A/N: Hey guys I am so sorry for the delay, writers block and I went on holiday, my dog died and my nan has gone into hospital so I've had no time to write. I do apologise and hope you can all forgive me and that this chapter makes it up to you. It's only short so again sorry.
Warning for self harm.
Disclaimer: I still don't own Charmed. Never will "/
Billie was having one of the worst days she had had since being rescued. Every time she closed her eyes, even for a moment, she was back in that damn cave having something unspeakable done to her. She tried to keep these to herself but she was flinching and jumping at the slightest sounds and panicking at the simplest movements . All she could think about was running that cold, soothing blade across her wrist, thigh any part of her body really. That brief moment of calm as she watches the blood trickle out of her, letting her know that she has killed the dirtiness, worthlessness, evilness inside of her.
These were the thoughts going through her mind non-stop during dinner. The fake smile she had on was doing its job, she could tell the sisters believed she was doing better today but actually she was so close to the edge that she couldn't even wrap her mind around the mundane conversation they were having. A nod here, a small smile there, some noise in the back of her throat and they were fooled. Eye contact minimal, she couldn't tell whether her eyes would clue them in on the battle within her but she wasn't going to risk it. They weren't, when the sisters saw her eyes they saw a small bit of the old Billie, but she was gone and Billie couldn't figure out how to get her back. She didn't know if she could get her back, it all seems so worthless now. What had the demons said to her? Oh yeah. 'Let me tell you how the story ends, well the good guys die and the bad guys win.' And it was true. Evil always prevailed, it would always be there. So would good but not complete good, no one was ever completely good. They all had the dark thoughts like 'How about I just stop today? I can't be bothered. I mean what is this one person going to do that will help society? It's not like I can save them all so who really cares?' so the demons were right, evil always win and that will never change.
It was only thanks to Phoebes' premonition that Billie was alive now. Phoebe was curled up next to her in the bed, a vise like grip on her not letting her go. Why though? Why did she care?
After dinner Billie had quickly excused herself, her thoughts were getting to be too much, she needed the knife, that release. Phoebe had touched the jacket she was wearing that she had taken off half way through the meal and got sucked into one of the most horrendous visions she had ever had. Quickly running upstairs she got to Billie before it was too late. Piper and Paige right behind her.
She wouldn't have slit her wrist downwards if it wasn't for the voice in her head. That damn voice that was telling her that if she cut across the pain, the memories, the demons fucking voice would only go away for a little while BUT if she cut down then he would go away forever.
And that was it. Billies' first suicide attempt, and hopefully her last. The tears the sisters had shed whilst Paige healed her, the comforting words they told her none of it sunk in. Billie was in a stupor. She had stared and not seen, she was unresponsive and it was terrifying the fearless charmed ones.
A/N: I am so sorry if it was terrible I wrote it at 4 am. All mistakes are mine I just wanted to get something up so you guys didn't think I'd stopped. So leave me a review, it'll motivate me to write more. Thanks guys.