Nick and Greg had been back with their team at the crime lab for the last three months since getting off of the island. Three months isn't an extraordinarily long period of time. It was less than half the amount of time they had spent on the island. But in a CSI's world, three months might as well be three years with the lengthy hours and intensity of their cases. After the first month, things returned to normal fairly quickly, something Nick and Greg were as grateful for as their coworkers. Sara was still the only one who knew the full extent of their relationship and the whole story of what had happened on the island. Neither man thought it was the right time to try and explain what had happened or the fact that they were more than just roommates. They were more concerned with getting themselves back into the swing of things and contributing to the team in the same capacity they had before they were in that plane crash.
Ecklie had forced both Nick and Greg to see the department psychologist twice a week for their first month back and then once a week for the second month to ensure they were mentally able to be back at work. Nick initially tried to refuse, but Greg talked him into going to the first session, which Nick was immediately glad he did because the shrink thought that them getting back to work was the absolute best thing for them. Returning to their normal lives with any sort of routine, even the hectic one of a CSI, was the best way for them to move on from the events of the plane crash and their time on the island. So with the therapist's blessing, Nick and Greg were able to return to work, and it was almost as if they had never left at all.
And now, here they were, working a double murder in the alphabets with the rest of the team. They were processing the female body found in the dumpster while D.B. watched them intently, standing next to Brass.
"Are you seeing what I'm seeing?" Russell asked the police captain.
Brass looked up from his notes. "A drug deal turned robbery/homicide? Third one this week? Probably the same guy killing the dealer and buyer during the buy and taking the drugs and cash?"
Russell chuckled and shook his head. "No. Well, yeah, but that's not what I was referring to. I was talking about them," he said, motioning to Nick and Greg with his flashlight.
"What about them?" Brass asked with a frown.
"It's like they're connected by a string that's twenty feet long or so. When one of them moves one way, the other gets pulled that way too. They're totally in sync. They haven't said a word since they got here, and I bet you they could tell us what the other one found and what the other is thinking without having to verbally communicate at all."
Brass smirked. "And this surprises you? Your whole team is like that."
"Not like this. It's not surprising, seeing as how they spent seven months together on a deserted island with nothing but each other. It's just amazing what resulted. It's like they were put into a vacuum sealer and what came out is something that should have taken much longer to develop."
"You gotta remember they worked together for a helluva long time before they were even stuck anywhere together," Brass commented with a small laugh. "It's not like they were total strangers and are now the world's greatest crime fighting duo. They were on their way to being this good already."
Russell nodded once before going back to watching Nick and Greg thoughtfully. He had been very concerned about them returning to work due to their ordeal, but apparently there had been no real reason for his apprehension. He had been unsure in the beginning whether he should put them on cases together or not. He didn't know if they were sick of each other or dependent on one another. Their living together made him lean away from being sick of each other, so he went about case assignments as he always had. Sometimes they were together, and sometimes they weren't. Doing things how they had always been done before turned out to be the best policy for everything it seemed.
But Nick and Greg weren't able to do what they had always done before when it came to their relationship once they got home. They had never spent a lot of time together outside of work before, certainly nothing like they were now. It was taking some getting used to because while they were used to spending basically every waking hour with one another because of the island, they weren't used to having other things going on in their lives other than each other. They were both having some difficulty discerning how they should behave in these situations that weren't necessarily new to them, but were now happening in a context they had never been in before. Take, for example, how Greg was currently feeling upon learning that Nick had chased the suspect, who was armed, from his home down a dark alley in a gang neighborhood without blinking. A year ago, Greg wouldn't have been phased at all because he knew that's who Nick was and what he did. But now he wasn't just Nick's co-worker and friend. He was more than that. He was technically his boyfriend, although they had never used that label because to both of them it seemed juvenile without either one really knowing why. All Greg knew now was that he didn't feel the same way he had before about Nick running around chasing murderers, and he didn't know what he was supposed to do about it.
Greg watched through the glass walls of the trace lab as Nick received the results from Hodges, who appeared to be drawing the process out longer than he needed to, as he usually did. Greg could tell Nick was annoyed despite only being able to see the back of Nick's head. The Texan was leaning forward with both hands on the edge of the table, his shoulders hunched forward and his back tense. Greg had to fight to keep the smile from his face at the mental image of Nick's expression towards Hodges incessant rambling. Despite being tormented with the thought of Nick being gunned down in an alley by a suspect, Greg left the lay out room and made his way into Hodges' lab in an attempt to rescue Nick.
Nick didn't desert his post at the table when Greg walked in, but his face did soften and he even smiled upon seeing the younger man, which made Greg smile in return. It became clear to Greg that Nick had stopped listening to Hodges a long time ago and just hadn't had the energy to walk away.
"Do you have our results yet?" Greg asked Hodges while still looking at Nick, noticing the exhaustion all over the other man's body.
Hodges sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes. "As I was just explaining to Nick here, I not only have your results, but have solved your case entirely. You see, the substance that was found on all of the victims-"
"You know who would love to hear this?" Greg interrupted. "Russell. He was really looking forward to your presentation of how all of these cases were linked."
Hodges stared at Greg, dumbfounded. "Are you serious? You don't care what it was?"
Greg shook his head. "We got the guy, it's pretty obvious he was the killer when he ran away when Brass and Nick showed up at his place. And thanks to Superman over here, he didn't get away."
Nick raised an eyebrow, not so much at Greg's comment but at the tone that it was said in. He could immediately tell there was something bothering Greg, and apparently he was the catalyst for whatever it was.
This, however, was lost on Hodges. "Well, Russell isn't here right now, you two are. So maybe when he gets back he can-"
"When I get back I can what?" Russell interjected as he stepped into the trace lab. "You know that I only aim to serve you David."
Neither Nick nor Greg could hold back a laugh. Nick finally dropped his hands from the table and stood so he was supporting all of his own weight, and if Greg didn't know any better he would have guessed that the older man was about to collapse at any minute. He knew Nick hadn't been sleeping well the last week or so; recurring nightmares had kept him from getting more than a few hours sleep each day.
Before Hodges could reply to Russell, the supervisor turned his attention to his two CSIs. "Why don't you guys head home? Brass got a confession out of the suspect, and I bet Hodges is about to give me the last piece of evidence that we need here to nail this son of a bitch. I'll see you guys tomorrow night."
Without any further discussion, Nick and Greg left the trace lab and headed straight for the locker room. They changed and grabbed their keys in record time and walked to their respective cars in silence.
"See ya at home," Nick said, and in doing so noticed Greg hesitate ever so slightly as he was getting into his car. He nodded slowly but didn't say anything as he closed the door and drove away.
Nick spent the drive home trying to figure out what was going on with Greg. He didn't seem angry or upset, but he didn't seem like his usual self either. He seemed distracted and almost sad. Nick knew all too well that the past three months had been anything but easy for the two of them. They were both thrilled to be back home and working with their team again, but there were lasting effects of the island that they were realizing were never going to fully leave them. The scars on Greg's body were a daily reminder to Nick of how he had almost lost him. Nick's new found tendency to give in to any little argument or spat between the two of them showed Greg just how scared the other man was of upsetting him and reminding Greg of how Nick had hurt him, so he was doing whatever he had to to keep him happy, which most of the time only pissed Greg off more. He hated that he had to keep assuring Nick that he wasn't going to change his mind about him, that he wasn't going to have a change of heart about all that had happened and decide to leave him. Greg had forgiven Nick, but Nick hadn't and probably never would forgive himself. And Greg knew it wasn't just about what had happened with Jenna. The fact that Nick had planned on killing Greg if his infection had gotten bad enough was haunting him and showed no signs of ever letting go.
Greg beat Nick home, so when he walked in Greg was already in the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Nick silently sat down next to him, wrapping his left around tightly around Greg's slightly shaking shoulders and putting his right hand on Greg's thigh.
"What's wrong?" Nick asked softly in Greg's ear as he pulled the younger man against him.
Both men knew when something was bothering the other, and they also knew that neither of them liked to play games. Most of the time they knew exactly what was wrong with each other and could fix it without having to be told. They knew what to expect from one another. Nick knew that when Greg came home from a rough case, he didn't need to question Greg's or his own intentions when Greg slammed him up against the wall, kissing him hard, and removing both of their clothes without ever even saying a word. Nick didn't have to worry about taking advantage of Greg because he was well aware of what Greg wanted and needed and was willing to give him all of that and more. Greg knew that when Nick worked a case involving a child, he was going to find him sitting on the kitchen floor, drinking whiskey and smelling like cigarette smoke. Greg wouldn't lecture him or try and get him to quit smoking. Instead, he would sit on the floor next to him and tell him a story about when he was younger and did something outrageous, always managing to make Nick smile. And then they would pick each other up off the floor and crawl into bed together, the only place they ever really felt completely safe and at peace.
But sometimes they didn't know what was wrong, and instead of trying to figure it out on their own they would just ask. If the other man wanted to talk about it, they would. If they didn't, they wouldn't.
Greg dropped one hand onto Nick's and squeezed it firmly as he ran the other through his dirty blonde hair. "It's stupid," he mumbled, shaking his head slowly.
"I have a feeling it's something I did, so I bet you're right. I bet it is stupid, especially if I did it."
Greg couldn't help but smile. "I don't know why it's bothering me, it never did before. It's not something new. You do it all the time."
What was the matter finally dawned on Nick. "Me chasing after the suspect today," he said, more to himself than to Greg.
Greg sat up and away from Nick so he could look at him. Nick's arm dropped from Greg's shoulders, but he brought his hand to rest on the small of Greg's back.
"You're not a cop," Greg stated plainly.
"I used to be," Nick replied, without really knowing why. He knew that wasn't a good answer.
Greg rolled his eyes. "Look, I know the last thing you want is for me to be all overprotective and nag you about how you do your job, but I can't help but worry about you. With all the shit you've been through, you can't blame me."
"I never said I blamed you," Nick said.
"No, but you're still going to tell me not to worry and that you're fine, nothing happened and nothing will ever happen and everything is going to be okay."
Nick shook his head slowly. "No I'm not."
"Why not?" Greg asked, truly surprised.
"Because I don't want to lie to you," Nick answered. "I don't know that nothing bad is ever going to happen to me. I don't know that everything is going to be okay. But I do know that even if nothing else is okay, even if everything around us is falling apart, we'll be okay. You've proven that to me these last three months every single day. All I know for sure is that we're going to be okay."
"Not if you get killed chasing after a murder suspect," Greg retorted.
"Do you want me to promise to never do it again?"
Greg sighed. "No, because that would be a lie. You and I both know that."
Nick nodded. "Yeah, it would be."
Greg tore his eyes away from Nick. "I know you don't think it's a big deal, because it's something you do all the time, because it's part of your job. And I know you'll never stop, and I guess part of me doesn't want you to. Because it's part of your job, and your job is part of who you are. And I don't want to change who you are, even when you're driving me insane. I just can't promise that I'm not going to worry about it, just like you can't promise that you won't ever do it again."
Nick leaned forward until his lips pressed against Greg's temple. "I don't want you to promise me anything other than that you'll never give up on me," he whispered.
Greg tried to move so he could look at Nick, but the other man moved his head past Greg's so he was hugging him tightly. Greg wrapped his left arm around Nick's waist and gripped Nick's left bicep with his right hand, steadying both himself and Nick.
"Why would I give up on you?" Greg asked.
Nick laughed dryly. "Why wouldn't you? I've given you every reason to."
"You know that's not true. You've given me strength, faith, happiness, a chance to start over in a life I've always wanted. You've given me everything I never thought I'd have, everything I thought I never deserved."
"That's my point," Nick said. "You deserve-"
"Do you love me?" Greg asked, cutting Nick off because he knew exactly what he was going to say and knew there wasn't much he could say to keep him from saying it.
Nick pulled back so he was once again looking Greg in the eyes. "You know I do."
"Then whatever else you were going to say doesn't matter. I don't want to be with someone who's going to coddle me and sit at home so I'll never have to worry about them. I don't want someone who agrees with me on everything and worships the ground I walk on and drops everything at my say so. I want someone who is going to challenge me, make me a better person, and who won't let me do something they know isn't good for me. And if I do it anyway, I want someone who is going to say they told me so while still picking me up after I fall. I want someone who is strong and brave and relentless, even if that makes us clash at times. I want you, Nick, and only you. I think after everything, I deserve to have what I want."
"Of course you do," Nick agreed. He brushed his hand through Greg's soft hair and sighed. "I know you're sick of me freaking out every other day, but in my head I think it's for your own good. I think that if I keep giving you an out you'll eventually take it and will be happier. I just want you to be happy, and I know that doing what I'm doing all the time isn't going to accomplish that. So I'm sorry."
Greg smiled. "I don't need you to do anything special to make me happy. I just need you, and all the insanity that you entail." Nick laughed, and the sound made Greg's smile widen. "But it's like you said. Even if nothing else is going well, we'll always be okay. You're never going to get sick of me and leave me for some hot young blonde chick, and I'm never going to regret being with you. It appears we're stuck with each other."
Greg was still smiling when Nick pressed their lips together, kissing him soundly. Greg slowly moved back and up the bed, stretching out as he moved and pulling Nick with him until the older man's body was covering his own. Nick's fingers trailed under Greg's shirt and over warm skin only briefly before he removed it from being in his way altogether. Greg responded by arching up against Nick and pulling his shirt over his head before ridding them of their jeans as well. Nick moved from Greg's mouth to kissing his neck, focusing on the junction between his ear and neck that he knew drove him wild. Greg rubbed the knuckles of his left hand against Nick's ribs, eliciting a shudder that he felt ripple through the other man all the way to the back of his thigh that Greg was gripping with his other hand.
"God, I fucking love you," Nick breathed against Greg's neck as he slowly ground his hips against Greg's.
The younger man threaded his fingers through Nick's hair and tiled his head so their dark eyes met and smiled at him wickedly as he replied, "Prove it."
Greg awoke from a deep sleep when he felt Nick's breathing quicken under his arm. Greg's right arm was stretched along the line of their pillows, with Nick using his arm instead of the pillow to rest on. Greg's chest was pressed flush against Nick's back with his left arm draped over Nick's side and wrapped securely around him. He could feel Nick's heart racing as well, and lifted his head from behind Nick's shoulder to see if he had woken up from a nightmare, but saw that his eyes were still closed. While Greg was internally debating whether or not to wake him up, Nick's eyes shot open, his breath catching in his throat and his body jolting as if he had been electrocuted.
"You're okay," Greg whispered in his ear. "It was just a nightmare."
Nick grabbed at himself until he found Greg's hand resting on his chest and threaded their fingers together. "It's not me I'm worried about," he drawled, his voice thick with sleep, accentuating his accent. He rested his forehead against Greg's forearm and slowly got his breathing under control.
Greg kissed the back of his neck softly and squeezed his hand reassuringly. "Same dream?" he asked.
Nick nodded. "It won't go away, I can't stop it. How I do it changes, but never the end result. I always end up killing you." His voice broke at the end, and Greg felt a few tears fall against his arm.
Greg tightened his grip on the other man as best as he could. "It didn't come to that. You saved my life. Without you, I would have died. And even if you had had to do that, it would have been because you didn't have any other choice. It would have been the right thing to do."
"Hurting you can never be the right thing," Nick managed to say through the lump in his throat.
"Sometimes it is," Greg said softly, alternating between speaking and kissing Nick's neck and shoulders soothingly. "Like when you told me about Jenna."
"You told me I should have never told you that," Nick replied.
"That doesn't mean it wasn't the right thing to do," Greg responded. "In fact, it proves that it was the right thing to do. Because it was the hard thing to do. And that's what you're good at. Making the tough decision that nobody else is willing to make when you know it's the right thing to do. And that's why I love you so much. You do what needs to be done for everyone else without ever thinking about what it'll do to you."
Nick let out a shaky breath. "I just want the nightmares about it to stop."
"They will eventually. Just like all the other ones stopped."
"The other ones didn't stop until I started sleeping next to you. So how do I get this one to stop?"
Greg removed his hand from Nick's grip so he could stroke his side, something he knew to always help calm Nick down. "I wish I knew the answer to that. I think you have to forgive yourself for what happened to me, because it wasn't your fault. You can't keep holding this stuff over your own head."
"You should have been a shrink," Nick mumbled, but Greg could see a smile tugging at his lips.
"What good would what have done me? I'd have lost my license by now for sleeping with me extremely good looking Texan patient."
Nick rolled over so he was facing Greg. "Who is a complete headcase."
Greg nodded. "Yeah, he is. But it keeps things interesting."
Nick smiled as he struggled to keep his eyes open. Greg wrapped his right arm around Nick's shoulders, and Nick settled against Greg with his head against his chest and his arm wrapped around his slim waist. He could feel Greg's scars, but fought to push those memories out of his mind.
"Close your eyes," Greg whispered as he traced random patterns across Nick's back. "Go back to sleep."
Nick shook his head and sighed against Greg. "I don't want to. I like this better."
Instead of arguing, Greg kissed the top of his head and held him tighter. He knew Nick would fall asleep again eventually, and he also knew that he would probably have another nightmare. And that was okay. Greg had his own nightmares, and Nick was always there to soothe him afterwards. Maybe it was part of their lives now after the island that was going to stay with them forever. They both hoped that wasn't the case, but if so, they knew they would be able to handle it. They were fairly certain that they would be able to handle anything at this point, as long as they could continue to count on each other.
If nothing else, they had learned two things on that island: to watch the water, not the sky; and that they trusted each other more than anything.