Lost in the Dark

By E.M. Megs

Chapter 37 – Wars' Beginning

Kyoya did nothing but stare at the woman that he had once thought that he might love before she was ripped from him. "Saren?"

"Yes, that's my name," she responded, crinkling her nose at him. "What's with you?"

"You- Mother- How?"

"What are you talking about? Are you sick or something?"

He swallowed and realized that at least for the moment, she was actually alive and that she thought he was nuts. "I can't believe this," he muttered, meaning for it to be a statement to himself.

Saren narrowed her eyes at him and said suspiciously, "Did my brother put something in your drink last night?" Then she seemed to think better of it and amended her question. "Did your brother put something in your drink?"

He shook himself internally and outwardly shook his head. "Not to my knowledge."

She sighed and stood, coming to stand in front of him. "Well... What ever it is that's wrong with you, you better shape up or your father won't be happy. Especially since the Moradian King and his family are coming for a visit tonight." Her arms wrapped around his neck and he surprised himself by expecting them to pass straight through him like a ghost. "We can't have them thinking that you're a lunatic," she added, her breath ghosting across his lips right before she kissed him.

He stayed frozen even as she pulled back and scowled. "Forget about the Moradian royal family... I'm beginning to think that I married a lunatic."

The word married struck a cord in him. Hadn't he been thinking about a wedding just before this bizarre occurrence? "We're married," he breathed and with the look that appeared on Saren's face he could have sworn that she was about to smack him.

"Duh? Did you get amnesia from too much alcohol or something, you big dummy?" She shot him a confused look as she began to walk away from him. He watched her go until she turned back. "You better get cleaned up, Mister. They're arriving in half an hour."

Kyoya blinked once and then nodded. For some reason he thought he should be reacting more to the fact that the Moradian family was coming. But instead he found himself questioning why that would be in a way similar to why he had thought that his mother and Sarentia were dead.

~o~

He wasn't any better and Haruhi was incredibly frustrated. It had been 4 days. 4 days and the only news was the few words that he had mumbled in his feverish sleep.

Mother. Saren. Mora. Mayuri.

She was beginning to notice a pattern. All of the things that he muttered the names of were gone. And that did nothing to ease her anxiety.

Then came the hour that he breathed, "Haruhi," with such reverence that she swore that her heart stopped for a single moment.

~o~

Kyoya stood with his family to welcome the Moradian royals, his face a blank slate of boredom. At his side, Saren elbowed him. "Smile," she growled out of the corner of her mouth as the doors swung open. He noticed Yuki and Akito and Charmaine's son, Kaede, fidgeting and stared them down a bit. He heard footsteps and turned.

King Ryoji was as eccentric as always. Even after his wife had died, he had still remained an upbeat overzealous man. "Yoshio," he addressed the Narian king first. Then his wife. Trailing behind him and looking a little annoyed was his daughter, the only Moradian Princess and heir to the throne.

Somehow the sight of her made him falter. He nearly choked on his own breath when her eyes met his for a split second. "Haruhi," he breathed. He didn't know why the feeling of wrong kept cropping up today. And why on earth did he keep thinking that Mora was gone?

Saren nudged him. "What're you staring for?" she muttered to him with scowl.

He shook his head and explained, "I just feel like I know her."

"Kyoya, you and Haruhi met when you were 10. Your father wanted you to marry her instead of me." Her expression was a cross between bewilderment and gloom when he glanced at her. "Why do I feel like this is the first time you've heard this?"

He shrugged. "I know that. Of course I know that."

"Then stop staring at her. You're married to me and she is engaged to the Kiran Prince."

His mouth suddenly felt dry and before he could stop himself, the words, "No she isn't. She's engaged to me," flew from his mouth. Saren's expression iced over and if looks could kill hers would have sent his corpse flying back to the Old Lands. She promptly turned on her heel with a flare of her nostrils and stormed from the room.

"Shit," he muttered under his breath. From down the line a bit Akito snickered.

"Trouble in newly-wed land?" his brother taunted. Kyoya glared and decided it was best to run after his wife before she got too far. He nodded distractedly at Ryoji and Haruhi as they came to him, bowed briefly, and then hurried from the room.

He managed to catch her in the hall right before she entered their bedroom. The second that he touched her arm she whirled on him. "What is wrong with you?" she yelled. "First you wake up with all this... weird crap. Like forgetting that we're married and thinking that your mom is dead. Then the Moradian Princess walks in the castle and you're acting like a lovestruck fool when you knowingly chose me over her. Or were your vows just lies?"

"Of course they weren't," he said in a no-nonsense sort of voice. He failed to say that he couldn't remember what his vows had been or that he didn't know how long ago this had taken place but he figured that if he did it would just exacerbate the situation.

"I'm not real convinced at the moment, Kyoya." And then she sighed and her shoulders drooped. "Just... Tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing," he assured her quickly. Everything, his mind countered. He shut that thought out. "Nothing is wrong."

"I know we haven't exactly been getting along lately but... Kyoya why did you say you were engaged to her?" Saren looked hurt and he felt a lump form in his throat knowing that he'd put that look there.

"I don't know," he said softly.

"I can't believe that," she told him and then bit her lip as though contemplating something. She shut her eyes and blurted, "Kyoya, I'm pregnant." His eyes widened and his brows furrowed. "And I know that isn't exactly the news you want right now. Hell I don't even know if you wanted to be a father but... You're gonna be a father." Her eyes had tears in them but they weren't happy tears.

And something inside of him kept chanting wrong wrong wrong. He stared at his apparent wife and she looked back for several seconds before bursting, her tears flowing down her cheeks. "Will you say something?! Can you not even pretend to be happy?"

"Of course I'm happy, Saren," he mumbled, though even he didn't believe his tone. She shook her head in frustration.

"You should have married her," his wife said scathingly. "I'm sure you would have been happier."

Saren ran again and Kyoya couldn't find it in him to find the energy to go after her this time.

~o~

He finally woke on day five. Haruhi, having been sleeping next to him, had woken when he suddenly jerked awake. "Kyoya," she whispered, relief flooding through her as her arms found their way around him. "You're alright. Thank god you're alright."

"Haruhi?" he mumbled in confusion, his eyes fluttering between wakefulness and sleep. She place a hand on his forehead and scowled. His fever was still at 103 at least. "What're you...? Where's Saren?"

Haruhi felt her heart freeze over. "Kyoya... Saren's dead. Do you not remember what happened?"

"What? No."

"She's been dead for two years. We just got married. The Witch shot you intending to hit me." Her heart was pounding at what must have been 100 miles a minute. She now knew how he had felt when she had forgotten who he was. Frustrated and helpless and torn between despair and rage. "Kyoya... You can't have forgotten..."

The man was halfway delirious and she sighed as she decided that making judgments about his memory weren't fair in his current state. "I'll get your brothers," she murmured, raising herself up to grab the elder Ohtori brothers. When she returned, he was half-asleep again.

"You said he didn't remember anything?" Akito asked, pulling one of Kyoya's eyes open with his thumb.

"He thought Saren was alive," Haruhi replied quietly.

Yuiichi's mouth pulled down in a frown as her regarded his youngest sibling. "I think I remember Mother muttering nonsense," he murmured, "Also the times when she was awake she wasn't there completely. I think she learned just to be quiet so she wouldn't worry us. It's possible that Kyoya's having similar delusions."

"Mom?" Yuiichi and Akito's eyes both shot to their brother as the title fell from Kyoya's lips.

Then Akito's expression soured and his lips thinned. "Well whatever world he's living in it seems that Mother's alive there. Lucky him." Haruhi glowered a bit at him and slipped her hand into her husband's.

"Whatever these delusions are... I'm not sure that it's going to be possible to pull him out of them just by telling him the truth. He's going to have to choose to believe reality or delusion," Yuiichi commented with a troubled frown.

Haruhi scowled at this. What did that mean for reality then if Saren and Mayumi were both alive in his imaginary world? Could anything he had in reality hold even a spoon to that?

~o~

Saren was lying with her back to him, still upset about their earlier fight. "Saren?" he whispered, not wanting to wake her if she was already asleep.

"I don't want to talk to you right now," she replied quietly after a couple moments of pause. She curled tighter into a ball. Kyoya swallowed and respected her words. Finally he sighed and slowly turned on his side, wrapping an arm around her. She stiffened considerably at the contact.

"I'm sorry," he breathed in her ear.

"I don't want to talk."

"Then listen," he retorted gently. "I'm sorry about what I said about Haruhi. I'm sorry that I was less than thrilled about learning that you're pregnant. And I'm sorry but I don't know what's wrong with me." He paused long enough to let her respond if she wanted to. His hand shifted down to rest on her stomach. "Of course I'm happy that I'm going to be a father. I'm even more pleased that you are going to be my child's mother though."

This got her to turn her head at least. "Then why did you say that stuff?"

"I don't know. I've felt off all day, Saren. Everything just feels wrong somehow but I can't figure out why or how exactly." He stopped and licked his lips. "I'm sorry that I hurt you."

"Kyoya," she murmured, turning to face him completely now. "I could never stay mad at you for long." Her hand found his cheek and he could just barely make out her eyes searching his face in the darkened room. "Promise me you'll be more mindful of your words."

"I promise." She smiled as his lips met with hers. And though he knew this was not the first night he'd spent with his wife, he felt as though it was different this time for some reason.

His dreams consisted of Haruhi and his brothers. Haruhi was fretting over him in his apparent illness and his brothers were hovering and commenting about reality and delusions. "We just got married. The Witch shot you intending to hit me."

"As illogical as it is I love you."

His eyes snapped open and he found himself not lying next to Haruhi as he had thought but next to Saren, his wife. He blinked a few times and took in the slight rise and fall of her chest. He started to roll out of bed only to wake her. "Hnng. Kyoya. What are you doing?"

"Bathroom," he muttered hoarsely. But that was just an excuse to get up and leave the room. For some reason he found himself gravitating to the room where Haruhi was staying and he knew that she would be up at this hour. He knocked twice and waited until he heard a call of admittance before pushing open the door.

"Kyoya," she stated in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"I... Don't know exactly," he answered honestly. She looked at him for a long time and then awkwardly continued brushing her hair. "Why didn't we marry?" The question flew from his lips before he could even think it.

Haruhi's brush clattered to the ground and her gaze shot to him in bewilderment. "What kind of question is that?" she demanded angrily. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Just in case you forgot, Kyoya. If you had asked, I would have said yes. As it happened, you asked Saren. Not me. So I said yes to Tamaki." That didn't sound right and echoes of his dreams sounded in his head. "Regretting your decision now is going to do nothing because Tamaki and I are getting married next week. You should have thought better before making a decision."

Something still nagged him about marriage and logic. He didn't know what he was doing here exactly but seeing as he had already upset her. "If I had asked you, you would have been happy then?"

She shook her head incredulously at him. "Of course I would have, you bastard." It was an affectionate nickname if her tone was anything to go off of. "Why are you asking this now?"

He shrugged. "Just been some things bothering me lately. For some reason the first thing I thought when I saw you yesterday was that I was engaged to you. But that's not right. And I upset Saren saying so out loud."

"Are you sick?" she asked him after contemplating for several moments.

"Not to my knowledge." Haruhi frowned and strode toward him, her hand finding its way to his forehead. When she found no fever she backed up a couple paces. Kyoya caught the hand that she was trying to withdraw in his hand. Something about the gesture felt familiar. "Were we...?"

She shook her head violently and wrenched her hand from his as though he'd burned her. "Briefly. Very briefly. So briefly it was barely even existent."

He opened his mouth to reply when the door opened and Ryoji came barging in. The red head gaped at Kyoya a minute before cheerfully saying, "Oh. Good morning Kyoya!"

"Good morning, Ryoji," Kyoya said stiffly, "I was just leaving." He gave Haruhi a soft look, to which she pursed her lips, and then left. He could hear Ryoji grilling his daughter through the door as he headed back to his room.

Saren was awake when he got back and she raised an eyebrow as he shut the door. "Bathroom huh?"

He shrugged. "Have I ever said that it's illogical for me to love you?" Blurted questions seemed to be his forte lately.

Saren's mouth fell open and then she looked affronted. "I think I should be insulted."

"No. That's not what I meant." He let out a sigh. "I keep having the line 'as illogical as it is I love you' run through my head. And it feels like I've said it but I can't remember to who."

"Well," Saren said, "You've never said it to me so you can cross that off your list." She regarded him silently for a moment before walking over to him and taking his face in her hands. "This is really bothering you isn't it? This odd displaced feeling."

He nodded and then suddenly remembered something someone had said about the Witch. "The Witch might know."

Saren's eyebrows shot up. "The Witch? Kyoya... The Witch has been dead for over 20 years." Kyoya, of course, thought this was absurd. The Witch was the entire reason the war had started—wait there was no war. His troubles were slowly beginning to show on his face. "Are you sure you're feeling alright?"

He shook his head, not sure anymore.

Where were these strange memories coming from?

~o~

On day 12 his fever broke but Yuiichi was not convinced that they had gotten past it. Haruhi was standing at the mirror when a knock sounded on the door. She called to let them in and seconds later her father was standing behind her in the mirror with his hands on her shoulders.

"He's not doing well is he?" Ranka asked softly with a small nod toward the Narian lying in the bed across the room. She shook her head with pursed lips. "His fever broke?"

"Apparently that isn't an indication that he beat the poison. Just an indication that his body isn't fighting it any longer."

"What does that mean then?"

"According to Akito his mind is still fighting. So either his mind will beat it and he'll wake up... or it won't and his brain will shut down and he will die." She took a deep breath as she looked herself in the mirror. "I feel useless sitting around doing nothing when I'm sure King Yoshio's hospitality towards us is only going to last so long."

Ranka's hands dropped. "Yes... And what are you going to do if he dies?"

Haruhi closed her eyes, the thought briefly too painful to bear. When her eyes opened again there was resolution there. "He won't," she said as if it were the most obvious fact. "But if he did..." She carefully pulled her hair back into a loose bun and turned to her father. "I was a soldier before him and I will be a soldier after him."

Ranka nodded with a sad smile. "Spoken like your mother," he said quietly before turning to leave her once more. At the door he stopped and turned back briefly. "I was right about the prophecy saying that your curse would be broken."

She smiled. "Yes you were but I don't think any of us realized the consequences. And I'm still trying to figure out what this 'battles end, wars begin' thing is all about."

"It'll come in time, I'm sure." Ranka opened the door and left without waiting for a reply. Haruhi looked at her pulled up hair in the mirror and let out a long sigh.

~o~

Kyoya woke the next morning with a headache so bad that he felt like a giant was trying to split his skull open with his foot. When Saren placed her hand on his forehead she scowled. "So you are sick. That would explain a lot."

He just groaned and rolled over to go back to sleep.

When he woke the second time it was obviously afternoon and Haruhi was there instead of Saren. "God. Is this one of those weird dreams again?" he growled in annoyance.

Haruhi turned at the sound of his voice. "What nonsense are you spouting now?" He rolled his eyes and didn't deign her with a response. "You're running a fever of 102, Kyoya. Did you think I wasn't going to visit you?"

"I would have thought that would give you more reason to stay away," he retorted.

"Oh no. You're far more interesting to talk to when you're feverish though it seems you're just as sharp." She strode over to sit on the edge of the bed. "Is this where all the strange thoughts have been coming from? This fever?" Her eyes searched his face as she spoke.

"I don't know," he answered. He let silence sit between them for a long time then said, "Everything feels wrong here, Haruhi."

She gave a short bout of bitter laughter. "Kyoya, if everything was right then my father wouldn't be here trying to prevent war with your father."

Even though he felt too hot all over, he was instantly freezing the second she mentioned war. "What?" he asked, fighting to sit up. "War?"

"Your father didn't tell you?" she questioned, pushing him back into lying position.

He shook his head. "No. No. That- We ended the war. The prophecy said that we ended it."

"Kyoya there hasn't been a war yet... My father's trying to prevent one from starting. What is this about a prophecy?"

"Mori's prophecy," he muttered offhandedly and she scowled at him. "This is what I mean by everything feeling wrong. I have these memories stuck in my head of things that apparently have never happened. But those memories, those are the things that feel right. Not any of this." Haruhi was silent so he continued. "Mora was gone. Nari and the Witch destroyed it. You were cursed. And you were a soldier in the Kiran army that I captured and turned into a spy. And you tried to kill me. And I forgave you. We started looking for peace and we eventually managed to figure out that if we got married it could be the binding factor in a peace treaty. And we did. We got married, Haruhi."

"I'm going to go get Saren," Haruhi said abruptly, moving to stand but he grabbed hold of her hand.

"Some part of you knows that I'm right. You know something isn't right here."

"Let go of me, Kyoya."

"Haruhi, I fell in love with you. And you with me."

"That was a long time ago."

"No. It wasn't. I helped you break your curse by telling you to stop being afraid."

"I've never been cursed!"

"We got married! And the Witch shot me! And she is the key to this Haruhi. She is the reason that I'm here."

Haruhi closed her eyes and when they opened again tears were pooling in her eyes. "Why do you have to say such things now? You're sick and I know that that's all this is but it still hurts, Kyoya. Your words have an affect." She drew a breath and then shook her head. "Let go of me." He did and she stood.

"I'm going to go find her, Haruhi. I'm going to find the Witch."

"You're sick," she murmured as she turned to go, "Get some rest." The door closed with a resolute thud behind her.

~o~

A/N: I know. It's the 26th not the 10th. It's not my fault. Geek Squad took my computer for repairs and then took nearly 6 weeks instead of the 2 they said. And in the end they ended up replacing it with a completely new one anyway. So everyone wins... It's just very delayed.

I'd like to think that if Mayumi Ohtori had lived that Maine and Akito would have been allowed to marry and have a son and Sachi wouldn't have even been in the picture. And that in the alternate reality in Kyoya's mind Mayuri and Yuiichi are expecting their second kid. Ahahaha I just made myself sad. I just really like the idea of everyone having kids with the people they love.

Kudos to: Infinities Lover, Sisflower, SarcasticComment, and JUCHKO