A/N: Chapter title is from the song We're All To Blame by Sum 41 (well, minus the /. Aren't I clever? xD).

Chapter Fifteen

Hopelessly Blissful and BL/ind

All the Killjoys were immediately intrigued with the new man, staring at either him or Dr. D, who at last broke the silence with a soft, relieved chuckle. "Goddamn...I thought you were dead."

"I thought by now I would be, too." Ashton shook his head, adjusting the cap Wire hadn't noticed he'd grabbed before leaving, too distracted by his own thoughts. "And you. I didn't know there were still Killjoys alive, especially after..."

He trailed off as his eyes landed on the red head in the corner, his arms around the younger, still sleeping Killjoy beside him, and his expression became stunned again. "Ah..." He looked around for a moment and then focused on the other two. "Well, after they supposedly got rid of you four almost a week ago. I didn't think anyone still out there would be desperate—or stupid—enough to come anywhere near here again."

"We didn't have a choice." Rejection murmured a bit defensively. "It would've killed us all to stay without supplies just hoping we'd come across more."

"With so many of ya, no wonder. Is this it?"

"We're..." Rejection hesitated, tilting her head down just a bit both respectively and sadly. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure we're the last ones."

"Oh, yeah." Ashton sighed. "Bell told me about Battery. Lot of people who shouldn't have had to die." He looked at Gerard, who had cast his gaze to the ground at the words. "It's damn amazing you all got away." He paused as the twenty-four-year-old looked up once again, his brow furrowing slightly as he realized the man's attention was still directed to him. "How did you, anyway?"

The red head wasn't sure what to say. He didn't remember, to be honest; it was absolutely blank from the time he'd been in the hallway until he'd woken up in Frank's arms in the warehouse days later. And while he hated anytime he couldn't recall something that had happened, no matter if it'd been his fault for not paying close enough attention or something completely out of his control, he was more than okay with having no memory of Battery City's fate. He shook his head finally. "We just..." his voice trailed off into a quiet murmur. "...did?"

Ashton raised an eyebrow. "Descriptive." His voice wasn't quite sarcastic; somewhere between it and playful, as if trying to lighten the mood.

Gerard glanced away again, unable to find the humor the man had obviously been going for, and Dr. D cleared his throat. "Wasn't easy, but we managed it." He thought for a moment. "What happened? Last time I saw you it was...years ago. Almost six, I think."

Ashton leaned his back against the closed door, crossing his legs in front of him, releasing a long breath. "Well, I got my will to explore out. It almost killed me, so good riddance. I'm still surprised they don't constantly follow me around. Guess I earned their trust after being a good little emotionless drone. Never even took the pills after they let me outta the CC." He winced at the memory. "Goddamn, you don't have a clue how far they'll go in those places to make you agree and obey."

Mikey flinched, and Gerard unconsciously tightened his grip on Frank so much he gave a small cough and awoke, blinking in confusion and craning his neck to frown at Gerard, who blushed as he realized he was practically choking him, releasing him to only have an arm loosely around his waist.

Dr. D sighed, glancing at them out of the corners of his eyes. That hadn't exactly been what he meant to bring on by changing the subject.

One of the most horrifying—if not the most horrifying—"laws" the citizens of Battery City had been forced to comply with was that couples of the same sex were strictly forbidden to publically show affection. This had been due to so many of the citizens criticizing such before—and even after, really—the medications had kicked into full gear. Even after surviving the fires, lucky to be alive at all, they had found something to continue to hate and take their anger out on; it was bound to happen with something, anyway. They believed it 'disrupted' the new society, and, when those people thought that throwing insults at the two men they saw holding hands, or the two women they saw kissing wasn't enough, they complained. It wasn't as if there was even a reason to complain; the couples barely made up anything of the population that of course hadn't been much to begin with. But, with the government still in the stage of gaining the trust of everyone so they believed that they were the best option, that they did do everything they could to make their people happy, they had done some discussing, a vote, and then the disgusting requirement had been made. It hadn't been only the people it affected that were horrified, but many others as well. It had been what pushed several into escaping entirely in the next few years, even if they hadn't been hurt by it. It had still been made and that fact alone had hurt them. They'd even had the option of banning it entirely, but had probably figured it was a bit pointless—if no one did it in public, they wouldn't know either way.

And that was how all of those relationships remained; secretive. They were afraid of being caught and unable to hold hands anywhere but their houses, but nonetheless continued. BLI could make laws, but they couldn't do shit about that. And they'd tried. They'd come out with new medications all the time, supposedly better than the previous stuff, but each time, there was one mistake they could never seem to fix, one feeling they couldn't get rid of completely. Mothers and fathers still felt love for one another and their children, siblings cared for each other, and the couples who barely left their apartments in fear of being arrested felt it, even though most if not all of them stopped taking the medication after the ban. And it wasn't false either—it wasn't some synthetic sentiment that they had planted in it on purpose. Little did nearly all of the citizens know, BLI didn't actually care about them. If they could've gotten rid of love, they fucking would have. It was an annoyance to them; it presented problems in their authority, such as again, even with the laws they'd made, people would still break them secretly, all because of the wretched passion between them. The medication was supposed to make them happy, susceptible drones that conformed to whatever they BLI said, hopelessly blind to the world and what was wrong with it. And yet, that particular sensation cut through each time. It didn't specifically affect one group or another—the fact was, there were certain things that could override BLI's 'perfect' solution to emotions, though that was the only one anyone seemed to be aware of.

Almost a year after the ban had taken effect, two since BLI had first taken over, the reason for the three flinching at the mention of a Correction Center had occurred. There had been a fight of some sort—none of them had ever been too specific about it—walking home from school, and, upon getting away and narrowly escaping any worse injuries than a few bruises, Gerard and Frank had only been trying to comfort each other, despite Mikey's desperate pleas to simply go home, which was seen and taken the wrong way by someone walking by. The next thing they had known, they'd been sent off to a CC for both the relationship of the two and the fact that, on further inspection, it was discovered none of them had been taking their medication.

The details of whatever had occurred there had never been discussed—only that it had led to Gerard and Mikey's family being arrested, all three of them banning together and just barely escaping in time to avoid the same, managing to get out of the city entirely, guilty, uncertain, and without supplies. They'd tried finding somewhere to hide out but failed, wandering in the heat until they were simply incapable of continuing.

"Christ, this is all my fault."

Frank glanced dazedly at the older boy, who was leaning over Mikey in an attempt to give him as much shade as he could, his eyes half-closed as he fought of the exhaustion that had already claimed his younger brother. "It's not..." he rasped.

Shaking his head just enough it could be seen, Gerard mumbled, "Is. Should'a left you."

"What?" Frank exclaimed, much too loud, breaking off into a coughing fit that left him weaker than before, crawling over to his love and resting his head on the knee not supporting Mikey's. "I wouldn't'a stayed...I love you."

Gerard made a sound that might have been a laugh, placing a hand on Frank's warm cheek, and then he winced as he raised his head enough to look around, his vision shimmering and threatening to fade. There was no one around, and as much as that disappointed him, he had to wonder, why the hell would there be? They'd walked for almost two days, only stopping at night, in an attempt to find somewhere to stay, or at least some water, but had found nothing. Battery City was no longer visable behind them...or, whichever direction they'd come from...which left nothing but hot sand everywhere he looked that matched the color of the sun slowly killing them.

He blinked hard and shifted. He knew it'd been their only option, at least for him and Mikey. And with Frank, constantly having bruises forming on him from what he'd never given a reason for more than he got into 'disagreements' with his father in the brief times he wasn't on the high the medication provided each day, it had seemed like the best idea. BLI might've come for him, anyway; there was no telling what they were going to think was the correct thing to do. They'd tortured them, for fuck's sake, for doing nothing more than refusing to take their pills or obey the stupidest of laws—if that wasn't evidence that they would stop at nothing to be in charge, he didn't know what could be.

"Sorry..." he murmured. "Thought it'd be different." And he really had. He hadn't known there would be nothing out here but more desert—he'd hoped maybe there was another city they could reside in until they could come back for his and Mikey's parents.

But that was all it'd ever been. Hope. He could hope for someone to rescue them now, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Sorry." he repeated, looking down at Frank, and then shook his head as he realized his eyes had closed. "Frankie, no, baby, please don't..." he moaned miserably, shaking him, uselessly begging him to wake up, leaning over and pressing his forehead to his when his pleas were ignored, gripping Mikey's shirt with his other hand.

"Please..."

-.-.-

"Jet! Jesus, do you ever slow down?"

Jet Star sighed in aggravation, paused, and turned to face the girl who'd called his name, Static Charge, who cocked an eyebrow as she slowed her own pace, catching up to him in a minute. "You know there's probably Dracs out here, right?"

"Maybe I'll finally get to kill something." Jet murmured with a grin, starting off again.

"You barely know how to use your gun, let alone aim it. I think it'd be more like they'd get to kill something."

He frowned, shooting her a glare. "Thanks."

"What?" Static shrugged, turning away briefly to cough, shaking her head. "I'm serious. That's why I was told to make sure that doesn't happen. Anyway, it's been a week; how long do you think it takes to learn how to use one of these things?" She patted the ray gun in the holster snugly around her waist.

Jet grimaced. He always had hated being treated like he knew nothing. "You hold it up and pull a trigger—how hard do you think that is for me to understand?"

Static gave an exaggerated shrug, signaling her surrender to the conversation, and Jet nodded in satisfaction, frowning suddenly as he saw something. "Static?"

"Mm."

"What's that?"

Static raised her head and stopped, her brow furrowing as she noticed what he had, and then, Jet realizing it an instant faster, she gasped, watching him take off towards the figures and then closely following.

"Holy shit," Jet muttered as he approached, dropping to his knees beside the three unconscious teens, hesitantly reaching out to press two fingers to the side of the one closest's neck, his amazement increasing as he did so to each. "They're still alive," he called as Static reached him, her expression looking like she didn't believe him, and then she double-checked, shaking her head as she felt their heartbeats—slow, weak, but definitely there. She glanced over their condition, fearing once she had that they didn't have much longer, wondering how long they'd been out here.

"Run back to the car; call for help!" Jet suddenly ordered, unscrewing the top of the small canteen he'd found on a prior raid, not sure where exactly the commanding voice had come from and surprised when Static actually obeyed, shooting off so fast she almost literally left a cloud of dust behind her.

Without hesitation, Jet leaned over the one closest, using his finger to gently part his cracked lips and then very slowly let a few droplets fall between them, continuing to do so until the boy coughed and moaned softly.

"Hey," Jet tried, praying it was helping, and when he didn't get a response, he gave him a bit more of the water and then moved onto the other two, succeeding in getting a groan from all of them, confirming that they could be saved, and he sighed in relief. He turned to again tend to the first boy, exclaiming in surprise when he saw him staring back, dazed and too weak to move but aware enough to look completely terrified.

"It's okay," Jet soothed, "I'm not gonna hurt you. We're gonna help you, okay?"

The boy's eyes fluttered closed again, and he mumbled inaudibly.

"What?" Jet raised the canteen, thinking he was asking for more water.

"Gee..."

"I don't...know..." he trailed off with a sigh, uncertain what that meant, if anything at all, and then looked over at the two others. Gee...was that one of their names?

"Mm."

Jet looked at him again, not knowing what else to do but offer him water, and this time the boy consciously drank, choking slightly and grimacing, blinking and squinting up at him.

"You're gonna be fine," the Killjoy said, nodding.

"An' Mi...and 'em?"

Jet looked at the others, noticing that the one who appeared to be the oldest had a trouble expression, and saw the one who was lying half on his lap had actually stirred, his hand on his chest instead of the sand beside him like before. So they were coming to, at least a little—that had to be a good sign.

"Yeah. Yeah, you're all gonna be okay."

The water had seemingly given just enough life back to the three, and they had managed to remain more or less conscious until Dr. D had successfully stabilized them at his own place. They'd taken a week or two to get back on their feet, a few days to really grasp what had happened to them, and virtually five seconds to accept the offer of joining the rebel group, ready to do anything they could to both free the two's parents and the entire city.

After another boy had escaped from the city a few months later, he'd given them the news that he had gotten away during the upheaval of the entire city resulting from a fire that had burnt down the very building the people who continuously refused to obey were held, leaving it very clear there was a slim chance the two's parents (and even Frank's; he hadn't any idea what had happened to them after they'd left) had survived. BLI of course had probably calmed everyone with lies as they did whenever anything went wrong, and while it'd taken time for them to get back to normal, they'd grown even more hateful of the company, more determined to bring it down, the attitudes probably the exact reason they'd become who everyone looked up to.

Dr. D sighed; he could only hope they would be able to recover as well as that from whatever had happened a week ago. "I have an idea, anyway," he replied at last.

Ashton frowned slightly, and then Bell changed the subject, sensing the tension. "How'd you know him?" she gestured at the Doc.

The man briefly removed his cap to run a hand through his hair. "Well, I told you how I was a Killjoy years ago...it just happened to be Steve here that had to save me before that."

Dr. D visibly winced at the name, and Ashton cleared his throat. "Dr. Death Defying. Sorry. Anyway, we were friends—it was strange, 'cause I'd never really had any before."

The Doc smiled a bit. "Bit of a first for me, too." The grin faded. "Then ya left and, well...we both moved on, I guess."

"If you only knew how much I wish I'd never left; how much I wanted to come back." Ashton grimaced. "But they'd have killed me if I mentioned a word about the Killjoys or rebelling—I guess I was too scared to challenge 'em. I just really wish there were some people here gettin' sick enough of BLI's shit to actually do something."

"There no one?" Moon asked quietly, and Ashton shrugged. "There's the A.P., but no one's ever seen 'em in action. They could just be what BLI blames their fuck-ups on."

"A.P.?" Cat spoke up, curious. "What's that?"

"Anti-Party." the man replied. "Supposedly—and again, no one's ever been a witness to prove it—it's a group of kids, teens, whatever, and they're sort of...how do I put this...undercover Killjoys, I guess? They screw up transmissions BLI tries to send out, graffiti shit on walls—the whole rebel deal."

Frank frowned. "How're they a lie if that's happening?"

"Who knows? BLI'll go as far as they want to prove that they're..." he blinked and rolled his eyes. "...perfect. No way in hell was there a problem getting the signal out—it was that damned A.P." He snorted. "It just so happens they magically blend in with everyone else any other time."

"You don't think they're real?"

"I don't know. I hope they are. We could really use people standing up to them. Especially after last week."

Bell nodded, gripping Elise close to her. "There weren't as many Watchers before as there are now."

"Watchers?" Wire questioned.

"The vans that patrol. They really upped their guard for a while. They went around and if anyone even looked suspicious, they'd take 'em in for evaluation. And right about the time the news about you all being dead started traveling around, a shit-load of cars just pulled into the city and disappeared into the gates around the BLI building. Then that weird lady I told you about came on and calmly assured everyone that everything was okay on the City Square's screen." She snickered. "Felt so safe we hauled ass out of there."

"And everyone took it so well," Ashton said, shrugging. "I mean, obviously they did...the meds have somethin' in 'em that makes everyone want to believe and obey everything they say. But...I guess I'm still waiting for someone to finally snap out of it and realize something's wrong—stand up to the bastards, even. Someone who won't back down like everyone else I've seen try."

Gerard felt a pang of regret. He wished he could fit that description; he had before, hadn't he? He wasn't certain of anything anymore except the fact that BLI had beaten them, and even worse, made it painfully obvious that they were stronger than any effort the Killjoys were aware they could make. He couldn't have led them into a fight in this state of mind if he tried, and he feared that, even once they were all mended, his orders would still be unconvincing and worthless enough that they wouldn't be followed, anyway.

'How did you ever become their leader? You're a joke, Gerard Way.'

Gerard whimpered softly at the tormenting voice, shaking his head, and Frank gave him a small shove with his arm, snapping him out of it and letting out a sigh as the red head softly moaned, blinking hard to clear his mind. The younger then reached his arms around him and leaned his head on his shoulder, smiling a bit when Gerard gently nuzzled his hair, mistaking it to be from relief when really it was to hide the tears that threatened to spill over onto his cheeks until he was sure they were no longer noticeable.

"But you guys..." Ashton continued, "I don't know, maybe you could change that. I mean, you're smart enough to have stayed alive all this time in the desert, so you sure as hell can't make our chances worse."

Bell nodded, and then Elise spoke up. "That'd be so cool..." she grinned. "Could I help if you do?"

Dr. D chuckled softly, sadly. "If we find something for you to help with, sure."

Elise smiled bigger, looking like she could explode from excitement. "Really? Like fighting 'n stuff?"

"We really don't want to fight anyone right now," Candy murmured, gesturing weakly at the others like their conditions alone backed up that statement. "We sorta almost died the other day..."

Cat vigorously nodded her agreement, and Dr. D glanced at them. "I never said we were going to do anything now. If we find a way to help."

"They're always trying to fuck up something else," Ashton sighed. "It really wouldn't be hard."

No one responded, and Ashton shrugged. "Not trying to force you to help or anything...just was kinda hoping that...forget it." He shook his head, changing the subject once more, glancing at the Doc. "You know what I miss most about out there? Your radio station."

Dr. D smiled slightly. "Still no rock, huh?"

"Rock?" Elise murmured with a frown, acting as if the word was foreign to her, and then Bell put a hand on her shoulder, solemn. "There's no music anymore."

The Killjoys gawked at her, stunned, and finally Ray quietly said, "...What?"

Ashton bit his lip. "Rock was just the first thing they got sick of hearing. They'd banned just about everything when I got here, and it took maybe a month before it was all gone. No instruments, radios, nothing. Apparently BLI thinks we were somehow sending secret messages against them through the notes." He chuckled without even a hint of amusement. "I really miss your station."

"That's awful!" Cat sounded heartbroken. It wasn't surprising, though, as they had always depended on the music station Dr. D had run for so long—it had been the only source of happiness for most of them, and still wanted by the others. To try and picture living without it was near impossible, and something that they didn't want to imagine, anyway.

"Yeah, well, welcome to Hell, kid." Ashton looked at her. "That's not to say some people don't still own what they used to—guitars and whatnot. But if anyone finds you with 'em, you're about as bad off as someone not takin' their pills."

Mikey shifted uncomfortably, biting back the complaint that he was hungry. What the hell was wrong with him? He'd never been the one to even think about whining, and now he had the urge to? Especially after how long he'd gone without eating prior to this, a day and half should have been nothing. And he'd chosen not to eat before, afraid their food supply would run out quicker than they thought, if the city was further than Bell had said or, even worse, had been destroyed along with Battery. He hadn't believed it to be such a bad thing, in case someone else needed it more, but they hadn't even been able to bring any with them, leaving him wishing he hadn't gone through with the pointless act.

His stomach growled, and Ray looked at him like he'd heard, causing the blonde to blush and avert his gaze.

Ray gave a little smile and gently put a hand on his, looking up and clearing his throat softly. "Ah..." he began in the silence, cringing as everyone looked at him. "Is there...did you find any...?"

Bell gasped. "I'm sorry!" she exclaimed, understanding immediately. "I meant to, but then—oh..." she sighed, turning to Ashton. "Ash..."

The man stared at her and spoke before she could continue. "Two was pushing it; it'll be a hell of a lot more noticeable now. I don't know how I'd explain how the stuff went missing without any money being added."

"Well, we can't pay," Bullet muttered, and Moon punched his shoulder, hissing, "Dumbass," in irritation.

"I know, and...I wish..." Ashton appeared utterly torn, unsure of what he could do. Then he sighed heavily, turning to Bell. "...You remember where my place is?" he asked, voice low.

Bell frowned, not seeing where the question was leading to. "Well, yeah, but—"

"Then...then we'll take 'em there. I've got enough food I've already paid for."

"Are you sure?" Bell asked, alarmed he was even suggesting it, and Ashton shook his head. "Got any better ideas?"

He took Bell's silence as a no and turned to the Killjoys. "I have a place not far from here, I mean...I'm not sure how else to get you anything."

"Won't we get caught?" Candy asked, and Ashton bit his lip. "Three blocks isn't that far. I could try bringing something back, but—"

"It's gonna look a lot more suspicious bringing food to an abandoned store than us walking." Skye said, and Pony looked at her, glancing down at his clothes, the others, and then back again, not even having to speak for her to understand what she'd missed. If they ran into anyone, their clothes would immediately give away they weren't normal citizens. "Shit..." she mumbled, and then looked back at Ashton. "Our clothes?"

"It's pretty early...there shouldn't be a lot of people around. You'll stay in the shadows."

"What about anyone from BLI?" Pony asked. As of now they were believe to be dead, but the second BLI was notified of their error...he didn't want to think about the consequences he already knew too well.

"They don't just walk around," Ashton pointed out. "They have vans. Watchers. And they're pretty damn easy to spot from a distance. If we're careful, we should be fine." He winced regretfully. "I wish I had a better option, really."

It was silent for a moment, and then Dr. D sighed, looking at the others. "I don't know if we have another choice. We don't, really."

"Are you sure we can stay there?" Cat asked, feeling Candy comfortingly take her hand. "Like...is it safe?"

"I've never had a problem hiding something." Ashton smiled a bit crookedly. "I got my friend outta trouble by givin' him a place to lay low for a while." He cleared his throat. "I'm pretty damn sure he still thinks he lives there, which is the reason I've got enough food. Anyway, I'm thinking maybe it'd work the same for you. It's a pretty big place, I mean...there's a lot'a you, but..."

Dr. D nodded, slightly hesitant. "Thank you. Really."

"I still owe you for saving my life all those years ago," Ashton said, looking at all of them. "I don't think any of ya should be a problem..." His eyes landed on Gerard, and he frowned, taking his hat off and tossing it towards him.

Frank jerked back like he expected it to hit him, gasping despite Gerard having already grabbed it, his cheeks tingeing red as the older looked him over in concern and then shot Ashton an accusing glare.

"Your hair's kinda...bright," the man explained, and Gerard snorted. "That was the point." he muttered before he starting to fit his cherry hair into it, suddenly annoyed at the length when there were strands that only fell back into his face. Frank shifted the cap and tucked some of them up, and at last the man shrugged. "Better."

He searched the others, seeing Cat's hair next, and she reached back to pull the hood of her sleeveless jacket over her head, giving a small smile, and the three others with dyed hair began trying to hide theirs as well, at last succeeding to at least make themselves slightly less conspicuous. Unfortunately, nothing could be done about their clothes at the moment, and so he nodded, satisfied. "All right. Are you ready now?"

Dr. D cleared his throat, glancing at the others and then back again, giving a small smile.

"Lead the way."