Updating a day late, because this week is already shaping up to spawn iNSaNiTY... And who knows when I'll update again with all craziness going on?
But I'll try my best to update on Friday!
This chapter is going to be a bit violent and a little disturbing... But it won't get anywhere close to as descriptive as chapter seven was... Although it may be more disturbing in some ways. You have been warned.
Chapter Ten:
It was the next morning, Lithuania thought, when he woke yet again to find Russia gone. However, this time, something was radically different.
"Russia has gone… And he has left the key in the lock!"
The thought exploded in Lithuania's mind, startling him and filling him with the hope he thought he had lost.
"I can get away."
He didn't bother to think about the consequences if Russia caught him. If he could only get safely away, downstairs, then everything would be all right. He would be all right, and then they could all leave…
Unless the others had left without him, which they might have. He didn't think they would leave him, but it felt as if they might have. He hadn't heard from any of them since the day Russia had hurt Latvia.
His hand was on the doorknob, and the brunet Baltic could feel himself shaking, whether from fear of excitement, he could not tell.
"I can run away now."
He opened the door, and then, after freezing for a moment at an unknown sound, he was off, running down the hall as fast as he could possibly go.
It never occurred to Lithuania to be ready to turn back if he heard Russia coming. He was so caught up in the thought of escape, of getting away to safety, that he did not hear the telltale, heavy footsteps coming toward him.
It was only when he turned a corner and ran straight into Russia, that Lithuania remembered that his life and sanity were both at stake.
"I had been forgetting to lock the door…" Russia said absentmindedly. Then, he looked up, seeming to register Lithuania's presence.
"Litva…" Russia said, a dangerous edge in his voice, "What would you be doing at this time?"
Lithuania stepped back, his breath coming in short, frightened gasps.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I'm very sorry…"
"You will be coming back to my room," Russia said, "Now."
"I d-don't want to!" Lithuania said, "I want t-to go downstairs, and s-so I will!"
This comment was obviously not well received, and the brunet boy was instantly met with a slap in the face.
"I will not tell you again, little Toris," Russia said.
"You'll h-hurt me no matter what!" Lithuania whimpered, "If I thought you would forgive me, I wouldn't fight! But you'll hurt me even if I'm quiet!"
He stood there, shaking, but unmoving, past caring what Russia would do. His fear was still there, still overwhelming, but there was also a kind of acceptance of the pain, of his punishment.
"If I must die here, then let it be now…"
Russia glared down at Lithuania, who seemed terrifyingly different from the boy he was used to. Gone was the pleading, the begging him to see Lithuania's version of sense, and gone, too, were the defiant, desperate speeches. There was merely a kind of acceptance there, but not the acceptance Russia had hoped for. He had hoped, that someday, Lithuania would come to terms with the fact that he, Russia, was the Baltics' superior, and therefore, they should obey him.
But instead of that, there was something that seemed to suggest that Lithuania had come to terms with the fact that he would be punished, no matter what. As if his only role in life was to serve as the rest of their family, no, as the rest of the world's… It seemed almost as if he felt that his only role in life was to serve as his friends' whipping boy.
And the warmth in his eyes, the warmth that reminded Russia of the sun's warmth, and of the sunflowers he so loved… That warmth had gone away, replaced by a dull-eyed, fearful stare.
For a moment, Russia found himself considering the idea of letting the boy go downstairs, to his friends, and he thought of letting them leave. But then, he shook it off.
"No one will be going away! As long as Litva stays with me, the others will not go, so there is no reason for me to be letting him leave. In time, I will get the others back, too, but him I will keep forever."
"Come with me, little one," Russia said quietly. He reached out to grab Lithuania's arm and pull him along, but the brunet boy shrank back, shivering.
"You will come back now, Toris!" Russia commanded.
The Baltic nation merely stared at him, eyes wide and frightened.
Russia reached out again, and, grabbing Lithuania by the collar, pulled him back down the hall toward his room.
"I'm sorry!" Lithuania wailed, struggling to loosen Russia's grip, "Please, let go! You're hurting me!"
"I would not be hurting you if you would be ceasing this foolishness," Russia said.
"Why does his speaking sound as if he were little Latvia, instead of himself?"
"I'm sorry!" Lithuania was screaming now, the same two words intermingled with other pleas, "Please don't hurt me, Mr. Russia!"
They reached Russia's room, and, growing tired of Lithuania's repeated cries, Russia hurled the smaller nation to the ground. There was an audible, painful crack as Lithuania's head struck the hard floor, and even Russia winced slightly.
Lithuania curled up on the floor, clutching at his head, hands tangled in his long hair. His body shook with sobs, as he begged for forgiveness in every way Russia had ever heard, and in some ways he had not.
"You are seeming to think that I would hurt you badly," Russia said, "Little Litva, I will not be punishing you too badly, this time. But there must be punishment for bad children, da?"
Lithuania's only thought was of somehow getting out of this situation, of pleading with anyone who happened to be within earshot to please, stop this, before Russia drove him out of his mind.
But there was no one there, and as Russia paused in his speech, Lithuania's shaking increased.
Belatedly, the brunet Baltic noticed that his fingers had reappeared, that he had two whole hands again. However, this thought was quickly driven from his mind by Russia's next words.
"Get up from there, and we will be getting this over with."
Lithuania shook his head, curling up tighter.
"Litva…" Russia's tone was both warning and angry, "Get up."
"No," Lithuania whispered, "I don't want to do as you say, so I won't. Go on, kill me… I'm not scared of dying. I'm only afraid of living."
Russia reached down, and, grabbing Lithuania by the shoulders, shook him.
"Get up, now!"
"No!" Lithuania wailed, "I don't want you to hurt me anymore! Kill me, right now, or leave me alone!"
"You will not be giving me the orders, Litva!" Russia snapped, striking him in the face again, "Do as I say!"
Lithuania whimpered softly, his face stinging from the repeated blows.
"Just kill me," he whispered, "I'm tired."
Russia had apparently grown tired of the Lithuanian boy's repeated refusals to comply with his wishes, as he literally dragged him over to the other side of the room, where he forced Lithuania to kneel.
The brunet Baltic struggled, frightened and wanting more than anything else to feel anything besides pain and the touch of Russia's icy-cold fingers. But there was nothing else, only his fear, which threatened to overwhelm him.
"In past times, I would have been asking you to stay still, and you would have done it," Russia said, "But now, I am doubting your ability to do even this simple thing. Take off your shirt, Litva."
"I'm sorry!" Lithuania wailed, "Please, please forgive me! Or…or kill me now… Please…"
"Shirt, off, now," Russia said, and, sobbing, Lithuania had no choice but to obey.
Russia opened the closet door, and, due to Lithuania's close proximity to the aforementioned door, nearly hit him in the face with it.
A moment later, the Russian had pulled out the now-familiar handcuffs, which he secured around Lithuania's wrists.
"Those should keep you from leaving with much quickness," Russia said.
Lithuania shivered, but whether from fear or from the coldness of Russia's bedroom, he did not know.
Futilely, he rattled the cuffs around his wrists, trying to free himself.
He almost didn't notice Russia reach inside his jacket for his pipe, but when the weapon came out, Lithuania froze, eyes widening.
"No, Russia, please don't!" he whispered, tears running down his face, "I'm sorry."
"It is much of the strangeness that you beg for mercy before the punishment has even been beginning," Russia said. Then, he brought the pipe down on Lithuania's back.
Something cracked, and Lithuania screamed.
Finally, after so long, they were going to take action. Or, at least, they were going to try.
Belarus looked around at the other three nations as they sat in a loose circle around the room that she had begun to think of as theirs. Not a part of Russia's house-just their room.
Ukraine and Estonia were sitting close together, Estonia looking as if he wanted to push the girl away, but at the same time, seeming as if he wanted her to stay. Ukraine was leaning on him slightly, and now that she was no longer making an effort to seem completely cheerful, Belarus could see how tired her sister seemed.
"She used to act so silly… But now, suddenly, she seems older… And more tired. I should have been more considerate… But Estonia really isn't being of any help. Even now, he seems to be oblivious to how worried Ukraine is."
The girl glanced over at Latvia, who was curled up in a large chair, watching Estonia. He seemed all right, but his expression was grave. It was an expression much too grave for someone who seemed so young, even though he was not quite the child he seemed.
"All the more reason to get out of here. Latvia deserves to regain his lost childhood."
"Are we all ready to talk about this?" Belarus asked, as the others appeared to be waiting for something to happen.
There was a moment's hesitation, and then, Estonia nodded.
"We need to come up with some kind of plan," the blonde Baltic said, "But… I don't have any idea what to do."
"We could all go together to talk to Russia!" Latvia piped up.
Belarus turned to look at the small nation, and Ukraine and Estonia did the same.
"W-we managed to d-do something before, w-when we were all together," Latvia stammered, "M-maybe it would work again."
"Maybe it would," Estonia said thoughtfully, "We should have done that in the very beginning, shouldn't we?"
"Yes, we should!" Belarus said emphatically, "And now…"
The girl paused, smiling slightly.
"Now we've finally gone through all the stupid things we can possibly do to delay this much-needed action. Let's finally do something worthwhile, shall we?"
"My apologies for being an idiot," Estonia said, and although his tone was obviously meant to be sarcastic, his voice broke halfway through, and Belarus began to feel slightly guilty, looking at the broken boy who was the personification of Estonia, and realizing that he, like Latvia, was not yet an adult. And not even she, who was an adult, could cope with this, so how in the world could the poor, half-insane boy be expected to.
"I'm sorry too," Belarus said, "I was… I wasn't nice to you. At all."
"It's fine," Estonia said, looking down, "I deserve it."
"Eduard…" Ukraine said, "You don't deserve any of this. Really. None of us do, we just…"
"Yekaterina, don't," Estonia said, "I don't need you to tell me what I deserve. We're wasting time. Come on… Let's go find Lithuania."
"Yes," Belarus said, smiling, "Let's do that."
Suddenly, unexpectedly, Latvia moaned quietly.
"Latvia?" Estonia asked, looking startled, "What's wrong?"
"My head…" Latvia said, "My head hurts so much… And…my hands… Eduard! My hands still hurt…"
"His hands hurt?" Belarus asked, confused, "What is he talking about?"
The girl turned to Latvia, and, to her surprise, the boy's eyes widened, and he shrank away.
"No, no, they're not actually that badly hurt!" he squeaked, "I'm okay! I didn't mean to worry you, I just don't feel very good right now!"
"Give me your hands!" Belarus snapped, "If they hurt, someone needs to help you!"
Latvia shook his head, his expression panicked. Not knowing what else to do, Belarus reached forward, and, grabbing the boy's hands, pulled them toward her.
"No!" Latvia screamed, his voice pained, "I'm fine!"
Belarus glanced down at Latvia's hands. Then, slowly, she looked back up at him.
"If you're fine… Then why, Latvia, do you have open, bleeding cuts on your hands? What have you been doing?"
Russia honestly had not intended to go very far with this punishment. A few strikes with his pipe, and that would be all the torture for Lithuania today.
But after Russia had inflicted what he deemed the necessary punishment for an attempted escape, Lithuania still would not stop screaming.
His screams split the air, and the screams, too, had changed from what Russia remembered. Instead of sounding as if they had been torn out of the Baltic boy's frail body, as if Lithuania was trying his best not to scream, his cries now were shrieks of utter and complete hopelessness and agony.
And, despite the fact that he knew, deep inside, that he was the cause of Lithuania's despair, the screams frightened Russia, and he could not understand how his Litva, the kind nation with sunlight in his eyes, had become such a terrified, hopeless thing.
"Litva!" Russia shouted over the brunet boy's screams, "It is being over now! Stop with that screaming!"
But Lithuania did not stop, and in time, his agonized cries became intermingled with high-pitched, hysterical laughter, and murmurs in a language Russia could not understand. He assumed it was Lithuania's own language, but he did not know, and so he tried to talk to the boy, softly, in Russian.
Somehow, he could see from Lithuania's expression that the boy did not comprehend or even understand his words, and he could also see that Lithuania was terribly, terribly afraid of him, of Russia.
And still Lithuania screamed, his voice broken and desperate, until Russia could stand it no longer.
He stood up, leaving Lithuania still kneeling on the floor, broken and terrified and quite possibly insane, while he strode over to his bedside table, and, opening the drawer, pulled out the gun with which Lithuania had tried to kill himself the day before.
When he returned to crouch next to Lithuania, Russia paused for a moment, willing the brunet Baltic to stop screaming, so that he would not have to end Lithuania's pain forcefully. But Lithuania did not stop, and so, slowly, carefully, Russia aimed the gun at the boy's head.
"Stay still, little one," he whispered, "It will not hurt much."
Unexpectedly, Lithuania's screams gave way to soft, broken laughter.
"Toris?" Russia whispered, "Silly little Toris, stop that…"
He hesitated, not really wanting to shoot, even if it would end the insanity that he heard in Lithuania's screams, in his laughter.
And as he hesitated, Lithuania reached up and pulled the gun closer to his own head.
"Litva?" Russia asked, "Litva, what are you doing?"
Before Russia could pull the gun away, Lithuania's small hand pressed against his own… And not even meaning to, Russia pulled the trigger.
Lithuania crumpled to the floor, a soft, not-right smile on his face. Dead.
Russia could only stare, could only wonder what had happened to make Lithuania act this way.
"Could it have been me? Nyet, that is not possible… But why then would he be acting this way now…? Is it really being my fault that Litva is having the craziness…? Could that even be happening? Could it?"
Estonia was near hysteria, and he had not the faintest idea what to do. He could almost see his sanity ebbing away with the blood oozing from the cuts on Latvia's hands.
There was no visible blood now, though. Ukraine had bandaged the youngest Baltic's hands and ordered him to remove the bandages only if his life depended on it. But Estonia could remember, vividly, the image of Latvia's hands bleeding, the sound of the tiny boy's sobs.
They had had to postpone the rescue mission for one more day, as Belarus was currently furious, Ukraine, sad and wanting to comfort everyone, but being unable, and both Latvia and Estonia near hysteria.
Latvia was sitting on the sofa, now, looking down at his bandaged hands, and glanced periodically at the other end of the sofa, where both the blanket he had taken to wrapping himself in and the sofa itself showed telltale bloodstains.
Estonia sat next to him, waiting. Belarus had gone outside, most likely to stab angrily at the unforgiving snow, while Ukraine had gone to make something to eat-soup, Estonia thought she had said.
"Why, Lati?" the blonde Baltic asked quietly, "Why…? How…?"
"I didn't mean to the first time," Latvia said, "Last night. I woke up after having some bad dreams, and then… Then my head was hurting, and I realized…"
The boy looked up at Estonia, his eyes wide and teary.
"It's all my fault, isn't it?" Latvia asked, his voice choked.
"Raivis…" Estonia sighed, "None of this is your fault. You're the most innocent person here. You and Ukraine, that is."
"B-but, I…" Latvia whimpered, "I made Mr. Russia mad, and then you…"
"I made my choice," Estonia said, his voice dropping to a quieter tone, "I'm fine now, Latvia."
"No, you aren't," Latvia said, "You aren't really okay, or… Or you wouldn't be crying!"
Estonia hadn't realized he was crying, but, now, he became aware that his cheeks were wet.
"I cry all the time now," the blonde Baltic said quietly, "And it's not your fault that I broke, Raivis. I… I broke myself… Because I was too stupid to realize that you and Lithuania will always care. But… You fixed me… So how can you say that this was your fault?"
"At least… At least you tried," Latvia said, "At least you were able to try, even if it all turned out bad in the end."
"What do you mean, at least I tried?" Estonia asked, "You tried too!"
"I got you drunk and wasted a whole day!" Latvia cried, "I made the injuries Russia gave me worse and wasted another day! I… If I could just keep my mouth shut, we'd all be safe and happy!"
Estonia moaned quietly, burying his head in his hands.
"I should never have told him what was going on… I should have kept him safe. I should have kept him close to me, where Russia would never have seen him… He would never have realized…"
He became aware that someone was sobbing, but it took him a moment to realize that it was not himself.
Estonia looked over at Latvia, and, to his shock, saw that the tiny blonde was crying.
"Raivis… Raivis, don't cry…"
"I'm so…" Latvia sobbed, "So useless…"
"God damn it, Latvia, will you stop it?" Estonia snapped, "Don't you understand anything? If you hadn't helped me, I would be dead or insane, do you realize that? Do you?! Don't you realize how important you are to me?"
Latvia looked up at him, and the pain evident on the small boy's face hurt Estonia more than he had ever thought possible.
"If I had just kept my mouth shut," Latvia repeated, "Russia would never have hurt you."
"Oh, yes, he would have," Estonia said, "He's cruel and crazy and he does what he does because he feels like it. He would have eventually targeted me, no matter what."
"B-but I made it happen sooner!" Latvia wailed.
"Latvia!" Estonia shouted, gripping the boy's shoulders, barely even noticing how his friend cried out in pain and fear, "It is not your fault! Get it through your thick head, and shut your mouth before you get someone else hurt!"
"You do blame me," Latvia whispered, "You said I would hurt someone else. If I never hurt you, then why…?"
"Be quiet!" Estonia snapped, "You know nothing about how this world works! You don't know how I felt! You can't know my pain, Latvia! And I'm glad of that, because…"
He paused, feeling a stray tear slip down his cheek.
"If you were in this kind of pain, it would destroy you."
"But I w-want that," Latvia said, sobbing, "I want to s-save you, E-Estonia… I want to save everyone… I don't want to be something that you guys have to protect just because it's your duty! I…I want to protect you, even if it means that I would die."
The small boy looked down, tears running down his face.
"If I were destroyed," he said, "If Russia destroyed me… Then there would be another Latvia, wouldn't there? I mean… A Latvian personification who wasn't…"
"Who wasn't what?" Estonia snapped, "What are you talking about?"
Latvia looked up at him, and the sadness in the boy's eyes threatened to overwhelm Estonia.
"If I wasn't the personification of Latvia… Then someone less useless would be."
"Latvia…" Estonia gasped.
Letting go of Latvia's shoulders, Estonia wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.
"You're not useless…" the bespectacled boy whispered, "You're… You're my brother… So please… Don't let this hurt you… I'm sorry you had to witness all these things, Lati… I'm so sorry…"
Estonia waited until Latvia finally fell asleep, not wanting to leave his smaller friend alone.
"He's far from useless… I… Can't he see how much I need him?"
Finally, once Latvia was safely asleep, Estonia went to the kitchen, where, as he had hoped he would, he found Ukraine.
"Where's Belarus?" Estonia asked cautiously.
"She went to her room to get some things," Ukraine said, "After all, we're going to leaving tomorrow, if all goes well… You should pack too, Estonia."
"I… I don't have anything to bring with me," Estonia said, "We weren't allowed much leisure time, and all the time I did have, I spent reading books I stole from Russia's library. They… They weren't the most interesting books… So I have nothing to take with me."
Ukraine sighed.
"I don't really, either," the blonde girl admitted, "I went upstairs to look, but almost everything I have… I don't know… I just…"
"There are memories," Estonia said, "When you have possessions, there are always memories associated with some of them."
Ukraine nodded.
"I… I suppose that's true."
"Can I sit down?" Estonia asked.
"Um… Of course," Ukraine said, "It isn't my kitchen, you know."
Estonia nodded, taking a seat next to Ukraine.
"Raivis thinks he's useless," the bespectacled boy said quietly, "He thinks someone else would be a better Latvia than he is. I… I don't know how to make him see… How much I need him…"
"He's so little…" Ukraine murmured, "He's too young to be broken like that…"
"I should never have let him find out what was happening," Estonia said, "I should have kept him safe. I'm his brother… I'm supposed to…"
"I thought you three weren't siblings…" Ukraine said, sounding puzzled.
"Which one of us said that this household was a family?" Estonia retorted. Then, he sighed.
"You're right, you know," he said, "We aren't siblings. We…we barely have anything in common… We just have our pain as a shared trait. And Latvia shouldn't even know what pain is…"
"He's fifteen, isn't he?" Ukraine asked, "Most fifteen year olds…"
"Most fifteen year olds are not my Latvia!" Estonia snapped, "He's not a normal kid, Yekaterina… You have to know that."
"No, he isn't a normal kid," Ukraine agreed, "He's a nation. And when we leave… Eventually, there will come a day when Latvia will have to be brave on his own, without you."
"I don't want that to happen!" Estonia moaned, "I don't… I don't want him to end up like me."
"You're not that bad…" Ukraine said.
"I'm insane," Estonia said quietly, "I'm still insane. I'm just… I'm just not letting my insanity take over right now. But it's still there. I can feel it. It's a cold feeling, a hard feeling… It's the pain in my chest, and it's waiting for the moment when I lose all ability to keep it from coming out…"
He paused, staring down at the table.
"And when that insanity takes over again… When that happens, Yekaterina, I will destroy myself. I… I'm scared."
"Don't be scared…" Ukraine said, "You can fight it! You can…"
"I can fight it," Estonia said, "But I can't erase it. It won't go away. I… I keep on thinking… I could kill Russia. That thought won't leave me alone, and even though I'm not going to do it, the thought won't leave me alone. And…and the thought of killing myself… It won't go away either… Katya… I'm scared…"
He looked over at her, his gaze desperate, pleading.
"I don't want to die!" he whispered, "And I don't want to be insane again… Please… Yekaterina… Please help me…"
"Ssh…" Ukraine said, reaching over and stroking his hair, "Ssh… You'll be all right, Estonia. I'll help you. I won't leave you… Believe me. I'll stay with you, and I'll help…"
And, for some reason he could not explain, Estonia decided that it would be all right to unexpectedly hug a girl he barely knew. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that he had become closer to her in the past days. Or, maybe, it was something more.
I have rebuilt my wall. It is fifty meters high, and therefore, you cannot get in... I hope! (And anyone who gets the "wall fifty meters high" reference is awesome... It is from an anime, but not Hetalia...) xD