Forgive me, my brother
Sorry guys for not updating yesterday, I had the world's worst migraine and even lying in a silent, pitch black room was incredibly painful. As an apology, this chapter is lovely and long for you all, and when I say lovely I mean heartbreaking.
A anonymous guest has left this prompt and it was A day out takes a turn for the worse for the brothers, and the Roscoe family will never be the same again. Major Character death!
"Can you tell me where it happened Mr Roscoe?"
It had been down the river by the folley. They all knew this, they'd been called down there, dragged his lifeless body out of the water, whilst he and the others had all been held back by some of the police officers.
They said they didn't want him to see the body, didn't want him to see his brother like that, but it was too late, he'd already seen his lifeless form being carried away before a sheet had been placed over him.
"And when exactly did it happen?"
They know the answer to this question to this too. Why is he even here if they have all the answers already? He doesn't say this, doesn't have the strength to be a sarcastic git, not now.
He'd disappeared under the water just after four, they'd called the police and ambulance at quarter
past.
"So what happened son?"
He bristled at that, this man was of no relation to him and therefore had no right to call him son. No, the only man with that right was his dad, and he lost that right when he fucked off with that brunette down the road, leaving his mum heartbroken.
He doesn't say that though, he's too tired, just wants to go to bed and never leave. Instead he tells them as much as he can, whilst staying coherent.
It had been a Saturday, their first free afternoon in God knows how long, you know how it is with exams and all. But they'd had their last one the day before, and to celebrate, they'd gone down to the creek for the afternoon, with a couple of boys from their year and a few cans of lager to share.
They'd been there for a few hours, wading deeper and deeper, but the lake was misleading, looked shallower and calmer then it was. It was all a blur, one minute his twin had been by his side, the next he was gone, submerged under the water.
They'd tried to find him, all diving under the water one by one in hopes they'd spot him, though there was nothing. No trace he'd even been there.
"Would the alcohol have affected him?"
No. They hadn't had a lot to drink, Max had managed to sneak a few cans out from under his parent's noses but they hadn't even drunk all of it.
They were all going to go to one of the parties that night you see, another celebration for the end of A-levels and the general crapiness of high school, and hadn't wanted to get wasted before hand.
None of them had been drunk and it was a stretch to say they'd even been tipsy. The alcohol hadn't played a part in it, it was their own foolishness and belief that the water was safer than it had been.
"One final question. Was there anything suspicious about the events?"
Was he asking if they did anything to him. Are they seriously asking if he killed his own brother? He would never hurt him, never. The presumption made the boy's blood boil and it took all of his self-restraint not to deck the man in front of him right then and there.
He answered as well as he could, keeping his tone steady, repeating what he had said earlier.
"Thank you Robert," the liaison officer said, ignoring his partner's cry of annoyance as he switched the recorder off, motioning that the young lad was free to Robbie could go anywhere, the middle aged man passed over a small business card with his name and number printed neatly on it.
"That should be all, though please feel free to call this number if you remember anything else and if you ever need to talk. This is a completely terrible thing to happen and you can't keep it all bottled it in. Anything you ever want to discuss will be completely confidential and I'll do everything to help you."
"Right," Robbie muttered, not caring anymore if he sounded rude or not. He snatched the card out of the officer's hand and walked out of the interrogation room, door slamming loudly behind him. He stayed there for a moment, on one side of the door, panting loudly and trying not to let the dam break.
He was still numb, unable to even comprehend what had happened just a few short hours ago, though the coldness was fading and the mind-numbing pain was seeping through the cracks. This was never supposed to happen, he was never supposed to be left alone.
Pure anger poured through his veins, and it took every little bit of strength he had not to scream right then and there. Why did he leave him, and in such a heartless way too.
"Why Jason? Why did it have to be you?" he whispered to himself brokenly, ignoring the sympathetic look that was shot to him from a passing police woman. When she had turned the corner, he took another calming breath, wiping the few tears that had sprung free and walked down the corridor, coming face to face with his equally devastated family.
Sandy jumped straight to her feet, hugging her son tightly as she tried to whisper soothing words into his ear, though Robbie couldn't understand anything she said, as every word was broken up by a sob.
"Come on ma," Freddie said softly, moving Sandy away from Robbie and letting her clutch to him like a life-line instead. Robbie shot his older brother a grateful smile, out of his all brothers Freddie had always been one of the best to understand him. Apart from Jason that is, but that... that was no more.
There would be no more calming words after he got himself involved in an argument, no more shared glances across the room when one of their brothers said anything particularly stupid. There wouldn't be anything.
Sluggishly, he followed the others to the two cars, still not saying anything as he followed Freddie and Ziggy into one, whilst the others climbed into the second. The ride home was hell, no-one spoke for the whole journey, but if Robbie thought that was bad, well it was nothing like the atmosphere at the house.
They all milled around the living room for a bit, though it was like they were all strangers, thrust upon one another with nothing to say. Robbie was the first to crack, and after making a lame excuse, he retired to his room (not theirs, only his now) , heart breaking once more as he saw Jason's hoodie lying lazily on his bunk.
He'd only been wearing it that morning, though it'd been too hot to take down to the folley. Picking it up, Robbie pressed it into his face, inhaling deeply as the smell of Jason surrounded him. If he closed his eyes tightly, then he could pretend it never happened. That Jason was still here, that he hadn't left him to deal with all this stupid crap on his own.
He crawled onto the bottom bunk (Jason's bed his mind reminded him), wrapping the duvet tightly round and surrounding himself in the familiar smell that had been Jason.
"Come on Jase, Max and Pete are coming down to the creek too. We'll have the plenty of time before the party."
"Urghh fine," Jason groaned dramatically, not really meaning it. He shrugged off his hoodie, throwing it carelessly on the bed.
"Did I mention Max is bringing some beer?"
"Get me there then son!" Jason laughed, letting Robbie pull him out of the house, the two boys running down to the folley, ready to fully enjoy their first day of freedom. Max and Pete were already down there, sharing a can between them as they talked quietly.
"Thought we could go easy for now," Max explained, chucking a can over to the twins. "I don't want to be bladdered before tonight even begins." They all agreed with him, passing the two cans around and chatting easily for a few minutes, before making their way down to the waterside.
As one the four boys waded in, splashing the cool water over the others and laughing as they mucked about. They hadn't been in there for long, twenty minutes at most, but they'd been steadily getting deeper and deeper.
"Maybe we should head back?" Pete suggested cautiously, though the others laughed off his worries.
"Don't be such a wuss," Robbie said, turning to splash him once more. When he turned back Jason was no-where in sight. "Jason?" he called, looking into the water and half-expecting his brother to clutch at his ankles.
When that didn't happen, worry began settling in. "You see where he went?" he said to Max, though the blonde lad looked confused.
"No, he was just right here."
"You don't think-"
"If you finish that thought Pete, I swear to God." Robbie said coldly, not taking his eyes off the water surface, praying for Jason to appear.
"Jason!" Max called, and soon the two other lads were joining in, growing increasingly desperate as there was no answer. Robbie dived into the water, trying to spot something through the murkiness, though there was nothing he could see.
A sharp wave tugged at him and he felt himself being swept away, but before he could get far, his two friends dragged him back up to the surface. "It's a sharp current...What if he was washed away."
"No, no, no that can't have happened," Robbie insisted desperately, going back under the water, though keeping well away from the current. He kept this up for another five minutes, before Pete and Max physically dragged him out of the water.
"He's not going to be at this bit anymore," Pete reasoned, running down the bank and trying to find the now missing boy. They searched desperately for another ten minutes before Max grabbed his phone.
"We need to call someone, they'll be able to find him easier, if they haven't already." Although he wanted to argue, logic won out and Robbie nodded, not stopping his search until a small mix of police, paramedics and rescue team had arrived.
The three boys were herded away from the river, though they could still see everything. Including when the group herded to one specific spot, dragging a limp body out of the water. Robbie saw as one of the paramedics shook their heads weakly, not hearing a word as a stretcher and body-bag were brought over.
"We're so sorry, but Jason Roscoe is dead."
He woke up gasping for breath, his face wet with tears. He thought he was being quite, containing the sobs that so desperately wanted to break free, but in mere moments Sandy had rushed into his room, the others crowding the door way.
She pulled him close, muttering soothing nothings into his ear, though he didn't let himself cry. He couldn't. Instead he tried to keep control of his breathing, wincing at the sharp pains in his chest as he fought through a panic attack.
Why? Why did it have to be Jason? It should never have been him. Jason had so much to live for, so much left to do. He was the one who was going make a success for himself, was going to help people, but no, he was gone and Robbie was left.
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No-one had said a word about the previous night, and Robbie was eternally grateful. He hadn't managed to get back to sleep, but it looked like a similar situation for the rest of the family. That morning was pretty much like the evening, everyone milling around, not quite sure of what to do.
They hadn't opened the garage up for obvious reasons, and the day was only broken up by the doorbell ringing every few minutes, sympathetic friends and passer-bys giving the family their well wishes.
Robbie had been banned from that duty when he had made one girl practically cry, though when the doorbell rang for the third time in less than ten minutes, the young Roscoe found his patience snapping once more.
He swung the door open sharply, ignoring the cry of his brothers, and only pausing when he came face to face with the liaison officer from the previous day.
"Robbie," he nodded, smiling weakly at the rest of the family who had now crowded around the youngest of the family. "Can I come in?"
Reluctantly Robbie moved away, guiding the man to the living room as the others all seated.
"Regarding yesterday's situation, Jason's death has now been declared as completely accidental," he told them sombrely. "I wanted to be the one to tell you all, it means I can make your options clear."
The family were silent, trying not to react at the man's choice of wording.
Robbie knew the man was trying to be supportive, trying to ease their pain slightly, but the word accident grated him. A death shouldn't be an accident, an accident was knocking over a cup of tea or forgetting to do a piece of coursework. Small things, unimportant thing, not death, that was anything but an accident.
"What you'll be going through now is terrible and I know how difficult it must be for you all to wrap your heads around." The officer's words broke through Robbie's thoughts, and he realised he had zoned out.
"You've lost your brother, your son and losing a family member, especially at such a young age is never easy. But talking will help and if anyone wants to come to me, I'll never turn you away." He stood, giving Sandy a business card, exactly identical to the one he had given to Robbie the day before.
He said his good-byes before Sandy led him out of the house, the two adults quietly talking in the porch for a few minutes, though their words were slightly muffled and Robbie found he didn't have the strength to find out what they were talking about.
"I'm going to my room," he muttered, though no-one responded to his words, be it because they didn't hear him or because, like him, they simply didn't have the strength to react anymore. Throwing a look over his shoulder, Robbie's heart felt like it was breaking again.
No-one had moved, no-one had even acknowledged his own movement. Too lost in their own thoughts, in their own grief, the Roscoe family were all drowning.
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The funeral was a quiet one, family members all made their way up to Chester, as well as close friends. Robbie didn't make a speech, he was given the option but had politely declined. He didn't feel right, laying himself bare for people to see his weakness, people who he didn't care for and who were only there out of courtesy.
Instead, both Sandy and Joe spoke, talking about the happy times, the few experiences that Jason had had before the carpet had been carelessly ripped out from under him. For every memory, for every fact they shared, Robbie had a contradicting one.
Memories ploughed through his head, reminding him of forgotten times, seemingly unimportant ones that now Robbie would do anything to experience once more. Copying answers off Jason's homework, sneaking their mum's inedible food into napkins under the table whilst sharing joking glances, countless summer afternoons as they roamed the estate, enjoying the weather and break off school.
He helped carry the coffin out when it was time, one brother for every corner. Everyone was crying when they lowered it into the ground, sobs wracking through his mother's form as they began pouring the dirt over.
Everyone was crying, showing some form of emotion except for Robbie, his face remained dry, eyes not even glistening as the coffin slowly began disappearing from view.
He hadn't cried yet. Not properly anyway. In the five days since Jason had gone he hadn't had anything. No tears except for when he woke up, gasping for breath, no outward grief, no sign to show that he was mourning like the rest of his family.
He was just numb, still couldn't believe that Jason, his brother was gone. It wasn't possible, he was meant to be here, meant to be by his side. But he wasn't, he was six feet under, slowly rotting away as Robbie was left to deal with the fallout. Why was he the one left?
He had nothing to offer to anyone, he was the screw up! Jason had so much left to do, so much left to see. It should have been the other way round, he should have been dragged under the water, slowly gasping for breath as his life line dramatically decreased to nothing.
He was the screw up, he should have been the one to die. For the hundredth time in just five days, the same question passed his lips.
"Why Jason? Why you?"
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The paramedics, police and rescue team had just arrived, a few choosing to move the frantic boys away from the scene.
"He's my brother! I need to get over there, I need to find him!" Robbie protested, struggling against the older man's grip.
"Just let them do their job," the officer said kindly, though his tone sounded more patronising than anything. "It'll be a much quicker process-"
Robbie stopped listening as he saw a body being dragged out of the water. The paramedics instantly began herding around Jason, doing everything in their power that they could to help, but it was too late.
"Jason!" Robbie screamed, desperately struggling against the officer to no use. "Why are they giving up? Why aren't they helping anymore." With one giant push, Robbie managed to break free, wading into the water to try and reach his brother on the opposite bank.
A sharp tug of water stopped him and when he steadied himself the grassy bank was empty, no sign that there had been any action only seconds earlier.
"Jason?" Robbie called out unsurely, his voice echoing through the folley. He turned around quickly, ready to demand answers from the others who had been helping out, but like the bank behind him, this one was also empty.
"Hello? Where is everyone?"
Silence surrounded him and the only thing Robbie could hear was the rustling of the tree's leaves and the steady dripping of water. He spun around, desperately trying to catch a glimpse of some sort of life, anything that could explain what was happening, though he stopped in shock when he came face to face with Jason.
He was wearing exactly the same clothes he had been on the day of his drowning, but that was the only similarity. This Jason was soaked to the bone, his hair lying limp across his head. His fingers were visibly wrinkled, like he'd spent hours in the water not minutes.
But the biggest change was the expression on his face. His smile was twisted into a sadistic version of his usual grin, his eyes cold and unforgiving.
"You did this to me."
"Wh- what are you talking bout?"
"You killed me. You told me to come, made me come in the water. I'd still be here if it wasn't for you. It's all your fault. All your fault! All your fault!"
Jason's screaming came to an abrupt end as Robbie woke with a gasp. He was drenched with sweat and his breathing was too quick, too short, to be of any use. As he fought the panic attack, trying to get a sense of what was happening, the bedroom door remained shut.
The first few times he had had bad dreams, the whole family had come rushing through, doing anything to help him through the pain. That had stopped two nights ago, three weeks after Jason had died.
He didn't know whether it was because they had all finally started sleeping through the whole night themselves, therefore not waking up when Robbie was crying out in his dreams, whether he had become more discreet and therefore too quiet for anyone to hear his struggles or whether they had simply stopped caring.
He couldn't help but think it was the latter.
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A month after Jason died, was the first time that Robbie visited his grave. Sure, he'd been there at the funeral, but the headstone hadn't been put in place and there was a gaping hole in the ground. Now the dirt had settled, although the grass hadn't started growing yet and the headstone was still gleaming, an obvious sign that Jason's grave place was also the newest in the vicinity.
There was a pile of fresh flowers at the bottom of his headstone, brightly coloured things that Robbie had no intention of learning the name of.
He didn't move the flowers, didn't have any of his own to place next to them, he didn't sit by the grave like the little old man at the opposite end of the site was and he looked over his shoulder before he began speaking, like there could be someone watching him, ready to take the mick.
Apart from the little old man, he was alone.
Taking a deep breath Robbie opened his mouth, and that was when it all came spilling out.
At first he tried to remain composed, keep a tight lid on his emotions like he had been doing for the last month, but that day, seeing his twin brother's grave for the first time, on the one month anniversary of his death, was simply too much. Before Robbie knew it, he was screaming, crying out, ripping the carefully placed bouquets into shreds and throwing them over his shoulder.
He didn't know how long he was crying for, screaming for answers he'd never get, but the next moment Robbie was on the floor, leaning heavily against the slab and crying softly to himself for the first time.
"Why? Why did you have to leave me Jase? I can't do this without you, I need you. I know I pretended like I didn't, like I didn't care but I did, I so did. You were my twin, you were half of me, but now you're gone. I need you Jason, I need you more than freaking air. You can't make me do this on my own, you just can't."
By the time he had stopped crying, nose fully blocked and feeling like he had no tears left to shed, the sky was getting dark and the little old man had long since gone. Surprisingly Robbie felt a little better, less like he was going to break, less tightly sprung than he had done in a long time.
He patted the stone a couple of times, saying his silent goodbyes to his brother before making his way out of the graveyard, hands reaching into his hoodie pockets as he tries to keep warm.
He stopped completely when his left hand connected with something, and withdrawing it from the pocket, Robbie came face to face with the small business card that the liaison officer had given him a month ago.
Not caring for the late hour, Robbie dialled the number, somewhat surprised when he got an answer. "Hey, it's me, Robbie Roscoe. I think I'm ready for that talk now."
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"This is it bro," Robbie said, kneeling down by the gravestone with two envelopes in his hand. "A-level results, God it's come quicker than I thought it would." It had been two months since Jason had died, and whilst it was still difficult, every day being a struggle to get out of bed, Robbie was getting better.
He'd talked to the liaison officer a few times as well as a grief counsellor. He wasn't so scared to show his feelings anymore and had been to Jason's grave half a dozen times since, each time simply talking, updating his brother on the world around them, letting his heart heal and moving along with the grieving process.
"I'll do yours first, get the best out of the way and all." He ripped the envelope impatiently, not surprised by what he saw. Two A's in biology and sociology and a B in English Lit. Well done mate, you'd have gotten into Durham." He looked over the results, reading exam and coursework scores to himself, proud of his brother for doing so well, if only Jason had been able to see it for himself.
Trying not to get too bogged down with emotion, he folded the results back into the open envelope before opening his own one.
"A C in Physics and a B in English Lit and PE, get in there! I got into uni! Bet you can't believe your eyes, though that B in English is all down to you. If you hadn't got me through the coursework who knows where I'd be?"
He stayed at the graveside for a further twenty minutes before Freddie text him, reminding the young Roscoe that he had to get down to the garage.
"Work calls," he said with a small smile, patting the grave-stone lightly and whispering a quiet good-bye to his brother. It would never be easy, he would always be grieving for his lost twin, but Robbie was getting better. Day by day his heart was healing, and he knew, he just knew that somewhere, somehow Jason was watching over him.
And that was all he needed to get him through.
I hope the prompter and everyone else enjoyed this incredibly sad oneshot, I loved writing it, especially Robbie's dreams. It was incredibly interesting to think about how the others would have reacted, though mainly Robbie, because it would change him completely, to be there when his twin died and be able to do nothing about it.
Admittedly the actual prompt wasn't what I actually posted above but Jason and Robbie are with a few friends by the river and Jason slips and drowns. However I really wanted to keep the suspense up, and not reveal who died straight away, though many of you probably guessed correctly anyway!
I just wanted to thank everyone who reviews, especially the people who are anonymous who I can't message and thank personally. They all mean so much to me.
Maria: Thank you for all the amazing reviews, both for this story and for Downwards Spiral. I love hearing feedback from others and it really helps to think about where I want to take my stories. I'm glad you like the way I write Jason and Robbie's relationship, I certainly enjoy writing it. Nice prompt, should be around chapter 28/29!
Lydia: Fight? What fight? I'm assuming you meant for the last chapter, but there was no prompt about either brother fighting about their results, just Robbie feeling insecure and Jason supporting him. Some people do request more than one story so you might have gotten confused between the prompts? Haha
Next Story – After coming out, Jason quickly enters his first relationship with a guy, though it's not everything that it seems. Again, not a very happy one, sorry guys. Happy ones are on there way, I promise!