I Never Wanted to Live Without You

by ladyinblack08

When Levi had the balls to propose and marry Hanji Zoe, they were both happier than what they have expected and found their love getting stronger. But not all marriages are perfect as they face a horrible past sin and found themselves struggling to keep their marriage alive.

7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7:

Where the Wild Roses Grow

-x-

Okay, so the title actually came from a song with the same title and figured that figure that it kinda blends well with this chapter. The musice video was hauntingly disturbing and beautiful so I suggest you should check it out. But I kinda really liked the song so yeah \m/

Though before I found out about that song, I actually found it when I learn more about Shakespeare's work of Hamlet, specifically Ofelia.

I love Shakespeare so this title kinda goes out to him too, you'll know why as you read this further down. The title and some parts of the fic actually is connected with Shakespeare and some his artistic and notable works.

Have fun reading.

-x-

It has taken him too many hours staying in his desperate, broken form and yet he still stayed inside the laboratory, cradling Hanji on his arms, looking at her face, trying to remember the things they have gone through together.

They didn't had a perfect and tremendous start in their relationship, but advance from their stage of friendship and comradeship. They had a different relationship that no one will usually do, as they make love in some occasions where she believes that is important for Levi and agreed to have this kind of thing between them even if they are really in a real romantic kind of relationship. She had realized her true love for him when she gave another man a try but she said that she was absolutely wrong and it was just him all the entire the time for her to love and there he too realized that he can't afford to lose her and most importantly, he realized about the fast beating of his heart everytime he comes close to her, feeling as though she is tormenting him with her soft touches and heart melting hugs, smiles and long glances- that he loves her. He was indeed not sure that time if she reciprocate the feelings he had for her and in return, out of pure confusion as he stared on to her glorious brown chocolate eyes after having Moblit go with his plan and had her successfully tell him once again how much she really loves him , he knew in that very moment that he does love her too. He smirked and caressed her cheek and simply tells her that 'we can practice being officially together, Shitty Glasses' and he gave another sweet kiss.

The tremble on her lips when he first kissed her is still fresh on his memory, and he could swear that he can still feel it on his lips. He traced his lips then traced hers, remembering how they kept their relationship low and have them both adjust in a more romantic approach towards each other.

Everything was doing fine, way better than what they have anticipated most especially they were already in a relationship for almost four years but then came the most unfortunate night of his life, even worse than the night where titans tried taking bits of him as though he is a free taste cookie man for some deviant type titans. He was drunk from Erwin's party due to losing to Mike's bet and ending up gulping almost all other beer in the party which was strangely wrong since he always had a strong alcohol tolerance but oddly, was not able to contain its effects on him. Hanji was not around, most probably busy in her experiments that night.

When he was about to return to his room that he was already sharing with Hanji, and bumped unexpectedly with Petra. She admitted her true feelings for him long before she fell in love with Olou and out of nowhere, he touched her waist and pushed her inside the storage room, kissing her at first as she didn't respond and cried. He did liked her before but came to realized that his approval of her is not enough to make him love her entirely at all. Petra did responded back half-heartedly as they had sex inside the storage room.

He slammed her body on the wall, kissed her everywhere and then entered her from behind as she is trapped between him and in the wall. He seemed to enjoy because he told her how tight she is and she has great cute breasts. Good thing he was not yet even near his climax though he was already very, very hard, and the moment that he touched her hair, he felt shiver run down his spine. It was not the same hair of the woman who he enjoys having sex with. As though he was slapped by some elephant on the face, he was waken up and sees the fragile girl in front of him as he realized what he has done. He was surprised that it was not the same brown chocolate eyes of Hanji that met his, and a painful thug and tightening on his chest made his hand land on it.

He stepped back and stared at his hands. He can't believe he has done this. He quickly took his clothings and silently placed it back on his trembling body as Petra did the same. The silence was broken when Levi sitted and involuntary sobs was heard. "Forgive me, Petra. I didn't mean that, I-"

"Just don't tell anyone about this Heichou. Don't let Olou learn about this. This is my fault as much as yours" He nodded but he could see how Petra too was already crying.

"What have I done?" tears then started falling on his open palms, scared of the possibility that Hanji might know what had happened. "I shouldn't have fucking went to that fucking party!"

"I am a fucking asshole!" Petra made no attempt to comfort him or even approached him, fearing he might do something stupid again.

The tension breaks when that kid Mark suddenly appeared. He clumsily stood to his feet, obviously drunk but surely is aware of everything that had happened inside the room. They knew that he knew and heard about everything that had happened and that it's pointless to ask him and immediately, he approached him and curled his fist on his neck. "No one should know about this, no one!"

The poor kid nodded in fear as he looked up to Levi as he landed on the floor. "Most especially Hanji"

Levi wiped a couple of tears that formed in his eyes as he feel his legs had some hard time moving straight on his way to his room. When he finally made it inside his room, he was startled to see Hanji on his bed reading a book. She stood up from his bed and hugged him by the door.

"How's the party?" she smiled and looked at him in the eyes, not seeing the sadness written on his face due to his signature stoic face and stinging eyes. "You smelled like you had some fun an-"

He captured her lips and carried her towards his bed, forcing herself to remove her strong grip on the book she was reading. He didn't break the kiss and eventually deepen it further as she can no longer breathe. The kiss was harsh and forceful, a kiss that he doesn't normally give her. It was full of want and desperate, confusing in all sort of way. She was astonished by his sudden move and looked at him with confused look. "Levi, is there something wrong?"

He didn't moved and didn't break their long hard stare, but Hanji is sure that something is bothering Levi and he won't tell it to her. She tried to sit but Levi pushed her down by holding her shoulders, not wanting her to move. With confused eyes, her eyes followed Levi as his hands snaked through her waist and he pressed his weight on her, forcing to hug her as he is on top. Hanji smiled and placed her arms on his neck, returning the embrace with ease.

Her nose and mouth trailed over his ears and whispers to him. "It's okay if you don't tell it to me Levi" and she cradled him tighter on her chest.

Levi only tightens his embrace on her and rubbed his cheek on her hair. His breathing was hard as though he was trying to keep a monster inside him from getting out. Hanji kissed him on his cheek and run her fingers on his hair. It made him hurt again and even more as he sees Hanji's smiles that she shares to him. After a few moments of staying like that on his bed, he finally broke the silence between them.

He turned his face at her as their nose touched and tells her "I don't want you to leave me Shitty Glasses" and snuggled closer to her. He knew it was unfair for her since he knew perfectly well that she had been very loyal to him and loved only him and yet he managed to do such crazy shit to her.

Hanji didn't expect those words from him, most especially after a party and in a very late night. She was not even making any move that she is about to leave his side, wondering why suddenly speak those words. Instead, she smiled at him, eyes softening from being hard and surprised and kissed him the corner of his lips. "I won't leave you sexy butt" and giggled. "Why would you say something like that?" she wonders.

He didn't gave her a reply and instead, turned his face again on her neck as he squeeze her in his tight embrace and kissed the top of her head until they fell asleep. He woke up seeing Hanji's head tugged on his neck and hand placed on his chest. The way she adjusted and pressed herself on him made him panic and worried in a very early morning. He was very bothered about the previous night and was too awkward the following day, but even if he didn't tell Hanji a thing about it, Hanji assures him, telling him that he will have a great day, tries to cook for him and won't talk to him about titan related conversation and instead hugged and kissed him most of the time. He is aware that she could feel his tension and that he is hiding something from her but her actions made him feel back to normal again.

There is no chance of him losing her. Ever. He thought.

Then, Petra and Olou got married and were about to have a kid as Nanaba and Mike got engaged.

He followed their trail towards a married life, and he was able to propose to her. He has been even tempted and longed to marry her a bit years before but just didn't had enough balls to propose to her. They still get to marry and had lived a glorious married life together, learning and understanding each other even better.

Until he got eaten by a titan and Hanji finds out his infidelity.

Looking at his dead wife in his arms, face slammed on his bare chest, the sobs were already gone but the tears still kept falling from his eyes absently. He never wanted to lose her, and doubts that he could live the following days without her.

She failed to realize that she is the only living source of hope, joy and reason to stay alive. She was the only person who he had removed his barriers and let her see him through. With her, he had experienced all sort of feelings and experiences that he thought he would ever do. Her laughs, intelligence, wisdom, encouragement, simplicity, leadership, smiles, clumsiness, eccentric, childlike behaviour, shittiness, everything that she shows let him see with no problem, seeing her imperfections made him love her even deeper. He was too scared to even admit it at first but he is indeed in love with her.

It made his heart ripped even more when he realized that he will no longer feel her embrace, feel her breath along his neck or face, feel the warm lips of her and explore her mouth as they kissed longer, hear her cheery voice and feel her never fading energy, be inside her everytime they'll make love and most of all, her telling him how much she loves him.

He looked at her again and she was already cold and too pale, every sign of life on her was already gone.

She was the only one who he got left in his life, and she still left him all alone.

She always had a thing of leaving him alone to himself.

Erwin was saddened to see Levi in such dreadful state but everything must be put into a final rest. Mike eyed him to let him know that he should be the one telling Levi that it was already night time and he hadn't moved away from the laboratory and did not let anyone touch him or even Hanji.

Erwin approached Levi and silently bent down on his level.

Erwin gulped hard and hoped he tells Levi properly of his concern. He whispered in the most sincere and comforting voice, hoping Levi would listen to his plea. "Levi, it's already late at night. I think it'll be nice to put her somewhere better before she leaves tomorrow."

Like the usual, people who die among them will be placed into a hot furnace and had the body left to burn as the body turns back into plain dust. Levi didn't respond nor even made any move and still had his eyes down on her. After Erwin sighed in defeat, Levi nodded and carried her on his arms as carefully as he could, trying to check if her neck might receive aches or her head might lay down in a way she is not fond of, as though it will still matter.

He followed Erwin where dead bodies are piled and collected and tonight, it was only Hanji's body who vacated the room. Seeing it made Levi want to tear a gallon again, can't believe placing Hanji in a place she shouldn't really be in. He sobbed, eyes wet but no tears falling, most probably they already ran out.

Levi didn't placed Hanji right immediately on the top of some table for corpse and was looking for something within the room, his eyes travelling everywhere.

"She needs a pillow" he mutters softly as he looks at the laying head of Hanji on his arm. It made him choke a sob seeing her laying lifeless on his arms, eyes shut, too pale and just dead.

Erwin's eyes travelled to Armin beside him as Mike went to travel at Nanaba's, as though they're passing a message silently saying 'what should we do?' or 'what the fuck did he just said?' Bravely, Armin started to mumbled "Heichou, I think a pillow is not that necessary" since there's no pillow laying around the room since dead people doesn't even need one.

"JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING PILLOW!" The shout of Levi made Armin tremble in great fear and immediately run to find the most comforting and softest pillow on earth for Hanji while Levi looked at her somehow with concerned eyes, looking as though he had woke her up or disrupt her sleep. After a few minutes, he came back and placed it on the top of the table as Levi slowly descended Hanji's body on top, making sure to double his effort to not hurt her head as he fixed her properly on top, adjusting her head and hair as he lay her down, as if it she would be very grateful for what he is doing.

All of them left Levi alone but Nanaba stayed. She still has a bit of her belly fat after just giving birth to her and Mike's first born which is a boy. When Levi settles his self on a seat beside Hanji, Nanaba approaches him with a good amount of distance but didn't touch him to get his attention.

"Levi" Nanaba started, not showing any sign of being scared though keeping a safe distance is a good precautionary measure to observe though. Levi did listened as his back is face on her, caressing Hanji's cold hand on his.

"Hanji's pregnant." That made Levi stop from his hand caressing Hanji's but still didn't turned around to meet Nanaba's gaze.

"She was complaining starting last month that she was throwing up almost every morning, and she still didn't had her period this month as well as last month. She insist that she was just irregular and stressed out, but the moment I saw her threw up after she tried some chicken one morning, then I understand." Nanaba blinked and stared towards Hanji's dead body, eyes falling to her stabbed abdomen where she supposed that the beating heartbeat of the baby was there, forming with Levi and Hanji's blood and flesh already. "I guess she was already past the first three months, since she told me before that she didn't bleed for three months but assured me that it was normal. Maybe this time she was on her fourth" she guesses, and believes that she is accurate.

Nanaba imagined Hanji being surprised at first if she realized that she was pregnant with Levi's kid, but then would be replaced by an overwhelming feeling of happiness as she goes with it.

Levi too didn't know how to respond but had his eyes land on the bloody abdomen of Hanji, the place where she was stabbed hard and twice. It made him sick to think that she was not the only one who was stabbed and died because of him, but also their growing child inside her womb.

But what if it was not just only one? What if they were about to have more than just one? She once lectured him about the possibility of twins, triplets and even quad and octuplets in one single pregnancy, but what will they have if she didn't…..

Her curled fist was still there, as though she was somehow aware that she was already carrying Levi's baby.

When Nanaba didn't received any form of feedback from Levi, she left quietly and placed a kiss on Hanji's cheek.

"I guess you should know Levi or even had a hunch" and slowly closed the door, leaving Levi again with the dead Hanji.

Tears fell from his eyes as there were no sobs that went along it. He was tired of pouring his heart out, crying like some shithead. But it was his child and wife that had died all along, all because he was too weak, heavy burden pulling him down making him unable to save Hanji and the baby.

He imagined what kind of child Hanji would be bearing for him and how Hanji is going to deal with the pregnancy. She would be a bit careless and Levi would always watch over her, get mad at her since she's being too forceful of conducting experiments that are not intended for a pregnant woman. He can clearly see as she baby talks her stomach as she rubs it with her hand and then he will hug her from behind and join hands as they caress her growing belly.

The kid would grow up weird as them, with either the color of their hairs or whoever nose it may have. One thing is for sure though, that their child would become as strong as him and as intelligent as her, but together it would be like them, passionate over saving and helping mankind.

Since it is his, it might give her a hard time to carry. It won't be fragile but as strong and heavy as him that might give her a harder time to carry and look more like she'll explode and give her a harder time to labor and push once she's already going to deliver.

But there won't be any moment like that, nor even a single one percent of it coming true.

He was too weak and torn to protect them, and yet he's been known as the world's strongest man.

-x-

Levi spent the rest of the night looking at her dead body and when the time reached past one in the middle of the night, he is starting to feel sleepy and tired.

Sitting beside the dead body of his wife, the sadness and torment she brought to him made his physical injuries felt nothing. He was still bleeding, some blood on him already dried out and his swollen face and bruised body was still not yet fixed. With not even a shirt on him, the cold was making things worse for his body's state.

He didn't care.

He no longer care about his personal welfare, all he wanted to do was to spin back time and get Hanji back to live, breathe, hear her laugh and tell her how much he loves her as much as he could.

He held on to her cold hand, staring at it as it flooded him with lots of memories with her single hand. How it caressed him everywhere, comforted him and took care of him. He remembered how it supported and caught him when he struggles, how it saved his life and held on to his very own hand through the years.

His heart was bursting with huge amount of unexplainable pain and he wanted to rip it out of his chest and die beside her. He really wanted to kill himself now and be with her but if he did so, her sacrifice in saving him would be in vain.

Moments earlier when Moblit finally became conscious and heard of the very terrible news, he immediately went to where his leader was placed. He can't help but to shed tears for his fallen great leader and was also surprised too to see Levi almost beaten to death.

He gave out his respects and before he left, he told Levi a couple of things that he should be aware of.

"She had always believed that you will save mankind even if she's gone." He snorted. He knew that of course, she always mentions that to him.

"She just doesn't have any idea that a smart head can do better than a thousand strong hands." Levi did mentioned that to her but didn't respond back at him when he said that to her.

Moblit looked at him and can't help but feel guilty as well. He let out a sob and wiped away a tear that came rolling to his face.

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to even fight for her, nor protect her Heichou." Moblit can't find the energy to look at him in the eye but was fortunate enough since Levi was not even looking back at him. "If I could have known that Chris crept up behind me and hit me in the head, then she could have still be alive."

Levi didn't want to point fingers to blame or even accept Moblit's words of despair. He didn't said anything and just gazed upon Hanji and caressed her hand. Moblit quietly turned his heels and retreated from the room, living Levi all alone to himself with Hanji once again.

After a few hours, he still can't his self falling asleep.

Levi had ran the images of Hanji in his mind, and feel her touches along his hand. It was difficult for him to do, just think a few moments ago, she was still there, warm and whole, happy and healthily alive.

When he felt his head about to explode with all the commotion that had happened throughout the day, he slowly lowered his head on Hanji's arm while holding her hand.

He was hoping that they'll still wake up together on their shared bed, breathing like any normal morning they have. Hoping that everything was just a one fucked up dream and everything will just go back to its normal pace.

He had his head still laid above by her arm, careful not to press too much weight on that part of hers, scared that he might still actually further place more pain in her. He turned his head and looked at her peaceful face, his mechanical hand caressing carefully her arm.

"I promise to make you thousands of flower crowns if that's what you like" he started, a tear ready to jump down his cheek again. "I'll cook for you everyday and won't arrange your things. I won't... I won't force you to come to bed early if you preferred to finish your papers first. I'll kiss you more slowly and won't hurry you to do something you don't want to." He held her hand softly and caressed it absently. "I hope you know how much I love you Hanj" he swooped his face to the other side and looked at her.

He swears that when they'll wake up, he'll hug her so tight that she won't be able to even respond back. He'll just kiss her the entire day, scrub his face into every part of her until she laugh so hard that she will eventually take some huge shit and hug her until night, until they fall back to sleep again. He really wanted to hold her tight and just be with her.

He remembers shouting at her to one night in regards with flower crowns.

He came one late night and he was too tired to even talk to her since he had a very horrible drill with the kids, almost having one killed in stupidity and it made his blood boil. In turn, he gave the kids some punishments and held out some time lecturing them, rather insulting them for their carelessness and stupidity. When he came back home and saw how messy their home was, flowers, stems, and leaves even scissors everywhere on the floor and on their bed, the table and the chairs, it made him burst into total anger.

"What the fuck are you doing!?"he expected that she should have cleaned but saw the mess instead. She was kneeling on the floor, busily making another one wherein there were already tons in the other side. It surely is not a great help seeing their home in this state.

"Hey Levi! I made everyone a flowercrown today because we were able to finish everything in our to do list and so we made flowercrowns for the guys, too bad you were not there." She giggled, holding out a pink and white flowercrown, flashing it to him.

It didn't made him glad with the scene and it made him feel like shit with migraine going on his head and now this. To think that she's doing non-titan related and is making a huge mess everywhere. He snorted and passed by her, removing his clothes.

"It's for you Levi" she smiled and placed it to his head.

He turned around and Hanji smiled at him. His hand crawled onto the top of his head and grabbed the flowercrown on his head and threw it away. The eyes of Hanji flashed with total surprise and gasped of his sudden action. She watched the flower crown land on the ground and snap, breaking it into two.

"I don't want any of your stupid fucking flower crowns" he murmured. Hanji felt horribly hurt and sad of what he had done and said. She walked over the broken flowercrown and cleaned the mess she had done. Without doing much of anything nor saying a thing, she went to the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth, changed into a short shorts and shirt and slept on their bed.

She didn't bothered asking Levi since she knew that she knew she won't be able to talk to him properly and just argue. She's pretty confident enough that he was just having a bad time and that they can talk about it the following day anyway.

Levi did felt guilty of the sudden action and words that he said but it was done and just made his way towards the kitchen for some dinner. He was surprised to see that all of the dishes were made and the dinner sure looks appetizing and presented great. He ate up quick and made way towards the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. He then realized that the clothe bin was already empty, realizing that Hanji did the laundry since he still hasn't done it within the week.

He realized his mistake of yelling at her. He was not able to control his emotions and instead of talking his problem over his wife, he shouted at her to feel some ease on his tightened chest. Second, maybe she just started minutes before he even came since she managed to cook for him a great dish and do some cleaning at their place before doing the flowercrowns.

She made an effort to give him one but instead, he threw it away and broke it.

Some real ass husband he is, to think they just got married a few months ago during that time and he is acting like he doesn't deserve her.

After he was finished, he slowly crawled on to the bed beside of Hanji and removed the glasses that she is still wearing. He carefully placed it on top of the bedside table and blew off the candle.

He hugged her lovingly by the waist and slowly pulled her to him, somehow hoping she is still awake.

When he woke up the following day, Hanji was nowhere to be found but found that his breakfast was already prepared. There was no note anywhere, since she usually leaves one before going out of the house or when she is the one to go out first.

When he reached the HQ, he was only able to find her in the afternoon since he was bombarded by Erwin of what had happened and the higher ups are asking for a report regarding the commotion that had happened the previous day, mainly consuming his time. Afterwards, he barged inside Hanji's office room much to Moblit's surprise and of her squad. She was looking at the window, back in facing him.

"I hope we can find new more breeds of animals outside this time. Then let's catch them afterwards and have them studied." She mumbles to herself, talking her squad.

"Wha-" He groaned and bent her down, totally surprising her and kissed her mouth lovingly, not caring if her entire squad was looking at them. She flushed so hard that she wanted to slap Levi. They've always talked about the odd feeling of public display of affection so they don't really kiss or hug a lot in front of everyone, though they still sneak a few hugs and kisses sometimes.

"Just what the hell are you doing!?" she screamed, voice shaking.

"You forgot this" he gave her a soundful long kiss on the lips as she is still bent down on his arm. He'll surely get a slap later tonight for another PDA again. "You're not allowed to be late tonight or else." He kissed her lips very quick and left her office, her entire squad surprised for such thing to happen.

Her face was in total crimson and didn't know what to do.

"Nothing happened." She whispers to them and retreats to get something to eat or drink, Moblit following her as usual.

When night time came, she was surprised to see her dinner ready on their table and vase full of flowers was set in the middle. She turned to look at their bed and it was too, also full of flower petals everywhere and some on the floor.

Levi crept behind her and hugged her from behind, locking her in his strong embrace.

"I'm sorry about last night. I was just fucking tired because of the brats acting like shit throughout the day." Hanji actually have heard of what had happened to him the other day and understands why he suddenly burst out on her.

She gazed by him and he looked at her with earnest. "Don't worry about it." she tells him and intertwined her hands with his on her abdomen, trying to pull him closer to her.

"You wear this" and he placed a flower crown on top of her head and she grinned like crazy. She looked at the mirror and was amazed of what Levi had made for her. She can't actually believe that he can do one on his own.

"You shouldn't have" she whispers to his ears as she hugged him with delight. He kissed her cheek and whispers back to her. "You forgot about this." He showed her the flower crown she made for him but is now fixed. She took it excitedly from his hand and placed it on top his head. "Now we both look cute together" and she giggles.

"Nope, we look like total idiots" he responded sarcastically.

Her giggling made Levi smirk and pull her to their table to eat. He can't help but look at her in every food he places in his mouth, since she looked really pretty with a flower crown on her head. As for her, she found him really abnormally adorable with a flower crown she made for him.

Afterwards, they both cleaned their dishes and they retreated on their bed. Levi pulled Hanji onto his lap and scooped her in his arms and lap like some baby. They kissed a lot and had her nose always nuzzle on every inch of his face. She places her hands on his neck as they talked their nights out and eventually, she fell asleep when Levi hums to her and rocked her a bit on his arm, face flat on his broad chest.

She was thankful that Levi could hum her to sleep and treat her like some kind of baby. Her heart really melted and she swears that she'll have a sweet dream.

And now that he looks at her, he felt more than frustrated.

Still no movements from her.

Somehow, he wanted to despise the word 'hope'. She always believed in it, even believing that he is the very last hope of humanity but she doesn't even thought of the fact that she is the only hope for him in his life.

And now she's gone.

Forever.

Now that she's gone, there will be no hope for humanity left as well.

-x-

Hanji's body was placed in the middle of a flowerbed, none of her uniform was changed or was she changed into an attire for an eternal sleep either. Levi told them not to change her clothes like anybody else, even if she was the Danchou and should be treated extra special. Knowing her, would want the same treatment like anybody else.

Levi first made sure that the flowerbed was made even before he lets her free.

Erwin made his way inside the room early in the morning where Levi was and saw him, face glued down on Hanji's chest. He didn't moved his head so Erwin tried to speak out first, telling him that the flowerbed is being prepared for Hanji.

Normally, soldiers from the Recon Corps who dies are ought to be rolled like some sushi and then thrown to the endless pit of fire until they become ashes. As Erwin knew both Hanji and Levi for quite too long, he knew perfectly how to say properly goodbye to them if needed be. Being the former Danchou and asking Hanji to replace him, he wanted to show Hanji a little bit of more gratitude and to thank her for everything. He knew perfectly that Levi would love the idea too, since Hanji adores plants and flowers like any woman does. During the night, he had instructed the younger ones to prepare a flowerbed for Hanji's funeral pyre, and Armin was the leader to do that.

Now that it was being prepared and he sees that Levi is not far from being a dead person that he is, he can't help but also feel thorned. He is sure that Levi won't be able to function normally from now on and would be more difficult to talk nor to tame down.

But he has got to do this.

He accompanied Levi to prepare her on her last place and left him there and give his last words and minute with her.

It was hard for him to watch Levi, who grew to be the most trusted ally and disciple to him give his final moments to his disciplined and smartest member in the group. He grew to adore him as they grew too to acknowledge his presence like a family to them.

And in a few moments on, she'll be back to ashes and leave them all under the titan's wrath.

-x-

Levi woke up with the cold hand of Hanji on his.

He even thought to hope and shit but nothing came. Who is kidding anyway? Death has already come to her, and he still can't get to accept it and makes a fool out of himself. Why can't he just get over it and accept that she is dead like anyone else?

The moment that he thought about the coming days and how he is going to be alone, fighting titans without any reason nor knowing that nobody else will look for a way to defeat them made him submerge into total fucking sadness.

He can deny it with all his might, but he knows perfectly that he will need her to live his life like any man could.

He miss her.

A lot.

He wished to kiss her, in front of everyone, in front of the whole world to tell her and show her how much she means to him and how much he is proud to have her as her wife.

He thought about the way he loses her instead, what about the other coming days? What would he do without her? He could be sure that he could busy himself with loads of shit but knew that it won't be enough to forget her. For years and years being with her, how could he even root out all of the things that they shared together?

He stood his head up and placed it on her chest, which was hard and cold. No heart beating can be heard but he still glues his head there, feeling her even if she's too different now. Erwin came to enter the room and told him that a flowerbed was being prepared for Hanji and he didn't moved. He forgot that he has to let her go.

But before he could, he looked at Erwin immensely and spoke with very little energy. "We have to keep her eyes."

Erwin was surprised of what he had said and his brows met. "What?" It was all too sudden but they still have time if they are willing to do so, so he immediately made a decision.

"We have to keep it, and we'll have it give to someone else who needs them" he explained. Some time before, Hanji mentioned to him her desires of donating her body parts to other people after witnessing horrible events where her soldiers lose some of their organs but are still to persistent and wanted to keep on fighting. But losing their organs, they cannot do so anymore and it made their hearts broken in despair.

Hanji was also aware that the world needs more organ donors since there are still lots of accidents or even illness that could destroy a human's organs and would die in vain. She believed that they could still work for the world, but due to some illnesses or unfortunate events they could no longer do so.

"You know, if humans won't die due to titan's wrath, then illness will be the reason why." She once absently told him, taking pity once she saw some people lying on the street in the underground with no hands or eyes and even drenched out of blood, selling their body parts for money. A lot of people in Wall Sina also gets ill and would need some donors so selling their own parts will give them money.

Erwin then nodded and asked to call for the same doctor who conducted the surgery of Levi and do the process for Hanji immediately. "I know her eye sight may not be that clear, but the demand for eye donors recently went up. I know whoever will receive her eyes won't mind wearing glasses too." Erwin reminded Levi.

He didn't respond, knowing that what he did was also what Hanji wanted for him to do too.

It would be the very last thing that he'll have that is a part of her and reminder and proof of her existence.

-x-

The doctor immediately came, hearing of Levi's pleas and that it was Hanji that they were talking about. He agreed right after hearing her name and eagerly conducted the procedure. Moblit was the one who fetched him and assisted him and had Hanji's eyes kept properly hidden somewhere in the HQ office. Once they learned of someone who is in need of eyes, they will automatically give it to them.

Levi wanted to fully know the person who will receive Hanji's eyes, he needs to make sure that they will be worth it, maybe a dying soldier who is very dedicated about preserving the human race or someone else who has the same attitude as hers.

It's her eyes that they are talking about, probably the most beautiful and lively part of her body that Levi could never resist. A part of hers that Levi always loved and adored, a complete contrast of his.

He watched the entire procedure like some dead man, not blinking and completely torn away as the doctor places a wet towel on her face, removes her cornea from her, and carefully placing it into some weird ass container to have it preserved. The doctor even mentions that Hanji doesn't had any illness that won't make her a rightful eye donor and that she done a miraculous decision.

It was quite a torturing sight to watch for Levi since he never expected in his life that he will see his wife coming to this point and worse that he will have to see it too by himself. It was like she has become some variable for whatever kind of experiment it is and she is some kind of tool to have eyes removed. Afterwards, the doctor carefully wrapped her eyes with bandages. A portion of blood came to give out a few on the bandages and she looked even more dead than before. It made Levi shiver in anger and pain to see her like that.

After the procedure, Levi carried her towards the flowerbed made and Erwin came to see them. He nodded in return, somehow giving his acknowledgements and thanks for making a flowerbed for her.

She'll loved it for sure.

Once he settled her carefully in the middle of the flowerbed, he kissed her cheek and grabbed a few flowers beside and made a flower crown for her. It perfectly fit her head and matched the flowerbed, it was a good thing her head and neck were a bit elevated and it made the flower crown less likely to fall off from her head. He rubbed her cheek absently with his remaining fingers to feel her cold cheek, a touch to tell her that he would still be here, if ever she wanted to be back for him.

He took her hand and carefully had it touch the flowers beside her. "See Shitty Glasses? There's a lot of flowers here for you. I know you'll love them" he whispers before starting to embrace her.

After a few minutes of embracing her lightly, he has decided to go before they start burning her down. There would be no fucking way for him to witness her being burn into ashes.

He turned to give her one final close glance and traced her face with his shaking fingertips. He wanted to keep her body inside their home, thinking she might still wake up, even if he knew that there's a negative chance that it may actually happen. But maybe seeing her body in their home will somehow make him feel comfortable in all sort of ways.

He blinked a few tears and decided to say a few words to her, smiling back to himself. It felt different to see her that way that her eyes are covered with bandages with a few blood stains and her skin paled to death. Her lips were crisp and no amount of life can be traced. She looked weak, a very image that she would never let Levi see.

"Hanji," he began, voice starting wobbling. He wanted to tell a lot of things to her but he can't, not this way. "I…. I'm sorry. Beyond sorry. I never wanted to lose you, but I guess I didn't have enough will or strength to keep you forever." He wiped a couple of tears in his eyes with the back of his wrist, already stinging with hours full of crying for her. He's got a lot of reason to apologize for and he didn't know where to even start. "I'm fucking sorry that I brought you pain and hurt you, that I was not able to protect you and even lead you to your death." He fixed some loose hair on his and smiled weakly at her, to assure her that his words were true.

"You… You're… always been the best. I know I fucked up but you didn't care. You should have just… you should have known that you didn't deserve to have me. I am full of shit and with no good background like you. You deserve better, but what I don't understand why you fucking loved me that much, Shitty Glasses." He hit his chest with his fist so hard due to the beating of his heart full of pain, wanting it to stop since it's already hurting deep inside of his chest.

"I wanted to say, thank you…. Thank you for every fucking thing." He closed his eyes and memories came rushing back to him, how she held his hand since the night they first made love, how she always got his back and caught him when he falls from his prosthetic leg practicing, how she pouts on him and play pranks on him, and that moment where they got married. It made him pull his forearm on his eyes, trying to halt his tears away but failed. It was like a dam, and his forearm was not enough to make it stop.

"You did great. For me I mean, for us. You're fucking stupid for saying you're not, maybe I failed to make you realize that everything that you've done for me and our marriage was more than great Hanj." He wanted to say a lot more things but time was running out and he needs to let her go. He remembered how Romeo cried like a bitch in the deathbed of his wife Juliet. Levi would have sworn that he didn't knew what Romeo was feeling that time and just laughed at his words but did acknowledge the deep feeling of despair to Juliet.

And now he is doing the very same thing. He emptied his nose on his sleeve and turned to cup Hanji's face lightly with his poor hands. "O my love, my wife" he choked on the last word he spoke as Levi recalled Romeo's last words for Juliet. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty." He tried to smile at her so she would somehow feel that he means what he says and proudly show her that he too adored her books. He always wanted to reach out deeper to her, now he feared that he wasn't able to do so.

He stopped and held her close to his chest, held onto her so tightly that he doesn't have any intention of letting go of her at all. He wanted to let her hear the beating of his heart that it is only for her and that she is the reason why it is still strongly beating inside. He took a glance on her face, her eyes covered with bandages with her very own blood, then went to gaze on her bloody abdomen that made his eye twitch in disgust, remembering the thought of her being pregnant.

He shut his eyes and his jaw tightened, eyes hidden under his bangs, tears rolling on his cheek, teeth gritting in pain. Or maybe closing his eyes does it worse, since all his memories of Hanji had suddenly flashed like a whirlwind, uncontrollable and suffocating.

The face of Hanji greeting him with a whispered "good morning", smiling then kissing his head and smoothens his hair, pulling him closer to her.

The way she closes her eyes everytime before kissing him lovingly, and feel her lips and mouth work with him.

The feel of her hands crawling onto him before pulling him into a tight embrace that makes him feel safe and loved.

Her laugh that sounds too loud for his ears to bear and giggles that sounds really cute as well, haunts him at the very moment, can't believe he won't be hearing them again.

The way she nuzzles her nose to his cheek going to his nose and his jaw where he closes his eyes and feel her skin to his, a bit ticklish but really warming. Most especially if she uses her cheek to rub it to his.

The way she calls his name during a mission or serious matters, knowing that she needed him was way different from the way she moans his name every time they are going to make love is also way more different than the way she whispers his name every time they are cuddling each other or just simple feeling each other's warmth, embracing.

The way her heartbeats everytime he is going to lean on her chest and realize how sweet its rhythm it could be, knowing that every beat of her heart beats for him as well. And now, that beating of her heart is still echoing within his ears.

And in just a flash, he won't be able to experience these things anymore. Sure he can still have these from other woman but he wants it from her, only her. He got so used to her that he is so scared of losing his memory of her, she was the bestest part of his life.

Levi cleared his throat and scrubbed his nose, and with last final seconds, he leaned closer to her ear, gently pulling her into a tighter embrace. "Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O, you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss" he slowly embraced Hanji, lightly squeezing her as he continued to have his body shake despite of his efforts not to and lastly, with one final ado, he kissed her lovingly on the lips.

"I love you" he sighed along her ear and closing his eyes. He recalled how many times he had done such sweet and comforting action to her. "I always love you Hanji. You were the only one for me, only fucking one. You always were, and you always will be." he whispers to her. He wanted her to hear those words, to remind her always since she seems that she was not aware of such feeling he has for her.

"Until the end of the world" he promises her, doesn't mean that she's gone he should still loving her. He will keep loving her, until the end of the world, until everything goes back to dust.

He slowly descended her body down from his embrace and fixed her there. Very little energy was left on his body, his prosthetics giving him numb and heavy feeling on their attaching body parts from the pulling and beating that was given to him, it made him even more difficult to turn away and leave.

He still managed to do so, after dragging his feet away back to their home.

-x-

The pyre was made an hour after Levi had left and a lot of soldiers shared the amount of sadness and tears towards their Danchou. When people asked about her bandage eyes, they knew the answer as it came from Moblit and Armin and spread like wild fire, like the fire on her body, slowly deleting her physically in the face of the world.

As the fire burns, they all bid their goodbyes and threw flowers to her burning deathbed. He was more than just a Danchou, she was a symbol and a reminder for everyone to keep fighting. For someone who is full of wisdom, she will be forever a reminder to never give up and to continue moving forward. She was a great scientist and researcher and her efforts has achieved and unlocked a lot of mysteries for the humanity's defense against the titans.

No one would be able to replace her efforts, her determination to look for more clues and answers and find out more on how to dispose the titans and end their reigning terror on the surface of the earth. She was both a soldier and scientist, two roles too different to do together perfectly but she was able to do both roles with no hesitations at all.

Nothing could ever replace her, nor even no one will. She was the first woman as a Danchou, the very first person to unlock more answers from the mystery that the titans left for them and most importantly, a mother figure full of concern towards her men. She was strong and never have given up. She would forever be remembered.

Levi was not there to see the pyre and was left to curl on his room on his own.

The silence was burning in his ears, deafening him to his sleep. Once he returned back to their home, he saw the flowers that he bought for Hanji. He wondered how she would react if she ever held hem close to her heart. He planned to tell her how much he wanted to start their marriage right again and if they could renew their vows within the week. They could plan it both and she might tell him that she is already pregnant and could really start anew.

It was all a dream now, a hallucination if he still wanted to believe.

He looked everywhere inside and it is still alive with her. Her clothes, her scent, her images on the bed with him, her tired sleeping figure on their working desk, it was just too much to handle.

He too was too tired and in the dark, he curled on their bed, alone, sniffing and absently crying. No sobbing but tears slowly, one by one, falling in his cheek and to their bed as he gripped on their bed sheet rather tight, hugging himself from the tremendous amount of pain running inside of him.

-x-

For a couple of weeks, Levi was not able to move around their home, unmovable on top of the bed that he and Hanji shares, curled and always had her pillow on his arms and embracing it tightly every minute of every day. He even took one her shirt and had it gripped tightly onto his hand, not letting go of it. It still smelled like her, and all he does was to glue it into his nose.

The Recon Corps members were in huge concern for the poor man and had them bring food inside of their home and leave it there on top of the table. When they tried to check on it after hours, they would be disappointed that not a single touch was made in the food prepared.

For days, even if he was awake, he still finds himself dump on the top of their bed, crying absently as he had his eyes sting and sore of him crying his eyes out as he consistently blames himself for Hanji's death and remind himself of his failed responsibility towards her and them.

When he sees or remembers Hanji's smile or the touches she makes; her voice and eccentric behavior, he wanted to feel them all again but didn't know how. Remembering her brings him too much pain, so much that the every beat of his heart was just as cruel inside of his chest. The pain that it brings was unbearable and inconsiderate. He doesn't have any idea of how and when it started beating that way but all he knows is that the way it is beating, most especially when he remembers Hanji was just really painful inside.

He didn't know how to remove the pain inside his chest and Hanji's touches or kisses were not there to heal it, and all he could just do was to hit his chest as hard as he could to make the beating of pain go away. Somehow, it makes him feel way better but the bruise that was made in his everyday punches on his chest was enough to make his entire chest turn into a big gray and violet skin, rather than to do the very tempting thing of ripping it out of his chest on his own.

He made no effort to clean or eat, all he always did was to curl on top of their bed and go to the bathroom if needed be.

He always wondered why she always has a thing about leaving him and making him feel like he's the most dreadful person in the world. Does she even realize what she is trying to do with him? Doesn't she know how much he needed her?

How could she have been so cruel?

How can she be so greedy?

How could she just leave him alone so easily?

Levi was like a living-dead as Moblit will see him every once in a while inside his home, checking on him as told by Erwin. He would just stare blankly anywhere, but wouldn't speak nor move properly. He would just walk from the bathroom to the bed and curl in there all day. He cannot even manage to eat the food that Moblit is leaving for him and had to force it down his throat. Even his prosthetic parts are being left unclean, looking like it's near getting rusty like shit. If it continues like that, he might no longer be able to use it and get back on being bed ridden.

It was very clear that all hope and reason for Levi to live on has already left him for good, as Moblit had once told Erwin.

-x-

It took a total of three weeks before Levi realized that he needed to get up, pull his shit over and do something about himself and move on, even if he knew he can't.

He threw the flowers which already died and dried, he swept the floor, scrubbed it, threw all the rotten food, cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and did the laundry.

But the clothes of Hanji stopped him all too suddenly. He held her shirt, her handkerchief and all dirty piled of clothes she left and stared at it for a long time. He cannot bring himself to wash it, her scent is still there and feared it might be gone if he washed it. Instead, he removed all of her dirty clothes and washed only his. He folded her dirty clothes and piled it into the closet, others neatly folded by the bedside table. He eyed her other clothes in the other drawer and kept it neatly there but pulled one of her clean shirt. He drew his nose close to it, fingers gripping on it tightly.

It was like she was still there.

He eyed their bed and instead of changing the sheets, he fixed it instead. He removed and took all the dirt out of it, arranged the pillows and ran a hand over the bed as he was done.

Their desk was still full of her things and he removed all the unnecessary papers that can be thrown away, like past papers needed and has been checked but the important ones are to be sent to Moblit or to Erwin, they sure know better on what to do with those.

While dusting off their desk and their bookstand, he was surprised to see the book that he was not able to finish before. He placed his dusting tools down and read a note that made him want to stab himself than feeling the familiar feeling of pain again.

It was a note, and it was from Hanji.

He gulped hard, his hands shaking greatly all of a sudden. Slowly, he reached for the paper and read it carefully as he can.

Hey sexy butt!

I can't believe you read all my classic books except for this one!

Finish this and we'll have some sexy time on the desk, and I'll be on top while we talk about the books you've read.

I suddenly feel so excited!

Full of love for you,

Shitty Four Eyed Wife

He held the note close to his beating heart, mouth slightly open, and looked up on the ceiling. He slowly descended on the floor and sat, not letting go of the book and the note, hugging it trying to search the same familiar warmth that he once experienced. When did she wrote it? Maybe this was the time right after he was able to get back from the surgery, remembering how it was the last moments where he was able to read a single book and after that, he had his endless practice of walking and shit.

Somehow, the note made his lip turn upward a bit but trembled with disgust. He tried to breathe calmly since it had started to speed up, trying to contain the tears from his eyes. He was tired of crying and of hurting, being reminded of how he failed her the most.

He walked towards their bed with very slow pace, book on his chest, and placed it beside the shirt he pulled from her drawer. He didn't shed a tear, he succeeded not to let them fall this time since he had enough, but he was not able to conquer the every beating of pain of his heart. He slammed his balled fist into his chest, telling his heart to stop beating like it is going to kill him, too painful but his slamming was somehow enough to make it stop beating painfully. As always, a bruise appears right in the very spot where he had slammed his fist on his chest, and it was enough.

Slowly, he hugged the book and her shirt and closes his eyes, sleeping all the pain away.

-x-

Levi was able to clean and restore his prosthetic parts back to its good 'ol shape, making him smirk for the very first time. He realized that these metal parts of his was Hanji's hardwork and he cannot have them go and rust if he will continue to live.

He appeared in the office of Erwin and he was very much surprised to see Levi suddenly in his office, which was Hanji's former office being the Danchou, and somehow, his heart gave him another harsh tug on his chest. After handling Erwin the box full of Hanji's important files, a flash of memory of her working on that very same desk, writing something and saw him entering the office as she smiled at him made his hand travel on his chest and hold into his shirt, wanting to punch himself again.

Erwin looked at to him in complete surprise and eyes muttered 'what is this?'

"Important files that she kept. I figure you need it or might need it." he bluntly said and waited for no answer and left the tormenting room.

Every hallway he passes was a bit annoying, all the brats and even the older adult soldiers were giving him annoying glances. Some gave him a very pitiful and sorry look but the others tried to smile or greet him but backed away instead. Others didn't know what to say or do and had their lips tremble in fear but for Levi, all he know is that they all looked like they're about to take some shit and should leave him alone if they don't have anything good to say.

It was crazy to deal and see the way they move backwards and they scramble by the walls, dividing themselves like how a paper is teared in the middle.

Sometimes, he would just go out and feel the warmth of the sun, the only thing now that can give him warmth after Hanji left him. He would look at the endless horizon, thinking, wondering how she is and where she is now and if she could still hear him. He would close his eyes and imagine her being there and he would smile but if he recalled their memories together, a tear or two will involuntarily come out of his eye suddenly.

The following days went smoothly, even if he was still struggling inside to suddenly see Hanji or wake up from a very horrible dream. He tried to get back to his normal routine, checking on the brats, helping Erwin formulate shit for the Corps, have a conversation with Mike, giving out drills, prepare for missions, attending meetings, checking who is not doing their cleaning chores and lastly, tried to check Moblit who was now promoted to take place of Hanji's vacated position of being the Squad's researcher. He was, no doubt, the only person suitable for her replacement and was the only disciple that he knew who was able to fully know and learn from Hanji the very best.

Levi was very well aware of the things that she left for Moblit and that Moblit knew perfectly what he needed to do. He didn't know what she had left for him but he knew that Moblit can do it whatever it takes. Besides, even if he was complaining, and felt like he was being crushed being Hanji's former personal assistant, he had always done every job that she gives to him.

He wanted to visit the young man a few days ago but when he was about to open the door to the laboratory, he find his hand shaking so much that he can't continue to even touching it and turning it to open the least.

He sighed and turned to his back like his usual attempts but this time, when he turned his back to walk back onto the hallway, he was surprised to see Moblit just a few meters away from him, which looked like he was about to go inside but stopped as he saw him there struggling to go inside.

They locked stares.

This was the first time Moblit sees him outside of his room and looking well, except for the part that his eyes had become more tired and broken and that he lost weight. If Moblit describe him like some living dead the couple of week ago, now he looked like a groomed living dead.

"Good day, Heichou." Moblit decided to first break the eerie silence between them and he gave him a half smile. "It is nice to see you finally out of your home" he added. He did not know if it's alright for him to say that but he wanted to speak honestly as possible, since it might trigger some unwanted memories and would make Levi have some sort of emotional breakdown all of a sudden.

Levi only nodded at him but didn't really know what to do next after that. Should he talk to him and ask about what has happened of what had Hanji had left of him to do or how was he or did Hanji left him with lots of things?

Seeing how intense he was, Moblit approached Levi and slightly pushed him away from the laboratory. He knew that he wanted to but was just struggling to even talk to him, even if he doesn't really know why. "Please follow me Heichou, I believe you needed to see something."

Moblit is smart and a dedicated soldier, things that Hanji used to tell him and be thankful for. Right now, he wanted to make her smile or make her feel better after all the shitty things that had happened and at least, show her his gratefulness even after her death. By this, aside from the gratefulness that he wanted to show her, he wanted to make Levi at least remember and be reminded of his squad-leader's love for her own husband. He thought that Levi actually deserves to see and know about this.

Levi didn't understand why he did not make any struggle or why he just simply followed Moblit's favor. Maybe he was just still too tired or didn't want to ask questions and start a conversation so he just slowly followed Moblit around until they reached an unfamiliar room to him.

Going inside the very room where she had died was a terrible thing to do. It made Levi's nose crinkle and eye twitch, feeling the water engine work inside again. It was like anytime he would cry silently again. It was still pretty much the same and the memories of the unfortunate night immediately rushed in him. He saw the very spot where he had cradled Hanji to her death, as though it just happened yesterday. Remembering how she left him made him shiver in disgust, wanted to tell himself how annoying he is for remembering. Instead of focusing on the room, he focused on Moblit.

He was busy fixing something from the further right part of the room. Once he seemed that he was able to gather everything that he needed on a tiny box, he almost stumbled and Levi was forced to come near him and give him a hand.

"Tsk" he muttered and stretched out his hand to Moblit, which he gladly accepts. "I never knew you were that clumsy." He remarked but Moblit decided to ignore it.

"Here" he says and gives him the box. Levi held it with a scorned looking face, wondering what it was. "She wanted to let you see this during your anniversary, that very night Heichou." Moblit started, starting to feel guilty over the fact that Levi is now seemingly surprised and caught off guard by what he is seeing.

It was red, a bit dusty but beautifully kept. He let his finger caress its cover, hearing that it came from her.

Moblit didn't know what to do, if he should let the man alone and he better get out or ask him to go back to his place. He sighed and went to the working table still full of things to be done, ignoring the emotional cyborg man who was too engrossed staring at the box that he just handed him.

Moblit began working, sounds of papers and scribbles filling in the room. Levi turned to see if Moblit was staring but he was too succumbing into working his ass of, he thought. It's not that he minds it but it feels rather awkward and shit.

Just like her.

The thought of his late wife suddenly made him to sniff accidentally and gazed on the box on his hands again. He walked towards the other side of the room, took a seat and wordlessly opened it.

A couple of folded papers were the first ones that he saw. Wondering what it was, he opens one and he could say that that made him stop breathing.

It was a sketch of Hanji giving Levi a kiss by the side of his hair, a hand by the other side, seemingly like caressing it. It was beautifully sketched and he couldn't afford to lose it nor even let anyone touch it. He looked up to Moblit and wondered, there would be no doubt that he is the one who drew this and thought that the other unopened ones are other sketches of him and Hanji. Moblit was the only one he knew who could draw accurately within a fast pace, just like how he write down notes for Hanji.

He scrambled to open the others as well, grabbing the second one and opening it with uneven breaths. He carefully opened it with his right hand while his other mechanical hand assists it, showing a sitting Hanji along the fields with Levi on her leg, head laying on top of it. Hanji's hand can be seen on his face, most probably caressing his cheek like he always does. He also observed how his hand was already made of steal here.

The third one maybe the best one he has seen so far, and it was him, slightly bending Hanji by the back, his hand supporting her back as he kisses her deeply, her head a little tilted to the side, mouth completely being devoured by Levi. His other hand was on her hair while her left was holding a gear sword and the right one pinned forcefully by their chests. They were on uniforms and gears, a few light sketches of people at the background, staring at them.

Levi's breath was hitched, eyes crumbling within its sockets and tried to recall this. Somehow, it really felt familiar, like they really did this somewhere before.

"She asked me to draw" Moblit says, not even raising his eyes to meet his. "She asked me to observe you two when you are alone together, so I did. But the other one there with the gears, that was the night you were almost eaten and torn to death, Heichou."

Levi recalled that night he got his arm and leg torn and recalled the immense feeling of being ripped apart. He also remembered how Hanji stood by his side, even if his body was incomplete, like he was still whole.

He wanted to kill himself and be with her all of a sudden.

"She wanted to place all of the sketches in your room for your special night, as she tells me" he continues as he heard more papers being opened.

There was a sketch of Levi hugging Hanji by the back and she was smiling genuinely while another one was they were arm to arm, shoulder to shoulder, as Hanji was gazing at Levi. Most probably this was the time he was practicing how to walk again. There was another that he was reaching high on her hair and grasping it, his face in a scowl and hers in an excited one. The last one was another incredible one. It was Levi sleeping on the hospital bed and Hanji, kissing him on the forehead, eyes closed. He assumed this was when he had a surgery and had his mechanical parts attached.

He was stoned.

He cannot move.

He wanted to feel those lips of hers again.

When he looked at the box, there was one little folded parchment left and he opened it slowly, no energy can be used, exhausted from yearning for her over and over again.

It was a letter.

His eyes immediately move to read it from the top down to the very last bottom of the letter. It was even addressed properly to him and made his lips turn upward a bit. She had always made him laugh at times.

Mr. Levi Ackerman

World's Strongest Soldier

Recon Corps Heichou

My Dear Husband

Hello, Short Sexy Butt!

I always love writing and receiving letters was one thing I really love the most so in this anniversary of ours, I wanted you to receive something that I especially love receiving. I mean, we are always together but letters are so fun! I never even had a series of exchanging letters with you.

Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I love you. I always say it right in front of your face or whisper it to your ear so here is something new, a love professed through writing, through papers not just by lips or sweet caress. It's not that I am telling you to write me one! But I don't mind if you will! It'll make me really happy too!

Congrats to us for making it another year being married! Even if we almost got separated from each other or dismiss our marriage and hope for the best. I wonder how many more years we can still take? It was really fun being your wife, and I hope I can love you with all my life and heart. Loving you is not an easy game but it sure is worth in all possible way.

I don't want to sound so sissy or a whiny pig but I hope you keep this letter safe and close to your heart, it'll protect you from more harm and from the death threats of any titans if we are outside. I swear, I had this letter covered with kiss spell of protection only made for you!

I love you.

Full of love,

Mrs. Zoe H. Ackerman

Mrs. World Strongest Soldier

Recon Corps Danchou

Levi Ackerman's Wife

Mrs. Levi Ackerman

P.S.

I just realized my name initials as Z.H.A., which was so funny to look at.

From Z to A or A to Z, I got both the start and ending letters of the alphabet on my name!

I had the letter alphabet complete on my name!

And it's because of you! That really proves I am complete and perfect with you!

Don't worry about H, maybe it stands for 'hindrance' most especially that it is in the middle but basically did nothing because I still have Z and A, I still have the letter alphabet complete.

It won't disrupt them I presume!

I feel kind of stupid about this part but I find it really funny and interesting.

Levi silently kissed the letter, not caring if Moblit sees him do so and carefully folded it back, placing inside the pocket of his shirt. He fixed the sketches and placed them back inside the box. He let out a tiny smirk on the face as he reread how she address him and herself, as though she is very proud that she is his wife and felt that he was completely forgiven. Moblit suddenly raised his eyes and stared at him, surprised of the sudden silence that had filled the room.

Levi's mouth opened but a wobbly voice came out, not even raising his eyes to meet his, his eyes under his hair. "Thank you for loyally giving her assistance." Moblit's eyes followed Levi's form until he exits the room. He sighed, happy that he was able to finish one more unfinished task of his former leader.

-x-

Levi placed the sketches inside of their room, and one on his office room by the HQ. He sticked the sketches inside their little home, and the other one where he is being kissed by Hanji while on bed, places it on their bedside table. Once he wakes up, he will automatically see it. Somehow, it made him feel that she was giving him a 'good you're awake kiss.'

It made him smile sadly.

-x-

It was one morning that he swear he felt a hand brushed by his cheek and a familiar warmth trailed along his skin, making him moan all of a sudden.

"Wake up" he heard and his eyes immediately opened.

He swears that it was his wife, Hanji, but, how?

Was it possible?

He immediately turned to face his side but no one was there and saw Moblit's sketch of Hanji kissing Levi on the forehead.

He smiled. He felt an unexplainable, warm feeling.

Even if he doesn't have any idea what it was that's making him feel warm in the inside and giddy he decided to seize the day, just like how he sees Hanji always does every morning. He thought of trying something different, maybe go out in the village and look around.

After taking a bath, he immediately went off to the village and have some hot and delicious breakfast along some nice tea shop and have some soup and steamed vegetables. He smelled his tea before sipping it, looking at the sun and raising it into a toast.

He smirked.

Even if he knew he might look or think that he is weird or losing his mind, he wanted to wish his wife a 'good morning' as well. He ate his breakfast swiftly and in the very first time, he was able to eat properly and had his belly full.

Hanji would have been proud of his new step forward on a way to better, moving life.

He furthered roamed around the village and stopped by a flower shop and buy some flowers, planning to lay it by his bedside table and on the vase in the middle of their dining table.

Hanji always liked seeing flowers inside their little cozy home, telling him that it gives off a pleasing smell and looks beautiful inside. Inside of Levi, he just agreed to have flowers inside their home because it makes her smile and look adorable with it, even if it attracts bees at times.

He would do anything to make her smile.

"Good morning sir" greeted the young boy selling flowers. "What would you like to pick for today?" he asks.

Levi's forehead hardened as his eyes searched carefully for the right flower. What is it that will make her smile and happy?

"I'll have some of this, Lucas" an older man behind Levi said. He stared at him as Lucas, the young boy, took some of the flowers and arranges it carefully on some kind of paper wrappings. The older man looked at Levi and smiled warmly. His eyes were glittering like the sun, even if it's bluer than water. By the way he dressed, he looked filthy rich. Oddly, he looks very kind as well.

"Flowers for your wife son?" he asks coolly, and Levi suddenly felt stone hard.

Levi's lips trembled before he muttered, "yeah" and looked down on the bushels of flower right in front of him.

"Having a hard time to choose?" the older man says and Levi didn't answered. The older man pats Levi's shoulder firmly and then pointed at the bunch of yellow lili flowers standing tall and mighty.

"Why don't you try those?" he says and picked one and gave it to him. Levi slowly brought his nose to the flower and smelled it.

It smelled great, and it even looked great.

The old man was right, it was a great choice. It reminded him of Hanji's favorite yellow shirts, how it stands tall just like Hanji, her scent and the sun today. The flower itself was also giving out warmth and Levi can't help but agree with the choice of the older man.

"Thanks" he muttered shyly, just in time Lucas came out and handed the older man his flowers and paid.

"Thanks Lucas!"

"Thank you too, Mr. Lopez!" the boy exclaimed and then had his eyes turned to look at Levi.

"Do you want to buy this sir?" he asks gleefully. With no hesitations, Levi nodded and told him that he will take bunch of it too.

"Hope your wife will love the flowers son!" Mr. Lopez tells wishes him, giving him one last squeeze on the shoulders and then going on his way, crossing the street towards a nearby bakery and coffee shop.

Levi stared at the old man as he approaches a young girl who was reluctant to move. Levi didn't seemed to notice Lucas coming out and handling him the flowers and saw him how he stared at the old man on the other side of the street.

"That's Mr. Lopez. Every day, he buys flowers for his wife" Lucas said sheepishly. "he is very kind too, always giving me tips so I can buy myself some snack" the boy said gladly.

"Yeah, he does look kind. Is that his wife?" Levi asks, handling Lucas the money.

Lucas took the money from his hand, a sad smile forming in his face. "Oh, his wife is dead and he leaves the flowers that he buys on her grave as he told me." That made Levi suddenly stir out of his wits.

"That is his daughter, Rose." The young boy explained but the worry on his face never leaves. "She is blind and she was the reason why her mother was died, because of giving birth to her. Her mother loves flowers so much that she named her Rose" Lucas finishes.

Levi concluded that reason as to why Mr. Lopez always buys flowers.

"Oh" was the only thing that came out of Levi's lips.

"Poor lady, that daughter of his. Mr. Lopez once told me that she lose her sight because she dreamed of being a soldier in the Recon Corps just like you since she was young so she studied how to ride horses in a very young age. But she got into an accident and was stepped on right in the face, making her blind." That made Levi feel something tug into his chest and want to talk to the old man.

Levi can't actually believe how this boy knows so much about some random strangers. But he guesses that it's normal for vendors like him, meeting all sorts of people around and talking to busy himself out.

"Tsk. You sure do talk a lot kid." Lucas smiled shyly and scratched his head.

"here, take this. Have it for your lunch" Levi hands the young boy the food he bought himself for lunch. He knew he likes and is excited to have it for himself but seeing how the boy jumped with tears, he gave him a smirk and bid farewell.

"Thank you so much sir!" he exclaims wildly.

"You're welcome kid" and waved goodbye.

Levi had a feeling and urge to talk to this man and find out more. Maybe he could teach him a few of his secrets on how to live life with a dead wife, since he knew no one who has the same problem.

The old man, Mr. Lopez was astonished when he saw Levi coming to his direction and gave him a smile. "You bought the flowers" he tells him and he nodded back. Levi was never fond of talking to random strangers but he feels something weird like he need to talk to this man. Besides, it's not that bad to give it a try.

"Daddy, who is it?" the young lady asks.

Levi smiled as Mr. Lopez looked at him. "My name is Levi. I just wanted to talk to your father, he seems really nice"

The old man stretched out his hand. Really, for a filthy rich looking old man like him, he sure is something. "I'm Mr. Christopher Lopez and this is my daughter Rose" he tells him.

"Hello!" Rose said gleefully, her voice very sweet. She didn't looked up to him so Levi was not able to see her face.

"Mr. Levi hear was the man I'd help picking out the best flowers for his wife, sweetheart." He tells her daughter. Somehow, there was a sudden pang on Levi's chest, maybe some kind of jealousy. Mr. Lopez may also doesn't have his wife with him but she had left him a sweet pretty girl. He was not totally alone.

"I am sure my wife will love them. Thank you so much for helping me." Levi said gratefully to him.

"Please have a seat Mr. Levi. Would you like something to eat or drink?" Mr. Lopez asks kindly.

Levi took a seat but declined the offer of buying him something to eat and drink. He observed the old man and his daughter carefully, and he envied them for being so happy.

"Rose, is it?" Levi tries to ask gently as he could, and he saw the poor girl's eyes covered in bandages under the shade of her hat while her father looked at Levi and then smiled. He was surprised greatly, recalling how Hanji was once covered with those horrible bandages on her eyes as well when he was about to let her go and turn into ashes.

Levi shivered horribly.

"Yes it is Mister, ahm"

"Levi" he says and tried to smile. The girl looked at his direction, trying to listen carefully to know his direction. Rose has long wavy hair that stretches down to her shoulders, small pointed nose and rosy cheeks. Levi thought that she was some kind of doll, most especially with her huge dress.

"I heard from Lucas that you once wanted to be a part of the Recon Corps, right?" he asked, hoping that it was alright for him to ask. But he needs to give it a try, even if one of them will suddenly have a breakdown.

The girl gasped and her and immediately travelled to her father's. Her father's expression darkened but didn't say anything.

"Look, I am the Captain of the Recon Corps an-"

"Captain Levi…." Rose murmured. "Yes, you are the World's Strongest Soldier!" she beamed, her father suddenly looking at her worriedly. "It's such a pleasure captain!" she stretched her hand with such joy that it almost landed on Levi's forehead which he luckily dodged quickly and shook softly.

"I can have you enlist yourself in the Corps if you want an-"

Mr. Lopez laughed. "Look, Captain. I don't want to be rude and I know you don't want to be rude as well but my daughter as you can see is-"

"She can have the eyes of my wife" he calmly said.

The expression of both the father and daughter suddenly became worried. "B-but-" Rose tried to talk.

"She's dead." Levi quickly replied so he won't feel the pain. He struggled on what word to use or how to tell it to them where she is but he can't think of anything. It was really a pain to say that word. Mr. Lopez' seemed really shocked and horrified all of a sudden.

"She died three months ago but before that, I granted her wish, which is to have her eyes be donated to someone who needs it." He paused to check if the father and daughter will say something but they both seemed to be listening. "She once said that if the world will not die due to the war with the titans, then people will die of hunger and in illnesses. We once talked about it and I wanted to fulfill her wish."

Rose smiled and brushed her fingers on her father's hand. Mr. Lopez frozed, but immediately tried to gain back his composure. "I just want to ask something first, Captain." Mr. Lopez asked in a full serious tone.

"Is my daughter joining in the corps a trade for the eyes of your wife?"

Levi eyed the old man carefully, he seemed to understand why he is asking him such thing and shook his head.

"I only wanted to help and fulfil my wife's wish." He said with a more mellow voice. If she was around, she would definitely laugh at him for talking calmly like he is talking into a baby.

"I hope to help your daughter with her longtime dream of being a member of the corps, regaining her sight and my wife's dream of reaching out and helping as well. I understand if you don't want to, considering all the dangers of our journey outside the wall."

Mr. Lopez turned to his daughter and kissed her cheek. "Daddy…" she murmured and brushed her hand to her father's cheek. "If this is really right with you Captain, then I will say yes to both. I have studied real hard despite my condition and hope to learn more about Titans and wanted to journey outside the walls. If my dream of seeing and exploring the world and becoming a soldier of the Recon Corps, then I am definitely grateful to you and your wife, Captain." She smiled beautifully at him. Despite having her eyes covered with bandages, she was still a pretty looking girl besides sounding like a one smart lass, just like her.

Levi can feel his body being tensed. "That would be very nice Rose, but we have to consider your father's choice as well. He is your father and I don't want you to disagree with whatever decision that he is to make."

He eyed Mr. Lopez and the old man seemed to be even more relaxed but still in a bit of state of shock and confusion. "This rather very sudden, Captain and I hope if it's alright if I talk to my daughter first about this."

Rose's mouth parted but closed, decided to go against the idea of swaying her father's decision. "But I would also want to tell you how grateful we are and we feel overwhelmed of your kindness Captain."

Levi nodded and grabbed his flowers, a lump forming in his throat. It felt like he is starting to fail her again and he didn't want that feeling. He stretched out his hand where the older man shook blissfully well, even adding his other hand to shook it.

"You can drop by anytime at our HQ and look for me. Or you can send me a letter just in case." He tells them and stood from his seat. Levi pats Rose on the head and went on his way.

"it was really nice meeting the two of you." Levi says heartedly as the older man nodded with a light smile on his face.

On his way, Levi felt slightly obnoxious. He actually wanted to reach out and help them but now, it felt like he suddenly needed the old man's help in dealing for losing a wife.

Now, he still feel that he still needed his kind words of wisdom that he knows he surely has.

-x-

Levi was suffering more than he even thought.

After meeting Mr. Lopez and his daughter, Rose the previous day, he has been tormented every night by his memories with her.

And it was horrible.

First, there was wind hitting the surface of his face and his hair, making him annoyed completely for making him look so messy.

Then there it is, her voice, calling out his name.

Levi.

Levi.

Levi.

Then, he will feel it, her fingers, caressing his face, then eventually holding his entire face, his eyes, still closed but he is tempted to kiss her palm.

Instead of kissing her palm, he opens his eyes, telling her, how much he loves her. He desperately wanted to tell her how much he misses her and wanted to be with her again.

I love you.

He whispers and when he opens his eyes, he saw her face, eyes closed. Her hair still the same as ever, rich brown and messy, the way he always liked it and skin free from any blood or bruise or any form of pain.

She smiled.

But it made him feel uneasy and creepy, it was not her usual smiles.

Then she opens her eyes and her mouth.

It was pitch black, suddenly yelling to him, telling him that she was never loved.

You never loved me Levi!

Sometimes, she will shout, You are the reason why I am dead!

You never respected me!

I could have live better without you!

I shouldn't have married you!

You deserved to be alone!

You were a total liar from the very beginning!

You were never contented!

You were never that strong!

The worse was, I hate you!

Then he wakes up, panting like he ran from a thousand titans without any gear, sweat falling hard on his face and succumbing his body entirely, making him feel so gross. He was badly shaking, trembling with fear and confusion.

Was she that angry at him?

Then, he would sit up and look carefully with the drawn sketch that he had placed beside his bedside table, sometimes still feeling frightened of might he might see. But as he see the way she kisses him so light like a feather on that sketch that Moblit made, it made his heart lessen its fast pace, but not enough to remove the beating pain away.

In the end, he will punch his bruised chest, and he will feel a bit better.

-x-

The days came faster until it turned it weeks and still no sign of Mr. Lopez nor his daughter Rose, to think that it has been two months and a half. Levi usually shrugged the thought of being ignored away since he believes that Rose is the best and lucky person to have her eyes and can't bring himself to look for other person to have it.

It was when one time, during dinner that Levi heard one of the brats eating loudly at his back. Since then, he always wanted to eat alone but when his squad were there, he wouldn't mind. Somehow, he had gotten a bit over from Hanji's death and allowed himself to move forward a bit.

Suddenly, a couple of chit-chats suddenly changed his mood and almost got the kid near his death. It was never a wise idea to anger a dragon eating and saying something about his dead wife.

Levi was always used of hearing a few things about him and Hanji but this one is the most offensive one he heard ever heard so far.

His squad was nowhere to be found so he ate alone in one table and there three young soldiers were chatting while eating lunch. Their eyes suddenly focused on Levi who sat all alone and ate silently.

"I bet Hanji Danchou died of misery, I wonder how she is doing." Goes the first one.

"Yeah well, I would never wanted to marry someone like Heichou. I mean, Danchou looked like she was really loyal and nice and Heichou seemed evil. I even wondered what made her head over heels with a man as small as him." It was a girl's voice, and she really doesn't have any idea of what she is telling about Hanji's feelings for Levi.

"I heard he cheated on her. Maybe that's why she let herself killed, even how much you say that she saved him, so to say" it was another different voice, but Levi kept eating and listening.

"Love is blind"

"You can say that. I would rather die than get cheated with my husband." Snorted by the girl, Levi is sure he might kill a young girl for sniffing somebody else's marriage problems.

"I actually believe he doesn't love her" says the first voice, drinking half way as he speaks.

"Yeah me too. Poor Danchou, died because of a cheating husband." It was the third one and he sure is going to be fried, but Levi let his patience a bit longer.

"True, even if everyone says that they love each other that crazy. Where's the love in cheating? Even if that's an accident or not? Since when did a penis accidentally enter a vagina?" retorted the girl who seemed to drank after speaking.

"She died knowing that she was not entirely loved at all. I bet she even loved Heichou so much that she even had to die so she can prove it to him" said the first voice he heard with complete disgust. "she died with misery and in pain where it seemed like she was never loved at all, but maybe she really just convinced herself that she was loved so she managed to die for Heichou's part" the third voice added.

That does it.

Levi can't take it anymore and that last statement that he heard was the reason why he stood up firmly, tray on hand and walked towards the three rascals behind him. There were three of the indeed, the girl right on the middle of two boys, oddly all blonde hair, the only difference was the one on the left has curly hair. From the source of the voice, it sounded like he was the first one who spoke, as well as the one who let out that last thing that has been said.

He also remembered that one guy who pursued her before, during the time he was too, also pursuing her affections and he broke her heart. That guy has brown but curly hair as well. It made Levi's eye twitch in disgust, maybe that guy had cause him to hate guys with curly hair.

The brats only looked at him with wide questioning eyes as he approached him with heavy footsteps, eyes narrowed in anger. Seeing them, he no longer cared of how young they were. Without thinking, he slammed the tray right in front of the face of curly haired boy on the very left, leaving his two friends in shock and in fear. Blood immediately spurted out of his nose, having Levi break its bone and the poor boy had his hand tried to stop the bleeding.

"Heichou!" the girl shouted and immediately ran towards the side of the boy. The other boy tried to punch Levi from the side but he saw him by his peripheral vision caught his hand, broke his wrist and kick him off. The girl also tried to attack him but he easily pushed her away with his mechanical hand, enough to have her face flat on the floor. Levi continued to pursue the curly haired boy and started kicking his guts out with his mechanical leg and the boy's eyes are turning to back of his skull.

Mike came out seeing Levi and came to grab his arm and lock and pin him down.

"What the fuck's wrong with you Levi!? That's a young soldier right there!" he slammed Levi down on the floor, face hitting the cold floor, arms at his back being held tightly by Mike. Mike's knee was enough to contain him and stop him from struggling and attacking like some kind of animal.

Levi didn't answered but he still didn't even stopped from pounding under his huge knee. "You're going to get in fucking trouble if you don't stop this Levi!"

"Levi!" It was Erwin's voice, loud and clear, enough to make him stop. Levi didn't even panted and stood up from his feet with Mike's hand, not letting go of his locked arms.

Erwin gazed over the three young kids and Mike with Levi and shook his head, disagreeing. "Take him on the basement, make sure his hands are properly tied tightly." Erwin needs to do what he has to do, despite it being having one of his loyal and best subordinates be detained.

Mike nodded and had a few soldiers help him as well, following their trail. Levi tried to squirm away from Mike's hold but failed, letting out a few curses and a huge scowl on his face. Mike didn't left Levi unless he was tied shut and helped the younger soldiers to have him carefully tied.

"Squad Leader Mike" another younger recruit suddenly appeared out of nowhere, panting hard, hands on his knees. "Erwin Danchou has a message to you." Mike nodded and right after Levi was tied, he went to attend to the younger soldier.

"What is it?" he asks.

"Danchou said that Heichou attacked because he heard them talking about Ha-"

"Alright, I get it." Mike says, hand swiftly moving in the air, dismissing the kid. He doesn't want Levi to hear her name again and have another shitty dangerous breakdown.

Levi was then held prisoner by his own comrades, his hands tied together tightly by ropes, mouth gagged because he kept shouting and shouting horrible things of 'killing everyone' and 'cutting their tongues out', which was so unlike of him to say. His feet were also tied together, feared that he might cause tension inside the cell and start kicking everything. Mike tried to talk Levi out but he still squirmed for hours until he got tired and fell asleep.

He really is one tough shit.

Erwin told Mike once he went to his office and discussed what had happened.

"We are lucky that we have you coming out there and stopping Levi." Erwin tells him appreciatively. "The boy was now stabilized, though his nose was broken and the girl was not hurt and entire except having a bit of bruise on her abdomen and the other one had his hand now a wood under his wrist covered in bandages and huge bruise on the part where Levi kicked him."

"At least they are alive" Mike nods in agreement.

"Indeed, but they are to remain under strict cervaillance from now on. We don't want them being attacked suddenly by Levi once he got out. We don't know if he is still on the mood to kill younger soldiers of ours." Erwin chuckled nervously.

"And what is to become of Levi, Erwin?"

Erwin suddenly frozed and clasp his hands together. He has got to deal this issue to the supreme commander about this, and he is not happy. He needs to detain Levi inside the cell first, tell the supreme commander because he knows that news will come get into his ears so he must prepare his butt for that and accept whatever decision is to be made for Levi- whether he is to be exterminated, strip out of his title or be kicked out of the entire Recon Corps entirely.

"Just let him stay there, until he pulls himself together again." Erwin says sadly, can't believe of what his best soldier has done. "He hasn't able to completely move away from pain."

"I know." The two men looked at each other with sad eyes full of condolences.

No one ever even thought of her leaving him into this kind of state.

-x-

Levi was curled and left alone inside the prison under the basement. Unlike Eren who has a bed and hot good meal to eat, he was left with an empty cell with nothing to do or see but a toilet in the fartherst part of the room. What's worse was his hands were tied as well as his feet and his mouth was gagged so hard that his saliva was already lurking endlessly from the side of his mouth.

He felt like some stupid caterpillar inside a cocoon and being strangled.

Despite the horrible physical state he was in, the beating of his heart was far worse than what he is experiencing physically, it was like every beat of his heart was literally stripping him into two. He wanted to throw himself from the top of the tallest titan and die fast to end every fucking pain.

And to be with her once again.

He tried to recall the way she nuzzles her nose on his jaw and kisses him lightly beside his head. He would remember how she ruffles and plays on his hair, smoothen it with her hand and then hug him so tight that he swore his bones will break.

Then her laugh.

Suddenly, he found himself trembling again.

It was like he suddenly forgot how she looked like or how she moved or how her voice sounded like. All he can see was her face, eyes hollow and pitch black, telling him that he was the worse person in the world.

Please stop, he begs to himself and he let out cry of anguish and pain. The young soldiers guarding his cell thought that he was drowning because he was making gurgling noises but despite wanting them to help their poor captain, all they can do was just leave him be and continue to suffer.

He was helpless and all he could do was to shut his eyes hard and shook his head desperately.

-x-

Levi was awakened by the sound of some men talking outside his cell, and it was very much familiar, even his footsteps. When he rolled to the other side to see who it was, it was no other than Olou himself. It was more than just him, he brought two kids with him. The other one was smaller, still a baby cooing on his arms while the other one was on holding his hand, standing and staring at the worm-like Levi on the floor inside the cell. They were all looking at him strangely and a bit of sadness.

So the first brat was already standing and walking and he has another brat? He thought to himself.

The time where she found out of his infidelity, he knew that Olou only has one brat and now it looked like its roughly two or more year old. He has curly hair and chestnut color for hair, eyes a bit wide and familiar colored orbs. The other tinier one has straighter hair but has Olou's color of hair and has the same eyes just like her brother. Other than that, they all look healthy and alive.

Levi shrugged.

He ignored the fact that he looked ridiculously hopeless like a caterpillar trapped in a cocoon and didn't bothered to loosen himself from the ropes binding his movements. Suddenly, Olou entered his cell with his kids which the guards had allowed. Olou didn't even looked scared or troubled and just entered coolly inside.

"Heichou" he muttered.

He slowly let go of his child's hand while he was still carrying the other in his arm. Afterwards, he went towards Levi and had his hand free out of the tight rope. Levi too, was surprised of Olou's action and didn't even know how he did it, freeing him from the ropes while having his kid towed in the other arm.

Levi rubbed his wrists, removed the gag from his mouth and his feet while Olou watches him. He then let out an easy sigh as Olou's eldest suddenly crept behind his father's leg with a worried expression as he too, watches the stranger in front of them.

"I wished to visit you today Heichou" Olou started, trying to keep calm.

In truth, he was anxious to visit his former Captain after hearing of what had happened to Hanji. He and his family fled to the other side of the walls in order to fix his life with his wife Petra after Hanji finds out of Levi's past infidelity. Olou then asked permission to Hanji to give him some time to leave on his work not just to start over again with his wife but also to give some time and space for Hanji and Levi since he believes that having him and Petra around won't be such a good idea after Hanji finds out of what had happened between Levi and his wife.

Levi only looked at him and his kids, not even muttering any word of gratitude from his former member.

Olou then started to smile nervously and brought his eldest in front of him. "Heichou, I wanted you to meet my son here, he is already two years old and about to turn three a few months soon" he begun then he reangled his younger one from his shoulder and had it faced Levi.

"This is my youngest, a girl" he tells him and Olou smiled warmly as he kissed his daughter's cheek and pats his olest on the hair.

Levi suddenly felt a pang of jealousy.

"What are you doing here?" he muttered, not even in a welcoming voice.

Olou bit his lip inside and expression suddenly turned into worry.

Levi shook his head and waved his hand to shoo them away, he knew perfectly well as to why Olou and his children are in here. Condolences, he thought. Well, he doesn't need that.

"tsk, you're just wasting your time. Get your kids out of here and take them to the village instead. This is no place for kids." He muttered and brought himself on the floor and lay there, not caring if he looks like shit and if Olou is watching with his kids. He just wanted to be left alone. He shut his eyes and all he can see was his dead wife's usual goofy smile at him, making his heart beat in pain inside his chest again.

"I heard of what had happened Heichou but I came here to tell you something." Olou said with all his gathered bravery. Levi is still his captain, the man he had looked up to before and trusted the most. Even if he fucked up with his wife, Olou found himself forgiving his wife and this man and liberating himself from any sort of anger, and he didn't regreted that.

Levi didn't turn around and is still curled on the floor but had his ears listening to the younger man behind him. "I wanted to tell you that Hanji-san doesn't want to see you like this Heichou" Olou was actually scared of being beaten into a pulp like how Erwin had warned him but he knew that this risk won't be as bad as he think it would be. Besides, he still cares for this man and would do his best to try and reach out for him.

"What do you think will she say if she sees you like this? She won't be very happy Heichou" Olou saw Levi moved but only to see how he grabs his own ears and cover it with his palms. The children were sudden of seeing his left mechanical arm cover his ears. "She would also be very worried Heichou, and I know tha-"

"Shut up because you don't know shit!" Levi shouted, his hands still on his ears not even letting go of it. Partly inside of him wanted to blame Olou for being too honest to her that made her find out everything about his infidelity. In his other self reminds him to calm down and prevents himself from blaming Olou. If only he didn't started kissing Petra and then fucking her up against the fucking wall, then there would be no issue. He knew deep inside of him that Hanji might have probably accepted her fate because it has something to do with his infidelity, maybe scared of him doing it again, as he recalled her face when she was killed.

He shouldn't have thought about that part because he suddenly missed her again and the picture of her giving him a sweet kiss in an early morning on the lips made his hand go to is chest and pounch his chest hard. His heart was starting to shutter in pieces again and it was really painful he doesn't want it to beat anymore.

"Look, if you got nothing good to say, then leave. I don't want to argue or do even something more horrible than arguing with you Olou." Levi honestly said, eyes still shut and didn't moved on his position on the floor. He wanted to say sorry to Olou but his dreadful heart was into much pain he can't think clearly right now.

Olou's eyes fell on the floor, can't think of any other option how to reach to his former captain. With a loud sigh, he grabbed the hand of his oldest and tucked his youngest onto him. But before he leaves, he wanted to tell him what he really wanted to tell him before he and his family had went into the farther side of the walls, before Hanji argued and left Levi that time.

"I want to say sorry for what had happened Heichou" Olou says sadly, eyes meeting with his eldest staring at him. "maybe she would have been alive somehow if I didn't told her the truth."

Levi was awakened of what Olou had suddenly said, eyes suddenly opened.

"I miss her a lot." Levi said out of the blue, after Olou told his children that they were about to go and eyed the poor little man on the floor. "But it wasn't your fault Olou, in fact I am should be the one apologizing to you, not you to me."

Olou smiled sadly, too bad that the man he is talking with had his back in front of him. "I had freed myself from all the pain and anger, Heichou. You better do the same. I forgave my wife and myself. I forgave all the people who brought the commotion to me and my family. Now that I have gotten rid of all the negativity, I am at peace. I have restored harmony within me again and to those who surround me, you better do the same."

Forgiveness, he thought. Olou was too kind to forgive him, if he is indeed saying the truth that he had forgiven those who had brought commotion to his life, then he should be somehow thankful for that. He was his captain and yet he had acted a complete shithole to him.

Nevertheless he believes that he doesn't deserve such thing, not when he was the root cause of her death.

Levi closes his eyes and saw Hanji's smiling face again and eventually broke had his heart bet in absolute pain again. He could swear that this kind of beating that his heart is making really is killing him in pain, a different beat, hard and painful vibrating inside of him, that's how it had always been and yet he has not yet knew of a way on how to stop its beating pain except to hurt himself painfully by punching himself straight on the chest, and that is how he does it again this time.

"I wanted to say thank you for forgiving me Olou, you really are a good man, even if I don't deserve your forgiveness." Levi didn't turn around, much to Olou's dismay, wanting to see his captain straight in the eyes again. "But I tell you, it is way easier to say than to do. I don't deserve such thing and I deserve this as punishment."

Levi swears that he is saying the truth. He should be punished for what he has done to Olou and his family, to Petra, to those kids he had beaten up selfishly, to Erwin and Mike and everyone else who he had worried and bothered a lot and most especially her.

A tear suddenly fell from his left eye, and he didn't wiped it away.

"I am happy for you, Olou, that you now have a great and happy life. You have something that most men nowadays won't be able to grasp. Live your life well, now go." He didn't want his former subordinate to see him crying and wanted nothing but to have him go away with his children before he does something unexplainable and unforgivable again.

Olou nodded and decided to leave his cell, eyes meeting the guards outside but decided to go against it instead. He wanted to tell him something that he should know. "Heichou, I know Hanji Danchou still loves you." Levi was gritted his teeth, why can't he just go away and leave him?

"That night, she was really broken but I know, I can see it in her heart that she really loves you. Before I leave her, I had asked for forgiveness from her but she says that I am a good man and that she is granting my plea to allow me and my family to go into the other side of the walls. Then suddenly, she whispered something that me and Moblit had heard."

Levi suddenly felt anticipation and found himself eager to listen again. What is that he is trying to tell him? He desperately wanted to know.

"She had told me that I shouldn't worry to the two of you and to her most especially. She said that she did not aimed to have a perfect life with you and that what had happened was just another challenge that was thrown at her she said she would eventually find herself freeing and fighting the pain away until she could be with you again, happily with no anger or regrets in her heart." Olou recalled the night when she finds out and she went hysterical at first before he his approval. But then her mood suddenly changed and she laughed at herself pitifully, telling them what he had just said.

Another tear rolled from Levi's eye and his heart continued to beat dangerously inside his chest. If only he could hug her in this very moment, he thought. But remembering the way she had dies, the way she had looked at him and swayed her head onto him, he can't feel but confused and lost.

"She died believing that I don't really love her." He murmurs, wanting to kill himself for those words. "She died because of me, and there's nothing we can do about it. If it's not for me, she would still be here and the true hope for humanity's victory against the titans would be achived." He tells him, remembering the words of those kids earlier the day. Oddly, he didn't want to belive those words, he knew it was not right but he feels so bad and accurate, too believable to even ignore it.

Olou felt that he can't persuade his captain anymore not to think that way and that arguing won't do good too so he nodded and started to exit the cell.

Levi then allowed darkness and the coldness embrace him again, dreaming of her smiles and the way she nuzzles her nose on his cheek, furthering the pain that he is feeling within his chest, torturing of the memories of his beloved that has left for him to keep.

-x-

A soft, serene hand suddenly brushed on his cheeks, familiar and all too warm. He was still sleeping and curled but he can't help himself and wanted to open his eyes and see who, rather her. He knew it was her but how? He opens his eyes immediately but sluggishly.

Levi awakened in his cell, seeing Erwin outside of his cell. He was surprised and disappointed to see that she wasn't there and it has to be Erwin to see the first thing when he wakes up. He groaned in disappointment and scrubbed the sleepiness away from his eyes. Knowing the man for years, he knew from his eyes that there is something that he wishes to tell him.

"What is it?" he asks.

Erwin's were full of pity and Levi didn't liked it, it was the least thing that he wanted people to feel for him.

"A man named Mr. Lopez came last night and told me of what you discussed with him." He sighs. "I told him you were not available but you can talk to him today, so I suggest you get back to your room and take a bath and fix yourself. He would be waiting for you this lunch by the nearest restaurant here in the HQ."

Levi felt like he was struck by a lightning. Was he hearing him right?

"Wh-what?"

Erwin went to open his door cell and went to talk to the soldiers guarding his cell, that he should be accompanied back to his room until he meets with Mr. Lopez and to still keep an eye on him even if he with to meet the old man. Erwin looked at Levi for confirmation and he nodded in agreement.

This is it then, Levi thought. He feels happy that her eyes are going to see the world again but a part of him is somehow reluctant and confused, feeling if this is right at all.

It would be very different to see those same eyes on a very different person.

-x-

Mr. Lopez was waiting in front of the restaurant with two plates full of food right in front of him and opposite him. He has a glass of water on his lips, gulping calmly on his drink as there was a tea cup opposite of him, which Levi guesses as a tea. He arrived with three good built soldiers at his back, giving him a stern look. Mr. Lopez was surprised to see him arriving with body guards but thought that since he is the captain, maybe he needed a few bodyguards to be with him, just maybe, he thought.

Levi approached the old man while his 'bodyguards' kept their distance on the other table and bought themselves their own meal as they kept a guarding look over Levi.

"Mr. Lopez" Levi says and shook the old man's hand.

"Captain Levi" Mr. Lopez responded and shook his hand a bit too wildly.

Erwin mentioned to Levi before he went off that he didn't mentioned about the real reason why he was not available when he dropped by and that he better keep his mouth shut before he finds out the reason why and have it affect his decision and won't agree to having her eyes for his daughter.

Levi shivered.

He didn't want that to happen, he couldn't fail this time, especially that she is already gone, he can no longer fail her again and her wish.

So he made himself extra presentable and had a couple of perfume sprayed, smoothened his hair like he did so long ago and fixed and dusted off his cravat. He actually felt like this is the first time he made himself look in order again.

Mr. Lopez grinned at him and Levi concluded that Rose was not around with her father, guessing that this talk will be all between the two of them.

"I am glad you are available today, Captain." Mr. Lopez started. "And please do feel free to eat while we talk and order more if you want, the owner of this restaurant is an acquaintance of mine." Levi nodded with gratefulness. Thinking about it, this man sure does belonged to the higher ups.

"I apologized about last time, I have been," he paused and tried to calm his inner self down. He couldn't panicky, not now. "busy." He finished with a deep voice.

He saw Mr. Lopez looked to his three bodyguards who are now laughing their asses off while eating their lunch. He gave out a nervous cough and focused his gaze upon Levi.

"As you can see Captain, my daughter is not around. I believe we should talk all matters between us first, if you don't mind." He waited for the short captain to give him an answer and received an immediate nod and had a bite of his meal. Mr. Lopez felt a bit more comfortable, at least the captain is feeling comfortable about this as well.

"I talked to her first about the possibilities of what could happen if we agreed with your very generous offer captain. I won't deny that I agreed and supported her on her dreams of becoming a aprt of the Recon Corps and serving the people. My daughter has always been so kind and selfless like her mother, very determined and confident just like me, a perfect combination really." He says smiling, his smile turning into a natural warm and looking on the flowers by the restaurant. Levi looked at him with envious eyes, can't help wondering that if ever his child with Hanji did survived, what would it be like? How much trait would it get from him and from her? Thinking about it was rather painful and the beating of his heart is starting to be unbearable once again so he took his focus elsewhere and decided to eat more of his meal.

Shaking his head and getting back into reality, he begun talking again. "Rose was a very intelligent child and I read to her every night about everything she wanted and asked me to read to her. There were very kind people who was willing to help her, her teachers most especially. They had provided her books for her disability and willingly translated them so she could read. She really loved reading books and learning despite the disability she had."

So much like her, Levi's inner voice tells him, though she is not really blind but was eager to learn and never wanted to stop learning even when she married him. He smiled genuinely to the old man, feeling more comfortable giving the young girl her eyes, that she really deserves it.

"it was just so unexpected that she will lose her sight because her dream to be a soldier of your legion at a very young age and had to live in darkness. The moment you had told us about your desire to help, I really felt confused and sudden unexpectedly. "The older man's face changed into a more serious look this time and speared his meal before devouring it.

"Honestly speaking captain, I never even thought that she would be given the chance to see the world again but as her father, I can't help but get worried that if she will be a member of your legion and become a soldier, I don't think I can allow her to offer herself that fully, you know what I am talking about in here don't you captain?" he asked in worry.

Levi definitely understands what he meant, he is afraid to lose his baby girl over some giant ass humans. Levi cleared his throat and sipped a few of his tea. "Of course, I promise you that she will be kept in watch and that she will become a great soldier. I guarantee you that it would be to watch over her and keep her away from harm."

The old man smiled, eyes flickered with tears. "Thank you so much captain" he said. He was deeply aware of Levi being the captain, being the World's Strongest just like Rose has told him and despite being against the dream of his daughter; all he can do now is just to persuade himself that she would be alright even if she is one inch closer to death.

"If only I could tell her to just dream of other things, but her desire of being a soldier was really unstoppable that it breaks my heart if she finds out i wanted her to not pursue it." the old man started to cry, much to Levi's surprise and eyes suddenly turned to look at the guards who was watching oevr him. They seemed alerted but when Mr. Lopez brought his handkerchief out and waves his hand that it was nothing, they seemed to calm down again.

Mr. Lopez blew his nose. "I'm sorry Captain, desperate father here" and he laughs, where only Levi smirked. "i did tried to talk it out to her, if she really is sure about this and being a soldier and all she tells me was she was born to this and be a soldier and I can't help myself anymore but to support her on her dream."

"So when do you plan to have the surgery?" Levi asked, and Mr. Lopez was more than willing to talk it out and have it finally settled.

-x-

Levi had told Erwin of the surgery to be taken place two days after and that he should contact his cousin, the same doctor who had treated Levi and took her eyes and kept it securely to do the same surgery over Rose.

Rose was prepared before the operation, not to work herself out that much and eat as healthy as she can and maintain good sleep so she won't stress herself out before or after the operation, most especially if she won't be able to eat well yet and grungy.

They all went to the most appropriate for Rose that Mr. Lopez knew and hovered there, Levi with his guards in tow even Erwin. Before the surgery, Levi found out that Mr. Lopez actually knew the doctor who would perform the surgery transplant for Rose who was also, another close acquaintance of his. Levi was not surprised about this, since they were both living in Wall Sina and seems educated and rich enough to be in each other's league.

Then, there it was.

Her eyes, inside a container.

Levi managed a choke inside his throat. He had totally forgotten if the doctors asked to take care of her eyes were doing their job and if it is still working or not. Somehow, he actually thought of forgetting how her eyes looked like but now, he knew it will come to work again and would be used by another worthy person, just like her. He knew it would be difficult and different to see her eyes being used by another totally different person but on the latter side, it feels alright, feels great that her eyes would finally see the world again, will see him once again as much he would see her from another person.

-x-

Levi and Mr. Lopez waited in agony as the surgery transplant of Rose took for one and a half hour, which seemed like an eternity for Mr. Lopez and can't help but sweat a bucket and had his body shake like crazy. He just can't seem to calm down knowing that his daughter had her eye's cornea removed and be replaced, stricken by all kinds of pointed tools on her body even if she is asleep.

On the other hand, Levi was kind enough to offer Mr. Lopez his own handkerchief even if he has one of his own and ask him to eat anything, offering himself to go run and buy it for him, which the older man nicely declined.

When the doctor has finally told them the procedure was already done and was a success, Mr. Lopez first shook the hands of those who had done the procedure from those who were just merely assistants to the main doctor. He was endlessly thanking them and giving them pats and hugs that was returned awkwardly to him.

Levi can't help but to smirk at how the old man who seemed so high but in the inside, he can't help but feel bothered inside of him. A part of him feels excited to see those eyes once again but at the same time, he can't but feel rather a bit uncertain for starting the very moment that Rose will see the world and those eyes are to be used once again, it won't be her anymore.

Turning on his back, he didn't know if this is what he really wanted, a part of her being given to another person.

-x-

Argh.

Was able to finish the half of this part, finally! Kinda had the first part done late last November but was not able to further finish due to my need to finish my other fic related to this one (and I swear another fucking long one) and my internship has kept me busy I guess.

So yeah.

There would be another chapter for this fic and it'll be the last one, and I'm on my way of finishing it hopefully this month.

As always, very little editing was done O,O

So I hope this chap is alright.

The Generic Overload Thanks for reading and your support! It really means a lot! This chapter is for you :D

Riversongrio Not yet over :)

The rest, I'm sorry taht the previous chapter was emotional and that Hanji died there but that was how my fic was planned to go. Peace ^.^v I still love Hanji and I swear, killing her there was like killing myself T.T I felt the pain

Thanks for the follow!
Emmaleen Haddock

Silent Hero 13

Troublesome-monkey-bono

The Generic Overload, and for the favorite as welL! :D

Thanks for reading!

ladyinblack