Yata hears the first, soft beep and it rouses him from the numb, emotionless state he's put himself in. He stands up quickly, trying to see over the medical team that crowded around the blue, taking a step forward to push through before two paramedics pull him back down to sit, wrapping the blanket around him again, trying to murmur calm things.
He doesn't care about what they're saying, he doesn't care that they're doing everything they can. He needs to hear another beep, another sign that Saruhiko is still in there, that he'll come back, back to this world…back to him.
He listens with baited breath to every movement and sound. "1…2…3…clear!"
No. No no no come on Saru. Come on! Fight dammit. FIGHT DAMMIT!
His thoughts are screaming and he wants to scream but his muscles are too tense and his mouth won't open, like a statue.
"1…2…3…clear!"
His mind needs to do something, it needs to focus on something other than his rapid heartbeat and the sound of men pressing against Saruhiko's chest so hard he's afraid it'll snap. He counts slowly to himself, trying to breath evenly with each number.
1…2…3…4…5…6…7…8…9-
Beep.
Yata's head shoots up and the back of the ambulance seems to grow silent; waiting…listening.
Beep…..beep…..
It's slow, a little soft and inan instant things are happening, yelling, shouting, medical terms wash over him and it feels like time has stopped moving. Yata wishes time would stop moving.
Beep…beep…beep…beep…
A heartbeat…there's a…a heartbeat. He's alive…he's alive…thank god he's alive!
He doesn't realize he's crying until he feels tears slide to his chin before he releases a choked sob, some of the paramedics turning around and suddenly remembering that he was still there. They're trying to get him to leave, to meet them at the hospital in a few hours so that they can keep the blue stable.
No! No I can't, I won't! I won't leave him!
He tries to push his way closer, two seconds from fighting everyone in his way before he hears it.
"Yata."
He turns and doesn't know how the man knew, but he lets out another sob just from the feeling of not being alone anymore.
"Kusanagi-san."
Izumo murmurs something to the paramedics and walks over to wrap an arm around Yata's shoulders, holding him close as he gets the full details.
"Yata, come on." The blond starts and Yata immediately freezes up, about to protest before the bartender puts a finger to his lips. "Less arguing and more listening. Right now they need paramedics with Saruhiko so we're going to go to the hospital and meet them there ok? We'll go now."
He's relieved and thankful, thankful that Izumo understands, that he doesn't ask questions, that he doesn't ask why this is so important to him…why Saru…is so important to him.
The hospital seems so much farther now that he's walking, Izumo keeping a strong hand on his shoulder to keep him calm. His nerves aren't calm though and when they arrive he still doesn't get answers, sitting in the waiting room for five hours, unable to sleep or eat, too nervous. What had the paramedic said when his heart started again? Critical condition. They needed to safely stabilize him and something could go wrong at any moment. Just that thought alone didn't let Yata close his eyes for longer than to blink.
Kusanagi's the one to tell him how Saru is, slowly and carefully explain what a coma is and what this means. Yata listens although his mind is running through a million different outcomes for Saru, most of them not good.
"Hey, Yata are you listening?"
"Yes!" He says and lets Izumo try and soothe him, explain that Saru could wake up any moment, that from scans they've done they don't expect any brain damage. That's reassuring at least, but he doesn't want to leave…he wants to see him, no matter how he looks he doesn't care. That reminds him…he looks down ad sees the red of Saru's blood staining all of the clothes on his body, bringing with the stench of death and blood and Saru and he doesn't want it.
"Come on. You can shower and come back tomorrow when they'll let you see him ok? Come on Yata." But he doesn't want to go home and be alone to see Saru's blood on his hands over and over as he struggles to save hi and can't because he's not good enough, not smart enough, wasn't there when it happened, wasn't there to stop it.
Yata lets Izumo walk him back to his apartment and it more than a little surprised when Rikio is waiting for them in front of the door with a duffle bag. When he looks at the older blonde he shrugs. "Thought you could use some company is all." The red head notes Izumo's calm and hope that his faith in the medical staff proves to be deserving of that calm.
He showers but doesn't feel completely clean despite how he's scrubbed the blood from under his nails. He turns fitfully too as Rikio sleeps soundly, his partner's snoring enough to keep him awake had he not been suffering from anxiety.
The sun finally filters through his window and he stands up, getting changed before leaving a note for the blonde with an extra key to lock up with, leaving and making his way to the hospital much faster now that he's riding his board again.
He hates paperwork but he breezes through the visitors form, heart beating fast as a nurse leads him down a few hallways, explaining that he needs to be quiet and careful around Saru who's fragile right now. He agrees to everything, even what he doesn't hear because he sees Saru through the window to his room and everything else doesn't matter then.
Yata takes slow steps towards him, taking in his bandaged body, the IV, the various tubes along his arms and face, keeping him in stable condition. He pulls the chair up to the side of the bed and for a long moment he just takes it in, watches him simply breathing for awhile, proving that he's alive. He finally can't stop it and his hand reaches it to simply touch Saru's before carefully holding it in his. It's cold and Yata warms his hands up to in turn warm the blue.
He doesn't know how long he sits there but its hours before he looks at the clock next; it's the evening. He gets about two hours of sleep, finally a little calmer, calm enough to let his exhaustion have him. When he wakes up it's sunny again and he starts the cycle all over again; checking Saru over to make sure he was ok before simply holding his hand.
Yata's a little better by day three, going to work even though Izumo insists he doesn't have to, giving him small tasks that shorten his work days and gives him more time at the hospital. Some days Rikio comes with him or Izumo, sometimes Anna, a few random blues show up a couple times but Yata ignores them, pretended they weren't there. They didn't stay long anyway, Kusanagi keeping them updated if he remembered correctly.
By the end of the week, the other HOMRA members can tell that Yata is reaching his limit each day Saruhiko doesn't wake up, not sleeping well, only catching a couple hours a night to then work and do it all over again, not eating from his loss of appetite. He's definitely lost a few pounds.
It's been a week and Yata's trying to stay positive.
As long as he keeps breathing everything will be ok….right?
That's what he'll continue thinking for now anyway, his head resting on the hospital bed as he listens to the beeping of machinery and the sound of slow breathing, his hand carefully holding the other's like usual.