Hey, hey! Did you hear that? The sound of no school for two weeks! Ha, I've got all the time of the world now so I decided to finish this story in an instant. Please enjoy!

Chapter Three

Some things are better left unsaid, Kageyama doubted this was one of them.

He gazed into his bowl of rice. Hinata hadn't joined them for breakfast yet and he was taking an awful long time in the bathroom. The redhead was probably fixing himself up to look at least a bit descent. He was currently the only one to know about Hinata's secret- probably, judging the way others acted around him. It was horrible to keep something like this a secret. He'd rather have told Sugawara and Sawamura immediately, but he couldn't do that. What if Hinata didn't want them to know, want him to know. Kageyama couldn't imagine how Hinata felt and why he didn't want them to know. Something like this, everyone should know so they could help him. It would be for the best. But telling everyone, he simply didn't know what to do.

"Are you gonna eat that?" Nishinoya's eyes peeked over his shoulders and stared at his bowl hungrily

Kageyama looked up and stared at his senior, "Yes." and he turned away from the libero together with the bowl as he started to work on his breakfast.

Nishinoya just shrugged and sat down on the seat next to Takana. When Kageyama stood up to get refills at the kitchen, the only door opened and Hinata stepped inside, looking even more terrible than usual and not necessary bad. No bags under his eyes, not dull either, just perfectly normal and yet awful. It was fake, and only he knew.

"Ah, Hinata!" Yachi chirped from behind the counter, "You want some rice and eggs?" she asked as she handed him the bowl, "You can get refills whenever you want. We've got plenty." the girl gave Hinata a cheerful smile and he nodded.

"Thank you, Yachi!" he chirped in exact the same manner. He skipped to the table and sat down on the now empty seat of Kageyama and the latter couldn't do more than just watch.

"Hinata's feeling better again, isn't he?" Yachi smiled and she handed him a bowl of fresh rice, "I'm glad. It looks like he'll be able to participate again with you guys."

"Yeah."

No. Hinata would most definitely not participate normal until all problems were solved. He might be able to spike again, to play again, but it wouldn't be his full potential and nobody would notice. Because nobody did so before. Even Kageyama.

As expected, Hinata was able to participate again. He was energetic like before and played as he should, but there was something off and Kageyama knew it. Hinata was cheerful, yes, but he was acting more aloof and distant. The redhead also didn't warm up to anyone. He kept his jaw tight shut whenever someone asked him about yesterday if they did. Nobody else seemed to notice, everybody just seemed to neglect the events that occurred yesterday.

Kageyama wasn't sure if it was on purpose. Maybe they decided to leave Hinata alone so he could solve his own problems, but then again, they didn't know what was going on and heck, even Kageyama wasn't sure after Hinata performed such an formidable act. How could anyone smile like that, how could they talk and laugh like that while they cried their eyes out yesterday? Tobio wasn't sure what to believe, what if it wasn't an act? Maybe, everything what happened yesterday was just a dream and hadn't happened at all. Secretly, he hoped that that was the case, because he didn't want to deal with it. He wanted to close his eyes for it and wish it all away. And Kageyama was sure that Hinata wanted the same thing.

"Great job Hinata!" Tanaka slapped the redhead on his back, "Great to have you back in business, it's different without you."

Hinata giggled, "Sorry 'bout yesterday." he smiled, "I just wasn't feeling very well."

Sugawara turned around and rose an eyebrow, "You sure you're alright now? If you need something, you can always come to us."

Hinata shook his head and sat down on the bench to untie his shoes, "Nah, I'm fine." he said, "I'm fine now..." he added so soft that Kageyama wasn't sure if he heard that right. Was his imagination running wild?

Sugawara shrugged and pulled his sweaty shirt over his head, "Sure..." he wasn't believing it either, was he? Well, together with Kageyama, they were the only ones.

"Oh, Kageyama?"
The setter hummed in acknowledgement.
"Can I speak to you? I've got something I want to talk about."

"Sure."

After the second half of practice, close to dinner time, Kageyama pulled on a random hoodie(probably the one he had lent to Hinata earlier) and hurried outside. Sugawara said he'd wait for him near the gymnasium where they could talk in private.

"Ah, Kageyama!" the older setter waved enthusiastically when Kageyama came jogging in, "That's fast."

He smiled, "Yeah… what did you want to talk about?"

Sugawara said nothing and gazed to the ground as his slim fingers played with the blue fabric of his sweater, "No, just some technique…" the words died on his tongue and it was clear he was avoiding the matter, "I wanted to know about that thing you did this afternoon."

So Kageyama explained about what he had done that afternoon. Sugawara chattered back, empty, but he talked nevertheless. After explaining a certain trick, they talked about how rough training had been, how good the food was and how beautiful the weather had been, borth ignoring the elephant in the room.

"So what did you really want to talk about?" Kageyama decided he might as well break the ice. Constantly avoiding the subject wasn't going to get them any further and his mind somehow knew where this conversation was heading.

Sugawara looked at the sky and sighed, "It's about Hinata."

Not entirely unexpected. Not at all, actually.

"What about it?"

The vice-captain looked up and stared right into his eyes, "Don't tell me you haven't noticed." he said, "Hinata has been acting different all week. He couldn't train yesterday and suddenly he's perfectly fine today. That's not normal! That's not okay!"

Kageyama just nodded, not wanting to interrupt him.

"I tried talking about it with Daichi, but he said Hinata needed time. And I don't say Daichi is wrong, because I think time he really what Hinata needs, but what if we give him to much time? Wouldn't it end wrong that way?"

He nodded. He understood Sugawara's worry. Time is what Hinata needed, but giving him to much…? It might be too late then.

"I saw Hinata's tights today, and his upper arms." Suga's voice was suddenly low, as if speaking about a secret that nobody could know about, "I don't know if you have seen, but I did. Thin white lines."

Scars.

"No."

Selfharm.

"Goddamnit!"

No, no, no, nononono! This couldn't be true. This was bad, very bad. What if he- No. Kageyama stopped himself thinking about the worst. That couldn't be it. Hinata would never do that. Not ever. He couldn't do that. Nobody should do that.

Sugawara opened his mouth, "I'm worried, but you don't know what to do either, do you?"
Kageyama shook his head. Of course he had no idea what to do. What could they do?

"I'm going to ask Takeda, he might know something." Suga continued, "I'll tell you when we can do something." and with that, the setter turned around and returned to the kitchen. Yeah, maybe a teacher knew what to do. It was their job to look after children anyway.

Kageyama quickly slid into his shirt and sweatpants before he sat down on his futon. He was tired from today and that

wasn't just from the rough training they had. Keeping Hinata's feelings a secret and actually knowing about it, was utterly exhausting. He wanted to shout it, tell everybody to shut the fuck up and help the poor boy, because he needed help. But he couldn't, he couldn't just go and tell everyone even if he wanted to.

"Oi! Ryuu!" Nishinoya shouted, his eyes flaming with energy. It was still a mystery where he got that energy from, "Come over here, you ass! You promised me I'd get your pocky sticks!" Nishinoya rose up from his futon and walked up to Tanaka.

"What is it, Noya?" the bald one asked confused and he looked up to meet Nishinoya's gaze.

Nishinoya jumped on Tanaka and suddenly the two were all over the floor, rolling from futon to futon. There playful hits and kicks while the two rolled around. Sugawara just laughed at them, Daichi looked completely done with the world and the rest just stared at them dumbfounded, not sure how to react. Eventually, Tsukishima decided he was done watching and lay down on his futon, that was until Nishinoya and Tanaka reached his futon. The two bumped into him with quite some force and pushed the poor blonde, Kageyama was starting to feel sorry for him, out of his bed.

"Sorry!" Noya shouted, but it sounded like he didn't mean it, not at all. He probably didn't. Kageyama couldn't care less.

"Fuckers." Tsukishima hissed, "Go play somewhere else, not here. Some people are actually trying to sleep." it wasn't a treat or anything, but his voice definitely made it sound that way.

"Y-yes sir..." the two strolled away, back to their futons. Kageyama doubted that they would play around again. Tsukishima scared the shit out of them and Kageyama silently thanked him for that. He was getting tired from their shit as well.

Suddenly, there was a yelp, stumbling and and a loud thud of someone hitting the ground. Kageyama jerked around and stared at the scene that unfolded right in the front of him.

"Haha!" Tanaka laughed, "Great job, Noya!"

"Shuddup Ryuu!"

Nishinoya had tripped over Hinata's bag and the content of the bag was now shattered across the floor. Clothes, his toothbrush, a cellphone and a transparent orange container with white pills.

Kageyama's eyes widened, and it was as if someone poured ice cold water over his head, those were antidepressants! His heart was beating faster when he slowly rose up from his futon and crawled over to the shattered stuff of Hinata. He picked up the container before anyone else could and held it up in the air. For once, it was quiet and that was rare, considering the company. Someone must have opened a window, because it was way too cold for such a warm room.

"Are those…?" Sugawara didn't get to finish his sentence. The door bursted open and Hinata stepped inside. His red hair was a mess and his eyes were swollen. He cried, but yet his face was wearing the brightest smile.

"What's going on?" he asked confused when he saw his company silent sitting in the room. Hinata's eyes scanned the room, before they finally fell on Kageyama. And at that moment, the air turned heavy; the atmosphere was so heavy it could be dug out with a spoon.

"Hinata..." Sugawara slowly walked to the latter's side, his eyes worried and full of concern, "...are those…?" again he didn't finish his sentence. Suga's worst fears were confirmed.

Hinata kept his jaw clenched and closed his eyes, locking himself away from the world. No. It felt as if fireworks exploded in his stomach, from relieve, followed by an earthquake. Everything seemed to crumble down inside of him until there was nothing left. Running away seemed the only option.

Before anyone could react, he dashed out of the room, basically jumped from the stairs and ran outside. He could hear Kageyama and some others behind him. He heard Daichi shouting for order and Tanaka in panic. They would reject him, wouldn't they? They'd leave him on his own, they wouldn't care. Nobody would. Nobody ever did.

"Hinata!" Kageyama shouted behind him, "Hinata, wait!"

He didn't listen and kept running. He had to get away and never return. He couldn't stay. He didn't want to stay now.

"Go away!" he shouted. But wasn't help and understatement everything he wanted? So why was he running away? Not that he was getting away, a big hand grabbed his shoulders and refained him from running further. Hinata looked up, tears still running down his cheeks.

"Stay." Kageyama commanded him. Hinata didn't even try to run away. It wouldn't help him now, it would never help him. Behind Kageyama, Daichi and Sugawara emerged. They were alone, they probably told the rest to stay in the room and Hinata was grateful for that. He wouldn't be able to stand such humiliation.

"You alright?" dumb question Daichi, of course he wasn't. He wouldn't have run away if he were okay, "Right..."

"Hinata," Sugawara's voice was soothing and warm, "there's no way out but one and that one is opening the door. Tell us, because you aren't alone. You don't need to be alone…" he paused to take a deep breath, "This is your team and you can trust us."

Shouyou shook his head. What was the point? But they were already here, might as well continue, "Are you s-sure you want t-to hear it?"

Suga nodded, "You don't have to tell it now, but whenever you're ready. We don't want to push you." he smiled. A warm feeling spread through Hinata's body. Maybe telling them wasn't such a bad idea, he was sure that they wouldn't turn their backs on him. They would support him. They would help him. All of them, even Tsukishima.

"Let's go back inside." Daichi suggested, "It's getting cold."

Quickly, the company went back inside, to the kitchen where the others had gathered, holding the steaming mugs of tea Yachi and Shimizu had made them. It was a warm welcome, Hinata noticed, and he hadn't felt so safe in his life before. As soon Hinata sad down, all eyes turned on him, but it didn't made him feel uneasy. He was alright, nobody here would hurt him. He was in good hands and for once, his mind agreed.

"My dad," he started, "was suicidal. I'm not sure why, but mother told me something had happened in his childhood what made him feel like that. There were days he was totally fine and days he locked himself away. One day he took me out for a walk, right before the new year." he stopped for a second to calm down his breathing, "It was snowing and we walked past a railway crossing. He told me to wait there on the road while he passed the fence and stood there on-"

He flinched painful at the memory. Everything was so clear, so vivid. He would never be able to ban that image from his mind. The moment tears started to drip down again, he felt a reassuring hand on his shoulder. Tanaka was smiling at him.

"-he stood there on the railway when a… when a t-train c-came…" his voice broke into a thousand pieces as he spoke, "He didn't- he didn't j-jump away… away." no words were needed anymore.

The faces across the table were drawn with horror and pain, but mostly horror.

"Shit." Tsukishima spoke, his eyebrows drawn together in an angry frown.

"Hinata..." Suga spoke, "If you don't want to-"

But Hinata shook his head and dried his tears, "I was nine at that t-time and the police was p-pretty sure it was a spur of the mind. He h-hadn't planned it at all, but… but it probably c-clicked when the b-bells of the c-cr-crossing started to ring."

Kageyama closed his eyes painfully. It was worse than he had imagined. Whatever the source was, this shouldn't be the one… and yet it was. Nobody should have seen it, it shouldn't have happened in the first place. Nobody deserved to see what Hinata had seen and especially Hinata hadn't.

"I got really depressed after that." the redhead continued, "But then I found volley, it worked as a light for me although I never really overcame the d-depression. It helped a lot."

Nobody said a thing, nobody dared to say a thing. Who had words to say anyway? This was so fucking intense. But Sawamura was the first to break the silence, doing his job as a captain, "Thanks for… thanks for sharing that with us." he spoke awkwardly, "It's good to know why you acted like that."
Sugawara nodded, "We'll help. We'll try to help." he said, "Because I'm not sure what to do," at least he was honest, "but we'll try the best we can. All of us."

Nishinoya and Tanaka nodded as well, "We'll cheer you up Shouyou!" the short one chirped, "You'll never have to cry again."

Hinata looked up and stared at all of his teammates one by one. They were grinning, smiling and it all felt so warm. For the first time in forever, Shouyou's face lit up like the lights in Vegas. For the first time in forever, his smile was honest and pure. Not forced or anything. It was just a normal smile, but a pure one. And finally he understood what real happiness meant.

Sure, it wasn't over yet. He hadn't overcome his depression yet and he still had to take those pills, but things were looking a bit brighter now. As if someone lifted a ton of boulders from his shoulders and it felt honestly amazing. It was great feeling to have such friends on your side. It was a home he could return to when he needed and he finally felt save. Honestly.

End, well not exactly.

I am back again! I won't have school for two weeks so I have all the time to write!
Sorry for the sappy ending. I tried to make the best of it but this was the best I could do…

So this was the 'final' chapter. Well, not exactly. I'll be writing a small epilogue with some more background information. I wasn't satisfied how I wrote out Hinata's past in this chapter so expect another update somewhere this month. It's a promise I'll have it uploaded before the end of this year! About the epilogue, it will be set a couple of years later, but I won't spoil more than that.

For the shippers: I'm sorry.

And for everyone: Happy Holidays and make the best for the new year! No matter how bad you feel now, it will all get better someday and that is a promise!