A/N- I don't own anything, all rights go to Veronica Roth.
August 23rd
"I actually think my parents may kill me," Lynn sighs.
"Don't be so melodramatic! They love you, they just want what's best for you," I reassure her. Even though we're talking on the phone and I can't see her facial expression, I know she probably has her signature scrunched up brows and screwed up lips.
"They don't want what's best for me, Tris. They want what's best for them. For me to look good on paper."
"I think you'd look pretty good on paper…"
"Shut up," she fails at holding back her laughter. "Look, what I mean is that I am a disappointment to them and they aren't afraid of letting me know about it. They want me to go to college and study something for a solid career. I mean, not even medicine or law, just something mediocre and average so that I can blend in with the rest of the population. Then, in my third year of college, they want me to come home with a wholesome American man and announce our profound love for each other. And another couple of years after that, they'll expect my engagement. They'll hope that I can tell them the good news over a hearty thanksgiving dinner, where my mother will show me how to make the perfect pumpkin pie for the two perfect children that she'll expect me to reproduce. A boy and a girl, named 'Michael' and 'Samantha', whom I will raise religiously and with a stern hand. Basically, they want me to be completely unexceptional and unsurprising." My body shakes with laughter, Lynn's wild imagine will never fade.
"Come on, they expect a little more than that, surely. Why can't they send you to art school? Then at least you're still carrying on your education."
"Art school?" Lynn sighs, "I wish. There's no way that they could afford that. Hector's just gotten braces, and they used up what was left of my college fund on Shauna, when she switched courses and had to pay extra."
"You can make it. I know you can."
"It's cute how much faith you have in me Tris. But I know it's not gonna happen. I'll be working at Burger Barn for the rest of my life."
"You don't even work at Burger Barn."
"I was just saying, you know, an example of what my life will be like. Anyway, I gotta go, Hec needs a ride to football practice. I'll see you tonight, yeah?"
"Yeah, bye." I hang up the phone and flop back down on my bed. Only three days left until my birthday. Then I'm 18 years old. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hoping for my father to contact me perhaps via phone call, rather than just sending a signed birthday card, but I know that I'm hoping for nothing. But, what's left in this world if none of us can hope, right? It's stupid. I should just forget about my dad and my brother. But I don't want to. I want to see them. But I can't. I roll over so that my head is buried in my pillow and let out a frustrated growl, why does life have to be so complicated when you've only been on the planet for less than 18 years? Surely, I haven't earned all it's complications yet, have I? I thought childhood was supposed to be carefree, full of fun and lack of responsibility, the best time of your life. Now I think that theory is most definitely wrong, although it should be right. I've just spent the past half hour talking to Lynn and her lack of ideas and direction for the future, but what about mine? What am I going to do? It's a terrorising thought. I can't work at that stupid bakery for the rest of my life, earning less than minimum wage. But, what else will I do? What am I good at? Who the hell knows. I don't even think I'm good at anything, not by career standards anyway. Before my thoughts can drift off into much darker places, I hear the front door open and slam. The signature noise of keys being dropped on the side table, signifying my mother's presence in the household. Her footsteps sound careful as she climbs the stairs, and all too soon I'm met by the sight of her contorted face.
"What?" I say, a little too sharply.
"Do you want to explain to me why the television is no longer on the television stand? Would you like to explain to me why it is sat on our front yard, shattered into hunks of glass?" She taps her foot impatiently on my carpeted floor. The other night I moved the ruined TV to our front lawn, hoping someone would pick it up and take it away.
"Seriously? It's been like, three days. How have you not noticed it yet?"
"I've been working nights, Beatrice. It's the first time that I've stepped out in pure daylight, only to be met with the sight of that." She gives me an expression that means she wants an answer, and she wants it now.
"We," (the TV) "had a sort of…disagreement." I smirk a little, I think the whole thing is quite entertaining now. I hated that stupid rustic television anyway.
"Disagreement?" she seethes.
"Yeah, that's what I said, at least I think that's what I-"
"Enough! Enough of your smart mouth! Enough of your temper! Enough of your attitude! I've. Had. Enough." My mother starts to tremble, and I bite down on the inside of my cheek, inching my body a little closer to the wall that I sit up against. "I'm not replacing it. If you want a new one, you'll have to pay for it yourself," her voice is quieter, more lethargic, and she shrugs her shoulders and holds up her hands in weak exasperation. Her and I both know, we're not going to have a new television for quite some time.
…
Lynn and I sit in front of the mirror in my bedroom, on the floor. She's backcombing her hair, or should I say, the side of her head that has hair on it. I am applying a meagre amount of makeup. Tonight, as you have probably guessed, we're going to Faction Avenue. Lynn says that once I turn eighteen, a 'friend' that she knows is going to make me a fake ID, and then we can start going to a real clubs and bars. I don't know if that is a good or bad idea.
"You look hot in that outfit," Lynn says. Her face is pulled into a funny expression while she applies mascara.
"Thanks," I look down at myself, black high-waisted jeans and a crop top. I suppose I am showing more of my figure than usual.
"Planning on impressing anyone?" She gives me a knowing look and nudges me playfully.
"I don't know what you're talking about," I pretend to ignore her while I route through my makeup bag, looking for my brown eyeliner.
"I think you do. Come on, I'll give you to the count of four to admit it to me," she winks and begins to laugh at her lame joke, but is cut off by my hands pushing her to the ground.
"I'm not trying to impress anyone." I grunt, but she still shrugs me off. Once we look decent, we grab our bags and head for the front door. I don't bother telling my mom where we're going. I never do. We sit in Lynn's van and belt up, whist she leans over to the glove compartment, pulling out a bottle of water and a suspicious looking box. Out of the box, she pulls out a white pill and swallows it with the water. I don't ask questions. As usual, my stomach flips and my heart rate goes a little faster whilst we're on our way there. I wonder if I'll ever stop being so socially awkward, or if it's just a part of my permanent personality. I hear the familiar sound of distant loud music and the sign of an empty car park, meaning it's a busy Saturday night. People leave their cars at home, catching a taxi home so that they are free to down as much alcohol as possible.
We walk into Faction ave, side by side. Lynn said that we were meeting Uriah and Marlene, but I know that the other group will be here also. They always are. We see Marlene and Uriah, who are sat well away from the bar. Their faces light up when they see us, and Uriah waves a hand for us to come over. We're about to walk over there until my eyes wander over to the bar, where I see Four stood with his friends. My stomach writhes, I've not seen or heard from him since that awful day where I witnessed him drunk out of his mind. A second later, he meets my gaze, giving me an expressionless look. I want to talk to him. I aimlessly start to walk in his direction, not taking my eyes off his.
"Hey!" Lynn grabs onto my arm, but I don't look at her. "Where are you going?"
"To see Four."
"Are you serious! Come sit with us," I keep my eye contact with Four, and begin to walk forward, despite Lynn's objection.
"I'll catch you later," I say to her, distantly. I don't think she heard me. When I approach the small yet intimidating group, they all go quiet and Shauna starts to stare daggers at me. What's her problem? The look that she gives me burns through my skull and everyone else stays quiet, including Four.
"Are you lost?" She coos to me, her voice filled with fake concern and patronisation. "The kiddie table is over there," she points over to Lynn, Marlene and Uriah, who are also giving me dirty looks. This was a bad idea.
"I'm not a kid," I say sternly. Thankfully, my deeper than average voice makes me sound serious and steady, even when I'm not.
"Well," she eyes me up and down in a malicious manner. "You still certainly look like one," a couple of the others snigger.
"Shut the fuck up Shauna," I'm surprised to hear Four growl. He never shouts, instead, his voice seems to go quieter. It works, he sounds like someone who you wouldn't want to mess with. In fact, he sound like someone who I would run ten miles from.
"Don't tell me what to do, Four." She sneers back at him.
"When you're being a cow I'll tell you whatever I want," he leans away from the bar, and moves past the girl with dark hair, Christina, to get to where I'm standing. Shauna clenches her jaw and fiddles with her straw, dipping it in and out of her drink. Everyone else stares down at the floor. Four grabs onto my arm, harshly, and drags me round to a secluded corner.
"Hey!" I tug my arm away from me, he fingers springing free. "Don't drag me around like that!"
"Damn it Tris, what is it?" His voice sounds angry. I don't like it.
"I-I just wanted to speak with you," he's making me stammer and I could kill him for it. I hate how he has this effect on people, it's like he could scare an entire army.
"About?" He lifts his eyebrow impatiently, and leans against the wall. Folding his arms across his chest, which makes the muscles in his arms stand out even more.
"The other day.." suddenly I don't feel like talking about it, he obviously doesn't want to.
"What about the other day?" He continues to stare me down, and I feel my cheeks warm…what if he doesn't remember? But there would be no other explanation for him to be acting this way.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you and your friends," I start to walk past him, "I'll just, go," I say a little quietly.
"I remember what you did," he says, and then turns around to face me again. I stop in my tracks. "Why were you there? In my house?"
"The door, it was open, I just-"
"Decided to waltz in anyway? Didn't your parents ever teach you anything?"
"Don't talk about my parents," I snap, viciously.
"Well, I hope you got what you wanted."
"What? Four, I didn't walk in there to embarrass you. How the hell would I know what was going on?"
"I'm not embarrassed. I think you ought to be the embarrassed one."
"Oh really? Why is that?" I'm starting to get really irritated. Who is this guy, and what has he done with the Four who bandaged up my hands and watched movies with me?
"For walking in on me when I clearly wanted to be alone," he shakes his head angrily. "What if I had a girl round?"
"Then I guess I would have gotten a good show," I swallow thickly, and shake my head a little too vigorously. I'm fighting back the anger that's spreading to every inch of my body. I can't lose my cool in front of him. I just can't. That would give him what he wants. It would make him the winner. He expects me to lose my cool, just like anyone else does. Count to ten. One…Two…Three...
"You seemed to have gotten a good enough one anyway." That does it. I've had it.
"Oh will you shut up?! I went in there, and helped you. That's it. Stop trying to make up for your moment of vulnerability by acting all manly and intimidating and by being mean to me! That's all you're doing, being mean." He stares at me with his lips parted, if I didn't know any better I would say he looks kind of shocked. He continues to stare at me, his brows no longer furrowed. I storm away, leaving him stood in the same spot, and walk straight out of the building.
The bitter, clammy night air hits me like a brick wall. I hear the doors open behind me. "Just leave me alone!" I thought I was shouting at Four, but come face-to-face with Lynn. "Oh, sorry. I thought you were someone else."
"Someone else?" She looks like she swallowed something foul tasting. "Four, do you mean? Don't act like I don't know any of your business Tris. What was all that about? Why did you just ditch us like that?"
"Ditch you? I'm sorry, I forgot that we were still thirteen." I spit sarcastically, but Lynn doesn't return it.
"When are you ever going to grow out of that?"
"Grow out of what?"
"Your stupid smart-mouth." Ouch. At least my mom and Lynn agree on one thing. The fact that I'm not a very nice person. But I don't want to be that horrible person anymore. I want people to like me and be friends with me. After my tense interaction with Four, I now know how it feels to be spoken to in that way. If I'm ever going to grow up and be successful, or even just be happy, I need to change.
"I'm sorry," My body slumps and collapses on the hard ground, my hands by my feet, my head in-between my knees. "I'm so sorry." I hear Lynn sigh, then she joins me on the cold floor. Lynn and I can't stay mad at each other for long. We can't even argue for more than a couple of minutes. She wraps her arm around my shoulders and leans her head against mine.
"I know you are."
Thank you so much to those of you who have favourited and have written a review. It really helps out a lot and I am very appreciative of your support for continuing to follow and read this story.
Thanks to the guest reviews who I can't reply to directly.
DatFangirl: I love your amazing reviews, you always have so much to say and it encourages and helps me out! I won't be writing anything in Four's point of view, the story will be told in Tris' point of view throughout. Four's voice doesn't really fit this story, and I want it to mainly be about her. I may decide to write some separate Four one-shots when I finish the story however, who knows!
Please continue your support, I'll see you all next time! :D