Steve thought he finally found a way to let go. He really doesn't understand why, but Sharon was remarkably easy to talk to. He came so close to letting it all out. But in the end something stopped him. Was it the fact that he was unloading everything on the girl his best friend was interested in? Or was it possible that the way she listened reminded him so much of Natasha. Either way, he knew where he had to go. As he attacks the punching bag with all of his strength, he can only think of the fight they had.
"Nat, I'm worried about Bucky. I know why he enlisted, but he's over there all alone."
"Steve, he's your best friend. I get that, but you once told me that he sometimes went off on his own a lot. Didn't tell you where, he just had to go. You're not the only one who is worried about him. You know I feel guilty about what happened with Maria. I set them up."
"But Bucky doesn't blame you. He doesn't even blame me. He's hurting, and I'm not there with him. I shouldn't have let him go."
"You know you couldn't have stopped him, right? Maybe he felt this was the only way."
"But you don't understand, Nat. You haven't known him as long as I have."
"Then help me understand. Help me see what you see."
"When we were younger, I was always a target for bullies. Bucky was always there to look after me. He taught me to defend myself. He's not just my best friend, he's my brother. I can't let him be there alone."
"I know that look, I've seen it before. You did something stupid, didn't you?"
"I enlisted. I leave for basic training next week."
"You what?! Steve how could you do that without talking to me? Did you even think about how I would feel about that?"
"I did think about it. Make no mistake this was the hardest decision of my life. He needs me. He's over there fighting a war. I have no right to do any less."
"He needs you? He's a grown man! What about what you need? What about what I need? I need you! And now you're leaving me!"
"I'm coming back. I promise you. Why can't you be supportive?"
"Because I don't want to lose you! You remember when you told me how your Mom felt when your Dad didn't come back from the war? Don't make me go through that again, please."
Nat is extremely hurt as her own memories come flooding back. She can feel the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes. She's about to tell him something she didn't think she would ever have to.
"Now I don't understand. Go through what again?"
"You're not the only one who lost a parent in the war. My Dad died when a surface to air missile took down the medical helicopter he was in. He was the pilot transporting injured soldiers away from the battlefield. I was only seven, and I had to be the strong one, for my mother. She cried for days."
"Nat, I promise you. I'm going to come back. And I'm going to bring Bucky home too."
"You're a terrible liar. You know you're making a promise you can't hope to keep."
"Nat, I…, I don't make promises that I can't keep. Don't you trust me? Don't you trust that I love you? Can't you just believe me?"
"I wish that I could. I love you, but if you really wanted me to be supportive of this, you would've talked to me about it first. Maybe the fact that you didn't says that you don't love me as much as you think. So go, but don't expect me to be waiting for you if you come back."
Through the memories, Steve's adrenaline level started to spike. Soon he was hitting the bag so hard the seams started to rip. Finally with one last hit, the bag broke free from the chain connecting it to the ceiling. After years of holding all this in, he falls to his knees, the tears he tried so hard to suppress, falling like rain. The same tears he didn't shed when she walked out of their apartment those many years ago. This is how Bucky found him, still in the same position an hour later. Right inside the same gym where he taught Steve to defend himself.
"I never should have left her, Buck."
"Come on buddy, let's go home."
Only time will tell if a heart shattered fourteen years ago can be pieced back together. Steve is a good man, and his friends are bound and determined to try. No matter what it takes, he needs them now more than ever. They don't know it yet, but hope is closer than any of them can imagine, and she never stopped thinking about him either.