Chapter 19

A jet of restoration magic erupted from Beras' fingertips, flying straight at Sabona. Immediately, the scratches along the argonian's arms began to stitch themselves up.

"Good," Sabona said, nodding his head in approval.

It had been three weeks since they had first arrived in Hammerfell, and Beras had already mastered a small assortment of spells; Self healing, basic wards, fortification of health and stamina, a spell to repel weak undead, a minor healing spell that could be cast upon one's allies, and a spell or two involving rituals for Meridia.

Learning magic was exhausting, yet Beras had never felt so happy. He was actually putting his life to use. His relationships with Alix and Sabona had been doing nothing but becoming more stable, and he was beginning to find that he was less apprehensive around the latter.

Lost in thought, he was hardly aware as he made his way into the temple. He removed his boots, and stepped into the shallower portion of the pool of water. Scooping up a portion of the liquid, Beras let the water calm in his hands. Upon forcing magicka into it, it began to glow, until it suddenly burst into golden dust and floated into the air. A moment later it was gone.

This was a ritualistic spell that supposedly kept one in good favor with Meridia. It was customary for her followers to perform it upon entering one of her shrines. Beras smiled at the thought that he was a daedra's follower. It felt amazing to be part of a group.

Though he had technically been a part of the Blades, he knew that no one really thought of him as one of them. He was an extra, someone who just got in the way and took up resources. They tried to make him feel more at home within Cloud Ruler Temple by sending him on that rescue mission, but look how that ended.

Beras knew that he would never forget the horror of seeing his friends killed, the people he considered to be family snuffed out of existence. He would move on, yes, but never forget.

"So," Sabona said. Beras flinched, suddenly snapped out of his thoughts, and turned to face the speaker in the shadows.

"We need to move out soon," the argonian said. "We're going to an old Meridia shrine up north in Skyrim."

Beras squinted. "How come?" he asked. "Is there something wrong with this place?" Nothing seemed to be the matter to him, but he had learned by now to trust in Sabona and Alix's judgement.

"No, not at all," said Alix's voice. Beras turned around to see her sitting on one of the benches behind him. "We generally think it is best to move from place to place though, seeing as daedra worship isn't exactly looked up to. There are countless Vigilants of Stendarr out there who would do anything to execute us." She sighed, and exasperated expression played across her face. "You'd think they'd at least accept Meridia worshippers, seeing how our goals are pretty much the same."

"Besides," chimed in Sabona. "We need to cast new anti-necromancy spells upon the place. They wear out every decade or two, and necromancers have a nasty habit of setting up their experiments in the most insulting places."

Beras gulped. "Do you think we'll run into any? Necromancers, that is?"

Sabona stretched out across the floor, his tail flipping back and forth across the stone. "Maybe. For the most part, they won't be a problem. Our magic is designed to counter theirs."

Beras nodded. "It's only the exceptionally powerful ones we need to worry about."

"Exactly." Alix stuffed her fingers into her hair, gritting her teeth. "Oh, I've forgotten something. One moment." Without another word, she ran out the door.

Beras furrowed his brow in confusion. "What was that?" he asked.

"During our training, Alix has been visiting her family and friends. It's the most convenient time for her to do so, seeing how we're back in her home province." Sabona stretched his arms above his head and yawned. "My guess is she left something undone, whether it be saying something she meant to, or visiting someone she had forgotten." There was a brief pause in which Sabona seemed to be mulling something over. "On a related note," he finally said. "We'll be passing by Cloud Ruler Temple on our way to Skyrim. If you would like, we could make a stop there so you can check in with the Blades."

Beras nodded. It had been too long since he had heard the crackling fire of the great hall, since he had slept in the painfully cold sheets of the barracks. Far too long since he had seen Annel.

Beras wanted to smash his head into a wall. Annel. He had forgotten about her. Too busy worrying about remembering the dead and succeeding in his training, his friend had slipped his mind. Here he was enjoying himself and learning magic, while she probably thought he was dead. The first thing he should have done after escaping that prison was to go to the Temple and make sure she knew he was okay.

And what if she thought he was alive? What if she and others had gone on another disaster mission to rescue him, ending in another massacre? For all he knew, Annel was lying face down in a bloody red field.

Trying to keep calm, Beras took a deep breath. "When do we leave?" he asked. The sooner the better, he needed to be sure everything was okay.

"As soon as Alix gets back," Sabona replied. He pushed himself into a standing position and faced Beras. "What's wrong?"

"N-nothing."

"Don't lie," Sabona snorted. "You have your emotions smeared across your face like paint on a canvas."

Beras fidgeted with his hands. "I- you see, I- it's uh, it's um, I don't- It's nothing," he stammered awkwardly.

Sabona rolled his eye and waved his hand up and down. "Alright, alright, I won't pry. No need to wet your pants." Sighing, he collapsed onto a bench. "We'll be at the Temple soon. Don't worry too much."

Beras nodded, breathing heavily, and swallowed. He could feel stress sweat forming all over his body. Swallowing again, he decided it was probably best not to draw any more attention to himself.

A few minutes later, Beras was still standing, rooted to the same place he was before. Sabona, who had closed his eyes, looked up at him.

"You can move, you know," he said casually.

Beras nodded, but stayed fixed in space. He swallowed again. Why was he so nervous? The moment had long passed, yet he couldn't calm down. This was worse than normal.

Sabona stood up and walked towards Beras until they were inches apart. Beras felt his face go red. Raising two fingers, Sabona poked him lightly on the forehead. Though the impact wasn't forceful, Beras staggered backwards and slashed into the water.

Sabona chortled quietly and smirked, then walked away to another room. Beras was left lying in the water feeling utterly humiliated. A choked sob escaped his lips, and he swallowed to keep back the tears.

Why couldn't he have a normal life? If it weren't for the Thalmor, he could have a reasonable job working at the stables. He could go to the market with his siblings, and read by the fire with his parents. Maybe he wouldn't be such a nervous wreck.

Beras rolled over onto his stomach, lying so his face was halfway submerged in the pool. Running his fingers through his wet hair, he couldn't help but let a tear or two slip out. He may have learned a spell or two, but that didn't mean he wasn't a useless waste of a person. Gritting his teeth, he banged his head on the stone floor in anger.

Yiping in pain, he sat up, clothes clinging to him like a second skin. A bit of blood dripped down Beras' nose. Waving his hand, he healed the cut in a matter of seconds.

He stood up, water dripping from him and rippling across the surface of the pool. He needed to get a grip of himself. Banging his head and cursing himself wasn't going to do any good.

Beras quickly ran to his room and shut the door behind him. He removed his clothes and hung them on a post that was affixed to a wall to dry them, then looked around. There wasn't much packing to be done, considering the small amount of items he had brought with him, so he just spread himself across his bedroll.

Patience was the key here. He needed to not panic about getting to Cloud Ruler Temple quickly, learn as best as he could without rushing himself, and not get discouraged with his performances.

Breathing slowly, Beras tried to calm himself and reflect on the past month. So much had changed in such a short amount of time, and more was yet to change. With any luck, he would make it change for the better.

Smiling, he slipped off into sleep, unable to wait to tell Annel about everything that had happened to him.