A/N- I do not own the Divergent characters, rights go to Veronica Roth.
October 15th
My mother always told me that sleep and food were to the body what petrol is to a car. We need it in order to run, and I haven't been getting much of either lately. The lack of the two factors catalyse each other, I can't eat because I'm too nauseous from lack of sleep, and I can't sleep because I'm interrupted by hunger pangs. In the mornings I take cool showers in attempts of waking myself up, and in the evenings I take steamy hot showers in attempts of encouraging drowsiness. Neither work. I live on a diet of toast and yoghurts, sipping water throughout the day to ease my sore throat.
As a result, the clockwork in my mind isn't working as quick as it should, and I'm visibly struggling to keep up at work. There seems to be a days worth of customers in the morning, and then nothing for the rest of the day, which is stressful in itself. Add insomnia to the mix, and you've got yourself a catastrophe. I'm rushing around, frantically trying to organise and fulfil people's orders whilst tapping away at the mini calculator to charge them the correct amount. Even though we've been lacking in customers lately, more people are coming before work to seek out hot beverages and filling breakfasts, since the cold mornings are approaching us.
When the crowd finally dies down, and it's time to clean up the mess of crumbs and spillages, Becky and Kyle walk out of the back with clipboards in hand, sorting out inventory. There's no doubt about the fact that Kyle is Becky's right wing man, he's who she trusts with everything, I'm positive she'd probably even trust him to run the place. The smug smile that Kyle often gives me don't bother me much anymore, since I know someone who can wipe it off his face if he ever goes too far. Becky walks over to the back of the counter, refilling the till roll in the card machine and checking the settings on the old fashioned till that doesn't even work properly. She starts fiddling with my little calculator, which is placed on the small shelf underneath the paying area, poking it and deep in thought with herself.
"Is everything alright?" I ask hesitantly.
"I think you would be able to see to customers much more quickly and effectively if you added up the orders in your head instead of on the calculator," she says.
"I'm actually quicker when I use the calculator. It means I know I'm charging them accurately and I don't need to double check myself."
"Kyle has never had a problem with working out the sums in his head," she looks at me with disdain, "yet you have made two charging mistakes since you've been here."
"I'm sorry, it's just," I try not to let anger flare over me, especially when I see Kyle peering over at us, "difficult when we don't have a working till to sort out payments and discounts."
"Some time ago shop owners didn't have any form of till registers to calculate transactions, they had to do it by hand and record it in small books." Well it is the twenty-first century.
"So you want me to work it all out in my head?"
"Yes, please, so that you are able to work effectively. Otherwise this may not be the job for you."
May not be the job for me. The words stick in my head as I trudge home, hands scrunched in my pockets, feeling incredibly sorry for myself. What is the job for me? I do not know. One thing I know for sure, I'm going to have to start searching for a new job because there's no way that I will last without an electronic device to depend on for all my mathematic needs. I want someone to understand, to tell me that everything is going to be okay. To reassure me that I have a future ahead of me, and that there is a purpose in my footsteps on this earth.
I peel my irritating work clothes away from my body as soon as I get home and reach the safe walls of my bedroom. I shove them into the hamper, feeling like I may never even bother to wear them again. Perhaps I won't. In the bathroom mirror, I notice that my eyes are rimmed in red and dark circles rest underneath them. My skin is pale and my bones are more noticeable, if I don't get sleep and a decent meal soon, I'll start to look gaunt. I decide to get another shower, just because I want to feel clean again, and I'm sick of my hair smelling like coffee and cakes. It's early afternoon, and today is Four's twenty-second birthday, so I'm going on a hike of some sort with him, Zeke and Shauna. I don't know why they want to go on a hike, apparently it's some sort of tradition. I have about an hour until he comes and picks me up, so I slip on my leggings and long-sleeve shirt ready, and lie down on my bed in hopes of getting a nap.
The sound of a beeping car and my phone ringing out endlessly is enough to wake me up from my slumber. I spring out of bed, smoothing my hair down and pulling on my light jacket and walking boots. Zeke and Shauna are sat in the backseat of Four's white car, so I slide into the passenger seat next to him. He gives me an odd look at first, opening his mouth to say something, but soon interrupted by Zeke and Shauna's loud greetings.
"Hey guys," I smile at them, "Happy birthday," I say to Four quietly. Things have been almost dejected between us lately, probably due to my sour mood and tiredness. Zeke and Shauna seem to be in incredibly energetic moods. They fool around, singing stupid camp songs and clapping their hands. I lean my head against the window, watching the grey city buildings whizz by and turn into lush green forestry.
Once we arrive at the large car park— which really is just an open field— we get out of the car and gather around the open trunk. There's a couple of large rucksacks, and Zeke rummages through to take out store-bought sandwiches for us all to eat before we begin our forest walk. I choose the plainest one and force it down my throat, ignoring the crusts and swallowing a gallon of water to make it go down. When we've finished eating, Zeke pulls out a large box wrapped in striped wrapping paper from under a blanket in the trunk of the car, making Four's eyebrows widen in confusion.
"How the hell did you manage to sneak that in there?" He laughs, swallowing the last bite of apple and tossing the core.
"When I told you I'd carry the rucksacks since you're the birthday boy," Zeke grins, "Happy birthday man," he hands Four the box and Shauna pats him on the back, also greeting him a happy birthday whilst handing him a card. He opens the card first, which is red with a huge "twenty-two" on the front. He eagerly tears off the wrapping paper, to reveal some kind of in-car radio system.
"You shouldn't have," he says, beaming, "this is perfect, I'll be able to play some decent music now."
"Yep," Shauna says proudly, "it's got a port for your phone too so you can play the music that you have on there."
Four thanks them both again, before returning to his spot stood next to me, leaning against the car. When Zeke and Shauna begin talking amongst themselves, I reach into the inside pocket of my jacket where I was hiding his present and slip it to him casually. He takes it from me, a grin breaking out across his face when he opens it to see the silver cufflinks he pointed out when we went into Chicago the other day. They're in the shape of a number four, except I went and got them personalised, so that the name 'Tobias' is engraved on the long side of the number. It's so tiny, you could only notice it if you looked up close. He runs his finger across it when he sees it, his grin becoming more sincere.
"Thank you," he says thickly, closing the leather box and pulling me into a hug. I sigh when I'm pressed against him, and he doesn't let go until we notice Zeke and Shauna have stopped talking and are now looking right at us, sensing the high string of emotions.
His arm is still around my waist and I still clutch a hand on his back when we decide to get moving, eager to embark on our walk before it's time to leave again. I'm also thankful that he decided against opening the card I gave him in front of Zeke and Shauna, placing it back in his car for later.
The forest is enchanting, filled with natures wonders rather than being desolate and unnerving. The weak sunlight manages to break through the gaps of the leaves on the trees, and the odd crunch of a leaf is heard beneath the soles of our feet. I can hear running water in the distance, and the rustle and bustle that signifies hidden wildlife. The colours are mainly muted brown with only hints of green, especially since Autumn is here. We walk past a photographer, bending into awkward positions in order to achieve the perfect shot. Although in this place, I'm pretty sure you could use a camera blindfolded and still somehow manage to capture the beauty.
"So, why the hiking tradition?" I ask as we traipse through the leaves and incline of the short hill.
"Four and I used to sneak off and come here when we were kids," Zeke answers, "we'd find someway to skip school and run out here on our own, looking for some kind of 'adventure'. Eventually as we got older, Shauna started tagging along too. We made loads of memories here, so now we make sure to come at least once a year, for old times sake, usually on Four's birthday."
"They pulled a little too many pranks on me," Shauna mutters, causing Zeke and Four to suppress laughter. "Hey!" she hits Zeke on the arm, "do you not know how scary it is for an eight year old to think that she's in the middle of a forest on her own?"
We continue to wander through the forest, and I listen to them all reminisce the memories that they made here. There really isn't much for me to contribute, but I don't mind since it's entertaining to hear about Four when he was younger. It turns out he was actually quite shy, yet somehow always the one with the worst luck, all the funny things happening to him. I feel a bit strange tagging along with them, since it's something they've never shared with anyone else. But, Four insisted that I join them, so here I am.
"Crap, they've cleared it," says Four. The look on Zeke's face is enough to tell me that whatever Four has noticed is bad news.
"How? We were only here last year."
"I don't know, they must have dug up the roots, which would have taken some work, but that boulder used to be surrounded by trees and now it isn't."
"Damn, you're right," Shauna looks at the cleared space as if it's something daunting. "That means that instead of following round, we've walked right into the middle of the forest, haven't we?"
"Yeah," he replies glumly, "which means we need to start heading west quickly if we want to get out of here by nightfall." Nightfall. Darkness. My stomach writhes at the thought. I can't even close my eyes in my bedroom without a night light at the moment. The prospect of being in a pitch-black forest is too daunting.
"Are we lost?" I try to hide the fear in my voice.
"No, no," Four says quickly and reassuringly, taking my hand in his, "it's just going to take longer to get back, a more difficult walk."
So we begin to quicken our paces, stepping over rocks and hurdles and breaking a light sweat in desperation to get back to the car park before the sunlight weakens even more. It's been about another hour and a half, and my legs ache and feel numb. My stomach feels hollow and I tremble with exhaustion, I am completely unknown as to what it is that's keeping me propelling forwards. I'm presuming adrenaline. Soon the chatter has died down, and we all just want to be done. I begin to slack, walking a few feet behind everyone else. It takes every fibre of my being to not collapse on the floor and camp out with the worms and rabbits tonight. Four keeps glancing back at me, eventually stopping in front of me and crouching down so that I can climb on his back. I'm grateful for the opportunity to rest, letting him hold onto my legs as I press my chest against his back, unable to keep myself sat upright. I lean my cheek against the back of his neck, and then…nothing.
"Tris," I hear my voice acting like an anchor, trying to bring me back. "Tris," it repeats, this time accompanied with a shake to my shoulder. I open my eyes to see Four kneeling next to me, and I'm sat on the floor against the side of the car. "We're back at the car now."
"Sorry," I mumble quickly, widening my eyes to wake up. I begin to stand, but Four pushes me back down again, causing me to frown. "Where are Zeke and Shauna?"
"They decided to get a taxi back, since they were planning on visiting Zeke's parents tonight." I hum in response, but look at him quizzically when I notice he's attempting to ask me something. "Why do you always fall asleep on me?" He says.
"Huh?" I grunt, noticing that I'm now also wearing Four's jacket as well as my own. When did that happen?
"You always seem to be tired, and you fall asleep as soon as you're off your feet."
"I don't know, maybe I'm just lazy."
"You look dog-tired."
"What's your point?" I snap.
He heaves a deep sigh, getting up and outstretching his hand for me to grab onto so I can get up from the floor. "Nothing."
"Well, I'll be sure to never rest my eyes when I'm near you again," I say as we get into the car, "since it's so much of an inconvenience to you."
The drive back home is silent and tedious, made worse by the mountain of traffic. I shuffle around in my seat, pained by the annoyance of my seatbelt and the aching in my legs. I feel my head begin to drop a few times, and I notice that Four keeps glancing at me, looking guilty as ever when he sees that I'm painfully trying to keep my eyes open. I wish it was like this when I was in my bed at home, I don't know what causes me to be tired everywhere else and wide-awake in the one place I'm supposed to be sleeping.
"Press that button next to you to put your seat back," he speaks softly. I do so, and lean back with great relief, allowing my head to roll to the side. He's driving lazily since we're in a jam, with one hand at the bottom of the wheel and his other resting on his knee. In my state of drowsiness, I reach over and clutch his spare hand, letting him run his thumb over the back of mine in small circles, until I'm relieved of the depression that my waking moments bring me.
Thanks to those of you who left reviews for the last chapter, please continue :)