A/N- I do not own the Divergent characters. Rights go to Veronica Roth.
September 27th
"I can't hear you Lynn, can you not speak a little louder?" I say, pressing my phone even harder and closer against my ear, whilst walking into the living room where it's quieter.
"Sorry, I'm just trying to avoid people from listening into my calls," she exhales with displeasure.
"Aren't all your calls recorded and listened to anyway?"
"I suppose, but I like to pretend I have privacy. Keeps me feeling dignified, you know?"
"Whatever helps you sleep at night," I chuckle. I've missed talking to her, missed her casual sense of humour. "So how are you? And I'm sorry I couldn't visit you this week, it's just difficult for me to travel down there."
"Don't worry about it, Tris. The other inmates did warn me that I would stop getting visitors after the first few weeks, so." She tries to sound nonchalant and sarcastic, but I know that she's hurting. No matter how well she masks her heart, she can never hide it from me.
"Honestly I feel bad and you know I would if I could. I'll write letters, I'll answer your phone calls, I'd do anything-"
"Tris it's okay, I understand. Really. Thank you for the letters and the little sketches, and just for picking up the phone. I didn't mean to sound ungrateful…it just gets lonely in here."
"What about your parents? Didn't they go to see you on Wednesday?"
"Well my dad can't get the time off from work and my mom always makes excuses, saying that she's looking after Hector. You know, even though he's in middle school and perfectly capable of being home alone for an hour."
"Does she find it too upsetting? Seeing you as an inmate, I mean."
"No, it's not that," she snorts, "she just thinks that she's all high and mighty and way above all of the people who are involved with the prison. And she obviously doesn't want to come here on her own. But regardless of that, she should push her own feelings aside and just come and see me. She should come and see me because I need her. I need someone."
"I know it must be tough. I know it's worse for you because you're the one that's actually there, living through it. But remember that your parents are still hurting, and your mom isn't acting this way out of spite."
"I guess," she mumbles. "God, I miss you so much. It's just nice to hear your voice again, even if I can't see your face."
"Well my face hasn't changed that much, but it's good to speak to you too. What about Marlene, have you spoken to her?"
"Yeah I called her. She told me that she wouldn't be able to visit me again because she won't get the time off college or the funds to travel back to Chicago. So basically I don't know what the hell is happening between me and her. It's all bullshit. Sometimes I think that it would be easier if I just told her to leave it alone and never speak to her again. I mean, she's going to have this amazing career and a bunch of friends, and look at where I am. Hell, she'd be better off with Uriah than with me. What kind of life could we possibly have together? I'll bet she hasn't even though about a life that we could have. So it hurts. It really does."
"You deserve someone good. Someone who wants to be with you. And I know that you're never going to give up trying with Marlene, and not that I blame you because she's a pretty amazing person. But you're worthy. You're worthy of someone's time and patience and love. I'm almost positive that you'll find it one day."
"Well," she whistles out in awe, "look at you, with all your heartfelt words. Thank you for saying that. No one else ever has."
"That's what I'm here for."
"Me too, and all those things you said apply to yourself. A little bit of advice, don't let anyone take advantage of you when it comes to relationships. If you find that special person, make them commit to you. Don't do what I did and just dive into it all when you haven't even settled your feelings for one another. As I've learned, that's how you get your heart broken," she says. I stay silent. "Tris?"
"Huh?" I clear my throat, "oh, yeah, of course."
"Alright…"
"Listen, I'm going to the gym in a minute so I need to go. Call me soon, I promise I'll pick up."
"The gym? Jeez, Tris. Okay, I need to get back to my cell now anyway. Keep sending me those letters!"
"I will, I'm sketching you a little comic right now," I laugh. We say our final goodbyes and hang up the phone. So I lay on my bed, thinking about what Lynn said, and about Four. I find myself getting frustrated lately, unable to shake him from my mind. What would he say, if he knew he was the subject of the majority of my thoughts? If he knew he was what I thought about when I seek comfort, reassurance, release.
It's later on in the afternoon when Four and I are walking into the gym side by side. I don't know how he managed to persuade me to come with him, I suppose I was bored and curious. I also don't mind the sight of him in his gym clothes. "So, what do you normally do here?" I question.
"A little bit of everything, I suppose. More or less stick to the weights though."
"Do you come with Zeke?"
"Sometimes, but usually in the morning I just come on my own because he's lazy," he laughs. "What do you prefer doing?"
"I used to run and swim a lot."
"Treadmills it is then?" He smiles, setting his bag down by the lockers and pulling out a towel and water bottle. I do the same
"Sure. But I haven't really done any exercise at all since I left school. So I don't know how fit I am anymore."
"Just don't overwork yourself, you'll be fine." We walk over to the treadmills, each taking one next to the other. I attach the little safety clip to my yoga pants and start off with a speed walk to warm myself up, as does Four. The treadmills are situated in front of a large mirrored wall so that we can see each other in it, and also ourselves. I examine myself as I break into a slight jog, noticing how much my body has changed. I guess I've gotten out of shape, considering my calves and arms aren't defined like they used to be, and I no longer have a rock solid toned stomach. When I was a younger teenager, I used to ride horses, swim laps, and run competitively on my track team. Since then my desire to be sporty has burned out, and later on in my school life I only ever took part in physical education classes. Now I have more curves and softness than I used to, and I suppose I look more mature and womanly as a result. My chest is no longer flush against my ribs, I now even have cleavage and small hips. I wonder if it's noticeable? I guess no matter how much I change, I'll always look back in the reflection and see the skinny little awkward fourteen year old that I once was. When I start to break into a run, I'm thankful I decided to wear a good sports bra, especially with Four right next to me. And then I realise how much I've missed this. I've missed feeling energetic and free, I've missed stretching my limbs and making my heart race. So I bump up the speed on my treadmill, making myself work harder.
"You're actually a fast runner," Four pants, looking over at me. I smile in response, too out of breath to force words out of my mouth.
After a while spent running, he announces that he's going to go do some lifting and use the punching bags. I slow back down into a light jog once he's gone, but sooner or later I get curious and join him. His hands are taped with black and sweat drips from every inch of him. I watch as he pelts the blood red bag with so much force I think it's going to swing off its hook and knock someone out cold. He notices me observing and stills the bag, wiping sweat off his brow using the back of his hand. "Want to try?" He asks.
"I don't have any muscle," I step back reluctantly, biting my lip.
"Come here," he holds out his hands and I step towards him. He turns my body around in front of him so that I'm standing sideways against the bag. He moves my arm so that my forearm is hovering parallel to my chest, and bends my elbow to a point. "You'll be better at using your knees and elbows. Hit there," he points to the middle of the punch bag, and I count to three and slam my elbow into it, successfully making the bag jolt. "Not bad Prior," he smirks, "but remember to keep tension here," he places a hand over my stomach, pressing firmly against it whilst his other hand rests on my back. I try to hide the fact that I nearly swallowed my tongue by nodding my head a little too vigorously.
"Thanks," I mutter, stepping away from the bag and allowing him to continue. I look over his shoulder and out of the indoor window, where I can see the huge swimming pool and jacuzzi area.
"Go swimming while I carry on with this if you want," he says. "I'll come find you in a bit."
"Okay," I smile, walking off to the changing rooms. I find my self a secluded corner to change in, and quickly step into my black one piece bathing suit, which is a little more stylish and flattering than the ones I used to wear. After shoving my things back in my locker and putting the rubber band key around my wrist, I head off to the pool area and sit on the edge. When I dip my feet into the lukewarm water, I instantly feel at home and a grin breaks out across my face. My mom used to call me her little fish because of how much I loved the water. I would beg her to take me swimming every Wednesday night after school, and she'd have to pull me out kicking and screaming when it came to closing time. I push myself off the edge and sink in, so that the water comes up to my waist, and lurch forewords into a breast stroke. I bend my body with the ripples and waves when I dive underwater, indulging in the feeling of being almost weightless. As I come up for air, I wipe the water out of my eyes and begin to swim laps back and forth until my legs start to feel like jelly and the momentum of the water feels more like a brick wall. I need to rest. I go to the shallow end and push myself out of the lanes of the pool and into the free-swim area, so that I can relax and mess around and go underwater again.
I'm floating on my back, getting closer and closer to the deep end, looking up at the ceiling and faintly listening to the background noise of joyful screams and splashing water when two hands wrap around my waist and I'm pulled under. I frantically flail around, listening to my underwater echoing shrieks of protest, and watching the bubbles fly out of my mouth through squinted eyes. I see brown hair and tanned skin float in front of me, and two arms helping me upwards as I desperately kick my legs to resurface. I plummet out of the water, gasping for air and coughing wetly. Four resurfaces after me, laughing and shaking his head side to side to get rid of the water in his hair. I splutter again, kicking rapidly to keep afloat but my feet can't touch the bottom so my mouth keeps going back under. He grabs onto my waist again, lifting me upwards to get air.
"You absolute idiot!" I laugh, but I'm interrupted by my coughing again, swallowing pool water isn't the nicest thing. My nose burns.
"I couldn't resist that, the way you were just floating there was too opportunistic," he wipes my wet hair away from my face before I splash him with water.
"Hey!"
"That's what you get," I giggle, but nearly fall under the water again when I try to let my feet touch the bottom. "Crap!"
"What are you doing in the very deep end, the water is about twice the height of you," he pulls me towards him and I wrap my legs around his waist, keeping my self surfaced.
"I was floating," I settle my hands on his shoulders, "can you touch the bottom?"
"Barely," he says, the water coming up just under his chin, "are you sure you don't have fins? Never seen someone swim so fast underwater."
"Nope, if I did then I wouldn't have just nearly drowned when you dragged me under," I say sarcastically.
"Your expression was priceless," he tries to pull us both under this time, but I disentangle myself from him and swim away as quickly as I can.
"Do that again and I'll dunk your head under," I say, my back pressed against the side of the pool when he corners me.
"Relax," he laughs placing one hand on the edge of the concrete next to my head, "I'm not going to. Although I would love to see you scream like that again."
"Hilarious," I mutter, rolling my eyes. "You're pretty bad at swimming by the way."
"It's because I don't shave my legs."
"What are you talking about?" I look at him incredulously before bursting out laughing.
"Swimmers shave their arms and legs so that they're more streamlined," he argues, his voice raising in pitch, a smirk growing on his face when he realises how stupid he sounds.
"I'm pretty sure it's because you're six foot and about a hundred and fifty pounds of pure muscle... not the fact that you don't shave your legs Four," I snigger.
"Whatever," he splashes me with water again and I jump on him to duck his head under the water.
"I warned you," I grin mischievously when it's his turn to cough and splutter, but quickly swim out of the way incase he tries to do it to me again.
After we were done in the pool, we decided to head over to the sauna room before we had to shower and get back in time for the family dinner Sarah is cooking for us, including my mother. We both know it's going to be awkward and boring so I'll admit we're trying to stall a little. We take a seat next to each other on one of the large benches at the back, him leaning against the wall and me laying down on my back, my legs draped across his lap. The sweat drips down our skin, and he runs his fingers through the little droplets of remaining pool water on my legs. I won't be able to lie down for long because the heat of the bench is starting to burn my back, since I don't have a towel to lie on.
"Should have brought our towels," he says, scrunching his shorts up higher so they don't heat up and cling to his legs.
"I was just thinking that, my back's burning." I sit up, my legs still across him, so I'm now half-on, half-off his lap. I lean my shoulder against the wall, facing the side of his head. My heart thrums in my chest due to the close proximity, goosebumps forming on my skin even though the heat is ripe in here. We're interrupted from our conversation by the sound of a quiet moan at the other end of the room. It came from a couple who are sat in the corner, similar to my age, both getting pretty into each other. My eyes widen and Four tries to stifle a laugh as we see them kissing deeply and obviously groping each other. "Do they not realise we're in here?" I whisper.
"I don't think they care," he pulls a disgusted face when the girl straddles the boy and grinds into him, they bite and lick at each others skin. The boy's hand begins to travel up the girls towel, eliciting more moans from her. "That's it, I think we should leave them to it," he says, quickly grabbing my hand for us to dodge our way out of there before getting scarred for life by something we definitely don't want to witness. It was a very public display of affection indeed.
"Why the hell were they doing that in there?" I almost shriek.
"Beats me, they must have known we were in there," Four says as we walk back by the pool again.
"I know. And I think she was definitely naked underneath that towel," I shudder, "they need to save it for the bedroom, no one wants to see that."
"Well I hope the cleaners do a good job of scrubbing the benches, or else I'm never going in there again." Then I realise we're still hand in hand, our fingers entwined. I look down at where we're linked, then back up at Four again who peers at me with a conflicted look in his eyes. "I'm going to get showered now," he says quietly.
So we go our separate ways, showering and changing to get ready for the 'family dinner' tonight. Since we're so worn out after the gym, we take a while getting ready and making our way back, resulting in us being a little late. My mom's car is already parked in his driveway, and we can see Sarah rushing around through the kitchen window. "I hope dinner isn't already done," Four says glumly, "Sarah will be annoyed if we're late for it."
"She's very formal isn't she?" I unbuckle my seatbelt and grab my bag as we get out of the car.
"Yeah," he sighs, "only out of good intentions though I suppose. Your hair's still wet at the back by the way," he runs his fingers through it.
"I know, I didn't have time to dry it properly," I shove his hand away and scruff up his hair, since he thinks it's okay to mess mine up. Then he starts laughing to himself whilst he gets out of the car, I follow behind him as we make our way into the house.
"What are you laughing at?" I say, a smile growing on my face.
"Your face when I pulled you under the water. Wish I got a photo, you looked like you were about to shit yourself."
"Shut up!" I shove him into the wall as he pulls his jacket and shoes off, "what about your face in the sauna. You went bright red," I tease.
"I'm pretty sure that's because, you know, we were in a sauna. That's what happens, your skin goes red."
"Whatever, I know you were blushing." We continue to laugh and tease each other as we dump our bags and walk into the dining room, being met by the three surprised faces of my mother, Marcus and Sarah.
"Good day?" Marcus says, smiling and putting his newspaper down. Sarah holds a bottle of wine in her hands and is pouring out a glass for my mom.
"Yeah, we've just been at the gym," Four replies while taking a seat at the table, but not before pulling out a chair for me.
"I suppose it's nice for you to see them both together again, isn't it?" Sarah beams to my mother and Marcus, looking over us both in admiration and bemusement.
"What do you mean 'together again'?" I say quizzically, still smiling but looking round the room in confusion. Four stares determinedly at his placemat, and everyone seems to develop a tense look in their eyes.
"Well," Marcus says after a short while of uncomfortable silence, "your mother brought you around when you were still a toddler, Tobias must have been about six years old then."
"Oh, I don't remember. Do you?" I look at Four but he shrugs noncommittally, ignoring the question, playing with his cutlery instead. My mother clears her that, offering a stern almost pleading look to Marcus. She then quickly changes the subject to something about gardening.
"Mom," I cut in, causing her to abruptly stop talking, "you never told me I came here when I was younger. I thought it was before I was born."
"You shouldn't interrupt people's conversations. It's rude," she reprimands harshly, then continues with her meaningless conversation, which is merely serving as a distraction. I stare Four down, but he doesn't give me the attention. He instead blanks me and joins in with the conversation about how gardeners are too expensive to hire. I float away into my own little world, confused about how that little revelation could shake up the atmosphere so dramatically. Everything about it is eerie.
Sarah soon comes back out of the kitchen, this time bearing plates of food. She's cooked enough to feed a small army, every kind of meat roasted with vegetables and potatoes. We eat in general silence, Sarah and Marcus talking about some charity event that they want to include my mom in. I can feel Four glance at me every so often, but I keep my attention on my food, ignoring him like he ignored me earlier. By the time I've finished eating everything, I feel just about ready to crawl into bed. Still, we all make our way into the family room where the drinking and mindless small talk continues, the three of them laughing and making jokes about things I don't even understand. I sit next to Four on the smaller sofa, and feel my eyelids begin to droop more and more. I haven't been this active in a while, it's taken its toll on my usual lazy self. Eventually I begin to nod off, my head springing back up when I catch my self drifting off to sleep. Then I feel Four shaking my knee, and I realise my eyes were still closed.
"Tired?" He asks. I mumble in response, shifting around on the couch, finding it almost painful to stay awake. "They're playing music in the kitchen now," he titters, "I think they're getting drunk." Again, I mumble, too tired for words. He shifts up to the other end of the couch and I slide down, my head resting on his legs, giving in to my exhaustion.
I don't know what time it is, when my mother sloppily shakes me awake, the stench of red wine radiating from her mouth. I feel groggy and dazed, disturbed from deep sleep. My neck feels stiff and my arms are cold, except from the patch of warmth from where Four's hand rests. "There's a cab for us outside," she whispers, sounding giddy and laid-back. I hum in confusion, sitting up from where I was laying. Four remains still, his eyes closed. The music has stopped, and I can see the faint chimes of clattering dishes as someone clears up in the kitchen. "Come on, grab your bag," she says, pulling me up from the couch. I look at the time on her watch and see that it's passed midnight, surprised that we stayed for so long. I get up, stretching out my back and stirring Four awake. Like me, he's drugged with sleep and exhaustion. My mother walks out of the living room, pulling her shoes and coat on. I say goodbye to him, as he gets up from the couch and rubs the sleep out of his eyes. Marcus and Sarah are similarly merry, clearing up the wine glasses before seeing us out the door.
When we're sat in the taxi, my mom is swaying side to side, and I know that there's no hope in trying to get her to explain to me what the tension was all about at dinner. I shiver with the cool night air that's made its way into the old taxi car. I try to close my eyes again, hoping that my relaxation and tiredness doesn't escape me. I find it difficult to fall asleep lately. However, my mom keeps stealing glances at me, rather obviously, with a smirk plastered across her face. She looks away quickly when I notice her.
"What are you smiling at?" I say, the corners of my mouth twitching upwards in a lousy attempt at trying to remain serious.
"Oh nothing," she sighs, still smiling. I don't press her, since she's being nonsensical, and I'd rather not bother. We continue to sit in silence for another couple of minutes, but then she nudges me with her elbow and says, "he's a handsome boy, you know."
I gape at her in surprise for a moment, biting my cheek and fighting a grin of my own. "That he is," I say.
Hope people in the US had a good Thanksgiving!
I've been so busy this week, so I'll only be updating once instead of twice, sorry. I didn't really have this chapter planned, but I felt like they needed to have fun after the blow up last time :)
Thanks for those of you who reviewed! It keeps me motivated.
I'm aiming to have the next chapter up on Monday as usual.