She said, still no emotion in her tone.

"Stop apologizing. This is what you wanted, for me to leave you alone. Well there you have it. You'll pretend I don't exist and I'll pretend you don't, even if it fucking hurts me. You're not the only one in this world, you know?"

"You can't go to Carlos..."

"Watch me."

Elsa couldn't stop her anymore. What she wanted to do in the beginning, protect her, she could no longer do. She had given up that right just now. Sure, she had been successful in the beginning. She managed to protect her from Carlos and Ygrette. Unfortunately, she forgot to protect her from herself. She had failed. And now Anna would seek refuge in the wrong person. What could she do about it? She stepped away from the girl. She no longer knew how to handle the situation, how to contain it.

Her train of thought was interrupted by Anna getting out of her chain. She had to stop her, whatever stupid thing she was about to do, she had to stop her. "Anna, where are you going?"

"Can't I shower now? Or are you going to start telling me what to do?" She grabbed a towel and clean clothes. "Get out of my way." She made it into the bathroom, only to look back over her shoulder and hurt Elsa the way she had hurt her. "I'm glad this happened. I'm glad I was finally able to see the real you." Elsa stood, unsure of what to say. Anna walked into the shower and slammed the door.

She's right. What have I done? What have we both done?

She hated seeing Anna that way. Mostly, she hated turning her into a hateful person. Without knowing, she turned her against herself and into the arms of the enemy. It was a careless mistake, clearly out of her control but she had done it nonetheless. Anna would no longer believe a word she said, she was sure of it. Poor Anna, she was so innocent and carefree and she cared about her... But it was necessary. She had to turn her away. The way she had just hurt her would not even come close to the way she could hurt her if she kept leading her on. She always hurt the people she loved. She hurt her sister, she hurt her father and she hurt her mother in the worst possible way. She couldn't bring Anna down with her.

But she's already down... And she won't even be with you, she'll be with Carlos! You better come up with a plan, fast!

Attending class was turning into a bad idea. It was useless, Anna decided as the lecture came to an end. She was unable to pay attention given the current situation. How was it possible that all that occupied her mind for the past forty-eight hours was Elsa? But maybe being out of the dorm would be a good idea; she had to stay away from there as much as she could. Even if she didn't want to, she had to forget about her completely. First it was Samantha and now Elsa.

Oh, Elsa.

At least she only had three more classes to go, three more classes where she could somehow lose her mind, or at least she hoped.

"Hey, loser." That voiced sounded familiar. She turned around before she reached the stairs.

"Long time no see-" It was Ygrette. "-If I didn't know any better, I would think you were avoiding me."

"No such thing." Anna tried to smile as hard as it might be.

"What's wrong? Your eyes are all red and swollen. Were you crying?" She asked with a concerned look on her face. Either she was really good at pretending or she actually cared.

"Oh, this-" This scrubbed her eyes. "-Just allergies. Heh."

"You might be a good liar, but I'm a good detector Anna and I know you're not telling me the truth."

Anna sighed and let her shoulders drop. "Great. You caught me."

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really. It hurts me just to think about it, talking about it will be that much worse. Plus I've already involved you enough with my problems before..."

"Don't worry about me. I'm okay, you're not but I understand." The two girls stood silently. There was no denying that Anna needed support and Ygrette knew that. She opened her arms and Anna accepted the embrace, she needed a hug more than ever. She needed someone to be there for her.

"Look I- I don't have class right now so maybe we can hang out for a bit, if you don't have class that is."

"I can skip class. Not like I'll be paying attention anyway. We need to catch up on things. How are you and Kristoff?"

"I take it it's been a while since you've talked to him as well?"

"Well no, I've just- We've just talked about me lately, and my problems. I been to preoccupied to ask about him. God, that sounds so selfish, I know. I hope he's not mad at me or anything."

"He wouldn't. You're like his little sister, he just wants to be there for you. He really cares."

"Speaking of little sisters..." Anna couldn't believe she was about to bring up that topic.

"Hmm. What about Elsa? Is she giving you any trouble?"

Oh, if only you knew...

Conscious that she shouldn't tell her the truth, she made up a story. "Well as you know it was her birthday on Friday and I wanted to get her something, or plan something but I just realized I really don't know Elsa at all. I mean, I've been living with her for almost two months and I really can't think of anything she likes so I figured who better to ask than you?"

"Well, I might not be the best person to ask but I'm sure I can help you out somehow. First of all, Elsa's not big on parties or anything that celebrates her-"

"Hmm. Who would have thought?" Anna interrupted.

"Yeah, I know. She seems too egocentric for her own good but she actually hates the attention. So yeah definitely no celebrations."

"Okay, gift ideas?"

"She usually doesn't give too much away so it's hard to read what she likes, I'm sure she'll be thankful with anything you get her. It's the intention that counts."

Anna made a pout and Ygrette continued. "Why do I have a feeling you don't like my answer?"

"Because... I need to get her something she really likes..."

"Like I said, she'll like anything."

"But, she needs to know I know her. There has to be meaning behind it..."

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

Anna debated whether telling Ygrette the truth would be a good idea. Sure, she was mad at Elsa and yes, she had threatened her with befriending Carlos and Ygrette again. But did that mean that she was really going to do it? Did it mean she could trust them fully only because Elsa had hurt her? Maybe she could tell her at least half of the truth.

"Let's just say we kind of had an argument..."

"Ah, I see. I hope she's not the reason why you're like this." She pointed at her teary eyes.

"No, no. This is nothing."

"Okay, well. If I know my sister like I think I do, which honestly isn't really much. I think you could never go wrong with a book. She's always lost herself in them. Even when she was little, she would always turn down toys and spend hours engrossed in books."

Anna imagined Elsa as a child, she remember the pictures Elsa showed her a few days ago. It wasn't hard to picture her at all without a book. It all made sense of course; they two seemed perfect for each other. It occurred to her that Elsa viewed the world the only way she knew how, not through the experiences she lived but rather the experiences she read about. She had a unique way of thinking; of that much Anna was sure. As she dug deeper into her realization, she knew that Elsa didn't know how to deal with what Anna had done. How could she blame her? How was it possible that now she was feeling sympathy towards Elsa? Maybe because she reacted in a way she didn't know how, she had not expected Anna to kiss her at all. Poor Elsa, she was probably scared.

Scared because of me.

She continued her questioning. "I know you said that whatever Elsa kept as a secret wasn't for you to disclose but... Can you at least tell me why Elsa acts the way she does? Why does she insist on shutting people out?"

"Something big happened when we were kids." Ygrette paused, thinking. "I'm honestly not sure whether I want to tell you myself since it is something that affected me as well."

"Oh," Anna seemed shocked. "Was it something family related?"

Ygrette only managed to give her a nod. "I didn't mean to intrude, I'm sorry I asked." Anna quickly excused herself after seeing Ygrette's expression.

"Don't worry. I'm sure Elsa will tell you eventually."

"Okay, one last question. Sorry- Am I asking too many questions?"

Ygrette gave her a small smile. "You wouldn't be Anna if you didn't."

"Well okay, is that family issue the reason why you two aren't that close?"

"Mmhm. Among other things."

"You two have to tell me the whole story somehow. But, why do I get the feeling Elsa was the most affected by it?" For a second, Anna saw a hint of anger on Ygrette's face.

"We- her and I, were both affected."

"Sorry, I didn't mean it that way. You two just... act very differently. You're more outgoing and she's just... you know? Elsa."

"We all face our problems differently, Anna. I like to be optimistic whereas Elsa- She's afraid to mess up. She has done it once and she can't do it again."

Was that the reason Elsa was pushing her away? Was she really afraid of hurting her or messing up and not having control? That thought gave Anna hope, somehow she felt like she learned more about Elsa in less than an hour than she had in almost two months. The reason being Elsa's reluctance to come out of her shell, to keep other people from exploring her mind. Anna had not insisted when she had the chance, and by now Elsa had completely shut her out. If only she could find a way to open her up again.

Anna woke up again promptly a few minutes before the clock hit the 6AM mark. In a way, she was glad she was now able to wake up early. She could get so much more done during the day. Unfortunately, the state in which she woke up didn't change. Her hair remained in the same mess, if not a bigger mess, than it had previously. It always amazed her how she could lose control of her body when she closed her eyes and lost consciousness.

Today she had another incentive to get out of bed however.

Déjà vu. Is that chocolate I smell?

Indeed she was right; chocolate... and another note. Her heart skipped a beat. She had considered Elsa's actions the day before, but was she ready to forgive her and go back to the way things had been? She remembered the way she felt during and after their argument, she remembered even when she tried not too and it hurt more each time she did.

She doesn't care. She doesn't care about the way I feel. She's doing this because of Carlos and Ygrette and her jealousy.

Was it jealousy though? That thought lingered in the back of her mind, that and a million others. Who was the real Elsa? Why did she behave the way she did? All these unanswered questions would drive her nuts if she stayed there. So again, she went for a run. She didn't care if Elsa was there. She'd just pretend she was some other person going for a run. Some other person she'd never seen before. And she did. She did it for the rest of the day. Avoiding her had proven a bit difficult at work since they kept running into each other. Elsa would shoot her apologetic glances every once and a while and as much as Anna found it adorable, especially the way she furrowed her eyebrows and the way her eyes were able to express so much of what she couldn't put into words, she knew that Elsa was a person she was still trying to figure out. What if she was playing with her again? She had to control the situation before she got hurt again. Ignoring her was hard, but she got it done.

After work she decided she needed some much needed time alone. What better way to spend her free time and earned paycheck than going shopping? The seasons were changing after all, she would need to restock her closet.

That would take her mind of things, she was sure. The hours went by as did her paycheck, but in the end it was all worth it. She could continue for at least an hour or two more but she decided it was too late and she was too tired so she headed back home.

Once again, for the millionth time that day, Elsa popped up into her head as she walked by a bookstore. She walked in reluctantly; after all, it didn't hurt to look around. She wouldn't give it to Elsa immediately, of course. She had to wait a few days, things had to settle down. A little voice reminded her that she was playing hard to get, but wasn't Elsa as well?

Looking around didn't help much, as she knew almost nothing about popular books or Elsa's taste in them so she figured she might as well ask for some help.

"Hello, I'm looking for a book." She asked the clerk.

"Sure, just give me the name and I'll look it up for you."

"That's the thing... I was hoping you would help me choose a book."

"I'd be glad to, what kind of genre?"

"Umm-" Anna was unsure of her answer "-See I honestly don't know what that person likes. All I know is she likes books."

"Ah, I see. Well we have thousands of books. We have books for moms, sisters, girlfriends... take your pick."

Anna blushed as she said girlfriend.

"Very well then, something romantic?"

Of course not. Elsa would get the wrong idea again.

"Too cliché, don't you think?"

"You're right. Since we don't know much about this person, I recommend you get her The Bell Jar. Trust me, she'll like it."

"I'll take it."

Elsa arrived home earlier than she expected. It had been a weird day for the most part, short and unpredictable. Work had her exhausted and to think it was barely Tuesday. Things did not go according to plan; clearly it was not her day. Somehow she messed up on the smallest things, spilled coffee on her blouse and misspoke to a client. Things did not get any better as the day progressed. Anna ignored her existence, just like she said she would. She was good at it, she had to admit that much. She couldn't expect any less, Anna was hurt, and maybe she'd act that way for days... or forever.

That reminded her of the note she had left for her. Weird, she had never been as nervous about something as she was in that moment. Why did she care? She didn't want to, but she couldn't help it.

As she predicted, the chocolate bar she left for Anna and the note sat on Elsa's desk. Anna must have placed them there that morning, which meant she was angry. She didn't think Anna would be able to refuse chocolate, but she had. That made it more difficult for her. Had she lost the battle or had she lost the war?

AN: Don't think I forgot to update. I'm a few hours late but here it is!

Honestly, I didn't like Chapter 13 all that much so I hope this makes up for that. Do you guys think I'm being too rough with Elsa's personality?

By the way, since some of you asked for my tumblr: siri-ias tumblr.

Please, let me know what you guys think about this chapter!