Lost in the Dark
By E.M. Megs
Chapter 31 – Denied Admittance
Dinner could have been more awkward. So she was at least thankful that it hadn't gone too far. Fuko Shido looked a bit overwhelmed by his current company. However, his wife was faring quite well as she chatted animatedly to Tamaki and the twins with Hunny interjecting every once in a while. Haruhi remained quiet, sneaking a glance at her fiancé a couple times.
When the subject of Kyoya and Haruhi's engagement came up, Fuyumi rounded on her brother angrily. "Why was I not informed of this sooner?!" she exclaimed, giving the youngest Narian Prince a glare that would have frozen over hell. Haruhi almost choked on her drink.
Kyoya merely raised an eyebrow at his sister and murmured, "I was not aware that you needed to know, Fuyumi."
"You're not the only one they neglected to tell," Ranka muttered sourly, giving his daughter a look.
Haruhi glared at her father. "How are you sore about that now? When I told you, you were ecstatic!"
"Of course I needed to know!" Fuyumi fumed, "I'm your big sister! I'm going to help plan the wedding!"
Haruhi looked up in alarm. "Er… What?" she asked.
"Oh, I must help you plan it, Haruhi!"
The Moradian glanced at her fiancé for help. Kyoya just shrugged his shoulders. "It's up to you," he said quietly. "It might be a good idea though since you aren't particularly well versed in Narian wedding traditions."
"Do you have a date yet?" Haruhi noticed the twins and Tamaki stiffening more and more the longer this topic went on.
Kyoya didn't seem to be as observant. "I was thinking perhaps a uerwin wedding would suffice. Haruhi?"
She glanced at him. It was currently the middle of summer. Would she be ready to marry Kyoya by winter? In just 6 short months? "I suppose so," she muttered in consent, looking anywhere but her best friend and his sad expression.
"She'll wear a traditional Moradian dress, if I have any say in it!" Ranka interjected energetically. "Or at least something similar!"
"Our mother can design one for you!" the twins chimed instantaneously.
Now they were just getting ahead of themselves. "Stop," she stated, "No more talk of this. We will plan later." She just barely caught the shaking of Kyoya's shoulders has he laughed silently. She shot a glare his direction and felt the replying squeeze of her hand.
"Haruhi's right," he said with mirth still clearly laced in his voice, "There's plenty of time to plan later, Fuyumi."
"But there's so much to do!" she very nearly whined.
Kyoya gave her a pointed look that said to drop the conversation. "Haruhi and I will return later to plan the wedding with you. This trip was not created purely to announce our engagement, though Father will not make it public for at least another month, I'm sure."
"He probably thinks that it won't last," Ranka's voice carried across the table, chilling in its accuracy of the Narian King's exact thoughts.
"You seem to know my father well," Fuyumi murmured, narrowing her eyes just a little at the redhead. "King Ryoji, I presume?" A pleasant smile came to her face. Haruhi glanced at her father then shot Kyoya a look.
"Yes," Ranka said without a moment's hesitation. "Pleasure to see you, Fuyumi Ohtori-Shido, Queen of Pait and Princess of Nari." They seemed to share a secret smile for a split second and Haruhi wondered what the hell her father was playing at. Obviously he was hiding something from her.
"Do you two… Know each other?" she asked hesitantly.
"Oh, certainly," Fuyumi said with a wide smile in her direction. The brunette nearly balked in surprise to which Ranka chuckled and allowed the Paitet Queen to explain. "I met Ryoji when I was a child before the tension between Mora and Nari and before he took over the throne from his uncle."
Haruhi didn't quite understand and showed it with a confused look.
"I distinctly remember that you and your mother are the reason that I met Kotoko." Ranka had a fond look on his face as if he were remembering something.
Haruhi, however, started in surprise and said rather loudly, "WHAT?"
No one explained any further, leaving Haruhi with more questions than answers. How had she never known that her parents had met thanks to Mayumi and Fuyumi Ohtori? Why had she never asked?
Kyoya chuckled at her perplexed expression and wiped his mouth with his napkin. "If you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to upstairs."
Fuyumi raised an eyebrow at him as he stood and left. Seconds later it was like he was never even in the room. Haruhi, after several moments of the exhausting presences of the twins, Tamaki, and her father, and the lack of nearly the only sane person in the room, rubbed her temples a bit and excused herself to follow her fiancé.
When she entered their shared quarters she found him relaxing on the bed with his hands clasped behind his head. She almost didn't want to disturb his peaceful state. Instead, she discovered that she automatically began speaking, "This is the business you had upstairs?"
He opened one eye but otherwise seemed disinterested with her presence. "Is there a problem with wanting a few minutes to myself?" he retorted softly.
She shook her head and walked over to sit on the bed next to him. His eye closed once more, obviously showing that he was perfectly content with her being there. "They are tiresome," she murmured, brushing his bangs out of his face with gentle, nimble fingers. He was quiet. "Are you alright?"
He hummed in response. A definite yes. "What would make you think something was wrong?"
"I don't know… You can be infuriatingly difficult to read sometimes. I couldn't be sure. You seemed rather quiet at dinner though too."
"As were you."
She smiled and nodded a little. "Is there… something bothering you?"
He didn't respond for the longest time and she almost thought that he'd fallen asleep until he sighed and opened his eyes. "Why did you agree to marry me?" If she hadn't seen his lips moving then she probably would have thought she imagined the question.
"Who else would I?"
"You could have just waited until later in life. You are not pressed to marry, Haruhi. Why did you agree to me?"
She stared at him, sensing that he wanted to hear a specific response but not sure if that was something she could admit to him. "You're the most logical choice, Kyoya," she said after a moment of thought. "You'll make me happy while also keeping your emotions in check - which is hardly something those idiots can accomplish. You just… fit." She smiled a little but he frowned.
"That can't be it," he stated. "You wouldn't marry someone based purely on logic and politics, Haruhi."
She gritted her teeth, knowing now what he wanted her to say. She bit her lip and turned away from him. She felt his hand on her shoulder, pulling her back until he could hold her face in his hands. "Do you actually want to marry me, Haruhi?"
She sucked in a deep breath at the question and looked into his eyes. "Yes," she muttered hoarsely.
"Why?"
She swallowed back the lump in her throat, her chest ached very dully. His face was only inches from hers. She closed the gap in response to his questioning. One of her hands found its way to his chest as he tilted his head slightly to deepen the kiss, his eyes closing in response. He relaxed back against the pillows that he was previously propped up on, pulling her with him. She pulled back when the pain in her chest became too much. "Are you really going to make me say it?" she whispered, eyes begging him to just let it go.
He stared up at her, one hand still cupping her cheek. Then he shook his head. She shut her eyes and let her head rest against his chest. "I don't want to force you to do anything," he murmured in explanation for his actions. "I got the feeling that you didn't actually want to marry me."
"I do," she said quietly.
"I still wanted to make sure."
She sighed softly and shut her eyes, allowing herself to soak in his warmth…
Until her father barged in.
"WHAT'S THIS?" he demanded, a frown on his face and his hands firmly placed on his hips. "What do you two think you're doing?"
"Dad," Haruhi groaned.
"Just because you're engaged does NOT mean that you get to sleep together!"
"Dad."
"This isn't allowed! I don't care if you're consenting adults-"
"Dad!"
"Yes sweetie?" In an instant, her stern no-funny-business father was replaced with her normal shining sweet one.
"Please get out. Kyoya and I are tired and this is not the first night we've slept in the same bed. He's never done anything to me that I'm sure you're thinking about." She rolled her eyes as her father's frown deepened at being caught. "Dad, we've been sleeping together since my first night in the castle as a female."
His eyes widened slightly. "WHAT?! THAT'S SO IMPROPER!"
"What else were we supposed to do? I was acting as his lover!"
Ranka nodded. She had a point. "Alright, fine," he huffed, "I'll leave you alone. No funny business though!"
The door closed abruptly and she nearly sighed with relief. "He's… eccentric," Kyoya commented drily.
She groaned. "Sometimes I think he wishes that I was still a teenager that he could dote on," she mumbled, "And order around. And forbid from doing things." She scowled. He chuckled and pressed his lips to her forehead.
"At least he loves you." She lifted her head and looked him in the eye. His voice had sounded wistful somehow and his eyes held some twinge of sadness.
"Your sister loves you," she said softly, "And Yuiichi at least cares… And I…" She trailed off and looked away quickly. Maybe someday she'd be able to actually say it, but not any time soon.
~o~
She knew it was coming, but that didn't change the fact that nothing could have truly prepared her for it. Tamaki cornered her finally while she was on a walk to clear her head in the garden. She sighed and patted the stone bench beside her as an invitation for him to sit. He sat slowly, without his normal exuberance, and that was when she knew that this was going to hurt.
She wasn't even exactly sure what he was going to say and she knew that it was going to hurt.
"What do you need me to say, Tamaki?" she murmured. She knew he needed something. Some kind of closure. It was just the way that the blonde worked. He always required closure of some kind, even if they were going to see each other again in the morning. The blonde was thoughtfully quiet for a long time. A breeze blew through her hair.
"Do you love him?" he finally asked. She let out an exasperated sigh. Why did everyone ask her that?
"Why does it matter?" she retorted with a gentle snort.
His eyes darkened slightly with hurt and he frowned at her. "Because… You're my best friend. If I'm going to let anyone take you away, I want to make sure that you're happy."
She let out the breath that she hadn't known she had been holding. It wasn't like she didn't know the answer already; she just didn't want to say it out loud for fear of what might happen if she did. "I can't say," she said finally, voice soft.
"What are you afraid of, Namahi? Are you afraid that saying it will somehow just trigger your curse because I really don't remember anything being said about you killing someone if you fell in love?" He paused and stared at her, then drew in a deep breath and asked again, "Do you love Kyoya?"
She felt some resemblance of tears building in her eyes but blinked them away and nodded numbly. The breath that Tamaki had drawn in and held came out in a puff. "That's what I thought," he said quietly. "You'll be happy with him then?"
"I hope so." She tried not to wince at the hoarseness of her own voice or the way that it cracked on the last word.
"Okay… One more question."
"Hmm?"
"Can I kiss you?"
She drew back like he had slapped her with a fish. "What?" she demanded sharply, heart practically pulling itself out of her chest.
"Just one. So I can know how he feels."
Her chest gave a horrible wrench that she could have sworn was almost audible. She ground her teeth together and clenched a hand into a fist at her side. She was going to hate herself for this later…
"I suppose."
Tamaki bit his lip, as if unsure of his own question, then leaned forward and sealed his lips over hers. He pulled away after only a few seconds and looked at her. "That…"
"Felt like kissing your brother?" she finished hesitantly.
He nodded, face ashen. Her heart relaxed and she nearly let out an audible sigh of relief at the pressure that it released. "Kyoya's still lucky though…"
"Why's that?"
"He gets to keep you close to him." She laughed a little at his childish pout only to stop when she found herself being pulled into his arms. Haruhi allowed herself to wrap her arms around him in return. "Really though, I'll miss you."
"I'll miss you too," she mumbled, just barely catching the glint of glass and flash of black hair out of the corner of her eye. An overwhelming sense of dread started to fill her but she ignored it until Tamaki brought it to her attention.
"Was that Kyoya?"
She buried her face in his shoulder. "I think so…"
She just hoped that he hadn't heard too much.
~o~
Haruhi wanted to tear her hair out. She simply could not escape the inquisitive minds of her friends. Tamaki had been doubtful and then simply resigned. Hikaru was currently staring at her like he hadn't known her his entire life, his words bitter and angry.
"I don't want to fight with you over this, Hikaru."
"You're marrying the biggest bastard on the planet, Haruhi."
"He's not as bad as you think he is."
The redhead snorted spitefully. "Right. Because he's only threatened your life and hurt you how many times?"
"He's saved my life far more than he's ever threatened it," she bit back harshly, unwilling to argue with him yet finding herself unable to stop from defending her fiancé.
"Name them." She stared at him like he'd lost his mind. "I mean it, Haruhi. If he's saved your life so many times then prove it."
"I shouldn't have to defend myself or him for you. It's my choice. I trust him with my life, Hikaru."
"Yes. Smart decision that will turn out being when he betrays you to get the crown of Nari."
"He's not like that!" Then, frustrated beyond belief she began listing every occurrence she could think of where he had directly or indirectly saved her life. "He saved me in the dungeon when I was captured. He spared my life even though I betrayed him. He could have had me executed so many times for so many different reasons but he didn't. After the assassination attempt when Yuiichi wanted me dead, he fought to keep me safe. He hid me when the Witch visited. He-"
"He stabbed you at the festival."
"That was not entirely his fault and it's expected when fighting during the games! He healed my father. And bargained away Narian lands as a ransom to get me home. But most of all he took me in when General Fusawa wanted to kill me. He saved my life by letting them amputate my leg, Hikaru. He's protected me far more than I ever expected him to. Far more than I ever asked him to or even deserved."
"That may be but he still-"
"Don't you dare say that he is still an enemy of Mora. Mora doesn't exist anymore. And even if it did, he's kept my identity a secret. And it is not him who's the enemy. It's his father. His father destroyed Mora not him. He's not at fault for what his father did!"
Hikaru pursed his lips; all his arguments refuted and dried up in the light of her determination. "You really do love him don't you?" he spat.
She looked at him and that one glance was all the answer that he needed. He scoffed lightly and muttered, "Do not come crying to me when he breaks your heart, Haruhi. You hear me? I warned you. I will not listen to you cry over him and I won't sympathize in the slightest."
She nodded and pulled him toward her, feeling his arms wrap around her in return. "You're my best friend," the older Hitachiin whispered, "Please don't get hurt."
"I won't," she promised, pulling back and smiling at him. "I'm more cautious than you think I am."
He snorted. "Right. Sure."
~o~
The day that the Kiran party was to leave, Haruhi was torn between being upset and wanting to get them out of her hair as soon as possible. Kyoya, of course, looked more than happy to see the hostile Hikaru and flamboyant Tamaki go. Kaoru and Ranka were another matter entirely. Haruhi glanced at her fiancé out of the corner of her eye as she watched them pile their luggage into the carriage they were going to squeeze into. He hadn't spoken to her much over the last few days apart from clipped short sentences when she asked questions. She started to wonder if he was angry at her for something.
Kaoru took her aside and she nearly sighed in exasperation. Did all of them really need to come to her one at a time? Seriously? Couldn't they all just confront her together and make life easy for her for once? As it was, she let herself be pulled away from everyone else. He spoke in low tones. "You be careful alright? Hikaru's right not to trust Kyoya completely." When she opened her mouth to protest he silenced her with a finger on her lips, adding, "But I understand why you do." The younger twin's eyes softened slightly as he bowed. "I wish you all the happiness in the world, Princess."
"Thank you," Haruhi whispered, embracing him. He squeezed her tightly, only letting go somewhat reluctantly when Tamaki demanded that he release her so she could say goodbye to her best friend. Kaoru scoffed and commented, "What makes you think that you're her best friend?"
Hikaru took the distraction as a welcome to wish her farewell, his eyes worn and worried though guarded. "Good luck," he told her sternly. "And for God's sake, look after yourself. I want to hear about it the moment that there's anything wrong or any danger, alright?"
"I'll be fine," she insisted stubbornly, hugging the Hitachiin briefly. He seemed to pull away from her much sooner than he normally would have, his eyes darting to glare threateningly at Kyoya, who didn't seem to take any notice of the exchange.
Both twins eventually made their way into the carriage after grudgingly shaking the Ohtori's hand. Tamaki made his way over to her after enthusiastically hugging Kyoya, who looked a bit ticked at the affection. Haruhi raised an eyebrow at her and muttered something about how he was going to get himself killed if he kept blatantly throwing affection around to those who didn't want it. He just grinned at her and pulled her into his arms, effectively smothering her protests.
When she managed to untangle herself from the idiot prince she noticed that Kyoya had turned away. She frowned slightly. Tamaki followed her gaze. "Did you ever explain to him?"
"No," she murmured in reply, frown still firmly in place, "I had hoped that it would have been obvious to him."
"He's not you, Namahi," Tamaki said softly, gripping her shoulders and making her look at him. "And as much as it seems like he can, he can't read minds." Haruhi glanced at her fiancé again then back at her best friend, smiling grimly. "Chin up," the blonde said, tweaking her chin a bit. "You'll be fine and happily married to the man you love before you know it."
She tried smiling at that just to humor him but it came out as more of a grimace. "Whatever you say Idiot Prince." He bent and kissed her cheek before turning and entering the carriage with a last wave at Kyoya.
And finally came her father. His eyes were filling with tears before he even approached her, resulting in an emotional, nearly bone-crushing hug. "Dad!" she choked out, gasping for air, "You're suffocating me!" He held her all the more tighter.
"How can I possibly just leave you here and return to Kira?" he questioned softly, stroking her hair. "My only child all alone in the world."
"You know that's not true," she retorted, managing to push him away enough for her to breathe properly again. "I'll be fine. And you'll see me again soon."
"Yes," he muttered faintly, "When I'm about to hand you off to another man to take care of you."
She scowled. "I think I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"You are. I didn't mean that." Ranka sighed and took her face in his hands, bending down so he could look his daughter in the eyes. "I mean that I'll be handing you to someone else. To live with someone else where I can't protect you. And all I can really do is hope that I've done my job well enough that you manage to survive."
"Dad…" She couldn't speak, too overwhelmed by the emotions coming off of him in waves.
He wiped tears from his eyes and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I've said it before, but I am so proud of you. You've become more than I thought possible even though you were raised in a way that was less than ideal with your mother gone." His forehead lowered to hers, his hands squeezing the sides of her head gently. "Sha loa te, sha litre gipsi," he breathed, "Or should I say, my strong young woman."
"Sha loa te, tior, Faetha," she mumbled in response. He released her, wiping his eyes and squeezing her slight body to his own again. There was a look of slight pain that passed over his features as they separated completely and he climbed the short steps to the inside of the carriage.
"Take care of my daughter, Kyoya!" her father called and Haruhi looked at him just in time to see the young Ohtori nod his head. The door shut behind him and seconds later, it was pulling away. She stared after it from next to Kyoya until it was out of sight, feeling him withdraw from her side and stride back into the Paitet palace without a word to her.
She let her face draw itself into a frown and sighed. She still felt like there was something wrong and though she knew what it was she really didn't want to breach the topic with him mostly out of fear that she'd say something she didn't want to.
She followed him at a much slower pace, determined to talk to him about it at some point that night, knowing somehow that she wouldn't get the opportunity until they were getting ready to sleep.
"I feel," she whispered as they lay next to each other ready to sleep but not to turn the light out, "like I've done something to upset you and I need to explain but I'm not sure what it is I've done." He snorted and reached over to blow out the candle. She placed a hand on his arm. "What have I done?"
Though he had stopped reaching for the candle he didn't speak until finally he said, "You said you wanted to marry me and yet I get the feeling that you're in love with Tamaki."
She nodded her head to confirm that that's what she thought. "I thought I saw you in the garden that day." She sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "You're misunderstanding."
"Are you sure? I'm pretty sure I saw you snogging him."
She raised an eyebrow at his word choice. "We were not snogging. It was one kiss because he requested it so he'd know how it felt. We both mutually concluded that it was like kissing a sibling." He snorted again as though he didn't believe her. "Why would I…? Kyoya, quit being jealous of him. Honestly, you have nothing to worry about."
"If any other prince had seen their fiancé kissing someone else, they'd have them either banished or executed."
"But you are not any other prince," she retorted lightly, glancing at him. "And I know that you are not even the slightest bit inclined to do away with me any time soon, jealous or not."
"I'm not jealous," he growled, finally snuffing out the candle and sinking under the covers. She fell silent with the darkness.
Then, "You wouldn't be acting like this if you weren't jealous."
"Haruhi."
"Kyoya, think about it. I have no reason to get involved with anyone else, let alone romantically." Then quieter, so he could hardly even hear her, "I couldn't do that to you even if I wanted to." She reached across the space between them and took his dimly lit face in her hands. "Sometimes you distance yourself so much that I feel as though you've gone somewhere that I'll never be able to reach you again. And most of the time I find that it's my fault." She drew a breath and began to withdraw only to have his fingers catch hold of hers. "If it makes you feel any better, I apologize."
She felt his breath waft over her knuckle as he brought them to his lips and her own caught.
"Just don't forget who you've promised yourself to," he murmured, lips brushing her skin as he spoke. She nodded.
"How could I?" The two lapsed into silence, his hands deftly keeping hold of hers until she'd drifted off to sleep.
~o~
A/N: So… For the layout of this chapter I literally had my little ~o~ dividers written out with things placed in between like (Insert random dinner topics here), (Insert deep conversation with _ here), and (Insert teary goodbyes here). Mostly because I kept putting off writing it since I couldn't get the perfect scenes in my head (which is why this is late…. Sorry.)
Completely exhausted from my first quarter of college. And Christmas. And working nearly constantly all break. Don't hate me okay? I just got over a week long flu. Not to mention I've recently come across a renewed obsession with Artemis Fowl that I just can't get out of my head. (No seriously. All I've been doing all month when not working is reading Artemis Fowl fanfiction and re-reading the books. So actually… I have no excuse.) As such, be expecting Artemis Fowl one-shots out the ears over the next few weeks (if I get my way and avoid homework).
Happy New Year! Belated merry Christmas! I at least got it out on this side of the year?
Kudos to: isara-love, redmystique, Nessie-san, take the purple pill, Cactus2008, Magpie09, Hanna-chan, Mitsy-chan, Onigori1, Brianna Heap, Vangran, and Koharu Veddette!
Oh! A reminder to those that haven't heard. I created myself an author facebook that you can follow and/or friend if it so pleases you. I'm not picky on that account soooo. Yeah. Once I get a fair amount of followers on it, I'll start updating it (not to mention people can bother me to update there as well.) with where I am in chapters and such. Link in my profile~