Again thanks for the reviews. It's nice to get such positive feedback and see that people enjoy this alongside Nights.
As Dean pulls up a chair outside the local coffee shop, he pulls out a folded piece of paper and begins gathering his thoughts.
I'm so stupid. So incredibly stupid. The one good thing I have going on in my life and it's gone. Just like that and all because I didn't say anything sooner. Yes, Livingston sent me to William with one simple mission, to keep him occupied so that the deal ultimately wouldn't go down. I was a different person then, though. I had nothing to gain or lose. I didn't have the care for anybody. I just had my job to do.
It was easy to keep up my front at first, but over just a short period of time I began to like and respect William. He lowered his guard and truly accepted me as a part of his home. As unorthodox as some of his punishments can be, he showed true compassion as well. Neither Livingston nor any of my past masters have ever given that to me. I was their servant, their thing. Not with William. My servitude to him had begun to evolve into something greater, but now I've wrecked it. I fucking wrecked everything and now I have nothing.
It's only been an hour and a half since I left the castle and already it feels like I have been away for ages. I miss William, his soft voice, his touch, his smell, his warmth. I can only imagine how he is feeling right now. I half expected him to beat the living breath out of me for this betrayal and I would not have stopped him. Not because I liked it this time, but because I deserved it. His distance, however, did more hurt than any physical blow could have possibly done. I can't stand to see him like that. Maybe this would have inevitably happened even if I did tell him before he found out the hard way, but at least I would carry a cleaner conscience and it would have possibly left less of an impact on him. It was stupid of me to think that he wouldn't have eventually found out especially at the court. I guess I just hoped that Livingston would have kept his mouth shut, but I know well what kind of man he is.
I didn't take the journal with me because it wasn't mine to begin with. It was wrong for me to just write in something that didn't belong to me, but I hope William someday reads the words I have written in my time there. I don't expect forgiveness, but hopefully he will at least see that I truly cared for him. I always will.