Many thanks to my beta, Twicked, also know as TechicolorZebra. And thank you to all of you who have followed, faved, and especially reviewed, or even given me and my fics a wee bit of attention. Means much to me :D If you all want to be (wonderful) asses you can go send thanks to TechnicolorZebra and flood their inbox. Er... I don't know if they'll kill me. If you did I would love you forever. (Guess who needs to grow up already...)

Enjoy!

"The world is full of many magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper."

-Eden Phillpots

BLIND Chapter 2: Nescience

Magnus figured that it was just the stress getting to Alec. It made sense. After all, Jace was gone, with neither hide nor a single overly-golden hair to be found. Magnus' blue-eyed shadowhunter had already lost one brother to the Morgenstern boy, and the idea of it was probably just sending his head down similar lines, of death and horror and the worst possibilities. Magnus would have been, but he was trying to be a bit more positive about things. There was usually a good side to things.

Especially if he ignored the real issue as tactfully as he was. What could he say; he'd had years of practice.

Oh, he was certainly thinking about the situation, and rather diligently, if he might add. He was simply analyzing it in a very objective way, not letting any silver strings of emotion be pulled in unnecessarily, as much as he could help it, what with his boyfriend being very emotionally invested in all of this. But just because Alec loved Jace very much did not mean that Magnus shared the sentiment. He wasn't getting involved in this utter mess. He'd gotten tangled up in shadowhunter affairs before and that had been a rather draining experience that really hadn't ended very well.

However, his emotional detachment didn't mean he wasn't there when Alec needed him. At the very least, he thought he was, and hell, was he ever. He spent every minute of his spare time trying to decipher a long forgotten language, trying to figure out exactly how Lilith had screwed everything up to the max. Demons, he'd tell you with something akin to an eye roll.

Demons, and their fucky-ass languages, were the not-so-great part of the whole arrangement. There was a bit of sex involved. When Alec wanted it, he would gladly put out (but really, who wouldn't, had they ever seen the teen?), doing all the things Alec liked and listening to requests that made the warlock smile. Lilith's books, sexy Alec time... It was a frustrating, but overall not too bad a time. He'd certainly had worse, though this wasn't the time to bring all of that up. He'd done all in his power to make his dark-haired lover comfortable while remaining a vague figure when it came to all of those icky feelings he could live without. Well, maybe not his feelings for Alec. Because those were kind of awesome.

It wasn't extremely hard, though, moving away from pain and hurt and hate. Alec was doing it, too. Drifting away from the subject, like a toy boat on a strong river current. At least he wasn't getting completely pulled under. But at this point, with all the questions and the surfacing of lies, Magnus could hardly blame Alec for anything, much less for not saying too much about anything. It wasn't, in Magnus's experiences, uncommon for the particularly stoic shadowhunter to become even more silent in times of duress. The day after Jace went missing, and even the night of, he'd been rather blank. He was scared, horrified and angry, at himself and the rest of the fucking world and at fucking Clary, for telling the entire Clave that Jace had died without breathing a word to him first. For the Angel's sake he was one of the most important people in Golden Boy's life. Probably the most important, before she came along. But then it all washed over him and Magnus knew from the sad look that Alec was hardly feeling anything more than hollow, because he said he had felt something when Jace died but he hadn't known. Did he ever know anything? Alec could, grudgingly, admit that telling the Clave about Jace wasn't a good idea. But he should have been told, and then maybe he could have gotten them all out of this shit-wreck, he'd said.

This was Jace, and Jace was Alec's entire world. The only creature inhabiting its lands before Magnus started throwing pebbles. Alec should have known. But he was quiet about it, in the way he held himself, like always, but there were some things Magnus just recognized about his behavior. They were familiar, but a twisted familiar. The largest sign, Magnus noted, was just how haggard the pale skinned young adult was, emotionally and physically, and it took a turn for the worse, that he wished they had had more time to spend on, as the week progressed.

Magnus had assumed that everything was as fine as it could be, under the circumstances- he missed, or simply failed to see the importance of the quick glances around the room, to the door, over his shoulder, out the windows. He didn't see the apprehension that came with a shifted up apartment arrangement that couldn't be counted on. He didn't notice the careful measures of his boyfriend's steps that faded almost as quickly as they came, as if overlooked, only to make a comeback a day or two later. He didn't think about Alec wanting him so badly with those secretly pleading eyes and wanting it harder than he usually did. He didn't, honestly, notice anything blatantly unusual besides his shadowhunter's newfound love of talking about the weather that had seemed too uninteresting and utterly commonplace to be mentioned more than once a week or in an awkward conversation. Magnus just kind of hoped that Alec didn't have a secret weather fetish. It wouldn't be a deal breaker, considering some of the people (and non-people) Magnus had dated, but he could always hold on to the idea that there was at least a semblance of normality in Alec.

Alec was probably just trying to keep his mind off of Jace and Sebastian, or whatever his name was, and Magnus fancied that he knew Alec well enough to know what that meant; complete and unmitigated avoidance of topic número uno. Alec wouldn't talk about it, in the brief conversations that they had with each other (while their minds were a bit clouded from the lack of sleep, so they weren't the best examples. But hardly anything around here was an example of anything other than a big fat clusterfuck).

Magnus didn't, frankly, know what to think about the screaming. It threw a bit of a wrench in his jolly Alec's-as-good-as-he-can-be ideals. Because Alec was quite obviously not as good as he could be, ideally. Shit was going on in that pretty little head. Magnus had, admittedly, had his partner's scream as they woke up from a nightmare (from him, he'd sometimes joke), but they had never been Alec. There had been nightmares popping out of that head in their bed before, sure, ones where he'd shake and bite at his fingers and occasionally mutter, tossing about like a type-A busy body, then wake up agitated and not really wanting to talk about it with a dry, unsavory mouth that sometimes seemed sewn shut. Mostly it was just after Max died and they'd ironed out some of their initial problems, though.

But Magnus had never really heard Alec scream, at least not in that sense. It wasn't a particularly dreadful scream, there was no 'bloody' nor a 'mary' involved, it wasn't specifically loud and it was really more of a glorified shout. But those were just details that no one wanted to hear, because when it came down to it, Magnus responded like it was a full blown scream and Alec was too shaken to correct the behavior.

The bookworm had been acting just a bit off all night. He'd come home late, only after Magnus had called him, with his shoulders tensed and knots so tight Magnus could practically feel a burn radiating off of them. Though the weariness in the way Alec held himself wasn't too astonishing, the seven ice cubes in his soup were. Along with his hesitance to eat the contents of the steaming hot bowl he usually loved. Magnus had never seen Alec like that before. He had a feeling that Alec had never seen Alec like that before, as well, but was too caught up in it all to notice too greatly.

He'd never seen Alec flat out refuse to sleep under the giant yellow comforter- it wasn't warm out, it was actually rather chilly, damn it, and it had been a long time since Alec was so... frantic, as grabby. Because he clung to the warlock like a life source through the layers separating them. He didn't want to let go, so Magnus wrapped his arm around his infatuation and tried to stay awake until Alec fell asleep. But his eyes were already drooping shut after a long day as the shadowhunter curled up on him a little bit, just curving his fight-trained body to Magnus's cushy outline. He wanted to make sure the awkward teen got to sleep soundly, and wouldn't stay up all hours of the night thinking things over. It wasn't much Alec's style, but Magnus still worried.

The rhythmic lack of true silence on the outside city streets crept into his ears, lulling him into a state of unconsciousness before Alec's eyes drifted shut to dream of things he would rather forget. They were both so damn tired, though, that Magnus doubted it could have taken too long.

Magnus's eyes first began to protest being awake when he felt knees digging into his ungrateful thigh. It took him a moment to force his rusty old cat eyes open and yet another moment to regain the ability to see a bit in the dark, something that people often assumed his cat-like pupils allowed him to do. He could see the same as everyone else. He could see color, damn it; did he look like he needed help with his wardrobe? Hell no. Not any sassy bitch with waxed eyebrows could get near that thing. He was fucking Magnus Bane (who was, incidentally, fucking Alec Lightwood, who was also incidentally having some sort of dream crisis in their bed).

It took him another short span of time to gather a bit more of an idea of what was going on, what was wrong and why the hell he was awake. Rough, quiet pleas filled his right ear, whimpers and mutters that must have seemed more important in context as the dreaming boy curled up there on top of the warlock. He looked so... off. There were few other words for it, with his knees pulled up and his shivering, well-muscled arms wrapped around his kneecaps.

Magnus was still deciding exactly how to wake him- he'd learned that waking the shadowhunter gently was best, if possible. Magnus snapped to attention as Alec flattened against him, roughly hitting the warlock, no doubt accidentally, but trying to sink into him, face down. Whatever this dream was, Alec wanted no part in it. He was trying to get away from something, and he suddenly stiffened from his writhing motions that were getting out of hand, and his mouth opened and right in his ear Alec shouted out because something was getting to him.

Magnus had watched for a second, both surprised and struck with that sickly little morbid fascination that resides wickedly in everyone, downworlders and mundanes alike. It was a first for him and Alec; weren't all firsts to be cherished, or something? Though Magnus would hardly call it cherishing. He was upset about it; Alec wasn't supposed to have bad nightmares. That was his job, though it was rare.

Magnus, finally coming back to his senses, decided against the slow and tedious method and simply shook the shadowhunter a bit harshly until he woke up, clear blue eyes open wide and clouded with the impression of something terrible. Magnus watched him, in the dim light that neared nothingness, go for a blade on a belt Alec didn't have secured around his waist, then push Magnus's hands above his head, keeping it there in a daze as he calmed down from whatever surge of panic was feeding this confusion. Magnus waited, lips pursed, for some sort of explanation. When it became clear that he wasn't getting a response unprompted, Magnus took up the initiative.

"Are you okay?" The warlock asked while Alec panted above him. In any other situation, this might have been considered sexy. In the middle of the night and with only just calming eyes, the effect was dulled. Magnus did his best to make things seem alright, normalish, because that's what he would have wanted after something shaking. His words were slow, like honey, comforting, only just tinted with his impatience.

"Sorry," Alec quickly apologized, pulling off of his boyfriend. "I just... Don't want it to rain today."

Magnus wasn't quite sure what to make of that, other than it was entirely inappropriate. "That's what you have to say to me? Alec, darling, you just tackled me. I think I deserve an explanation."

"I'll start telling you about my dreams when you tell me more about yours," Alec countered, and it was such a low blow Magnus hardly wanted to acknowledge it. Alec was still on about that? Magnus wished that the shadowhunter would just drop it already. His past, their future with the not-aging thing.

Alec pulled his legs off of the bed so that they were falling off the side, and wiped greasy black hair back from his forehead. It was obvious to Magnus that he didn't know what to do with himself. So, letting the jab go, Magnus reached up, wrapping his arms around Alec to keep him safe from himself. Whatever it was, it would get better. They'd find Jace. Magnus's actions weren't completely selfless when he placed a kiss on the back of Alec's neck and worked his way up to the troubled jawbone, and to the worried lips he'd kissed what felt like hundreds of times before.

"C'mon, back to bed," Magnus pulled on Alec's arm. "Maybe we can have a toss between the sheets."

Magnus knew Alec was about to protest, and hardly let him. Another kiss, this one with tongue, less lazy and indulged, more personal. They could do this the easy way, and just get to sleep faster... Alec always fell asleep after. Giving a second or two for non-consent, Magnus found it didn't exist and carried on. It wasn't passionate, not really, it wasalmostimpersonal, except for a few choice movements and words, but it was slow, and maybe it did have a timeless feel to it. It wasn't romantic; it was just plain, simple. The depressing mood that Alec reeked of was filling up the room and affecting them, but they didn't really care, they went ahead anyway, and just like Magnus figured, Alec fell asleep just after. It hadn't been about the sex, and Magnus was fine with that. He hoped that sex wouldn't become their only way of communication, though, because that never worked. It broke everything, and Magnus didn't want this to break.

He'd have to ask Alec again, maybe tomorrow, what exactly had happened. Or maybe he'd just never know. That was how many things in his life had ended; in mystery. But it was probably just the worry eating away at Alec. What else could there be? There couldn't be anything else; they were already dealing with too much. They'd be okay. At least, he hoped that much. If only he knew.

The next day wasn't an interesting one. Alec called and told him that he wouldn't be coming home that evening (or late night), which was just ugh, even if Alec was overly apologetic about it (and might have muttered something about harsh winds. Sometimes, Magnus thought with mild disdain, that boy just needed to focus) and a bit off from usual. Probably tired. Luke also called earlier in the day (well, his second in command did, but same difference. It only ruined their relationship a bit) to tell him that one of his pack had disappeared that morning, let them know if he found something, etc., etc. Magnus knew the deal. He'd been around the block, in more ways than one, in his slightly extensive time on the Earth. That and overlooking a language he had yet to get even a millimeter closer to learning. Fucking ancient magic, and even with all of the rather large and more often than not rather old books accumulating on his desk to reference, he was hardly getting closer to understanding that shit.

It wasn't a very good day, to be honest. It was just one of many, the previous five not having gone exceedingly well, ever since that attention whore Jace went missing. Stupid shadowhunters. But he'd get to see Alec the next day, and that was okay. Made all of this shitty work worth it. Though the boy seemed to be having problems lately, Magnus liked having him around. It made things easier, gave them a sort of slower, yet more important pace. He liked to think he could call it 'sanity,' though they were probably anything but. Seeing his blue eyed baby managed to lift up his spirits, even if right nowsucked.

Seeing Alec the next day was great, and there was sex but Alec wasn't too hesitant to crawl under the blankets. He was okay with Magnus's arms around him, and admitted that it was just the stress of Jace being gone that was getting to him. Alec could tell him things. God, he was so in love with the boy. Not the Camille brand of love, which was an entirely different enterprise, intense and amazing while it lasted but destined, as always, to burn out quickly. The vampiress' lack of commitment certainly helped with that.

Magnus wasn't exactly sure what it was or even why,but whatever he had started with Alec felt older than it should have for the time that they had known each other. There were still many things they didn't know about each other, but Magnus only had to censor half of what he said. He wanted to learn Alec as best as he could. He wanted this to last, and hell, he wanted to call it love. He had called it love, they both had, but not like that. There was the love they had felt at the time, that Magnus had felt at the time, then there was this, and it was a build up, an extension, an added weight to it all that didn't feel heavy at all.

Magnus had thought he was in love countless times before. But he'd never known. Not like this. Maybe it was only temporary, but he hoped not. He wasn't going to tell Alec all of this, more than the necessary 'I love you,' it would only stress the shadowhunter further, but he did hold an idea in his weary heart of telling his part-angel some day. That he thought this was more than any other love he'd ever felt. Though it sometimes felt like it, curled up together, they didn't have all of the time in the world, and Magnus was determined to make that time last.