Chapter 17

Flavored Disappointment

Luke

I dreamt of my mother, in the fog of fever. She washed over me in a wave of light blue, warm like a summer sky. She smiled and laughed and hugged me and we chased each other through the fields and forest. I was young and carefree and loved.

When pops came in to check on me in the morning I was already dressed and tying my bandana around my head. His mustache rumpled in the way it does when he's not quite sure what to say and he just gave little grunt before muttering something about breakfast and walking back out the door. I suppose I wasn't supposed to be healthy yet, having spent the last night vomiting and in cold sweats. My memory of the night was hazy, far hazier than my fever dream, and all I could recall as I made my way to the table was a slight smell of pine and a flash of silver. I sat down to a bowl of oatmeal and thanked my lucky stars for the mornings that Bo made breakfast instead of pops, if only for the sake of variety in my morning meal. The zombie himself sat across from me, his hair still sticking up in what seemed like every possible direction and an expression that said he was about five seconds from face planting directly into a steaming bowl of oats. I let out a little snort of laughter, which was promptly answered by Bo's raised middle finger, and proceeded to inhale my breakfast before thumping pops on the back and heading out for my day.

Being sick had never suited me. I didn't do well with being told to sit still long enough for simple things like social events or even visits to the doctor, let alone being confined to bed. So when I'm bed-ridden, which luckily doesn't happen all that often, I end up feeling like I need to get rid of twice the energy when I'm finally up and going again. That was basically the state I found myself in when I started running laps around the cluster of houses by the entrance to the mine, not even slowing to have a conversation when Barbara and Owen called out their good mornings. By the time the sun had fully crested the horizon I slipped my axe into the loop on my belt and gabbed the cart that was all loaded up with the deliveries of orders we'd finally finished before fall drew to a close. The carpentry hadn't had a horse or anything like that in years, since none of us were able to ride and they were fairly pricey, so trying to deliver anything after the heavy snows fell with the start of winter was practically impossible. If someone wanted to order furniture or something like that before the holidays they had to put it in for it before mid-autumn. I got behind the heavy cart and gave it a solid push, heading off towards the bridge down to town.

The sun was high in the sky by the time I'd made it into town, having stopped off for a big delivery to Kasey and almost upturned the cart when the wheels got caught on a rut in the dirt road. Sweat ran in a little rivulet down my spine, despite the chill in the air, as I pounded my fist on the door to the bar. The front door was locked up and I could hear the muffled sound of what was probably Selena's practice music. The seconds dragged on before I thumped the door again, trying to ignore the growing protest coming from my empty stomach.

"Coming!" Selena shouted and the music cut off abruptly a few seconds before she pulled the door open and leaned against the frame. Goddess, if she wasn't the sunshine in my day. I couldn't help but grin at her as I leaned against the cart.

"Hey there, beautiful. Think you could get the old man to come help me with this stuff?"

"Oh well I don't know, what's in it for me?" She shifted against the door frame, tossing her hair over her shoulder and taking up a lazy smirk.

"Aw, my presence isn't payment enough?" I flirted back, leaning back from the cart and throwing my head back dramatically. "Augh, I'm wounded!" Selena's bright laughter signaled the end of my theatrics and I leaned back onto the handle of my cart, sending a cheesy wink her way. "But really though, I'm gonna need help getting these tables where Hayden wants them."

"Yea, yea, I'll go grab him." She disappeared back into the bar for just shy of a minute before she came back with Hayden. He and I talked business for a few minutes before we started pulling in the new tables, replacing the ones that had been damaged or broken over the past year. Three barstools followed the two tables and Hayden finally tossed out the ones that wobbled like hell whenever you sat on them. While we worked Selena turned the music back on, quieter this time, and started dancing on the stage in the corner. It was faster than what she did at the bar normally, an almost frenzied looking swirl of dance moves and sharp little stomps that were amplified by the hollow box of the stage. Hayden and I finished with the furniture and he gave me a firm handshake before I went to sit on top of one of the tables close to the stage to watch Selena dance for a bit. Selena slid through complex motions of the body, falling down to her knees and then rising slowly, her arms moving in wave-like motions that made her bracelets slide around her arms and jingle along to the music. When the dance finally ended she stood with one leg outstretched in front of her and both hands held above her head in a graceful arc. She looked relaxed somehow, despite the rapid rise and fall of her chest and a posture that should have looked strained. I slid off the table and clapped loudly, breaking the silence after the music had faded away.

"You liked that?" Selena asked, her hands finding their place on her hips.

"Of course! As good as ever – better even!" I couldn't help but smile at her as she stepped down off of the stage.

"Thank you." The way her eyelashes fluttered was like something straight out of a move, but somehow it worked for her. "It's one of the more traditional island dances, one my mom taught me a long time ago. A summer dance really, but it's been so cold lately I felt like I could use a little summer in my day."

I gave a long hum at that, the days had grown a lot chillier over just the past week. Winter would be setting in in no time. "Ah, yea, this kind of weather gets me down sometimes. Oh! So did'ya miss me?" My tone was hopeful as I leaned back against the table and cracked a little smile at Selena.

"Miss you?" She quirked an eyebrow.

"Didn't you notice?" My own eyebrows raised. The silence dragged for a few seconds before I realized that she wasn't joking around; she really hadn't noticed that I'd missed stopping by the bar for the first time in over a month. To me it had been something worth noticing, something that had only happened because I'd been physically unable to leave the house, but maybe she didn't feel the same way. "Yea…." I said slowly. "I was really, really sick yesterday. Like, couldn't get out of bed sick. Pops couldn't believe that I was feeling okay enough to get up for breakfast this morning, let alone do deliveries."

"Oh" Selena's expression shifted into one of mild surprise. "I noticed you never stopped by yesterday but I figured it wasn't anything too important. Besides, I didn't think you were the kind of guy that let himself get sick!" She said with a laugh, but it felt off too me, like she was just going through the motions.

"Hm, well I'm normally not, but you can't outrun it forever. Anyway, I need to go finish up the deliveries. I'll see you around?"

"Of course!" Selena gave a lazy flick of her wrist, as if it wasn't a question worth asking, that I returned with a halfhearted wave before I headed back out to finish the last of my deliveries and wheel the cart back home. I'd wiled most of the day away dragging furniture around the peninsular and I still felt high strung, wound too tight, and needed to get rid of some more energy before I could even think about sitting inside the house. Before I could even think, really. Pops cooked up a big late-afternoon meal before I took off for the forest, axe in hand. The steady thump of my axe into the trunk of a tree and the soft sounds of nature lulled me into a state where I could find my brain again.

I wasn't always sure who I was in daily life, but I knew who I was out here. It didn't matter that I was a person who would sooner smile at you than tell you that something had bothered me. It didn't matter that I never was that great at expressing my feelings. It didn't matter that I couldn't sit still or that sometimes I talked too loud. All that mattered out here in the forest was that I was Luke. That I knew how to not get lost and I knew how to handle an axe better than anyone else in town. So what if I cared about some things more than other people did. So what if I had assumed too much. None of that changed who I was here.

The moon had risen before I finally stopped cutting down trees and clearing brush and I was deep inside the forest. The air was chilly but I still felt overheated despite my jacket already being unzipped and the sleeves being pushed up. The lumber I'd cut was carefully stacked near the entrance of the forest and I was wandering about, my axe tucked back through my belt loop.

I lost track of time as I stood outside the Witch's door, hardly moving. Crickets had started chirping and the air around me had long gone cold before I raised my hand to the door and knocked. "Witch?" I called out, my breath turning white in the air. I don't know what I was expecting, but it felt like a second eternity passed before I raised my fist to knock a second time.