The following morning was anything but business as usual.
I rose early, waking Carl briefly to inform him that I had some errands to run and that I'd be back, allowing him to sleep a few more hours. The community is abuzz as I make my way through the streets towards the gates. With Rick gone and Daryl tracking Negan, the people who reside in Alexandria are certainly on edge. The other members of my group, however, have been quick to fill the void. Glenn, for one, has really stepped up and taken over some of the more major leadership decisions for the time being. I find the others in the usual meeting place, the church near the center of our community complex. Whatever conversation they're having as I push the large wooden doors open suddenly grinds to a halt and all eyes are then on me. Their gazes are inquisitive, as if wondering why I came after everything that happened the day before. Some like Rosita and Maggie even gave me a look close to pity. I don't acknowledge any of their gazes, merely stuffing my hands into my jean pockets and lean up against a nearby pew, waiting for them to resume.
For a moment, no one says anything.
Then Glenn:
"Our attack yesterday was a failure." he says. "Even though we managed to drive them off into the countryside, they suffered fewer losses, and they got a head start on Daryl and his group. To make matters worse, all that noise we caused is bringing walkers from all over the area making travel even more dangerous."
"We have to assume they'll organize a counterattack, then." Carol offers in her soft, yet firm, voice.
"Exactly."
"Then what do we do?" Maggie chimes in. "Our people are demoralized. Losing Rick has..." she pauses. Mentioning Rick's name is clearly painful to her. "...it's affected more than just us." She continues. "A lot of our surviving fighters were wounded, including Abraham. They're not ready to fight again so soon."
"Our people will have to defend this place." I suddenly speak up, seeming to surprise quite a few of the others. "This is their home too. We can't just rely on a select few to protect this community. That counterattack? It's going to happen here. Daryl took some of the able bodied fighters with him to track Negan so that weakens us even more. Unless Daryl succeeds, we're venerable."
"Why are we so sure they'll strike here?" Eugene inquires. "Hilltop and the Kingdom helped us attack him too. Aren't they targets?"
"Not quite."
"Explain."
I clear my throat. "Before we came on to the scene, Negan was free to do as he pleased. He had Hilltop in his grasp and the Kingdom was happy to turn a blind eye so long as they weren't dragged into it. We united them against him. Alone, we openly defied him. He'll seek to make an example out of us by punishing us first." My gaze falls on Glenn. "You remember what he kept telling Rick? That we shouldn't have messed with his 'order'? Even back then, we were his major targets."
Glenn nods in recognition.
"Not to mention," Michonne finally speaks up. "His two other major enemies, that Jesus guy and Ezekiel, are camped here with us for the moment. He definitely will strike here."
"We have one advantage to all of this." I follow up. "We know he's coming. That means we won't be caught off guard if we prepare to fight back. But in order to do that, we have to make our choices and move quickly. Negan isn't twiddling his thumbs. If he's out there, he's coming for us even as we speak."
"We should get snipers up in all the high points." Glenn offers. "What ever able bodied men and women we have left, we'll use to double security on the wall."
I nod my agreement.
That's the best plan, in all honestly. That will allow us to see Negan coming and fire off the first shots before he's able. Perhaps, with the element of surprise, we can turn a losing battle into a victory. Maggie looks at me with a concerned eye. I flash her a glance, but my face doesn't betray the raging storm going on inside of me. I can't deny how alien this feels - to be going over a plan without Rick here to hear it and mediate the discussion. As if reading my thoughts, Maggie's glance of concern turns into words:
"How is Carl?"
All eyes are on me again.
My gaze, on the other hand, goes downward towards the aging wooden floor. Closing my eyes, I allow the pervasive darkness to consume me and calm my festering emotions before speaking to answer her.
"He's hurting." I answer truthfully. "And this time, there's nothing I can do to ease the pain."
With my eyes clamped tightly shut, only an uneasy silence passes between us. I cannot see any facial reactions or glance exchanges, but I imagine they're all passing glances of concern and scrutiny among each other. Glenn's voice is the next to fill the bubble of silence, rousing me again from my thoughts.
"Can he fight?"
A twinge.
This one a mixture of anger and confusion.
My eyes snap open and I direct a glare, much colder than I had intended, in his direction.
"I don't know." I reply coldly. "I didn't consider that among the important things to ask him when I got up this morning."
The anger inside of me is stifled only by the fact that each of them are grieving too and Glenn was only asking a relevant question. I, however, think there are more important things to consider right now rather than Carl's battle readiness. The truth is, I wouldn't be in the least bit upset if Carl didn't fight. He's already suffered a major injury and an even more major loss. The fear that I may lose him before this is all over has become more and more real to me the longer it drags on. In fact, of anyone here, Glenn should know best how I feel. His spouse lost her mother, her sister, her brother, and eventually her father Hershel too. I'm relying on that understanding right now. Carol is the one, however, to break the tense silence.
"I'll watch after Judith." she declares. "She'll be safe."
I nod my appreciation, "Thank you."
"Let's start getting preparations together." Glenn announces. "Maggie and I will get some gunners in high places. Everyone else head for the wall."
####
I wasn't heading for the wall.
Not yet, anyways.
My first priority always, but especially now, is Carl and I have yet to check up on him yet. It doesn't take me very long to locate him. Carl is sitting on the steps outside our home, leaping to his feet like a frightened hare upon seeing me approach. His eyes are swollen a pinkish-red and which tells me he's been crying again. I cross the yard with a quick stride, enveloping his smaller frame in a comforting embrace, which he immediately melts into. When he looks up at me from within my hug, I cannot resist the urge I have to kiss him and so I bend down and lovingly press my lips to his. Its a tender kiss, meant more to reassure him than out of any sexual desire. To be honest, at this point, my sexual desire is as dry as the Mohave Desert, what with all that's been going on. But that doesn't mean I can't show Carl that I love him and am here for him.
"I was starting to get worried." he confesses when our lips come apart.
I give Carl the best smile I can muster and add a little wink to it. "You should have a bit more faith in me." I tell him. "I won't go off and do something dangerous without dragging my partner-in-crime along with me."
That brings a genuine smile to his face, warming my heart.
"What's everyone saying?"
I inhale deeply, briefly running through the earlier meeting before answering. "We're definitely at war. Glenn and Maggie are positioning our gunners. Everyone else is massing at the gates." I explain to him. "Its like we said last night. Negan is definitely coming here."
He's silent for a moment.
"Carl," I say after a moment has passed. "You don't have to fight if you don't feel like it. You can stay with Carol and protect Judith."
More silence.
"Tanner, I..."
KA-BOOM!
The sound of an explosion, followed by shattering glass, sends me diving to the ground in our front yard; spreading my body over Carl's to ensure his safety. We both pick our heads up, my ears ringing from the blast, searching for the source. I can hear the sound of people screaming, just above the ringing, as they scatter for shelter from whatever just caused that shockwave. Picking myself off of Carl, I continue to scan the neighborhood for other signs of danger.
"That explosion..." he breathes.
"Yeah," I reply. "He's here..."
We pick ourselves off the ground and wordlessly exchange a glance. No more words need to be said. I see the gun strapped to his thigh, where he always holsters it, and I know he's going to fight no matter what. With a silent nod, we both bolt off in the direction of the noise. Immediately, the source becomes apparent. Rounding the corner, we catch sight of a burning house. The site of the blast is obvious. I cannot control the look of confusion that comes across my face. Do they have a tank or something? No gunshot could cause that much damage and that powerful of an explosion.
"What the hell?" I hear myself breathe.
"It was a grenade." the voice of Maggie comes from our side. "I saw it."
"Let's get to the wall." I say. "If they're using grenades, the others are in danger."
The sight at gate is more chilling.
Glenn had clearly gotten a lot done in the short time since the morning meeting, as many of the able-bodied had gathered, but all of them seem to be stricken by great fear. It doesn't take me long to figure out why.
Negan.
The man has parked himself outside our gates atop the cab of a semi truck, Lucile casually swung over his shoulder, surrounded by his men who had escaped with him from their sanctuary. My blood boils even more when I spot Dwight standing on the ground near the front of the truck, holding some sort of rifle in his hand. He is suppose to be working for our side, but I don't see how that can be possible. Just the sight of him causes me to contort with raw rage and and anger. Similarly, Negan doesn't look pleased at all. His usual child-like arrogance is gone, replaced by a brick wall expression, forged in rage.
"I hope that got your attention!" the mobster roars. "There's plenty fucking more where that came from!"
Goddammit...
It is just as I thought. Negan didn't waste anytime making his way here. Where did he get the vehicles? When Carl and I saw his group making a run for it at their factory, it was on foot. That either means that Negan found these vehicles on his way here or he has other hideouts that we know nothing about! Either prospect is daunting but perhaps more worrisome is that Daryl has yet to show up. Did he and his group encounter Negan and fall victim to them on the road, or are they still out there looking? My stomach twists with discomfort at the thought of something terrible having happened to Daryl too. Next to me, Carl grips his gun tightly, and looks to me for direction. I keep my eye on Negan, who seems to be increasingly agitated that fighters have gathered to oppose him yet again.
"Nothing then?!" the villainous leader bellows. "None of you have anything to say for your fucking selves?!"
No one says anything.
At this point, everyone knows a fight is about to break out. Its only a matter of when now. Even I know that we're venerable right now. If Negan attacks like he means it, we may be in very bad shape. The community hasn't even recovered from the last battle yet.
"Still don't want to talk?!" Negan barks out. "Well then maybe this will grab your fucking attention!"
Movement behind Negan catches my eye and, before I know it, several figures are pulled from the back of one of the Saviors' vehicles and paraded out in front of where the mobster is standing. I count five people in all, all wearing some sort of bag over their heads, who are immediately forced to stand before Negan like some sort of prisoners of war. I reflexively reach for the hilt of my sword, tightening my fist around the pommel just in case. Negan's anger turns into sadistic glee as he grins in revolting satisfaction. I would only have to wait in suspense for the reason:
"I brought you lot a gift!" he announces. "I even wrapped them in a fucking bow for you!" Clearly he's referencing the hoods over their heads. "I guess with Rick dead, you all got fucking sloppy and missed these ones."
The heat of anger swells within my stomach.
Next to me, Carl's face contorts in both pain and outrage at the mention of his now-deceased father's name. And then it dawns on me who Negan has under those hoods. This has to be Daryl's group! They did find Negan and they got captured in the process! But something isn't quite right... Including Daryl, six people left to track down Negan. Only five are in hoods in front of the Saviors' boss. Is Negan saving one of them for some other sick display later? Or did he already kill one of them? Either option makes my stomach twist and contort with revulsion and sadness. Negan seems to thrive off of the shock and growing trepidation from those gathered to see his cruelty on display once again.
"Don't everybody speak at once." Negan mocks us. "Geez, killing Rick really cut the balls off of this place."
He's goading us.
Its working.
Carl in particularly is visibly enraged, his normal pale complexion has turned crimson with rage, and I can see his clenched fist shaking violently as if he is trying to contain the monster awakening within him. From beyond the gate, Negan's beady eyes finally find their mark on Carl and I, his sadistic grin widening upon seeing our response to his remarks. He's actually enjoying the pain he's causing. Savoring every angry expression, every tear shed, and every mouth clamped shut by his brutality. For a moment only the nearby sound of burning buildings fill my field of hearing as I hold Negan's monstrous gaze. Finally, I can't take the silence any longer, its just too much. No matter how futile, somebody has to stop this. Carl's color quickly returns to him in a genuinely shocked expression as I step forward and actually begin making my way towards the barred gates.
It doesn't take much to notice that all eyes are currently on me. Everyone is watching, waiting, anxious to see what I'll do and say. Will I be the one that finally pushes Negan over the edge and makes him attack us? Or, on the other side, will I be the one that surrenders us and dooms us to a life of servitude and suffering to our enemy? Anyone who knows me knows that I won't do that. I'd sooner die and turn into a walker than surrender this place to a monster like Negan. The tension is thick, hanging in the air like a dense fog, as I reach the entrance to our gated community. One hand steadied on the hilt of my sword, the other shakily rises to clutch one of the iron bars of the gate. I can feel my pulse racing, my breath struggling to make the journey through my respiratory system, and my blood turning to ice in my veins. Despite the certain fear and dread I feel freezing my blood, I keep my eyes locked with Negan's, the man regarding me with curiosity now, rather than gleeful sadism. I do my best to look menacing even though I know I must be failing terribly at it.
"Enough!" I bark, finally finding my voice. "I'm here. I'll talk. Let them go and I'll talk to you about anything you want."
Negan looks thunderstruck.
The shock doesn't last, though, quickly returning to the smug grin he'd been giving us before.
"You heard the man." he sneers to the thug standing below him. "Let 'em go."
Released from their captivity, the five men begin to lumber forward towards the gate. In response, I slowly creak the metal gating open enough to allow them through. I'm on high alert, expecting Negan to pull one of his cruel stunts any moment now. In an act of bold courage, Denise arrives beside me. As someone who was taught basic medical care by Denise, I can already tell what she is thinking: they'll need medical attention and she wants to be on the front lines when they come through the gates.
"You keep an eye on him." she murmurs to me, motioning to the still-grinning Negan. "I'll get them back to my place for treatment."
I nod simply, not taking my gaze off of Negan for a moment.
The five men reach us safely and I step aside to allow Denise access to them. Her first action is to remove the hood from the first captive's head. Big mistake. An eerily familiar, but blood-chilling snarl pierces the tension, and before Denise can pull away to safety, it is already too late. Wide-eyed, I only manage to catch a glimpse at the dead thing under the hood before it sank its decaying teeth into Denise's forearm and tore from her a bloodied chunk of flesh. The doctor releases a shriek of pain and surprise and panic ensues. The walkers underneath the other hood react lively to the noise of a fresh kill, but, blinded by the hoods around their heads, they are unable to bite anyone else.
"ATTACK!" Negan bellows with the voice of a trumpet.
The next few moments are a completely blur to me. Racing towards Denise. Negan's men preparing to fight. Screams of horror and terror behind me as the citizens flee the now imminent fighting. The first gunshots. Me reaching Denise. My sword swings out to kiss the skull of her attacking walker, ending its reanimation and sparing her any further bites.
"Hang on, Denise!" I yell above the chaos. "This'll hurt like a bitch, but I have to cut it off!"
I raise my sword to do just that, but Fate has decided that it isn't through with me today.
A blast detonates somewhere behind me, deafening me with the noise alone. Likely another grenade. The shockwave that follows catches me completely by surprise, throwing me forward, my sword clattering uselessly out of my hand as I tumble to the ground again, rolling a few times before slamming hard into a nearby street pole. Pain rockets through me and I can feel the warm sensation of blood trickling down my forehead and on the skin now exposed by a ripped shirt and jeans. I try to move but am immediately frozen by another sharp pain which seems to course through my entire body. Its so intense I start to see spots and colors. Somewhere during the episode, I let out a cry of pain, but even more of anguish.
He killed them.
Daryl's team.
For all I know, Daryl is among the walkers underneath those cowls. Worst of all, its too late for Denise now. She's going to die and turn and I won't be able to do anything about it.
"You brought this on yourselves!" I hear the murderous villain shouts over the gunfire. "I was willing to work with you all. All you had to do was follow my fucking rules and bend to my system! Not anymore! Every last one of you have to fucking go! Scorched fucking earth, you dicks!" Then to his men, I hear him say: "Burn this place to the ground! Bombs away, motherfuckers!"
My thoughts immediately turn to Carl.
He was pretty far behind me when the shooting started and I can't spot him in the chaos.
Suddenly, I'm being lifted from the cold concrete by strong arms. I glance behind me to steal a glance at my rescuer to find none other than Michonne, always my knight in shining armor, hoisting me back to my feet.
"Carl...?!" I gasp passed pain. "Is he...-?!"
"Tanner, wait!" she pleads with me, holding fast to my upper arm as I try to pull free of her.
"I have to find him!" I argue back, my voice almost pleading. "He's out there! I have to help him!"
"We will!" she snaps. "But we have to get out of here!"
Another blast detonates farther away. The Saviors are practically bombarding us and I know what will come when they run out. They'll smash the gates down and finish us off. For a fleeting moment, I get to see the community I have come to love at a distance even as blood trickles down my face. Flames, smoke, walkers, corpses: gone are the streets kept safe by our walls. Gone is the haven that Carl and I's group found shelter in three years ago. There can be no repairing this. Not with Negan still to fight. Not with walkers now coming from all directions with all the noise. The truth descends like Death come to claim her prize. Alexandria has fallen and now all I can logically consider is finding Carl and escaping.
"Come on!" I shout, finally yielding to her.
####
Pandemonium rules my world.
Survivors flee for their lives as the Saviors continue their bombardment. Sword firmly in hand, I swing out to take the newly created walkers out of existence. Michonne is close behind me as we make our ways towards the house that she and I, along with Rick, Carl, and Judith, have called home for the past three years. If I know Carl, he's going back for Carol and his sister. I'll definitely find him there. I have to. I just can't accept that he may be lost in all of this. We round the street corner and I am immediately confronted with a rage so powerful it shakes me to my very core. Opposite us, coming towards us at a run is a group of Saviors lead by Dwight, our supposed double-agent. Armed with an assault rifle and a grenade, Dwight is shouting orders to his fellow Saviors and doesn't even seem to notice Michonne and I charging right at them.
Gritting my teeth angrily, I zone in on him.
I'll kill him for betraying us. He deserves it after everything he's done.
The Saviors he's with notice us and step in front of him, raising their weapons to gun us down. Out in the open like this, there's no chance. They'll shoot us dead here. I cannot dodge bullets. Gunshots ring out, but, to my utter shock, it is the Saviors who drop dead. All but Dwight who is still holding the smoking gun of their demise. I must admit that, at this point, I cannot contain my surprise.
"We're on the same side now." he shouts out towards me. "Or did you already forget that?"
Ignoring him, I take full advantage of the clearing and take off running for the house. The front door is swinging open as I set foot in the yard, three figures emerging. Relief sweeps over me like a gentle summer breeze when I see Carol Peletier step onto the porch carrying a bawling Judith Grimes and behind her is the sheriff's hat-wearing form of my Carl.
"Carl!" I shout, unable to contain my relief.
I charge him, throwing my arms around him in a bear hug, which he returns in earnest.
"The bombings stopped!" Dwight barks out as he arrives in the yard with Michonne. "They ran out of grenades."
"They'll be coming through then." Carl announces dismally.
"We have to get out of here!" Michonne insists urgently.
"What about the others?!" Carol is asking as we take off through the yard, flames blazing on houses around us. "How many have we lost?"
"I don't know..." I admit solemnly. "Other than Mich and you guys, I haven't seen anyone. Denise is dead."
Its only then that I get a good look at Carl. Like me, he doesn't seem to have escaped the blasts unscathed. Carl is covered in cuts and abrasions, bleeding in particular from a poorly placed wound on his side. As we move, he catches me glancing over his injured form and is quick to stifle any concern I may have for his well-being:
"I'm okay, Tanner." he assures me. "I promise."
"This place is in shambles!" Carol exclaims even as Judith continues to wail in her arms. "Where do we go?"
My chest constricts suddenly. All of a sudden I don't feel so well at all and not just because of the minor injuries I've sustained. Tyreese. Tara. Rick. Denise. Likely Daryl too. My breath is coming in gasps. Its almost as if my lungs can't seize enough oxygen from their surroundings. Am I suffocating? Is their something poisonous in the air? No one else seems affected. Carl seems to notice my distress as his expression is immediately that of concern. Panic rises in my chest the more my eyes take in. Our home, the place that's kept us safe for so long is gone, and we couldn't protect it. What would Rick think? He gave his life to protect this place. And now...
"Hilltop." I gasp, trying to regain compose. "We have to go there."
"Let's hurry then." Michonne implores. "Negan's men will be coming soon."
I take a step forward...
"Tanner, are you...?" my mind cuts Carl off before he can even finish.
Hyperventilation seizes me, the telltale signs of a panic attack, and I tip over as gravity takes command and pulls me into its earthy embrace. My vision begins to blacken, though I can make out Carl kneeling beside me, his mouth moving though I am unable to make out what he's shouting. He looks horrified. That is the last image burned into my brain as my vision goes completely black. As the dark takes me, I faintly feel Carl shaking at me, desperately trying to revive me from the fit engulfing all that I am. I am at least comforted that he is there with me. I feel another, this time more solid, grasp envelop me and scoop me off the ground, and then I finally black out.
Lost to oblivion.
A/N: Alexandria is fallen and Negan has secured a victory in the war against our heroes. Its been three long years since Carl's group has been ejected from a safe haven and Tanner seems to be really feeling the loss of their home. Now, clarity, he's not dead xD Just passed out from a sudden panic attack. Those things are a bitch, believe me. Daryl's fate remains unknown and with Tanner out of commission, will they be able to flee the ruins of Alexandria before Negan's Saviors sweep the settlement? Also, Dwight seems to have finally shown that he can be an ally, but can he really be trusted? You'll find out in the next chapter! Now that that's out of the way, I must apologize for the wait on this chapter. Classes are starting back up and between that and changing jobs, it has been a VERY hectic week, but I thank you all for your patience. I should be back to normal within the next chapter or two, once I've finally settled in to being in class again and at this new job. I hope you all enjoyed!
Now the reviews:
tentails: Thanks! ^^ Search for Ezekiel TWD and Jesus TWD on Google and you'll see the comic book versions of them. That's primarily how they look in my story as well.
HeadedCoffee: Firstly, its good to hear from you again, friend ^^ I have missed your feedback. Secondly, thank you for expressing your honest opinion. While I am sorry that you don't like my decision to kill Rick off, I do assure you that it was for the sake of my story, which differs from the comics and the show and has since the beginning. Rick's part in my story was finished and Daryl's was not yet up, so it is what it is. As to Carl's development, I agree, part of TWD is definitely the story of Carl's childhood and his dealing with the apocalypse, but it is important to highlight that my story is a fanfiction that deals with other aspects of the TWD universe than just what the show and the comics display. There is little point in telling a new story if you're going to rehash the exact same stuff the canon covers. My point of view on the matter is that Carl doesn't stop growing, as a person, just because he's out of puberty. Anyone who has been 19 into their 20s knows that those years are just as huge in finding out who you are and what your role is in the world as your teenage years are, and I really try to highlight that with him in this story. Again, while we may differ in opinion and approach, I do sincerely appreciate your honest feedback and hope you will find it in your heart to give it another chance. :) Have a nice day!
Obtained: I can feel your fury rippling over the internet and it is frightening! Hahaha xD I shall begin wearing shin guards when this story ends and then you shall never succeed! Mwahahaha! :D
IamwhoIam987: Welcome back and thank you! :D Believe me, I was upset when writing that scene. I love Rick, so believe me when I say I didn't want to kill him. I wrote and rewrote that chapter's outline (I write these outlines in advance) to try to get other outcomes, but this, in the end, felt right for the direction I want to go with in the story. I'm glad you're still enjoying! ^^ I will make sure the next chapters are something enjoyable for you and everyone! That is my promise!
vmbaby: I hope you are satisfied with this chapter! More exciting stuff to come :D It will certainly be hard without Rick around but I have a creeping suspicion our heroes will find a way. They always persevere no matter what is thrown at them. That's what makes the TWD cast so awesome :) I am SOOOO glad you made this comment. Firstly, I listened to the song you listed and I have to agree with you, definitely fits them :D the reason I'm glad you brought it up is because I too came up with a song for them. I tried real hard not to associate any songs with them, since, it is just a fan pairing and whatnot, but I failed horribly xD The song that really makes me think of Carl and Tanner is "Hold Me Now" by Red. Look it up (and anyone else who reads this) on YouTube, give it a listen, and tell me if you agree or not. I think it fits them rather nicely. Thank you so much for your review and comment! :)
Thank you all for your very helpful and wonderful feedback.
Until the next one!
Later everyone!