I'm BAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
What's my friends? I'm doing wonderful, and thank you to all the people who have given me kind support, I truly appreciate it.
To those that gave me an honest critique without resorting to insults, I appreciate your maturity and have taken your words into consideration.
To those who insulted me…what to say to you? AH! I know. "The first person who resorts to insults is the one is ultimately wrong." Thank you for your kind support by saying my views are correct, and every single time you insult my character, intelligence, writing ability, and opinions, you are screaming "SHE'S RIGHT!" in everyone's face. So thank you for your support of right to freedom of speech and urging to continue writing as I see fit.
OH! WAIT! To the Guest reviewer who said that you wished I were a motivational speaker, PLEASE PM ME! I would like to talk to you personally if you don't mind. You aren't alone, and as a survivor of suicidal depression, I can tell you that things can look dark and absolutely hopeless, but there is ALWAYS hope!
Mystic: Looks like I wasn't able to get that job, at least not yet, they want to wait until after I get back from Ireland LOL!
OK, I have been chewing on this idea, and it has been making me giggle quietly to myself making me look like I've gone insane whilst traveling across the country. So I DO hope you enjoy!
No one really knows how the prank war began, actually if any of the Guardians or Pitch sat down and seriously considered it, the best answer they could come up with would probably be the dinner conversation where North and Bunny were comparing who pulled the best pranks. It was late in the evening, the dishes had already been cleared away, but the Guardians plus the softening Boogeyman were still sitting around the dinner table reminiscing or just laughing about various events that had occurred recently.
"I'm tellin' ya mate," Bunny guffawed "I got 'im good!"
"You did NOT!" Jack retorted with a petulant stomp under the table.
"Uh," the rabbit deadpanned "yeah, yeah I did."
The frost child scoffed, rolling his eyes and propping his feet up on the table "Whatever, but no matter what you do, nothing can compare to MY pranks, I'm the king of pranking and you know it."
"Maaaybe," North murmured, one thick finger tapping his beard as twinkling blue eyes cast a merry dance on the gathering of spirits "and maybe not."
"What," Jack laughed "you think you can do better?"
"I did not say that," North waved his hands innocently "but we do not know if you truly are master of pranking."
And thus it began, with Jack's competitive spirit rising, and everyone glancing at each other, each becoming in tune with their more…evil side, leading to a series of pranks that would go down in history.
….
North walked into his study, a sketched blueprint in hand, and his imagination running wild for what he planned to carve that day. Sitting down at his workbench the large man cracked his knuckles, and gave a happy grin, he adored this part of his job. There was just something fun about taking a block of ice and transforming into something that would make a child sit in wondrous glee on Christmas morning.
Glancing to his side, Santa let out a happy laugh that his elves had somehow managed to be on top of things and had already placed a plate of cookies on the table, Oreo cookies to be exact, and they were now waiting for him next to his chair and tool set. North reached down, and grabbed a cookie, his eyes closing in rapture as he chewed before his lips suddenly puckered and his face screwed up in confusion. Blue eyes opened, and his mouth gave two more slow chews as the large man struggled to identify just what it was that he was eating. The outside was certainly an Oreo cookie, but the inside was…minty.
Hesitantly, North opened his mouth, and slowly stuck out his tongue only to grunt in shock at the foam running from his mouth "…Too'pashe…?" he mumbled before his eyes widened "TOO'PASHE?!"
Toothiana suddenly fell from where she had been hiding behind the door, her sides heaving as she cackled with glee "I got you!" she giggled one slender finger pointing at North "I TOTALLY got you!"
"TOOTH!" North bellowed as he spat the remains of his cookie into a towel "How dare you ruin my cookies by replacing center with…with…TOOTHPASTE!"
Tooth shrugged, cracking an innocent grin as she gave one last giggle and flew away leaving North to fume in his office. Oh yes, it was ON!
…..
Tooth ate her fruit, eyes rolling with ecstasy at her treat, and added a little more tajine to her slice of peach. Not many people knew about the spice, but tajine was a mix of salt and lime that made the flavor in fruit dance across your tongue in mild explosions, in short, she was addicted to the stuff. However, this particular jar of tajine tasted a tad…different. It was still the same spice that she so enjoyed, but there was something else, something she couldn't quite name, that was in the background of the delightful tang. Siftly, her mind went back to when she had sabotaged North's cookies, but Tooth quickly swept that away with a shrug. They couldn't possibly have done anything to this bottle of tajine, it was her personal bottle, and therefor untouchable.
"Hello my dear," Pitch said softly, sitting down at the table next to the chair the fairy currently occupied "how are things?"
"Oh fine," Tooth said giving the man a brilliant smile "even though you missed it, I pranked North just a few days ago, and I dare say it was one of my best!"
"Oh?" one of the Boogeyman's eyebrows rose towards the ceiling "How?"
Tooth giggled at the memory and leaned in close, hiding her mouth with one hand she whispered "I switched the insides of his Oreo cookies with…toothpaste!"
Pitch snorted, struggling to control his laughter, but to no avail due to the hilarious image of North sitting in his chair bellowing while toothpaste foam rolled from his mouth. That was all it took to make the dark specter fall into a laughing fit. The tooth fairy joined his laughter, wings shaking as she gasped for air "I know, right? Oh it was priceless, simply price-"
Suddenly the fairy let out a large belch, one that shook the table and caused the two spirits to spring apart in a sudden awkward silence. "Well," Pitch said slowly "Tooth…I didn't know you had it in you. That was….quite impressive."
"I-I-I…" Toothiana stuttered, her face glowing beet red "I have NO idea where that came from…it was…!"
Once again another burp snuck out of the embarrassed fairy making her shrink in her seat, and causing the Boogeyman to blink as the gears turned in his head clicking into place as he took a perusal of the table. Picking up the tajine, Pitch sniffed the contents, and then sighed.
"I'm sorry my dear," he said gently, laughter a gentle undertone beneath his apology "but I do believe you have been had."
"What's in it?" the fairy asked.
Pitch sighed, and then gave what he hoped was a consoling smile "Gas powder."
Just as he said those fateful words, Tooth grimaced, feeling a gas bubble begin to head South. With a muffled 'Eep!' she hurried to a more private venue where she could plot her revenge, and also wait out the effects of the dreaded powder. Back at the table, Pitch pursed his lips, and began to consider just whom out of all the Guardians he should wreak havoc on.
….
Jack ran into the bathroom, and rushed to the toilet.
Admittedly he probably shouldn't have drank all that soda with Jamie, but it seemed like a good idea at the time, and he never noticed as they fought their way through the last levels of Jamie's video game that he had drunk over six cans, at least not until he was flying through the window at Santoff Clausen. So now, with somewhat of an emergency on his hands, the frost child relieved himself, a sigh whooshing from his lungs, only to catch when the boy realized that all that popcorn and chips had been digested as well. With a small groan Jack turned around and sat down, only to experience what was probably one of the strangest occurrences he had ever endured.
To put it simply…his butt began to tingle.
At first it felt really cold, icy even, and Jack raised an eyebrow knowing that this was not the usual happenings when he was using the bathroom, but then the skin and muscle began to burn like they were on fire, making the sprite jump up and yelp in shock slapping at his skin.
"OW!"
A knock on the door interrupted the frost child mid dance, and a gruff Australian accent, slightly strangled by silent laughter, wafted through the wood "Problems frostbite?"
The pieces clicked into place, and the boy snarled "What did you do?!"
"Nothin' much," Bunny giggled "I just slathered that whole toilet seat with Icy Hot!"
"I-Icy Hot?!" Jack seethed "And just what is ICY HOT?!"
"It's stuff ya put on yer sore muscles," the Australian cackled "it's like Bengay, it supposed ta soothe stiff and aching muscles."
"That…THAT…" Jack sputtered as he rubbed his burning rear "THAT'S JUST WRONG!"
…..
Bunny walked out of the bathroom, a magazine in his paws as Tooth dived in to do her routine tooth brushing after a meal, only to stop when the fairy gave an undignified squeal. Dropping the magazine, the rabbit bounded back into the restroom only to find himself being pinned down by two angry lavender eyes. A feathered hand pointed at the toilet bowl, and the warrior dropped his gaze only to gasp in horror. A small brown object lay on the toilet seat, and it didn't take a genius to figure out what it looked like.
"I…You…" Tooth stammered her color rising at the very thing she was attempting to address "I mean…That's just…and…you should know better!"
"B-But I didn't do it!" Bunnymund shot back.
"YOU were the one who just walked OUT!" Tooth shrieked.
"Well yeah," the rabbit nodded "but that…that WASN'T me!"
Laughter rang from the window, and a snow white head popped through "What kangaroo, not house trained yet?"
"JACK!" Bunny bellowed, his whiskers standing straight out in anger as emerald eyes flashed "What did you do?!"
"Aw," Jack pouted though his azure eyes still glittered with barely concealed mirth "relax, it's just a bit of brown construction paper wetted and squished up to look like poop, don't blame me, you're the one that crossed the line into bathroom humor."
…
Pitch smiled, he had successfully laid his trap, and now all they had to do was walk into it. He had of course ensured that Toothiana would be spared his evil tendencies, due to not wanting to incur her overwhelming wrath, but the others…well they were fair game.
As per his instructions, the elves delivered the cups full of soda to North, Bunny, and Jack, and Pitch waited on pins and needles for the first phase of his master plan to begin.
"Jack, that prank was just plain cruel," Bunny grumped taking a sip from his cup.
"Aw come on," the frost child scoffed "do you even know how long it takes Icy Hot to wear off? I was sitting in a snow bank for over an hour! ME! Sitting still! For an HOUR! Not cool Bunny."
"At least your cookies were not vandalized," North moaned in grief "Tooth ruined perfectly good cookies, and replaced my favorite part with toothpaste!"
Jack and Bunny raised their eyebrows in unison, "Yeah," Jack chuckled unconvinced "I'm not sure that that is on the same scale of what we dealt with."
"No kidding," Tooth growled "all you dealt with was toothpaste cookies, I suffered bodily harm!"
"What happened to you?" Bunny asked with a small smirk.
Tooth felt heat rush to her face, and she turned her back to the rabbit, sitting primly on the edge of the footstool she was currently perched on "N-Nothing!"
"Hmph," Pitch harrumphed "if you ask me, you all brought these things upon yourselves, and besides, you have yet to experience a truly evil and masterful prank."
"Hey," Jack asked slowly "What do you got up your black sleeves?"
"Nothing in particular," the Boogeyman shrugged nonchalantly.
"No, it's somethin' a'right," Bunny continued "What you plannin'?"
"Not so much 'planning', as 'planned'," Pitch smiled in sweet satisfaction.
"Like what?" Jack pressed before suddenly giving a yelp as his cup's contents exploded in his hands and covering him with soda.
Pitch laughed without restraint as the sticky beverage covered the three Guardians, and even Sandy floated by, holding his stomach as he chuckled silently "Ahem," Pitch said while slowly regaining his composure "I froze Mentos in ice cubes, and put them in your cups, time bomb sodas."
Jack huffed unhappily and raised one sticky finger "I am only upset because I should have thought of that."
Bunny growled, giving the Boogeyman a soft glare "While I'm sure I'll appreciate this later," he sighed "I gotta go wash this mess outta my fur."
"Agreed," North nodded "I think I can say that the prank war is over."
Muttered agreement came from the others as the three trudged up the stairs towards each of their private bathrooms, and Tooth found herself examining what could only be explained as a smug grin lighting Pitch's features.
"Piiiitch," Tooth said slowly "might I venture to say that that particular prank isn't the end to what you have planned?"
"And why would you say that?" Pitch chuckled.
"Because," the fairy smirked "you look like a cat that just ate the canary, whatever it is you still have up your sleeve, it's going to be a doozy, isn't it?"
A dark laugh was her only answer, and they waited in silence until three horrified screams rent the air. Tooth raised an eyebrow at the Boogeyman, who was now choking on his air due to laughing so hard, and then she flew up the stairs her heart hammering in her chest at what she might find. "Uh, guys?"
"PIIIIIITCH!" came the unanimous shriek.
Stomping down the hall came three hairless Guardians, their faces red with anger. Bunny had had the foresight to put on a robe, but it didn't make the affect less shocking. Pitch had replaced their shampoo with hair removal cream, rendering North, Jack, and Bunny completely bald. Jack and North weren't so bad, but poor Bunny…well…you can only imagine what a hairless six foot rabbit in a robe looks like.
"Pitch, I'm gonna skin yer hide, and hang it on my wall!" the Australian snarled.
"N-Now gentleman," Pitch gasped "due to being spirits, you should be back to normal within a week!"
"A WEEK!" Jack screamed "I can't go out like this! I'll lose what believers I have!"
"Pitch, you go too far!" North bellowed as he strode forward, meaty hands bent on grabbing the now retreating Nightmare king.
However all revenge via beating/bludgeoning/dismemberment was interrupted by a flash causing all in the room to look up and see the sandman melting of laughter.
"I think I should mention," Pitch smiled "I had originally dyed all of your shampoo various colors, the hair removal cream was NOT me."
"Then…" Jack said as all slowly lifted a glare towards the still laughing dream master "Sandy used you as a scapegoat, in order to pull…"
"…the ultimate prank…" Bunny finished.
"That is…" North scrambled for the words to explain his mixed emotions "That is just so…so…evil!"
Sandy shrugged and offered them an innocent grin, making the three bald Guardians bristle(at least they would if they still had hair) in anger.
"Get 'im,"
As one the three acted on Bunny's whispered command, and pounced towards the silent ball of golden laughter. It was in that moment that the guardians came to a truce, that prank wars are best to be laughed about, but not to be done. And much to Sandy's joy, he had been reluctantly crowned the all time champion and king of pranks.
I know, not much for a comeback chapter, but I actually have a lot on my mind right now, but I promise to try and have a semi normal routine for updates back soon!
Hope you guys enjoyed it!