BENEATH THE SURFACE
Part Thirty
"My life is fallin' apart, doc, and there ain' anythin' I can do t' stop it," Remy complained in a quiet voice, he stared at the rug in Dr. Forbes office, it was easier than looking her in the eye.
Dr. Forbes said nothing, he heard the scribbling of her pencil against her notepad, he hated that damn sound. That sound was the bane of his existence during nearly every class at school. Why did she have to take notes and record the damn session simultaneously? One or the other! That was his thought.
"It's all his fault."
The psychiatrist shifted in her seat a little, she was looking straight at him curiously, "Your father?"
"Adoptive father," Remy reminded, sighing, "and yes, it's his fault."
"Why do you feel he is the blame behind everything?"
Remy snorted, "because he is."
"Tell me."
"If he hadn' insisted on tryin' t' marry me t' someone I didn' love, I'd have never asked my wife t' marry me..."
"So you entered a marriage of convenience to avoid an arranged marriage?" she asked.
"Yes," he replied quietly. "Was more like a deranged marriage."
"Tell me about your arrangement...tell me about the wedding...the events surrounding that."
"Jean-Luc said I had t' marry a girl from a rival family...said it were gon' take the strain off a massive feud that'd been goin' on for too long. But this girl...I knew if I married her, I'd have no life...it'd be babies, and havin' her father dictate where we'd live and what I'd do t' earn money..." he explained, "wasn't even married and she were talkin' about how many babies we'd have, talkin' about gettin' pregnant right away...I didn' wan' live like that, I don' want t' have kids...don' wan' kids growin' up like I did..."
Remy stood up slowly and walked to the fish tank, he needed something to look at that was calming, he was too twitchy, too restless to sit there and talk of these things.
"So you decided to marry someone else?"
"I knew that if I got married t' someone else they it was gon' be the only hope I had o' escapin' marryin' Belle – that's the girl they wanted me t' marry. Both Jean-Luc and the other family, highly catholic, and our...businesses both had a certain air o' religion about it all which I never understood..." he thought. Thou shall not kill...thou shall not steal. Those were fine t' break commandment wise...but divorce was unacceptable? Idiots.
"So...you found someone to marry you quickly."
"I knew this girl...Marie..." his eyes followed a small silvery fish, "I...had a thing f' her I guess...she was beautiful in this sort o'...unconventional way...the way those models on the catwalk are, in that sort of unusual way that don' make sense but is really appealin' somehow. But I figured 'cause o' her powers – bein' that we couldn' touch physically –that it'd be easy t' have a marriage o' convenience and not let it go further, y' know?"
"But...you fell in love."
"I couldn' help it. It all came on so fast. It weren' meant t' be part o' the plan...it was never supposed t' be part of the plan."
"So what changed?"
"Everythin' was workin' until the day o' our weddin'...when she came int' the chapel wearin' this dress...this unbelievably stunnin' dress...sort of, I don' know...like a silvery pearly colour, not quite grey, not quite white, somethin' in between. And her hair was all up an there was this veil...and the way she moved the light caught every little sparkle she jus' shone..." he closed his eyes, remembering the moment. "And that moment, I forgot that it was all meant t' be an act..." he gave a vague laugh, "my entire life I'd never been so nervous 'round a woman. Palms sweatin', body shakin'...neck hurt it was so tense..." he absently put a hand to the back of his neck. "It wasn' jus' that she was beautiful, it was somethin' I couldn' explain at the time..."
"And now how would you explain it?"
Remy thought deeply for a moment, "Y' ever sat doin' a jigsaw...and y' got a fuckin' mess o' pieces that go t' gether but y' can't figure out what goes where, can't figure out what the picture s' pose t' be?" he asked. "It was like somethin' clicked, right that moment I was a piece o' a jigsaw and the moment I saw Marie comin' down that aisle...it was like someone had clicked the next piece on t' me...and suddenly I coul' see part o' the picture..." he laughed anxiously, "then we went back t' Louisiana, and...I was in a really bad situation...back home wit' Jean-Luc, tryin' t' pretend that everythin' was normal..." he gently ran a finger against the glass of the tank, "I was fallin' apart a little on the inside...lot o' anger...lot o' stress...and she was jus' there every step of the way. She took care o' me in ways that no one ever had...she was there f' me in ways no one had ever been before..." he sighed softly. "She was direct and strong...and she made me feel oddly safe bein' there f' the first time..." he sighed.
"Then what happened?"
"Jean-Luc soon drink himself t' a stupor...got poisoned wit' it...Marie said take him t' the hospital so we did...they keep him in on detox and dialysis..." he drew his breath, "once he went int' that place, I never went t' visit, even when she did. I couldn'..."
"And he died there?"
Remy lowered his eyes to the floor, "never saw him again after that...never wanted t'. And when he died, I never went t' see his body...never checked it after the mortician had finished wit' him...I don' know if they did put a suit on him, or if they made him look healthier than he ever did in life..." he sighed, "the coffin was closed and that's the way it stayed..."
"Your wife...did she ever know about the issues between you and your father before he passed away?"
"No," he said, "I...think she suspected there was somethin' not right. She knew there was a bit o' hittin' but...I don' think she anticipated it was gon' be what it was. Wasn' until after the funeral it all came out..."
"How did that conversation go?"
"Hard...harder than I thought..." he rubbed the back of his neck anxiously, "was her friend...Logan...guy who brings me in here...guy who makes sure I come in through this door..." he frowned.
"I see..." she nodded.
"He's my wife's friend...he's been her teacher f' a good while, few years now...and I guess I...assumed..." he trailed off.
"You assumed the relationship was similar to what you had with your father..."
"Jean-Luc," Remy corrected, scowling a little, "And yes...I ain' known much kindness in this life and couldn' understand what was in Logan's relationship wit' her that was there f' him unless it were that."
"And you were wrong?"
"Yes," Remy sighed, "he called me out, he saw through the accusation...aired my dirty laundry, and she walked in...I had t' tell her...had t' tell them both."
Dr. Forbes scribbled something down momentarily, Remy turned to look at her, her expression was thoughtful.
"We went on Honeymoon t' St. Tropez, but the whole thing jus' follow us there...couldn' shake it. Spent hours rehearsin' in my head how I'd say things only t' get drunk every night tryin' t' find an easier way...never worked..."
"What would you have said to her?"
Remy sighed, "maybe the same things I said t' Tabitha," he confessed, feeling a little lost.
"Who is Tabitha?"
"This girl at Xavier's...this...blonde bombshell, kind o' girl y' see in the movies, the cheerleader, the beautiful funny bubbly type that everyone wants..." swept his hand absently over his short hair. "Turns out she's like me...our pasts are so similar it's insane...and we started talkin' 'bout it."
"How did it feel to connect with someone like yourself?"
Remy groaned, he didn't know if he wanted to answer the question.
"Mr. LeBeau?"
"It felt good," Remy finally admitted, "Y' happy now?"
"What felt good about it?"
"Jus'...havin' somoene who got it, someone who understood those things and wasn' gon' be sorry f' me. Not in the way that my wife or anyone else woul'," he explained quietly. "It...it was different...there was a weird...sort of...sense o' relief that came wit' it...t' say those things...only now it's fucked everythin' up."
"How?"
"Tabitha got attached t' me, I guess, and my wife didn' like it. Tabitha don' know about my wife, we was tryin' t' keep things quiet and Tabitha saw it was a clear runway t' make moves on me. Now my wife...she's not talkin' t' me...foun' out Tabitha kissed me and Marie threw her rings at me and everythin'...said it was over. And I believe it...she don' go int' overdramatics much...she jus' lets things sit and bubble and bubble 'til things boil over. But usually when they do is when it's warranted."
"So...do you think that your wife was within her right to act the way she did?"
Remy sighed, "thinkin' maybe I'd have done the same thing in her shoes...think I'd be devastated..."
"Have you spoken to her since the argument?"
"I tried callin' her but she gave me the phone back...so I got no way t' do that. I couldn' find her when I looked f' her, I think she went out afterwards...so I came here, I needed t' talk...t' someone who weren' Tabitha."
"So...you've been unable to speak to Marie about your childhood sincethe funeral?"
"Yes," He sighed, "I've tried before but somethin' always comes up...interruptions or feelings or I chicken out 'cause I jus' can't say the things it'd mean sayin'..."
"Why do you find it hard to talk to your wife?"
"She's had a tough life herself...a lot of pain, a lot of rejection...she don' need my troubles..." Remy supposed, "And I can't stand the thought o' the way she might look at me. It'd be there every time we touched each other, every time we look at each other, it'd make Jean-Luc stronger, he'd never leave."
"I see."
Remy tried to squeeze the tension from the back of his neck, "what am I meant t' do now, doc?"
Dr. Forbes took a moment to think, "have you tried talking to her about Tabitha?"
"I can't. It'd mean breakin' a lot of promises, it'd mean admittin' that I broke promises. I told Tabitha I'd never tell anyone about her and I already have, and then...it'd mean admittin' t' my wife that I broke my promise t' never share anythin' private with Tabitha, t' never share things with Tab that I could wit' her."
"Do you think she wouldn't understand?"
"It's not that I think she wouldn' understand," Remy confessed, "it's that I think she'd see it too much of a sign that Tabitha and I shoul' be t'gether 'cause we get each other."
"And what do you think? How do you feel about Tabitha?" asked Dr. Forbes, "You described her as beautiful and funny...but you didn't admit to what your feelings were..."
"She's my friend, that's it."
"There's no attraction? No longing for her?"
"Last night, Tabitha kiss me...real hard and passionate...all I coul' think about was my wife...how I wanted it t' be her. I feel nothin' f' Tabitha...nothin' but friendship...kindness. It ain' love...not like it is with Marie..."
"What do you think would be the best course of action for you right now?"
Remy thought about it quietly for a moment, "I think t' leave Bayville altogether woul' probably be the best solution. But the thought o' it rips me up...I started t' build a life here...a life here wit' my wife that this...this stupid mistake I made of makin' a friend has torn out from under me...and it's his fault. If he had never did what he did t' me, Tabitha and I woul' never have talked and I wouldn' be here right now talkin' t' you."
Dr. Forbes didn't agree nor disagree, she was silent, listening.
"His fault I fell f' Marie. God, my life was so much easier wit' out love..."
"Was it?"
"I went where I wanted, when I wanted, did what and who I felt like doin' at the time."
"And was your life happy?"
That was an odd question, Remy supposed. "It was tolerable...there wasn' any sadness. I didn' have anyone t' disappoint, the people I already had in my life were disappointed and by that point I didn' care any more how much more disappointed they got..."
"But it wasn't a happy life."
"What do I know about happiness, doc?" Remy asked with a grunt.
"I think you know it well, the way your voice changed when you spoke of your wedding, the way you spoke of your wife and how she was there for you during those hard times, it brings sadness, I know, but I heard happiness..."
"My wife the closest thing I got t' happiness..."
"And yet you would rather that you hadn't fallen in love," Dr. Forbes pointed out.
"It'd just be easier if I hadn't. If I'd been able t' detach. Jean-Luc used t' tell me that love was f' the weak...y' get attached, y' get feelin's f' people, it make y' weak. May be the only time in this life I admit the bastard was right."
"I don't think you're weak, Mr. LeBeau. The life you've told me of, the things you've endured, those things have not made you weak, they have made you strong."
Remy laughed bitterly, "What's made me strong? My inability t' tell my wife how bad my life really was? My inability t' admit t' Tabitha that I'm married t' her friend? My inability t' talk t' my wife about the ghost, my inability t' even get rid o' the fuckin' thing?!"
"What makes you strong," said Dr. Forbes, "is that instead of turning to the bottle – as you've admitted you have a tendency to do – you come here. That instead of ignoring the problem, you came here, without being prodded or pushed. Your life is falling apart around you and your first instinct was to come here."
Remy sighed quietly.
"You've come here because you have strength, because you want to change things, because you don't want to be weak and let these things happen..."
"Fine," Remy muttered, "so what am I supposed t' do?"
"I'm not here to tell you what to do, Mr. LeBeau," Dr. Forbes explained, "I can't tell you to tell your wife the truth or be honest with your friends or tell your wife about the ghost...I can't sway your hand in any direction I think it should go."
"Then what good is it bein' here?" Remy asked, feeling close to tears. "Y' supposed t' have helpful advice, y' supposed t' be able t' help me."
"What do you want to happen in your life?" Dr. Forbes sat forward, her expression intense.
Remy stared at her, he considered this, "I want t' be rid o' Jean-Luc."
"Do you think this is the answer to your problems?"
"Some of them," Remy confessed, "If I coul' be rid o' him...this...I don' know what t' call it...oppression maybe? Maybe I'd be able t' get over things, maybe be able t' function and start feelin' like me again."
"I'm sorry," said Dr. Forbes, "but being rid of Jean-Luc, it will never happen. You cannot shed your history like a duck sheds water from its back."
"Then I'm stuck wit' it?"
"I'm not sure I believe in ghosts, Mr. LeBeau. What I do think is that this ghost of yours is a manifestation that you created."
"No...it's real. It's causin' things t' happen...it hurts me...it can break things..."
Dr. Forbes stared at him, "and you are a mutant."
"So?"
"Have you ever considered that perhaps you are accessing a hidden power? Telekinesis...manifesting powers that you didn't know you have?"
"No," Remy snorted, "If I was telekinetic, I think I'd know."
"Let me ask a question, Mr. LeBeau..." Dr. Forbes put her notepad aside, "you've admitted that the ghost is getting stronger. At what points does it get stronger?"
"What d' y' mean?"
"What has happened previous to the ghost gaining power over you?"
Remy drew a breath, "I've talked about him..."
"In my experience of treating you these past few weeks, you've begun to talk about him, and then switched off...changed the subject, avoided speaking more. Has it occurred to you that you are giving the ghost the power by letting it give you the fear?"
Pacing a little, Remy laughed again, this time even more bitterly than before, "lettin' it give me the fear? Y' ain' seen this thing..."
"What do you see when it appears to you?"
Remy winced, "it looks...and it soun's like him but...it's like somethin' out of them Walkin' Dead shows...all decay and mold...skin like grey leather...pus and maggots and...the smell...it gets worse every appearance...it started out lookin' jus' like him, alive and as normal as I remember him lookin' but now...it's a corpse...a walkin' breathin' decayin' corpse...and he talks t' me...sayin' these cold cruel things...tellin' me things I don' wan' hear or be reminded o'.."
Dr. Forbes seemed almost fascinated by this. "What kind of things does he say?"
"Tries t' poison me agains' people...tellin' me the things they probably think o' me or...the things I shoul' do t' them. Tells me people think I'm crazy...that I'm worthless...He tries t' poison me agains' my wife by tellin' me she's a whore...tries t' tell me she's sleepin' wit' Logan..."
"Interesting."
"What is?"
"You admitted only a short while ago that you assumed your wife was sleeping with this man...or that he had some kind of sexual interest in her."
"So?"
"It only makes me think more that this ghost is a manifestation of what is going on inside of you...a manifestation of your fears and insecurities..."
Remy shook his head, "no...it's real."
"To you, yes, it is," Dr. Forbes agreed, "it's very real and very frightening, because it is building and building and it seems to have nowhere to go. Mr. LeBeau, my feeling is that this ghost is you, not Jean-Luc. It is not him who is telling you these things, it is you, and if you do not stop and deal with the issues that are building up in your life, you are going to let this ghost – which is to say yourself – systematically tear down every part of your life that you have spent the past few months trying to build."
"How am I supposed t' deal wit' it?!" Remy almost screamed at her suddenly, "it's a fuckin' ghost, I can't hit it, I can't beat it. What do you want me to do? What am I supposed to do?!"
Dr. Forbes stared at him, "I can't influence you to do anything, Mr. LeBeau. I can only make you come to the conclusion of what you feel you should do."
"If y' weren't a shrink," Remy breathed, "If y' weren't bein' paid, what would y' suggest."
"Again, I can't tell you what to do..." she replied firmly, "I can only lead you to the mountain, Mr. LeBeau, but I cannot force you to climb it, I cannot put the right shoes on you and tell you which steps to take. You need to look at the mountain, you need to decide what you want to do...you need to decide if you want to climb it."
Remy sighed, "what's at the top o' this mountain?"
"What is at the top of the mountain depends on what you want in your life. Whatever you want in life is at the top of that mountain."
"My wife."
"And in order to be at the top with your wife, what must you do?"
Remy looked away, frowning.
"You know the answer. You've been saying it since you first begun attending sessions."
"I want t' tell my wife...'bout everythin'."
"Then that would be the first step," she agreed.
"I don' know how t' do that...I've tried...every time I do I jus'...I clam up. When I think I get the strength suddenly I lose my nerve..."
"Would it help to bring her to a session? To tell her together?"
Remy shook his head, "I ain' even found it in myself t' tell her I see a shrink yet."
"Perhaps that should be your next step," Dr. Forbes admitted.
"How? I fucked up...she's not talkin' t' me..."
"You will find a way, Mr. LeBeau."
There had been times before when Rogue had considered leaving the institute entirely; usually it had to do with sadness more than anger. Today, it was fury that burned the idea into her head that she should leave this place, that it had never brought her much happiness since the day she'd set foot here.
Why am Ah here? My powers are beyond help...why do Ah even stay? Ah was supposed to have control by now, she thought dully as she stared at her bare hands. It seemed strange after two months of wearing a wedding and engagement ring that now her left hand was completely bare. She had nothing to hide any more, nothing to feel strangely ashamed and secretive about.
What bothered her at that moment was she cared more about the rings than the lack of control of her powers. She hadn't thought about it in weeks, hadn't cared about it, hadn't cared to complain about her lack of control over them to anyone, hadn't worried about it in a while.
Ever since me and Remy got together, it's...never been an issue. Since we figured out ways to be together, it wasn't important any more...
No, she supposed it had been important sometimes...for instance when Tabitha had suggested that she couldn't give Remy the kind of relationship he'd need.
That was what she meant by how Ah'd taken him from one bad relationship into another, she was talkin' about how my powers were gonna make it a bad relationship, Rogue thought unhappily.
God she was so furious with Tabitha right now. She was afraid of even leaving her bedroom for fear of running into the girl, she wasn't sure what she may do. Learning that Tabitha had kissed Remy made anger burn so deeply inside of her she wanted to hit the girl.
Hitting wasn't an option.
Rogue didn't want to admit she felt partially responsible for Tabitha's kissing Remy. If she'd been direct from the start, would Tabitha have still set her sights on Remy? Perhaps, but it'd have been far easier to tell her to back off. Keeping up the charade of pretending to be 'just friends' with Remy while Remy pretended to be married to some unseen woman had made it far too easy for Tabitha to grow close to him and make moves on him. It was too easy to seduce a man whose wife was figuratively not part of the picture as far as Tabitha was aware.
But still, it didn't make it all right that Remy had let Tabitha kiss him and kept it from her. Not even once, but twice? He'd held so many secrets, and she'd put up with them, she'd lived with them, endured the sleepless nights and constant worry. She'd suspected this was eventually going to happen and she'd wanted to be wrong.
She hated that she'd been right.
She felt sick to her stomach with all of this. She'd been feeling sick for weeks now, after every sleepless night, came slightly nauseated mornings and afternoons of extreme exhaustion. She could barely eat most days and if it weren't for the constant chaos at breakfast and dinner, she felt someone probably would have noticed by now. So far, at least she had that to be thankful for; no harassment about her lack of eating.
At school she'd been snacking on candy bars and potato chips just to get her through the day but she was fearing that this was only going to put weight on her, feared she may just turn into Tabitha with that kind of unhealthy diet.
"Rogue, we need you."
Rogue glanced up from the book she'd been trying to force herself to read to distract herself from her unhappiness. Scott was standing at her open door, looking in. "Hmm?"
"We have a mission...suit up. Meet in the hangar in ten minutes."
Rogue watched as Scott disappeared, shutting the door behind himself. She sighed silently. Right now, being on a mission was the last thing she needed with all these things going on in her life.
Then again, perhaps it was the only thing she needed. Something to take her mind away from these things, the opportunity to perhaps get into a fight, unleash some of her frustration.
Tossing the book aside, she got up and set to get herself dressed. She was surprised that as she took her clothes off and pulled her uniform from the ottoman at the bottom of her bed that she was actually looking forward to getting into some kind of altercation. Yes, this was exactly what she needed right now.
"Chere..."
Rogue winced at the sound of Remy's voice at her back as she was beginning to pull her uniform on. "Not now."
"I need t' talk t' y'."
"Ah told you Ah have nothin' to say to you," she coldly muttered. She caught his reflection in the mirror on her dresser, he was standing by the closed door looking sombre and tired.
"Then jus' listen," he suggested firmly.
"Really?" she asked, turning around as she zipped up the front of her uniform after awkwardly squeezing into it as quickly as she could, "You want me to listen now?! Ah've given you every opportunity to talk to me, Remy, but it's now that you want to start talkin'?" she grabbed her breast plate from where she'd placed it and pulled it on, clicking it shut securely.
"Y' need t' give me a chance..."
"Ah have given you ample time. Too many chances to count, Remy," Rogue grabbed her belt and clipped it on. "And right now, Ah have to be on a mission and Ah could do without this..."
"When y' gon' be back?" he asked quietly.
"Ah don't know," she snapped, "Why? You want more time to make up lies about how you're never gonna cheat on me?!"
"I never cheated," he said calmly, "that was all Tabitha-"
"Ah don't want to hear it, Remy!" she snapped, she sat on the edge of her bed and went about pulling her boots on.
"What good woul' it have done t' tell y'?" he demanded, "t' tell y' about somethin' that made no difference t' us. I didn' wan' hurt y'! I knew how it'd make y' feel! I didn' wan' go through the same thing again when it happened wit' Belle!"
"Why is it that it always just happens, Remy? Why is it you have no accountability?!"
"I..."
"Would you have even told me?!"
"I-" he tried.
"About Belladonna? If Ah hadn't seen it for myself, would you have ever admitted it?"
He looked away.
"And Tabitha...if it hadn't come out, you'd have let that sit forever unknown, let her lord that over me!"
"I rejected Belle! I rejected Tabitha! I've rejected her more times than I can count, I don' know how t' make it any clearer t' y' that I love you, not anyone else!"
"You lied to me! You've been keepin' things from me...things you've been sharin' with her!" she hissed. Right now, the thought of all these things being dredged up so soon again made her feel sick to her stomach, "Ah don't need this right now! Ah've had enough sleepless nights and stress. It's makin' me sick!"
"And I ain' had t' deal wit' that?" he demanded. "Y' think I sleep well at night? Y' think I don' got stress?!"
"Ah know you got stress!" she retorted. "But it doesn't do it any good to use it as an excuse when you know you're in the wrong," she headed for the door.
"Y' jus' gon' walk away from me!?" he demanded, "after everythin'? After I came here t' tell y'..."
"It doesn't do it any good to try to tell me after the fact, Remy! It doesn't do any good to try to use it as a bargainin' chip to talk to me after you know you did wrong!"
"I did wrong! Fine, I kept things from y', but this ain' easy!"
"All you had to do was be honest, Remy! All you had to do was tell me!"
"And what if I had?! Y' been all over my back! Screamin' the odds like now!"
"And Ah got no right to?!" she demanded, "You promised you'd never let this happen! And you did it again! You promised you'd never go and get drunk again, and you let that happen too! You promised you'd speak to me and you clammed up!"
"Y' wan' speak?!" he demanded, "fine, lets speak, why don' y' ask me what it is I want t' tell y', chere!"
"Like Ah said," she opened the door and stepped out, "Ah have a mission."
Remy swatted the air angrily, "Don't go."
Snorting, Rogue shook her head, "no, Remy. This time you aren't tellin' me what to do, you aren't manipulatin' me into bein' how you want me to be. Enough."
"But..."
"Ah said enough," Rogue drew her breath and lowered her voice, suddenly remembering there were other people in the mansion who may have heard all this yelling. "Ah've dealt with enough liars in my life, Remy. Ah've had enough people go behind my back and try to manipulate me...Ah thought finally Ah had someone who was gonna be different. But you're just like everyone else..." she shook her head at him, "Ah can't believe Ah let myself fall for this...Logan was right, you were always set to break my heart. Ah should have been wise."
"Please..."
"Ah have to go," she said and with that, she gave him no more chance to respond, she was gone faster than he could beg her not to leave.
"You okay, Rogue?"
Rogue swept her hair from her face, she was sweating profusely. It had been weeks since she'd flown on the Blackbird, it had been weeks since a mission this far from Bayville and there'd been no need to travel by air. She very rarely ever felt airsick, but right now, she felt nauseated and hot and incredibly sweaty. The rocky flight was not helping.
"Ah'm fine," she lied to Kurt who had asked her.
"You're all sweaty and pale," said Kurt, staring at her worriedly.
"Yeah, it's just been a while since Ah've travelled by air."
"Now ain't a good time to be gettin' airsick," Logan warned from where he was sitting at the cockpit.
"There's a bag under the seat," Kitty said from the seat behind her.
"Ah'm fine," Rogue assured, she swept the sweat from her forehead with the back of her glove, "It's just warm in here is all."
Kurt touched her arm, "I heard you yelling earlier with someone...is something wrong?"
"No..." Rogue felt her cheeks flush. How much had Kurt heard? Damn it, why did Ah let Remy provoke me into arguin' like that?
"Who was it you were yelling at?" Kurt queried.
"It was a stupid telemarketer tryin' to sell me cable television...Ah just went off and let him have it, Ah guess," Rogue lied.
"Oh," said Kurt, looking rather disbelieving. "Thought it might have been Tabitha."
No, that was yesterday, Rogue thought darkly.
"Tabitha has been in a weird mood today," Jean admitted, "she was upset about something, but she wouldn't say what. I sensed some real upset coming from her."
Kurt sighed quietly, "Maybe I should talk to her."
Why bother? She's only going to bend your ear about how Ah'm a bitch and how Remy is hers and she's going to be totally oblivious to the fact that you like her anyway, Rogue thought towards him. She wished she could say these things but thought the better of it.
"She's had such a hard time settling back home this time," Jean admitted softly, "she's not been the same as she always was. Something is different, now. I can't put my finger on why."
It's because she's in love with Remy and she can't have him, Rogue thought. She wondered if Jean could pick up on the thought. Maybe Ah better be careful what Ah think, she realised.
"I think her dad is back in prison again," Kurt sighed.
"What?" Rogue turned to look at him curiously.
"Two days ago I answered the phone and it was someone from New York state prison...Tabitha grabbed the phone from me when I asked who it was and she slammed it down."
"Hey, quiet down the back," Logan warned, "where Tabitha's father is or isn't doesn't have anything to do with any of you."
"Just saying," Kurt spoke up, "that maybe it's why she's so unhappy."
"If my dad was in prison, I'd be unhappy," Kitty supposed. "Course, I'd be unhappy if the guy I liked was going to a dance with someone else, too."
Rogue rolled her eyes at the girl, she was glad Kitty was sitting behind her, because it meant she couldn't turn to throw the girl a dirty look. She didn't have the energy to do so right now. Rogue turned and caught Kurt's expression falling a little. She read his face, he didn't like the thought of Tabitha liking Remy one single bit.
Ah know how that feels, she thought darkly.
The plane shook with a little bit of turbulence, Rogue pursed her lips together quickly, her stomach churned with sickness. She made a small moan into her closed mouth, unable to help herself.
"Rogue?" asked Logan, "you holdin' up okay back there?"
"She's looking a little green, Logan," said Jean worriedly.
"Rogue?" Logan asked again.
She tried to respond with a claim she was fine, but when she did she wretched. Kurt was hasty to grab a bag from beneath the seat and he was quick to catch the vomit as she leaned forward and lost her battle with the nausea.
"Eww!" came a groan from Kitty, "that smells!"
"Sorry..." Rogue managed weakly, she vomited again, it came out in weak little bursts.
Kurt wrinkled his nose, "why is there always carrot?" he asked absently.
"Ugh, Kurt!" Kitty complained from the back.
"You think we could keep that on a need to know?" Scott asked from the front, sounding a little sick. He flicked a few switches for the air conditioning, it being the best alternative to try and handle the smell.
"Sorry," Kurt apologised feebly.
"Scott! You're blowing the smell back here!" Kitty gasped.
"Yeah, better than blowing it forward up here, I can't concentrate on piloting with that smell..." Scott retorted.
"Sorry..." Rogue managed again.
"You're going to have to sit this out if you're sick," Scott said, glancing over his shoulder at her briefly.
"Ah'm fine," she assured, accepting a tissue from Jean. Rogue wasn't even sure where Jean had kept that tissue on her uniform but she took it all the same and wiped her mouth. "Ah already feel a bit better..."
"You better, 'cause it ain't like we can turn around right now," Logan said, "we're almost there. If you can't handle it, you're going to have to sit back there and wait it out."
"Ah'm fine," Rogue tried. She did feel slightly better having been sick, although the sweating hadn't let up much. "If it happens again, Ah'll just make sure to aim it all over whomever we end up fightin' with. Like Toad does..."
"But not quite as gross as toad," Kurt grinned. He examined Rogue curiously, "You sure you're okay, though? You really don't look too good..."
"Ah'll be okay," she replied. Ah got to be, don't Ah?
"Maybe they're right, maybe you should wait it out," Jean said.
"And sit here useless?" Rogue frowned, "Ah'm fine now, it's just a little bit of motion sickness."
"But you never get motion sick," Kitty spoke up from the back.
"Yeah, well, it's been a good while since Ah've flown and there's a cold goin' around at school."
"I guess that's true. Remy is just barely over his cold," Kurt agreed.
Rogue winced at even the mention of her husband's name right at that moment. Maybe it was that that caused her to vomit again quite unexpectedly.
"Rogue!" Kurt gasped, "you're really not okay..."
"Ah'm fine, don't worry," Rogue groaned.
"Okay, that's it, you're sitting this out," Logan said from the front, "If you were feeling lousy, you should have said something back at the mansion."
"Ah was fine then," she lied uncomfortably, she avoided staring down into the bag of vomit, she wasn't sure it would help her situation to do so.
"Are there any motion sickness meds in the plane?" Kurt asked.
"Doesn't matter if there are, we're about to land. Hold tight."
Rogue groaned, she wasn't sure her day could get any worse.
END OF PART THIRTY
I'm going to keep this brief 'cause I think I have flu and I feel like shit and my mind is going numb. Thanks to all as always for the kind reviews. I always appreciate the feed back. Hope you're all having a good weekend. Love you all.